From: {edited}
Message Title: Hi I Have Donate Ddollar

“Hi Mi Tag Is {edited} Please Give Me Recon i Have Donate You Dollar Please Recon Is My Dream… PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”

While I am known for my extremely reasonable rates as it pertains to making people’s dreams come true, unfortunately Recon is not on the current list of available services. Your $1 has been refunded. Thank you, and come again! (Please don’t.)

Massage you? For a fucking 40? I know I’m easy but seriously, I do have some
standards. Get me a 50 and then we’ll talk about your happy ending. kthxbai.

Dear SNOP DOGG,

Thank you so much for the thoughtful sentiments you sent me over Xbox Live after viewing the Mother’s Day video on the dashboard. To have an individual take time out of their busy day to send a ‘Happy Mother’s Day’ message to someone they don’t even know briefly restored my faith in humanity. When I saw that you attached an image, I thought maybe it would be a picture of an adorable stuffed animal or perhaps an indulgent confectionery delight. But when your flaccid male organ suddenly appeared front and center on my 60″ HDTV, I could see you put more effort into your amicable gesture than I initially thought. Part of the reason why I am writing this note to you is because I’m a little concerned about your well-being. I’m assuming the temperature in your home is near arctic so might I recommend you turn up the thermostat a little bit? I wouldn’t want you to catch a cold. Please disregard the previous sentence if you were simply trying to make me hungry though because if that was the case, your Little Smokies impression was spot on! Oh, and one more thing. It will look bigger if you trim your pubic hair.

<3, bs angel