If you’ve been with the Halo trilogy since the beginning, selecting the best multiplayer maps is a lot like saying whom out of all your children is your absolute favorite. Or whom you would save between you and your spouse if only one of you could survive the impending zombie apocalypse. Or whom you would [...]
Archive for the ‘Original Must Reads’ Category
24 Feb
HPTBTSOOM: The Flagrantly Fallacious Teabagger
HPTBTSOOM (which stands for Halo Players That Bug The Shit Out Of Me) is a series about, you guessed it, Halo players that bug the shit out of me. Think I am talking about you? Chances are I probably am. Freakin’ jerk.
You are in the middle of a particularly intense game of Team Slayer on [...]
30 Jan
Guitar Hero Text Adventures
Interactive fiction, a type of computer adventure game with text-based input and output, always used to bug the shit out of me. Regardless of what I carefully entered at the awaiting prompt, it was never recognized. Then I would resort to ridiculing the artificial narrator before finally giving up. Despite my previous lack of success [...]
29 Jan
Seven Reasons Why You Should Not Buy Rumble Massage
The XNA Community Games program (which gives participating members the opportunity to share, peer review, download and play community-made games) sometimes surprises us with entertainingly clever creations. Other times it just wants to take our Xbox 360 controllers and turn them into vibrating massagers. The goal of one of their latest offerings, appropriately titled Rumble [...]
13 Jan
Why I Hate Your Halo Video
I watch a lot of Halo-themed videos each and every day. Some are overly edited montages. Some are substandard machinima. Some are lackluster game play clips. Some are overly dramatic shorts. But the majority of them have one thing in common: they are a complete and utter waste of my time. Please note I am [...]
30 Dec
Suggestive Xbox 360 Achievements, Part Two
All Xbox 360 titles have a rather addictive feature called achievements which are unlocked through completion of game-specific challenges. Gamerscores reflect the total number of achievement points that have been acquired by each individual Xbox 360 user. Hidden within many of the achievement names are sometimes obvious but sometimes subtle sexual innuendos. Enjoy the first [...]
4 Dec
Suggestive Xbox 360 Achievements, Part One
All Xbox 360 titles have a rather addictive feature called achievements which are unlocked through completion of game-specific challenges. Gamerscores reflect the total number of achievement points that have been acquired by each individual Xbox 360 user. Hidden within many of the achievement names are sometimes obvious but sometimes subtle sexual innuendos. Enjoy the first [...]
25 Nov
Ten Signs of a Troubled Halo Relationship
Unfortunately the pattern is all too familiar. One moment the two of you are playfully frolicking in the sun-warmed water on High Ground but the next moment finds you “accidentally” sticking plasma grenades on each other’s backs. As previously blissful Halo relationships sometimes take a turn for the worse, here are some tell tale signs [...]
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