Top Ten Peggle Pick-Up Lines

Peggle, a pachinko-esque puzzle game that involves clearing colored pegs off of carefully designed boards with a limited supply of balls, is strangely reminiscent of sex. Success on each level is marked with the playing of Ode To Joy, extravagant fireworks, a numerical bonus, and an inescapable mini-orgasm. With that in mind, it only makes sense that Peggle-specific pick-up lines could one day come in handy so I decided to draft a list of ten unique lines that could possibly help you score a real life climax instead of just one of the video game variety. Commit a few to memory and give them a try at your next LAN. I’m guessing they’ll be met with either an introduction to someone’s bedroom or a slap to the face. One or the other is going to happen though. I guarantee it!

Top Ten Peggle Pick-Up Lines

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New Year’s Resolutions for Gamers

New Year's Resolutions for Gamers

As I do every year, I recently set aside a few hours to compose my customary New Year’s resolutions list. It took me but a few seconds to write GET MORE PENIS so after sitting with my thumb up my ass for a while (don’t knock it ’til you try it), I realized I had enough time to draft some New Year’s resolutions for you, the average gamer, as well. Yes I know, I’m so incredibly kind, which is why I didn’t bother writing that one down. So off we go to yours!

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Top Ten Signs You May Be a Camper

Often recognized by their tent, fire, and permanently stationary status, campers are one of the most detested groups known to exist on the virtual battlefield. Frustrating because of both their infuriating tactics and your inability to stop running directly into their tried and true traps, some of us are a little more guilty of this particular scheme than others. Could you perhaps belong to this most loathsome accumulation of gamers? There’s only one way to find out! Here are the top ten signs that you may, in fact, be a camper.

halo 3 screenshot
you may be a camper if ...

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Top Ten Halo 3: ODST Pick-Up Lines

It’s a well established fact that some people use Xbox Live as a dating service, focusing more on the potential real life score instead of the better chanced virtual game-related one. Unfortunately their verbal attempts are frequently recycled where you’ve heard them all before so I decided to draft some original Halo 3: ODST-themed pick-up lines to assist in attempts at scoring a Halo-obsessed girlfriend. These quirky quips will increase your chances tenfold! Or cause her to immediately disconnect. Definitely one or the other though.

halo 3 odst screenshot

If there were real life achievements, simply looking at you would unlock the Stunning! one.
Women loved to be given complements, even when it’s just the standard ones, but drop a word like stunning and they’re guaranteed to melt right before your eyes. Whether it’s from the impending laser or your words though, that will be left for you to decipher.

spacer

I know I’m not supposed to shoot anything pink, but yours looks a little too good to resist.
If you play this one right, you may not only have a shot at the pink but perhaps she’ll even grant you access to the stink. Or didn’t you know where the “Shock” in ODST originated from?

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Top Ten Ways To Tell You’re an Older Gamer

Getting older is one of those unfortunate facts of life. Many times we don’t even know it’s happening until we take a look in the mirror and make the stark realization that we still have the same exact haircut we so precariously styled way back in our high school days, the bad news being it’s two plus decades later. We also tend to not age very gracefully, and one of the ways that is apparent is through our gaming habits. Are you approaching the crest of the hill but haven’t quite realized it yet? Here are the top ten ways to tell you’re an older gamer. By the way, the 80s called. They want their fingerless “gaming” gloves back.

joystick

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