Let’s say you’re a Pokémon fanatic who needs a mask, whether it be for skiing, recreating your favorite scene from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, or hiding your face while filming your latest pr0n movie so your spouse doesn’t find out your side hobby. Whatever your motivation, textile extraordinaire Andrea has got you covered. Armed with her own pattern, twelve hours of spare time, and a buttload of yarn, she made this Pikachu ski mask for facial protection during the cold winter months. You know what she could say if she was trying to scare people while wearing it? Pika-BOO! Lawlz. Funniest. Joke. Ever.

*Image posted with permission.

I carelessly throw my copious amounts of gaming accessories haphazardly in a disorderly pile, constructing a chaotic orgy of tangled cords, plastic peripherals, and old discarded game cases. J. Jamme finds himself a bit more organized though which is clearly reflected in his latest chic creation. A master at merging old French furniture with contemporary inspiration, he created what he has dubbed the MarioBox. It contains three compartments (one for GameCubes and joysticks, one for cables, and one for games and memory cards, pictures of which are located after the jump) and when closed, it also moonlights as a chair complete with comfy padding. There’s nothing I love more than a good box! But I’m guessing you already knew that.

There’s nothing quite like the experience of gently rolling a ball around your mouth, slowly breathing in the aroma while simultaneously savoring the explosive release of flavors. Unfortunately bonbons are usually visually mundane though, limiting the experience to one based on the palate instead of being coupled with sight. Thankfully Ana Fuji believes in making her treats look every bit as good as they taste which is evident in her latest batch of confectionery delights. Made with the traditional ingredient of chocolate and embellished with fondant details, these Mario-themed truffles feature everything from Yoshi to a Goomba to the Halloween-appropriate Boo. The main one missing that I can see is the Princess, but I’m guessing her balls wouldn’t be all that tasty anyways.

Are you someone who enjoys wearing women’s clothing? And are you still in search of the perfect Halloween costume? If so, Etsy shop ElectricLemonade has got you and one of your closest skirt-wearing friends covered. While $50 won’t get rid of your horrible procrastination tendencies, it will yield two rather unusual costumes for female versions of everybody’s favorite short, pudgy plumber and his younger, tag-along brother. Be aware only the skirts, hats, and mustaches are included but in my opinion, these girly Mario and Luigi getups would look much better without the shirts underneath anyways. You know what they say about Halloween, slut the fuck up. Or something like that.

Source [Digg]

Perler beads are small, colorful baubles made out of plastic that fuse together with a standard household clothes iron. While they’re typically used to create such things as jewelry, keychains, and freestanding sprites, every once in a while somebody’s architectural side takes over and they’re left with something that is mindbogglingly amazing. Take this Samus Aran sprite for instance. With some artistic liberty taken in an effort to improve upon the character’s design, the creator, fusible bead extraordinaire DrOctoroc, started with a massive pile of 9,000 beads and finished with something that stands an impressive three feet tall. Other projects of his (a few of which are located after the jump) include almost twice as many beads and also introduce multiple layers. If you are feeling a little less than right now, get off your ass and start making something already. A seven foot tall Master Chief would be an excellent place to start. Just sayin’.

Dr. Wily’s ship from Mega Man 2: 9,000 beads, 8 layers

Mega Man X: 10,000 beads

Ninja Gaiden 3D: Ryu in front, then grass, mountains and the castle in back

Metal Slug Big Tank: 15,860 beads, 13 layers

Some people would pay extra to ensure that teeth are not part of their experience. Sculptor Kalapusa is hoping there are some individuals who feel the exact opposite though. Determined to create an absolute masterpiece, he first began his ambitious project by thoroughly researching animal skin patterns, mouth anatomy, aging, and plant life. What he learned combined with five months of arduous work left him with what is arguably the most realistic interpretation of the iconic Super Mario Bros. Piranha Plant ever created. Assuming that you find the thought of owning a large, carnivorous sculpture more than a little appealing, it could potentially be yours for a starting bid of only US $1,400. If that price tag has a bit too much bite for you, there’s also a baby version available at a fraction of the cost. That one has significantly less teeth and a whole lot more gums, which we all know is more desirable anyways.

*A special thanks to TJ Fadness, who prefers women with removable dentures, for the tip!

The Katonian Press, a regular offering brought to you by the evil genius and criminal mastermind behind the always scintillating WITFITS, will soon be your best source for weekly fake gaming news, assuming it’s not already. Grab a cup of coffee, open up The Katonian Press, and enjoy it for what it is: a satirical look at various things gaming-related.

Neversoft Reveals Revolutionary New Motion Capture Technology

Woodland Hills, CA – Video game developer Neversoft, heir to the Guitar Hero franchise, recently invited journalists to learn about the latest technology being used to develop the popular music game series.  Journos were given a sneak peak at just what goes into pumping out title after successful title. Parts of the tour were focused on the technical aspect of bringing a game to light, such as the User Interface Lab where their lead GUI developer, a colorblind intern whose impressive credentials include two semesters of Criminal Justice at the local junior college, appeared to be testing his designs with an Atari Pong paddle.  Other portions were devoted to the design stages, such as the never-before-revealed selection process that determines what appears and doesn’t appear in a Guitar Hero title.  One couldn’t help but be impressed watching that room full of chimps alternate between tossing poo and CDs across their pen toward a basket marked “Next Guitar Hero Game”.

Nothing compared, however, to the final stop on the tour: a visit to Neversoft’s secret motion capture facility.  Partially for secrecy, but mostly for theatrics, a select group of journalists was blindfolded and driven on a circuitous route through town until finally arriving at their destination.  We were lead into a facility that smelled vaguely of old pizza and change.  A few moments passed when the still silence was broken by a collection of whirring noises growing ever louder, like a great machine coming to life.  With no small amount of theatrical flair, a voice announced, “Behold, the future of motion capture technology!” and our blindfolds were suddenly removed.  An array of lights and sounds assaulted us and when our eyes had finally adjusted we were astonished at what we saw.

Before us, bedecked with dozens of motion-capture “ping pong balls”, were the likes of Jasper T. Jowls, Helen Henny, Mr. Munch, and Pasqually–the Pizza Time Players–and front and center was the one-and-only mozzarella-loving mascot: Chuck-E-Cheese himself.

“Your eyes do not deceive you,” said the Neversoft rep.  “The future is here today.  The future is animatronics.”

After a short stage show detailing the importance of consuming massive amounts of pizza and soda on our birthday, the Neversoft representatives explained the technology and the reasons behind adopting it.

“We’ve struggled for a long time with how to present a truly authentic experience to gamers,” said a rep.  “Computer animation by hand is too difficult and time-consuming, and traditional motion-capture techniques deliver a result that is too real.  Gamers don’t want real.  They aren’t interested in seeing a realistic representation of actual rock stars.  Have you seen [competitor Harmonix's] Beatles: Rock Band?  What a piece of shit.  Just take one quick glance at any of their characters and you can actually distinguish which Beatle they are.  Where are the stilted movements?  Where are the awkward instrument animations?  No one wants their rhythm game to look like it could have come from one of their favorite band’s videos or live performances.  Gamers today are sophisticated: they want to imagine themselves as a general approximation of a stereotyped character generally approximating the real-life activity that they are themselves simulating on superficially similar controllers approximating real-world instruments.”

“We decided to go back to the drawing board,” said another rep, “and really think about how we could bring our games to life.  When we sat down and really thought hard about what truly captured Rock and Roll, we all came to the same conclusion: Chuck-E-Cheese’s Pizza Time Band.  It had been there in front of us all along, wrapped in a memory from our childhood.”

A programmer and animator from Neversoft explained that once they had realized how they were going to revolutionize motion capture in video games, the rest was as easy as sticking some reflective markers on a bunch of twenty-five year old felt and rubber animatronic puppets.  At the moment, Pasqually, the Italian-offending stereotype robot came to life and joked that “It’s-a no wonder I don’t-a put da meat-a-balls-a on-a da pizza!  Dey just-a roll-a right off-a!”

“The fruits of our exciting technological leap can already be seen in some of our new titles,” noted a Neversoft rep., showing a few clips from the upcoming Guitar Hero: Van Halen.  “Do you see the pained grin that never seems to leave virtual Eddie Van Halen’s face?  You can’t do that with a real motion capture actor–there’s no way they can contort their face for that long.  And just look into Wolfgang’s soulless eyes.  You can only get that shallow, lifeless look by studying the cold stare of a robotic mannequin.”

The art team admits that, in addition to animations, they took a lot of their cues from the puppets.  “You see how shiny our virtual characters are? Looks like they’re made of rubber, doesn’t it?  No one’s that shiny in real life, not even David Lee Roth, not even in his heyday.”

“We’ve revolutionized the way characters are rendered,” concluded the Neversoft rep. “And it’s all thanks to this guy.  Right, Chuck-E-Cheese?”  The animatronic rodent whirred to life, his head shaking from side to side, his plastic eyelids flapping, and his mouth clacking open and closed as a chip inside him blurted out, “Did somebody say cheeeeese?”  The crew from Neversoft laughed long and hard at this, well after the assembled journalists had ceased chuckling.

The tour ended with a birthday song by the Pizza Time Band and a press-release, the surprise announcement that Neversoft’s next title would be the Muppet-themed Guitar Hero: Electric Mayhem.

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