Hawty McBloggy Invites You to Play

In my opinion one of the most satisfying kills in Halo 3 is the one achieved by a spike grenade. There is nothing I love more than hearing the deliciously meaty sound of penetration and then watching the resulting shrapnel spewing destruction. That is why I desperately need this t-shirt I found on Cafe Press.

Purchase here : Cafe Press
Price : $17.99 and up

Available in a variety of styles, colors, and sizes, this spike grenade t-shirt perfectly depicts the feeling of watching one of those dreaded balls of fury come speeding toward your face. I think my teammates can probably relate considering my grenades are constantly flying in their general vicinity. Hey, it’s not my fault people step directly in front of me right when I throw one. You’d think they’d learn.

Sometimes a video game related shirt comes along that reminds me of how awesome my 1337 skills truly are. Other times I stumble upon something that forces me to face the reality of my complete and utter n00bish-ness. This is a case of the latter. After finding this t-shirt that features everybody’s favorite Halo 3 weapon, the Spartan Laser, I was inclined to check my laser stats on Halo3.Junk.ws. Out of approximately 1,300 games, I have managed to score a whopping 29 laser kills. An impressive feat, I know.

Purchase here : Split Reason
Price : $17.95

On this cute Halo 3-themed shirt, I relate most to the poor Spartan wielding the sword whose head is flying across the map after getting nailed with a deadly shot of direct energy. Perhaps you relate more to the mighty Spartan wielding the laser and causing mass amounts of destruction and death. Regardless of which side of the fence you find yourself on, the warning on the bottom of this shirt rings true. Beware of lasers. Well, unless I am wielding it that is. Then you really don’t have to beware anything at all.

Raining Blood, a Slayer song featured on Guitar Hero 3, is the bane of my gaming existence. I have battled this nightmarish tune several times over and failed each and every time. I even unlocked the Blowin’ It achievement (fail any song 10 times) on this song. I think the only way I could ever beat it is by using the special guitar featured on this clever t-shirt.

Purchase here : spreadshirt.com
Price : $24.90
Colors : Available in powder blue, black, chocolate, light pink, and red

This simple but funny t-shirt features a guitar shaped controller with one big button. No more ridiculous hammer-ons and pull-offs. No more getting pinky cramps from stretching too far for the orange button. No more failing absolutely ridiculous songs like Raining Blood. While almost $25 is a bit steep for a t-shirt in my opinion, the design is almost cute enough to make me consider it. Almost.

One evening I was playing some Halo 3 multiplayer with my fellow TTL Gunslingers and Multiflag on Standoff loaded up. There is nothing I love more than playing defense on that map with my favorite close range weapon. Most of the time I can successfully defend the base by myself, assuming I have my go to weapon. To my chagrin someone in front of me grabbed my shotty, hopped into the warthog, and called for a passenger and gunner. Let’s just say I made that person immediately step out of the vehicle, find a different weapon and drop my shotgun. Oh yes, sometimes I am that player. That is why this is my perfect shirt.

Purchase here : Split Reason
Price : $18.95

Available in classic Halo green, this shirt features my favorite weapon front and center. Do you share my passion for shotgunning n00bs? It may be time to tell the world. I just hope your shotty is loaded with actual ammunition. Mine typically shoots glitter and butterflies. Maybe not deadly but certainly a beautiful aftermath. The shirt doesn’t say I actually kill the people I am shooting. See? I can still wear it too.

Shit happens. It really does. All too often in fact. This t-shirt shows a classic example that we can all relate to.

Purchase here : Mens - Busted Tees, Ladies - Busted Tees
Price : $17.99
About : Depression, as currently defined by the American Psychological Association Journal, can be traced back to this specific situation.

Dumb long piece. They never come when you need ‘em.

Soon the white blanket of snow will be melting, the fragrant spring flowers will be blooming, and winter will be but a cold distant memory. It will be time to shed the layers of long sleeves and let the sun warm our skin once again. Do you need some new shirts to welcome in the season? Here are some of the more recent additions to everybody’s favorite corner of the closet, the gamer gear section.

Halo UNSCDF Crest

Purchase here : ThinkGeek
Price : $18.99 - $19.99
Note : This shirt just came out yesterday and I must say that between the military green color and the subtlety of the image, it is pure win. Plus it just looks super comfy.

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As a child of the 80’s, I grew up playing with My Little Ponies. There was nothing I enjoyed more than brushing their hair, braiding their tails, and covering every square inch of them with glitter makeup. Finally there is a shirt option that combines my love for My Little Ponies with my love for pwnage.

Purchase here : ThinkGeek
Price : $17.99

While I would prefer an accent color of pink instead of red, that is certainly a tiny flaw I can overlook for the overall cuteness of this shirt. I love the controller designs on the pwnies, just adorable. I’ll be purchasing this within the next two seconds.

Sometimes the weirdest things will void your warranty. Did you know your Xbox 360 is not covered if it is damaged by an Act of God? From Xbox.com :

This Limited Warranty shall not apply and Microsoft has no liability under this Limited Warranty if the Xbox Product:

is damaged by Acts of God, power surge, misuse, abuse, negligence, accident, wear and tear, mishandling, misapplication, or other causes unrelated to defective materials or workmanship;

You really have to watch out for the fine print sometimes. This panty/shirt set makes that sentiment crystal clear so there is absolutely no confusion.

*click images to enlarge

Purchase here : ThinkGeek
Price : $7.99 for one pair of panties, $9.99 - $16.99 for the shirt

As far as the panties go, sometimes voiding the warranty is worth it. I’m just saying. As for the “I’m blogging this” set, I probably am. Well, only if it’s news worthy.

I did not like the Flood level in the Halo 3 campaign. I found it to be the hardest level by far and it took me several attempts to pass it. It didn’t help that I somehow missed the flamethrower as well. I definitely could have used some Flood Insurance, as this Halo-themed t-shirt advertises.

Purchase here : Jinx
Price : $14.95 - $16.95
About : “I am so sick of having to deal with alien-infected space zombies. I’m minding my own business, then all of a sudden, I’m knee-deep in body parts. It’s a good thing I’m protected by my Flood insurance.”

Flood insurance, yes please. Or perhaps just an Arbiter that will actually help me. Either way.

This is the best BioShock-themed t-shirt EVER. You need it. I need it. We all need it.

Purchase here : Jinx
Price : $14.95 - $16.95
About : Underwater deep sea divers are known to be passionate companions and are notoriously good with their hands. We consulted with some experts and we have been assured that “the shocker” is Sign Language for “I love you”.

If you don’t know why you need this shirt, I will not be the one to explain it to you. And some people may prefer the double shocker, I’m just sayin’.