Hawty McBloggy Invites You to Play

It’s Friday, and it’s hot! We seemed to skip the mild spring season and go straight to the blazing hot summer. While I spend my day holed away in the cool basement, I could use some entertainment. Before you caption this week’s screenshot, let’s recap last week’s hilarious captions. Out of nearly 200 submissions, these were my favorites.

• “After 1 day of being hired to re-design the latest MJOLNIR armor, Tony Stark was let go.” (-S-)
• “This leaked screenshot from an upcoming Halo 3 expansion pack shows yet another Bungie-only armor permeation.” (petetheduck)
• “What he did at the Halo 3 after party will echo through his life for years to come.” (aussie_spartan)
• “You should see the shape of the ammo!” (soulofaqua)
• “It’s plenty big, but how’s the… uh… “reload time”?” (Yellow Six)
• “Although it proved completely impractical in every combat scenario, the entire team agreed that the Mjolnir mark VII armor was totally awesome.” (T Robert T)

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I woke up this morning, made the startling realization that today was Friday, and breathed a gigantic sigh of relief. I’ve had a busy week so my electrifying plans for weekend include climbing into bed and not coming out until Monday morning. Before I bury myself in a sea of blankets, let’s revisit last week’s rather humorous captions.

• “That fateful weekend it wasn’t the EXP that Bungie mistakenly doubled.” (petetheduck)
• “You should see what he’s packing UNDER his armor.” (-S-)
• “Dude! That Hayabusa armor is AWESOME!” (Seth)
• “Size DOES matter!” (soulofaqua)
• “Caboose from RVB didn’t realize the tank was cheating on him until he saw her first kid.” (Michael Dardis)
• “You know what? I’m sick of this ‘the H3 battle rifle isn’t strong enoughhh’ whining - I hope you enjoy the new PERMANENT game update, you MLG jerks” - Frankie (-S-)
• “You should see the sniper rife…” (NsU Soldier)
• “Bungie’s last-ditch effort to overtake CoD4 on the XBL charts.” (R2-JL)

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I recently stumbled across a Halo 3 screenshot that was absolutely screaming for a caption. It took me every last ounce of willpower that I had to not post it before today. Before we get to that though, let’s do a quick recap of the last Friday Caption Fun activity we did. It was about a month ago and there were tons of hilarious submissions.

• “Piggybacking on the success of their ‘Ghost of Lockout’ from Halo 2, Bungie’s ‘Trip Mine Fairy of Sandtrap’ didn’t fare as well as originally expected.” (-S-)
• “Oh bs angel! If only you had picked my caption last week, it would not have had to come to this!” (petetheduck)
• “Frankie’s usual Humpday Challenge antics.” (Mercutio2000)
• “After four hours, Red finally realized they spawned him here on purpose.” (Retinence)
• “Come on down boys! It’s all clear! Nothing to worry about!” (Bootsman)
• “Meanwhile, at Cortana’s bachelorette party, the crap REALLY hit the fan when Mr. Stripper popped out of the Trip Mine Cake a taaaaad too early.” (Aaron)
• “When they said “Don’t ask for Recon”, they weren’t kidding around.” (Yellow Six)
• “Hey guys….uhh…I dont wanna play monkey in the middle anymore!” (mendicantbias00)

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Our Rorschach Inkblot Test activities formally ended back in February. When the Legendary Map Pack was released (along with three corresponding heatmaps), I began getting requests to start them up again. Apparently people enjoyed analyzing their own and possibly even each other’s entertaining, often hilarious answers. I’m game if you’re game so for a limited time only the inkblot tests are back!

We never examined the answers from our last inkblot activity so that gives us a great place to start. Back on February 15th we used the global heatmap from Foundry which definitely sparked everybody’s imagination. Nick Manning was the first person to notice the resemblance to a face hugger from the Alien film series, and Twilight Ronin, nyota0uhura, wolfy, the other dark, and Nace all saw something disgustingly similar.

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Some of you were disappointed when your score was not higher on the first part of the You Know You Play Too Much Halo When … quiz. Will you do better on part two or will you be forced to face the fact that you just don’t play enough Halo? That actually doesn’t sound that bad because then you would need to play more Halo just to save face amongst your Halo obsessed friends. Any excuse to score more game time, right? Maximum score is 26 again so on to the quiz, and don’t forget to let us know what you scored!

You know you play too much Halo when you DON’T want to ever see the Chief’s face because it will ‘ruin the dream’. - -S-

You know you play too much Halo when it makes your calendar as “scheduled play time”. - Andrew Alliance

You know you play too much Halo when your NCAA office pool is replaced with Griffball brackets. - RyJen

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Judging from the number of responses people submitted to last Friday’s Do You Play Too Much Halo? question, I think it is safe to say that all of us do in fact play too much Halo. Just in case you aren’t sure if that describes you, I (and by I, I mean all of you) created this handy two part quiz to help you figure it out. For each “You know you play too much Halo when …” statement, check the corresponding box if it applies to you. After completing the quiz, count the number of checks you have. There are 26 statements in all so a simple majority probably qualifies you for admittance to the “Proud to be Addicted to Halo” group. Whether it’s high or low, be sure to post your score in the comments. And you know you play too much Halo when you not only score extremely high on this quiz but you also pass it along to all your friends, confident that your score will pwn theirs.

You know you play too much Halo when you start measuring time in the number of matchmaking games you can play: “I have an hour, so I can get in roughly 3 TS, 2 BTB, or 5 Lone Wolves.” - mendicantbias00

You know you play too much Halo when you overhear someone claiming how amazing they are at Halo and you butt-in mid-sentence with “Ohhhhhh REALLY”. - -S-

You know you play too much Halo when you hear someone ask if there are any ‘tea bags’ and you laugh out loud. - ResilientMonkey
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*We interrupt your regularly scheduled Friday Caption Fun activity for this very important message.

Last November I received an email from a friend asking if I knew any good “You know you play too much Halo when …” jokes. I couldn’t think of any off the top of my head so I have spent the last five months trying to craft a handful of somewhat funny lines. In that 150 day time span I have managed to come up with exactly zero witty endings to that sentence. While I can write some decent Halo-themed pick-up lines, apparently this task is completely out of my league.

This is where you come in. Can you compose some original and entertaining “You know you play too much Halo when ” lines? Leave your humorous attempts in a comment (submit as many as you like!) and I will pull the funniest of the bunch and make an article out of them that will be published next Friday. And no worries, as always you will get full credit if I use your line.

I’ll start things off. You know you play too much Halo when you can finish the rest of this sentence with something that makes Halo fanatics laugh. See, told you I wasn’t any good at this. Now have at it!

Friday has rolled around once again. I am not only ready for the weekend, but I am also ready for spring break. I will be going out of town tomorrow which means I really need to start packing. Not fun! Please help me procrastinate by entertaining me with your witty captions. Before we start, let’s recap last week’s rather humorous submissions.

• “Hi, I’d like a splazer with a extra battery pack and for my son *points down*, a happy Maul.” (spartan013nl)
• “John excitedly played ski ball for hours and hours on end, earning ticket after ticket. After countless games, 2 tons worth of tickets and a trip to the prize counter, John was told he only had enough for the glow in the dark fangs, or a plasma pistol. It was at that moment, the Chief realized - ChuckECheese sucks.” (-S-)
• “Spartan: “Credits WILL be fine.” Elite: “No, they won’t! What, you think you’re some kind of Jedi, waving your hand around like that? I’m a Sangheili, mind tricks don’t work on me, only money!”” (PhantomX182)
• “Jerry didn’t think there was anything scarier than the Soup Nazi, until he bought Halo 3 and an Xbox Live account…NO GUNS FOR YOU!” (Mid7night)
• “Umm ya…this “Cortana” AI that you gave me keeps nagging me. I want a refund.” (JelloPuddinPup)

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I am so grateful it is finally Friday. I don’t know about you but I am definitely ready for the weekend. Let’s start it off right by entertaining ourselves with some funny captions! Last week’s screenshot featured a very large Elite getting ready to take a bite out of a very small Spartan. Here are some of your rather witty captions.

• “Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the Grifball Arena…” (mendicantbias00)
• “Only then did Red remember that his oven was, in fact, on.” (Retinence)
• “Recent attempts to clean the giant Sangheili’s teeth had failed miserably…” (Gatchaman)
• “Om Nom Nom Nom” (Penguinish)
• “Mute it before you Chew it!” (BSB belpers)
• “Even the coveted Gravity Hammer was no match for Elite breath…” (DIESEL2)
• “IMMA FIRIN MA LAZAR!!!!” (Not Sid)
• “Host’s film reveals what REALLY happens when a player is killed “by the Guardians” (petetheduck)

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Can you believe Friday is already upon us? That means it’s the day you entertain me with witty captions! Last week I gave you a rather simple screenshot by first glance but there was just something about it that sparked lots of creativity. While I wanted to list all 165 captions, I somehow managed to narrow down the list to these gems.

• “Sooo…uhhh….is it my turn to drive yet?” (mendicantbias00)
• “Oh Hai! I can have lift plz?” (xp194)
• “Stop messing around back there or I will turn this thing around and go back home!” (darkr790)
• “For the last time Jim, the staring contest is over!” (Jonathan)
• “No, dummy… if you can’t see in, they can’t see out!” (XMixMasterX)
• “Jurassic Park Revisited: Where is the goat?!” (Mojo)
• “It was around this moment that Blue decided to invest in some curtains.” (Mintz)
• “Figures… and I still don’t have the Mongoose Mow Down yet.” (BSB belpers)

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