If You’re Reading This, You’re Losing
November 17, 2009 38 Comments
Source [Geekcrafting and Uberdorking]
This Mister Chief Will Make You Cry
November 17, 2009 22 Comments
The occurrence of iconic imagery appearing in natural phenomena is rare but certainly not unheard of. Presenting upon assorted edible items such as grilled cheese sandwiches and fresh-baked cinnamon buns, Mother Teresa, the Virgin Mary, and even Jesus Christ himself have found themselves front and center on various food-related objects. The most recent example of this particular happenstance was discovered during mundane dinner preparation being performed by Kato. Upon the slicing of an especially poignant red onion he was greeted with the familiar face of an old friend, the crudely drawn character of Mister Chief. I personally find this comparison to be a bit of a stretch; where he sees eyes, I see two penises yearning to gently touch tips. You’ll probably manage to see a bewb in there somewhere, but that’s the magic of this miraculous occurrence. It’s all in the eye of the beholder.
*Image posted with permission; mental pictures now placed in your heads, not so much.
The Katonian Press: D&D: Don’t Split the Party… Unless One Of Them Is A Video Gamer
November 16, 2009 36 Comments
The Katonian Press, a regular offering brought to you by the evil genius and criminal mastermind behind the always scintillating WITFITS, will soon be your best source for weekly fake gaming news, assuming it’s not already. Grab a cup of coffee, open up The Katonian Press, and enjoy it for what it is: a satirical look at various things gaming-related.
D&D: Don’t Split the Party… Unless One Of Them Is A Video Gamer
Outside the sky is dark and gray, and thunderclouds loom as if portends of doom, lightning momentarily illuminating the eerie landscape. But no one can tell here in the dark, foreboding dungeon. Only the flickering of torchlight and the wizard’s light spell dares pierce the inky blackness; only the occasional drip of water and the party’s heartbeats pounding in their ears can penetrate the silence. The brave adventurers battled their way through the Crypt of Blood and stand now before the tomb of the powerful Under Lich. The Heroes of Nerrath assemble: the brave dwarf fighter Stonebrow, master of the axe; the powerful elven wizard Varis, skilled in the arcane arts; the wily halfling rogue Finian Underfoot, pickpocket extraordinaire; and the pious human cleric Redgar, servant of Bahamut.
“Oh my god, you guys are SO GAY,” interrupts the uncouth half-orc.
“Shut up, Eric, the Dungeon Master is setting up the adventure!” shoots back Redgar in hushed tones.
While exploring the dangerous crypt, the adventurers rescued a half-orc barbarian who had been taken prisoner by the priests of the great Lich…
“Taken prisoner?” asks the half-orc, incredulously. “More like kicked-their-asses.” He flexes a bit in a display of irrelevant machismo. “I probably let them think I was their prisoner so I could get all up behind them and be like ‘pap pap pap!’ no more evil cult dudes!” The last bit he punctuates with an anachronistic two-fingered gesture.
This Master Chief Tattoo Is Forever
November 16, 2009 35 Comments
Will tattoos people. Yup, he gets paid to repeatedly drive razor-sharp needles in and out of several layers of someone’s skin, rapidly inserting indelible ink to create a decorative, and often personally significant, image. One of his more recent jobs included the task of permanently placing Master Chief Petty Officer John-117 upon a Halo fanatic’s upper arm. Wearing his easily recognizable sage green armor and surrounded by a cloud of blue, the ink version of our favorite Spartan supersoldier appears to be holding a hadouken-esque fireball-spewing submachine gun in each hand. The only way that tattoo could be more bad ass is if the guns were magnums. And by magnums I mean really large penises. Surely I’m not the only one that calls that their favorite dual wielding combo!
*Image posted with permission; mental pictures now placed in your heads, not so much
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