October 19, 2009
by bs angel
The Katonian Press, a regular offering brought to you by the evil genius and criminal mastermind behind the always scintillating WITFITS, will soon be your best source for weekly fake gaming news, assuming it’s not already. Grab a cup of coffee, open up The Katonian Press, and enjoy it for what it is: a satirical look at various things gaming-related.
Neversoft Reveals Revolutionary New Motion Capture Technology
Woodland Hills, CA – Video game developer Neversoft, heir to the Guitar Hero franchise, recently invited journalists to learn about the latest technology being used to develop the popular music game series. Journos were given a sneak peak at just what goes into pumping out title after successful title. Parts of the tour were focused on the technical aspect of bringing a game to light, such as the User Interface Lab where their lead GUI developer, a colorblind intern whose impressive credentials include two semesters of Criminal Justice at the local junior college, appeared to be testing his designs with an Atari Pong paddle. Other portions were devoted to the design stages, such as the never-before-revealed selection process that determines what appears and doesn’t appear in a Guitar Hero title. One couldn’t help but be impressed watching that room full of chimps alternate between tossing poo and CDs across their pen toward a basket marked “Next Guitar Hero Game”.
Nothing compared, however, to the final stop on the tour: a visit to Neversoft’s secret motion capture facility. Partially for secrecy, but mostly for theatrics, a select group of journalists was blindfolded and driven on a circuitous route through town until finally arriving at their destination. We were lead into a facility that smelled vaguely of old pizza and change. A few moments passed when the still silence was broken by a collection of whirring noises growing ever louder, like a great machine coming to life. With no small amount of theatrical flair, a voice announced, “Behold, the future of motion capture technology!” and our blindfolds were suddenly removed. An array of lights and sounds assaulted us and when our eyes had finally adjusted we were astonished at what we saw.
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