It’s a well established fact that some people use Xbox Live as a dating service, focusing more on the potential real life score instead of the better chanced virtual game-related one. Unfortunately their verbal attempts are frequently recycled where you’ve heard them all before so I decided to draft some original Halo 3: ODST-themed pick-up lines to assist in attempts at scoring a Halo-obsessed girlfriend. These quirky quips will increase your chances tenfold! Or cause her to immediately disconnect. Definitely one or the other though.
If there were real life achievements, simply looking at you would unlock the Stunning! one.
Women loved to be given complements, even when it’s just the standard ones, but drop a word like stunning and they’re guaranteed to melt right before your eyes. Whether it’s from the impending laser or your words though, that will be left for you to decipher.
I know I’m not supposed to shoot anything pink, but yours looks a little too good to resist.
If you play this one right, you may not only have a shot at the pink but perhaps she’ll even grant you access to the stink. Or didn’t you know where the “Shock” in ODST originated from?
You know how the Rookie went down for Dare? Let’s just say I would gladly do the same for you.
The Rookie had to travel all the way to sub-level nine to find Dare. Luckily you don’t have to go down nearly that far. Plus, the conditions aren’t quite as hostile. Hopefully anyways.
Sure the campaign is short, but that just leaves you more time to play with my Johnson.
You knew that pre-order bonus would come in handy somehow. You just didn’t know it would be this good!
Is there an Optican station nearby because the second I approached you, I instantly felt better.
If you want to go above and beyond, take a clue from the first aid stations in the game and be ready with an emollient of sorts. And yes, flavored lubricant totally counts.
I still need the My Clothes! achievement. Any chance you could take off my pants and I could finish you with a headshot?
Brutes aren’t the only ones who enjoy getting their pants taken off. Plus, if she’s any good, she’ll drain you better than any plasma pistol ever could.
*eyeing the breastplate* I never cared much for dual wielding anyways. I’ve always preferred to handle those suckers one at a time.
Sure they come in pairs but each one deserves individual attention. You’ll know you’re doing it right when it’s her that needs the silencer, not the pistol.
If you thought getting the Vidmaster Endure achievement was impressive, you should see how many rounds I can go in the bedroom. Let’s just say you’ll be calling in reinforcements long before the night is over.
Make sure you introduce yourself to any and all of her friends before using this line. I certainly can’t think of a better lineup of reinforcements, can you?
You must be part Hunter because the second I laid eyes on you, I wanted to do you from behind.
There’s a special spot in the back you should always aim for on Hunters. She has a similar area. You’ll recognize it when you see it!
I don’t need a beacon because I already know my ultimate destination. And that’s right here with you.
Aaawww, so disgustingly sweet. Who the hell falls for lines like that anyways?
Posted by LordOsiris on October 8, 2009 at 1:40 am
Jesus. Is it sad that I would use one of these?
Posted by IcyTreats on October 8, 2009 at 2:00 am
Nope, I’ve already used one of the normal Halo 3 ones with my GF :)
Posted by Marksman on October 8, 2009 at 9:23 pm
And your still with her?
Just kiding. o.O
Posted by IcyTreats on October 9, 2009 at 7:30 am
She thought they were sweet…Especially the bubble shield one :)
Posted by Luage on October 12, 2009 at 4:50 am
…
Posted by Shirdel7221 on October 8, 2009 at 1:51 am
Only problem is, I’m too young. Hurry up, June 13 2015.
Posted by awesomeman on October 8, 2009 at 2:03 am
How old ARE you, anyway???
Posted by UnluckyIrish14 on October 8, 2009 at 3:17 pm
Yeah, I’m gonna go with the assumption (you know what they say about those) that their birthday is June 13, and that they turn 18 in 2015, SO, they’re probably 12 years old, maybe? (I’m 14, they’re just over two years younger than me, and yes, I know I’m smart, dammit.)
Posted by unimpressed on October 8, 2009 at 6:28 pm
LOL no so he can turn 12.
Posted by SK Cheesy on October 8, 2009 at 8:08 pm
I is waiting for july 23 2011 fors my 18thhhh
Posted by Marksman on October 8, 2009 at 9:25 pm
Wow, there are a surprising amount of 14’s on this site. Me, you, and about 10 other people I’ve seen announce their age. Yay for us!
Posted by IcyTreats on October 9, 2009 at 7:31 am
I’m 16 :)
Posted by suicidalkanoka on October 9, 2009 at 6:54 pm
Yeah, so… Let me post my birthday so y’all can stalk me.
And lol at childish humor attracts children. (Not dissing the blog, for ’tis good)
Posted by dfareaper @ bungie.net on October 11, 2009 at 3:34 pm
holy crap you guys make me feel old…. 3/2/88–you do the math XP my girl plays firefight right along side me, so its all good lol~
Posted by ablestmage on October 13, 2009 at 6:12 am
Yikes. 11-01-77 here =P
Posted by Crazy A 64 on October 8, 2009 at 2:34 am
Surely pick-up lines don’t have an age restriction, now off oyu go and hit on all those 12 year old ladies!
Posted by Queen 0f Blades on October 8, 2009 at 2:54 am
“Plus, the conditions aren’t quite as hostile. Hopefully anyways.”
Ever see that movie “Teeth?” Let’s hope it ain’t that.
Anyways, lol.
Posted by SK Cheesy on October 8, 2009 at 8:10 pm
omg the killer vag rofl
Posted by Louis Wu on October 8, 2009 at 3:22 am
Oh, angel…
angel, angel, angel…
What are we going to do with you?
You’re INCORRIGIBLE!
(I lol’d)
Posted by Das Kalk on October 8, 2009 at 4:19 am
you need to hang around here more often Wu!
she’s been making Johnson jokes for weeks now!
Posted by bs angel on October 8, 2009 at 10:19 am
There’s nothing better than a good Johnson.
Joke, I forgot the word joke!
Posted by UnluckyIrish14 on October 8, 2009 at 3:18 pm
angel, do I need to take some soap to your mind?
Posted by bs angel on October 8, 2009 at 3:34 pm
It’s much too late for that!
Posted by Marksman on October 8, 2009 at 9:26 pm
We can see that.
Posted by suicidalkanoka on October 9, 2009 at 6:56 pm
Incorrigible? Yes, but also quite encourageable.
Posted by the Light Show on October 8, 2009 at 3:35 am
yeah i enjoyed these a little too much too i think. ;)
Posted by IcyTreats on October 8, 2009 at 4:51 am
Dont worry, we all do ;)
Posted by Phoenix66 on October 8, 2009 at 2:03 pm
Dont shoot anything pink. I loved that one.
Posted by InsaneViking on October 8, 2009 at 3:36 pm
*spoiler*
shooting her pink would spoil her
Posted by Tristan on October 8, 2009 at 4:51 am
Hilarious!
You should do articles like that more often, they’re incredible.
Posted by EliteXDeath on October 8, 2009 at 5:04 am
My gf laughed when I said the pistol is no match for my love for you. My love will make every one of them explode in a confetti.
Posted by Master Noob on October 8, 2009 at 3:15 pm
as long as you dont consider them actual dating material, you can relax :P :P. And HawtyMcB is that a typo just now? or was i up to late…
((Should that to be there?))
It’s a well established fact || that some people |to| use Xbox Live as a|| dating service, focusing more on the potential real life score instead of the better chanced virtual game-related one.
Posted by bs angel on October 8, 2009 at 3:36 pm
Hhhmmm, I think I lost a word somewhere along the way. Regardless, fixed. And thank you!
Posted by scottocs on October 8, 2009 at 7:01 am
Hahaha, first time viewing this site, and it’s already amazing.
My favorite were the “My Clothes” achievement, *eyeing the breastplate*.
I’ll have to use these this weekend ;)
Thanks :D
Posted by bs angel on October 8, 2009 at 11:02 am
If you can handle this post, you should be ok with everything else as well. ‘Should be’ being the key words.
Welcome! :)
Posted by CurbStomp on October 8, 2009 at 7:11 am
God, why can’t all women be like you Angel??
Posted by scottocs on October 8, 2009 at 7:12 am
My woman is ;) I’m so lucky to have her too :)
Posted by HellCat on October 8, 2009 at 3:21 pm
so is mine, well not as morrbid as angel but most girls i know won’t even go near the subject of sex and crap like that. I’m so lucky i have someone to relate to :)
Posted by Shilalydawg on October 9, 2009 at 6:59 am
No joke! If all women were like Angel, the world would be soooooo much better :D
Posted by kornman00 on October 8, 2009 at 7:50 am
omfg, this article made my day. Totally uncensored. I love it. props
I’m a fireman baby, we can firefight all night long. Plus my “connection” doesn’t drop ;)
(seriously, it doesn’t)
Posted by xLAS3RP01NT3Rx on October 8, 2009 at 7:03 pm
So you don’t have Connectile Disfunction?
This article is pure win awesome sauce.
Its so awesome, my head exploded into pink confetti.
*Bleep Bloop*
Posted by Aklangi on October 9, 2009 at 9:21 am
I lol’d
Posted by Mono on October 8, 2009 at 7:50 am
Lordy those are dirty. You must get laid all the time Angel.
Posted by KalamariKidd on October 8, 2009 at 7:58 am
Silly people, girls don’t play video games!!
Posted by Rhamsey on October 8, 2009 at 7:58 am
Writing these down as I read them.
Posted by SonofMacPhisto on October 8, 2009 at 9:14 am
‘Hey baby, why don’t we make like Firefight and find another couple?’
Posted by Mikey Rocks on October 8, 2009 at 10:58 am
haha number 2 is pure win
Posted by Exspartan 138 on October 8, 2009 at 11:29 am
My girlfriend and I play all the time. I can’t wait to make her blush with a couple of these…she’ll most likely slap me. lol. these are great btw. About how long do you think it took you to finalize them?
Posted by Black Theorem on October 8, 2009 at 11:40 am
Angel, are you single?
Posted by Moni7or on October 8, 2009 at 5:38 pm
She’s married, last time I checked. (although she sure doesn’t think like it, haha)
Posted by bs angel on October 8, 2009 at 11:06 pm
Hey, married people need action too!
Posted by Tyler on October 8, 2009 at 12:38 pm
Wow, something tells me only super slutty chicks would fall for those. Kinda explicit. xD
Posted by IIII bRian IIII on October 8, 2009 at 12:39 pm
Oh Angel, you’re the reason I play Halo with a boner. It’s a tribute to you haha. And you can definetly bring this trophy home.
Posted by Chief on October 11, 2009 at 12:25 am
It’s a “salute” XD
Posted by Jason on October 8, 2009 at 1:05 pm
I got lucky and scored a hot halo chick from live but I wasn’t anticipating that, it just kinda happened, we clicked really well since we met in Feb 2009 and we seen eachother for the first time in august. flying back and forth cost too much to fly from maryland to kansas so we’re moving intogether in november and I didn’t even have to use any pick line to have access to the stink…..;) goodluck guys!
Posted by Viktim on October 8, 2009 at 1:08 pm
I still can’t decide whether your husband is lucky or unfortunate…
Posted by bs angel on October 8, 2009 at 3:26 pm
Definitely a mix of both, although I’m not sure which side the emphasis lands on!
Posted by Poopie McGhee on October 8, 2009 at 1:50 pm
these are amazing…
Posted by GeneralCupcakes on October 8, 2009 at 2:42 pm
Win.
Posted by Top 10 Halo 3: ODST Pick-Up Lines | UNSC Corps.com on October 8, 2009 at 3:16 pm
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Posted by HellCat on October 8, 2009 at 3:24 pm
slightly disturbingly funny. i’m fine with most of that. Is that the best you’ve got to sicken me Angel?
Halo and sexual come ons are my speciality
Posted by InsaneViking on October 8, 2009 at 3:40 pm
As long as you don’t put it on your resume. Or if you did, plz post
Posted by Tactful on October 8, 2009 at 4:29 pm
We’ll start out in the dead of night as rookies, exploring, discovering new controls and learning which tactics please us best. We’ll finish in the early hours of the morning; tired but happy, with plenty of newly gained ‘achievements’ under our belts.
Posted by Feared chicken on October 11, 2009 at 9:48 pm
lol
Posted by shadowsquid86 on October 8, 2009 at 5:55 pm
But shooting the pink gets me my “Naughty Naughty” achievement. *winks*
Posted by Zephyrus IX on October 8, 2009 at 6:56 pm
Oh christ, this is fuckin’ funny. The hunter one takes the cake.
Posted by Tony Spock on October 8, 2009 at 7:44 pm
I imagine your hella fine angel lol?
Posted by HolyJunkie/Jakob on October 8, 2009 at 8:51 pm
How Dare you!
Although imagine that kind of situation in the Mombasa streets. The rain, darkness, and being distracted every once in a while to go slaughter some Grunts and stuff.
Head-on. Apply directly to the forehead.
Posted by newbanZo on October 8, 2009 at 10:45 pm
Your descriptions are worse than the lines themselves lol
Posted by woohoo on October 9, 2009 at 6:26 am
wow .. love the thought of sex talk with 12 and 13 year olds. Especially ones that teach young boys to expect oral sex.. because a 12 year old historically has no problem with taking no for an answer from his 12 year old partner.
It’s obvious that maturity hits at around 11 years old, I dunno’ why noone see’s that (sorry 10 year olds, I’m sure some of you are mature too).
That’s why Halo is a mature title, and not just an “18 and over” game.. because obviously maturity starts at around 9 and a half or so for most people.
Sure wish there were smarter people writing those rules and stuff. Them and their tests, their sociology studies, their criminology studies, they’re all idiots that just need to wake up and see that maturity starts about 9.. well except for SOME folks.. you guys know what I mean.
Posted by Kraken on October 9, 2009 at 1:44 pm
I’ve never met anyone younger than 13 with any amount of maturity. They definitely shouldn’t be talking about sex until at least 16.
Posted by suicidalkanoka on October 9, 2009 at 7:40 pm
Different people are different, its that plain and simple. While certainly it takes many, many years to reach full maturity (if it is ever reached), the process starts at a younger age than many people generalize. Very young children lack an understanding of good and evil (or if so, then the shades in between are unknown), but as time progresses they are indoctrinated in the knowledge and comprehension of greater evils, greater value in good acts, and general morality along with maturity in dealing with various scenarios. While, (I reiterate) the process length in time varies from person to person according to environment (a conglomeration of variables), all people eventually mature.
While I have not yet parsed Woohoo’s comment to full comprehension, I do believe what he is trying to say is that maturity is not sudden, that generalities by definition are not constantly true of individuals, and that maturity’s progression should not be impeded by lack of original stimuli (well, he might have thought that last part). I concur with him and do not agree with your opinion that ownership of maturity has and must continue to follow guidelines. If you attempt intelligent, mature conversation with young people, I think you may be surprised that at least a few have developed to a level beyond what some legal adults have obtained, even if they lack some standard tools to phrase and structure their thoughts.
I do not pretend that many people in real life or any person on the Internet can be found entirely mature at any point in their lives, however, I do hold that any person willing to participate maturely in a conversation should be granted entry to do so should they desire.
Yes, I am aware that if I have enough long, involved thoughts I wish to share, then I should create my own blog. No, I do not have any such intention.
Posted by TJRoots on October 11, 2009 at 10:53 am
What have you been smoking?
Posted by SHFFLE on October 10, 2009 at 9:20 pm
LOLz. First time on this site. I officially need Halo 3 ODST :P this made this long day worthwhile.
Posted by DethPwn on October 11, 2009 at 5:10 pm
Damn it, you ruined it! :)
Posted by Ashlee Cakes on October 20, 2009 at 7:38 pm
I got a good laugh out of these. I expect I’ll be hearing some in matchmaking sometime in the not too distant future.