After months of spine-tingling anticipation, Halo 3: ODST will finally hit retail shelves everywhere in a mere four days. I’ve been working with the assumption that I will be temporarily living in Firefight (after completion of the campaign of course), but the thought of the new multiplayer maps is suddenly quite tempting. While I debate the proper order of the exploration of ODST content, let’s recap the responses from a few weeks ago and then caption yet another Halo 3 screenshot. Fun fun!
- “After a joke about his alienhood made by the Chief, the Arbiter waited until the Chief had fallen asleep before measuring himself.” (newguy2445)
- “Why does he get the top bunk? I mean, he said ’shotgun’, but I actually have one… That counts…” (gunluva)
- “Despite their blatant heterosexuality, John was still unnerved when the Arbiter commented on his ‘mighty fine rack’!” (Tactful)
- “After drinking a lot of Covenant Ale before bedtime, the Arbiter is about to unleash his own ‘flood’ attack on Master Chief.” (JLay)
- *squeak* *squeak* *squeak* *squeak*
Arby: Chief! I know what you’re doing down there! Knock it off!
*silence*
*squeak* *squeak* *squeak* *squeak* (mendicantbias00) - “Yes John, I get it. You can see Uranus. Now please stop saying it and go to sleep!” (ZZoMBiE13)
Oh Master Chief, we’ll miss you while we’re off exploring the ruined city of New Mombasa. Hopefully you’re not quite as down and out as you look in the following screenshot though. Fret not for our paths will cross again soon. While we wait for that moment, I don’t think there’s a better time than now to slap a caption on this sucker. So get to it already!
Author: Unknown
Posted by Crazy A 64 on September 18, 2009 at 1:34 am
I no can Haz Firefightz :’(
Posted by Rippolighter159 on September 18, 2009 at 1:38 am
As the blood leaked from under the door Master Chief told himself that murdering the rookie was the only way to save his career.
Posted by InventiveArgument on September 18, 2009 at 6:42 am
OMIGOD WIN
Posted by Tristan on September 18, 2009 at 9:14 am
Ultimate win!
Posted by Tactful on September 20, 2009 at 7:44 am
Master Chief took a deep breath, as he tried to convince himself that murdering the Kool-Aid Man was the only way to save his career.
Posted by Sorry... on September 18, 2009 at 1:39 am
Master Chief is making the transition into womanhood, but the first time was a little traumatic…
Posted by General Vagueness on September 18, 2009 at 7:10 am
that’s what I was going to post, worded differently ):
Posted by Jim 028 on September 18, 2009 at 2:01 am
Unemployment was hard for the Chief, he found himself resorting to petty crime to make ends meet.
Sadly though the severity of his crimes quickly escalated.
Posted by newguy2445 on September 18, 2009 at 2:01 am
Upon receiving a spike grenade to the ass..
–
Sick and tired of his conscious appearing in ‘mini-chief’ form, the Chief put an end to it, curb stomp style.
–
Having just murdered an UNSC officer the Chief attempted to discreetly cover up.
Posted by newguy2445 on September 18, 2009 at 2:02 am
Upon the other side of this door lies the Goatse Man.
Posted by newguy2445 on September 18, 2009 at 2:07 am
Unfortunately UNSC technicians did not think to include a solution to flatulence in the Spartan armour, during the several days the Chief had spent in his suit it had built up, eventually exploding in a rather painful manner.
–
After receiving a verbal insult from the Arbiter about his manhood, the Chief also waited until he was alone to measure up.
Posted by newguy2445 on September 18, 2009 at 2:09 am
The Chief afterwards regretted having sex with Miranda Keys, that blood stain is all that remains of her.
Posted by General Vagueness on September 18, 2009 at 7:11 am
O_.
Posted by newguy2445 on September 18, 2009 at 7:08 am
Remaining perfectly still, the Chief hoped none of the passing Officers would notice him and his little accident.
Posted by Underc0ver Duck on September 18, 2009 at 2:15 am
At Deaths Door.
Its the first thing that came into my head.
Posted by Weezey31 on September 18, 2009 at 2:39 am
“I shouldn’t have ate that big red candle…..”
Posted by HellCat on September 18, 2009 at 2:54 am
Master Chief went into a spiraling deprssion, the only thing that brought joy to him was his raspberry jelly sculptures
Posted by HellCat on September 18, 2009 at 2:59 am
Chief was so sick of seeing purple blood the whole time he decided to make some red blood. The results weren’t good
Posted by HellCat on September 18, 2009 at 3:20 am
Changes and regrets
By HellCatNZ
Inspired by a powerful picture that told more words than I ever could
MasterChief opens the door and walks in. A loud gunshot is heard. He slips back out and slumps against the door saying “nothing to see here move along”. And as a small pool of blood gathers at the front of the door a single tear runs down MasterChief’s visor. What made the man is gone. Left behind to gather dust. Not a shiny new toy anymore nor a symbol of greatness. He had lashed out in anger and fear. Anger of being replaced and fear of disappearing. It wasn’t like him to do that its just he liked how life was. He was ashamed and regretted his bloody outburst. And to think his forced retirement was caused by a newcomer a ‘Rookie’ you could call him.
He went inside to clean up the mess, poured him self a drink and cried himself to sleep. Thinking, thinking, of the past and his questionable future. Not on the Forward Unto Dawn but here in the New Mombasa streets will his life end. “This is the way his world ends”.
Editors note: Sorry that its more of a screenshot story
Posted by IcyTreats on September 19, 2009 at 12:55 am
THAT WAS COMPLETE AWESOME.
Posted by Gagazet on September 19, 2009 at 2:49 am
AND TEHN JOHN WAS A ALIEN
Posted by undercoverduck on September 18, 2009 at 3:13 am
What goes in must come out…One way or another.
Posted by Amaterasu on September 18, 2009 at 3:48 am
“The cheif realised chucking a grenade into a room of unarmoured marines wasn’t as good a prank as he thought….”
or
“Last nights curry really did burn on the way out”
Posted by Poopie McGhee on September 18, 2009 at 1:52 pm
<3 The Top One
Posted by nixproto (Drake) on September 18, 2009 at 4:15 am
“Must be first in line for ODST… Even I have to kill…”
Posted by AusQB on September 18, 2009 at 4:16 am
*ODST Launch Night*
“Nobody wants to play with me anymore :_(“
Posted by Scotty-Bob on September 18, 2009 at 4:42 am
Though the doctor said the bleeding was normal, the Chief couldn’t help but feel sad and alone!
Posted by Lactic the Intolerant on September 18, 2009 at 4:43 am
Over the depression of ODST’s pending release, Master Chief tried drowning his sorrows with 13 deep fried candy bars. It did not end well.
Posted by BenOfBodom on September 18, 2009 at 4:52 am
The fact that Chief was having his period in the middle of a mission made some of the marines begin to question his gender.
Posted by the light show on September 18, 2009 at 5:05 am
hey, not all doors can hold themselves up!
Posted by walshypru on September 18, 2009 at 5:19 am
When you are a Spartan, moonwalking into a door can have dire consequences,
Posted by Pete Cooper on September 18, 2009 at 5:23 am
“Master Chief’s re-enactment of the Billie Jean video was sadly overshadowed by his disastrous attempt at doing Thriller.”
Posted by Personsen on September 18, 2009 at 5:28 am
“One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever know…”
Posted by Anton P. Nym on September 18, 2009 at 5:55 am
“It’s not easy, being green…”
— Steve
Posted by Monkey_lord on September 18, 2009 at 5:56 am
Oh come on Arby, let me in the room, why are you insecure when it comes to putting on your armor?
Miranda, done with the bathroom yet? I really have to pee.
The chief was sad when he found out that the beta for WORMS ARMAGEDDON maps was in him.
Posted by JLay on September 18, 2009 at 5:57 am
Hey Arby, I’m gonna need to borrow your plunger… sorry.
———–
I gave those Jehovah’s Witnesses plenty of warning, but they just wouldn’t leave me alone! *Sob*
Posted by Mizzy on September 18, 2009 at 6:07 am
“Won’t let me play stickball, huh? Well, I’ll show them…”
Posted by Staticrift on September 18, 2009 at 6:33 am
Master Chief didn’t see the point in finishing another fight if Bungie would pay attention.
___
After walking in on the rookie in the bathroom, John wondered why his wasn’t that big
Posted by SHAGGYDEATH on September 18, 2009 at 6:35 am
I was gonna luv it and hug it and squeeze it…..
Damn so that’s what happens if I step on it!
Now I’m depressed. Anyone have some Xanax ?
Posted by InventiveArgument on September 18, 2009 at 6:45 am
Dead Splinter Chief Space
Posted by XMixMasterX on September 18, 2009 at 6:52 am
“Le sigh”
Posted by RandomIndex on September 18, 2009 at 7:23 am
“Now that I’ve taken care of that “Rookie” problem, I can have Nathan Fillion all to myself…”
Posted by General Vagueness on September 18, 2009 at 7:23 am
Sadly it took the Chief until now to realize he could now see his legs. He decided shooting at his foot would tell him if they had really upped the realism. Long story short, Bungie was ruled not liable. And Stosh is on the other side of the door.
____________________________________
*pop*
*turns around and goes through the door*
I just wanted to tell you both good luck, we’re all… oh my. That blow-up doll is incredibly realistic.
Posted by General Vagueness on September 18, 2009 at 7:24 am
er, what’s left of him (applies to both actually)
Posted by iRadicaI on September 18, 2009 at 7:33 am
1. “Chief… your the only one capable of preventing an early release. I need you to stand guard here until Tuesday.” – Sarge
2. *After being arrested for walking around outside the Bungie studio wielding a very large rifle*
Posted by t0rm3n7 on September 18, 2009 at 7:35 am
After spending 10 hours in the bathroom, John will never again eat the Arbiter’s cooking
Posted by Apollo Running on September 18, 2009 at 7:41 am
For the first time, John was an outcast. The ODSTs had not picked him to play in their Fire Fight games.
Posted by Defnop on September 18, 2009 at 7:42 am
The chief was nonchalant, even though his foot was stuck in the door
Posted by iRadicaI on September 18, 2009 at 7:46 am
“Chief, what’s happening?… um yeeeaaaahhhh, I’m gonna need you to come in tomorrow. Ok Chief? greattt. Oh and Ahh, I’m also gonna need you to go ahead and come in on Sunday too. We have a few people trying to release ODST early and we need you to stand guard. mmmm kay?” – Lumberg
“oh and about your TPS reports, did you get the memo?”
Posted by Forgedreclaimer on September 18, 2009 at 8:08 am
John felt the sharp pains and running blood… looks like the door hit him a little to hard in the ass on the way out of Microsoft.
Posted by Someone on September 18, 2009 at 8:36 am
No matter how much colours Bungie used for the armour, none of them make me look like the Chief
Lonely, I am so lonely…
Stupid Arbiter makes me look fat, well he’s not so great, he doesn’t even have a full mouth!
Posted by Defnop on September 18, 2009 at 8:36 am
Some i should have put my other comment;
“It ain’t easy being green”
________________________________________
“After the stress of saving the universe, john became a hobo. Please, spare him some change ”
_________________________________________________
“The Dentist,………. no one likes it!!”
__________________________________________
“After all the name calling John proved he could, still, see his toes”
____________________________________________________
“7 seven foot tall nuclear powered 1 ton armour wearing alien killing super men have feeling’s too you know!!”
Posted by HSAR on September 18, 2009 at 8:40 am
Uh… guys? Can you let me in?
Posted by Mr Viper on September 18, 2009 at 8:45 am
“The Chief was devestated when Bungie said he couldn’t wear Recon because it ‘wasn’t canon’.”
Posted by MGH1138 on September 18, 2009 at 10:14 am
Kanye would later regret interrupting this particular acceptance speech…
Posted by Visitor at home on September 18, 2009 at 10:26 am
When people started spouting “Go Green” Propaganda, Chief decided to try a little druidic sacrifice. The hippies were not impressed.
Posted by bobothebrave on September 18, 2009 at 10:47 am
Hey! Open up!
What’s the password?
Password? Oh man, I forgot.
Forgot… what?
I forgot the password.
See, that was almost right. Uh, see, the password begins with “I forgot”, but ends differently. Um, try again.
No. I mean, I forgot the password.
No, okay, see, you – you got it wrong again. See, you said the same thing as last time.
Posted by Ric Stone on September 18, 2009 at 10:50 am
Teamster Labor Union hard at work for you!
Posted by NartFOpc on September 18, 2009 at 11:30 am
http://www.suicidegirls.com/DaCheEf
Posted by StephaBon on September 18, 2009 at 11:34 am
Once ODST was announced and the spotlight was taken off of Master Chief, he was officially kicked out of Bungie to live on the streets.
Posted by Uccxxxv on September 18, 2009 at 11:47 am
Chief’s Retirement Party: The aftermath. Partying with the Brutes definitely leaves one worse for wear.
—
MC: “No Angel I don’t need consoling.”
Posted by Whitehawk13 on September 18, 2009 at 11:52 am
MC’s ‘casual’ look wasn’t as inconspicuous as ONI would’ve liked…
Posted by Cailus on September 18, 2009 at 12:15 pm
The Master Chief had 3 options upon discovering that Bungie were dropping him.
1) Kick more ass-Failed (already at the pinnacle of ass-kicking potential).
2) Mope around elicit sympathy-Failed (hard to feel sorry for a 7 foot tall supersoldier).
3) Sleep with Urk.
Posted by Silen7 Sam Strikes Back on September 18, 2009 at 12:34 pm
Chief told them the slingshot wasn’t ready.
Posted by Zee-V70 on September 18, 2009 at 12:37 pm
The jar was a bad idea.
If you get the reference, I feel your pain.
Posted by Wasiq Khan on September 18, 2009 at 12:42 pm
Emo-Chief cuts himself when no one’s around.
Posted by ODST Sarge on September 18, 2009 at 1:33 pm
After the release of Halo 3: ODST, the Master Chief was depressed because no-one cared about him anymore.
Posted by tobias grey on September 18, 2009 at 1:59 pm
Unfortunately the Gym teacher underestemated the spartans’ response to getting caught smoking by the storage shed. He was never seen again.
Posted by Poopie McGhee on September 18, 2009 at 2:00 pm
chief learned to sleep standing up… and loved to demonstrate it by saying “Wake Me When You Need Me.”
Quote from Cortana, “Did you just kill all of those people?”
Posted by Admiral Madden on September 18, 2009 at 2:34 pm
“Film Nior, your doing it wrong!”
just gotta love the blood splatter by his feet…
Posted by OMGIts Renegade on September 18, 2009 at 3:37 pm
“Well EVERYBODY HURRRRTS SOMETIMES, EVERYBODY CRIIIIIES”
or
Chief didn’t take the news of the marriage ceremony of the Triumph Settlers nearly as well as Malcolm Reynolds.
“Ok.. so the idea of putting Griswald apples in the barracks wasn’t as funny as it sounded at the time… sigh, Johnson will never let me live this one down.”
…Yes I know… two Firefly references… so what?!
Posted by DethPwn on September 18, 2009 at 3:38 pm
When there’s no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth.
Posted by KkilljoyGruntT on September 18, 2009 at 3:54 pm
John vomits up last night’s memories.
I shouldn’t have done that…
hey baby…
oh yeah, your cool!
’sup?
i am exhausted!
sleepin’ on the job, eh?
yes, hang thine head in shame, for thou were stuck by a grunt!
arby’s really is bigger!
Um, where is your other hand?
john in the office.
yep.yup.u-huh.yep.
i can’t believe i just did that…
so there i was, kickin it all cool-like, when dis fool da arbiter comes and calls top bunk!
man, that grunt really put up a fight!
Posted by UnluckyIrish14 on September 18, 2009 at 3:56 pm
“Marines, get to the bridge, the Chief’s gone rampant!” The Chief did his best to hold the door closed, for he knew that the Marines, led by Sergeant Johnson, were sadly invincible.
“The things I’ve beaten; things most people have never heard of, and now I’m going to be done in by this.” Unfortunately, Chief Constantine had been diagnosed with lung cancer after coughing up blood and visiting the hospital, and was only given a few months to a year to live.
Posted by KkilljoyGruntT on September 18, 2009 at 3:57 pm
riding trains is my hobo life, an if i see you with my hobo wife, i’ll stab you with my hobo knife!
chaaaaaaanngggeeee!
got any smokes?
all by myyyyseellllf, yes i’m allll byyy myyysseeeellllffff!
emo-chief is just a goth wanna-be. we all know he went to tenis camp.
Posted by Dust and Echoes on September 18, 2009 at 3:57 pm
He woke up 9 hours later with an empty bottle of beer next to his bed and the rookie’s bloodstained helmet on his stomach.
Posted by Qwepir on September 18, 2009 at 4:10 pm
*WHOOM*
Uh, maybe I should have signed up for “touch” Grifball
Posted by Qwepir on September 18, 2009 at 4:12 pm
By the way, that *whoom* sound could either be a gravity hammer or a body hitting the door, whatever floats your boat
Posted by Begocer on September 18, 2009 at 4:35 pm
When his luck finally ran out, and after BS Angel spent the night with the Rookie, the Chief’s codpeice (and ‘whatever’ was in it) was the only thing Angel wanted to remember him by.
Dunno….gotta love rushed and crappy attempts at something….
Posted by StealthSpeed3 on September 18, 2009 at 5:33 pm
after Master Chief and Angel’s first time, he sat outside the bedroom door and considered what he’d done….
Posted by pwkwsfi on September 18, 2009 at 5:36 pm
When xXpwnxMeister187Xx said he was gonna rape me, I didn’t think he meant it literally!
Posted by dragnew on September 18, 2009 at 8:03 pm
Cue Linkin Park.
Posted by UnluckyIrish14 on September 19, 2009 at 2:41 pm
How about some crappy-assed emo music? *cough*Fall Out Boy*cough*
Posted by DeepCee on September 18, 2009 at 11:03 pm
Try as he might, the Chief realized he could not hold back bs angel behind that door forever.
Posted by Rocksolid8 on September 19, 2009 at 1:37 am
“Cut”, said the director as the Chief, playing Macbeth in the Macbeth, spartan edition, forgot the dual Spartan lasers in the room. He claims they weren’t in the room but they were indeed there”
I win the nerdy award :P
Posted by Mondo Titan on September 19, 2009 at 2:13 am
NOW the fight is finished!
Posted by RedPowaRanga on September 19, 2009 at 9:25 am
Master Chief (in changin room): Shhhh, i told u to leave ur suit out there!!
Arbiter: I would never pass as an ODST!
Master Chief: Well, now we know who’s not getting into the new game, do we?
Posted by Owl Assassin on September 19, 2009 at 10:49 am
Arbiter. Come help. My foot’s stuck in the door.
Posted by Desert Rat on September 19, 2009 at 11:10 am
(pushes against door) ” Must…get…to…..Recon storage!’
Posted by Tactful on September 19, 2009 at 12:33 pm
Master Chief took a deep breath, as he tried to convince himself that murdering the Kool-Aid Man was the only way to save his career.
—–
“My God… I’m a tomato!”
—–
When your MJOLNIR-powered grip can crush a brute’s windpipe and tear apart Banshees, Masturbation becomes a lot more dangerous…
—–
John discovers the fastest way to Miranda’s heart; Straight through her ribcage!
—–
The horrible, bloody aftermath of getting an erection whilst wearing impenetrable armour.
—–
Once every month John has an epic battle with his own personal ‘flood’.
—–
Listen Hawty, I’m happy for you, and imma let you finish, but Friday Caption Fun Round 62 had one of the funniest screenshots of all time!
Posted by Gunlat3M on September 19, 2009 at 12:40 pm
Chief was glad he had made it out of the room before the grenade went off, but then realized he had slammed the door on his buddy’s face… slumping to the floor and facepalming soon followed.
Posted by VoltRabbit on September 19, 2009 at 4:06 pm
I can’t believe no one has lef this one yet:
“Do NOT go in there, WHEEEEEW!!!”
Posted by Will Pwn 4 Food on September 19, 2009 at 4:36 pm
“Brother, can you spare a BR?”
Posted by halcylon on September 20, 2009 at 4:38 pm
“Y’all don’t look like yer from ’round these parts… Best turn back where y’all came from…”
Posted by The Pope on September 20, 2009 at 7:00 pm
Shortly after the explosion John realized that the “Fire-in-the-hole” pranks he used to pull on Mc Donalds as a child didn’t work so well on a spaceship.
Posted by hypnocake on September 21, 2009 at 6:33 pm
After the release of Halo 3: ODST, Master Chief turned to prostitution to make ends meet. His ass will never feel the same again.
Posted by IcyTreats on September 22, 2009 at 11:59 am
MASTER CHIEF IS NO PROSTITUTE GODDAMNIT!
lol. just had to say that.
Posted by Cyanide & Happiness on September 24, 2009 at 9:50 am
Stopping the Rookie flattening the Chief with a door required more backbone than neccesary.
And THAT’s how you keep recon exclusive…