The Katonian Press: Ian Anderson Of Jethro Tull Wonders Why There is No “Flute Hero” Game

The Katonian Press, a regular offering brought to you by the evil genius and criminal mastermind behind the always scintillating WITFITS, will soon be your best source for weekly fake gaming news, assuming it’s not already. Grab a cup of coffee, open up The Katonian Press, and enjoy it for what it is: a satirical look at various things gaming-related.

Ian Anderson Of Jethro Tull Wonders Why There is No “Flute Hero” Game

ian andersonDunfermline, Fife, Scotland – For the life of him, Jethro Tull frontman Ian Anderson cannot wrap his brain around the fact that no one has developed a Flute Hero video game.  “It just doesn’t make any bloody sense,” says Anderson, 62, from atop the flute-shaped tower of his Scottish castle.  “They’ve got all these games these days that let kids live out their Rock and Roll fantasies, but they’re not getting the true experience without simulating the most important part!”

Anderson, without question Rock’s most famous flautist, has reason to complain.  The majority of rhythm-based games to this point have only focused on background instruments such as guitar, drums, and vocals.  Each of these attempts has flirted with greatness but all have ultimately fallen short by neglecting Rock and Roll’s most iconic lead instrument.

“I applaud their efforts at getting more people interested in music, but the real rock experience is only complete with the inclusion of the flute.”  Anderson leans back in his throne constructed entirely of woodwinds and strokes his mephistophelian goatee while he waxes about what makes music really rock.  “Guitar hero? Ha, don’t make me laugh. Rock Band? How could it possibly be when you’re omitting the one instrument that truly makes a band.  Think about it: Can you imagine ‘Living in the Past’ being a hit without the complex melody established by the flute?  Or how about ‘Hymn 43′?  It might as well be a ballad until the flute kicks in and really shows you how true Rock and Roll is supposed to sound!”

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Top Ten Ways To Tell You’re an Older Gamer

Getting older is one of those unfortunate facts of life. Many times we don’t even know it’s happening until we take a look in the mirror and make the stark realization that we still have the same exact haircut we so precariously styled way back in our high school days, the bad news being it’s two plus decades later. We also tend to not age very gracefully, and one of the ways that is apparent is through our gaming habits. Are you approaching the crest of the hill but haven’t quite realized it yet? Here are the top ten ways to tell you’re an older gamer. By the way, the 80s called. They want their fingerless “gaming” gloves back.

joystick

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I’d Sleep With That (The Pillow, Not the Guy)

xbox 360 pillow

Source [technabob]

Shrinky Dinks Master Chief Earrings

master chief earrings

There are few things greater in life than discovering the wondrous world of Shrinky Dinks. Wasting away an entire afternoon coloring flexible polystyrene plastic sheets and then putting them in the oven, watching them contract into tiny hard plates, is a truly magical experience. Often times your hard work leaves you with a nifty little knickknack but if you’re Mary, you’re fortunate enough to find yourself with something else entirely. Drawing two rather adorable pictures of Master Chief, she transformed her finished product into one of the most Halo-tastic pair of earrings I have ever seen. I’d hang those from my ears any day! And everywhere else I happen to have piercings as well.

*Image posted with permission.

Soixante-Neuf

grin + bear it

grin + bear it

Source [grin + bear it]

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