Friday Limerick Fun
May 22, 2009 175 Comments
Those of you that get the shakes when we forgo the typical Friday Caption Fun festivities, please sit down because I’m about to rock your world. Instead of our regularly scheduled screenshot shenanigans, today we will be flexing our often neglected poetry muscles. That’s right, limericks are replacing captions for the flavor of the day. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to write a humorous Halo-themed limerick. Let the following five-line poems, penned by the always hilarious Kato Katonian, serve as your inspiration. Read, laugh, then write your own. And as with all our community activities, worthy creations will be pulled up into the main article for all to enjoy. Off we go!
Master Chief had caused quite a ripple,
And the Covenant forces had been crippled,
Said one grunt to another
While they hid under cover,
“Well, at least we still have our food nipple!”
There once was a Spartan named John
Over whom bs angel did fawn,
But with God as my witness
Her only real interest
Was the size of his armor-clad schlong.
I’ll prove that my skills have evovled
As soon as the connection’s resolved.
I aim with all my might
And clasp the trigger real tight
And scream that no scope was involved.
(GeneticSpartan)
Though my skills are quite easy to see
It’s becoming apparent to me,
No matter how hard I try
Unless a new account I buy,
I won’t make General in Halo 3.
(JLay)
In the lobby you’re talking some smack.
All my friends, they think you are whack.
I snipe off your face,
You’re such a disgrace,
Prepare to taste my nutsack.
(Das Kalk)
bs angel requested a rhyme
About heroes in Halo this time.
It was then I said, “nay!”
“This shall not be the day!”
For not writing about Gears is a crime.
(Pete Cooper)
There once was a man with a quandary:
“Can I masturbate whilst forging Foundry?”
He decided to pile and stack
Fusion coils on his nuts and ballsack
The next day he spent cleaning his laundry.
(SSJWalker)
There was a Sangheili named Aswe ‘Rasadee,
No longer was he a trainee.
He talked to his brethren,
And came to the decision:
What shite it was to only get an -ee!
(Sarge Tomzilla)
Behold, ye, the mighty Ban Hammer
Of which Bungie doth swing with such clamor,
There shall be no mistaking:
It will take your matchmaking,
Be you cheater or account-stealing scammer.
(Kato)
When Garland was hired, we thought
It was movies that Microsoft sought
But the story they altered
And with Blomkamp they faltered
So now it’s just novels or naught.
(Pete Cooper)
I was locked, I was loaded, and out
Through the mancannon launched to the bout.
After melee aplenty
The score was 2-20
And all the Blues could do was pout.
(Pete Cooper)
There was this cute chick named Miranda
And at tactics she had quite a handa
But when she was there
All the guys stopped to stare
‘Cause her downstairs was worth quite a ganda.
(Don A K Bab)
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You’re gay for Master Chief.
And so am I.
(SonofMacPhisto)
Tonight armor clashed once again with rubber
As had happened each night after the other.
As his lack of a zipper left him high and dry
Our friend Master Chief very nearly did cry,
For those Trojans left our Spartan hard with no lover.
(Penguin Ninjoid)
While drifting in uncharted space
The Spartan lay in her embrace.
“While cryo interred,”
She quietly purred,
“Cortana will sit on your face.”
(Elnea)
Their once was a Spartan named Bash
Who appeared to make a mad dash
But he saw a ghost
“I’ll dodge it,” he boasts
And then it hit him with a smash.
(Marksmo)
I’m shooting my rifle at range,
Our bullets we do the exchange.
Teams started 4-4
But now they’ve two more
Then I heard the words “Team Change.”
(Sammy W)
Even though I’m not a red-barrer
My aim is so bad it’s a horror.
I think my connection is shit,
My ‘nades bounce, never stick.
But I wouldn’t care if I wore Recon armor.
(CrossKais)
I found two plasma grenades, what luck!
Somebody is about to get stuck.
Oh look, there it goes,
Where it will land, no one knows.
Why did my teammate just yell, “What the fuck?!”
(bs angel)
There once was a fellow you might know.
His skills with the sniper were tight so.
He got in the game
And when things got lame
He often said “I blame the light show.”
(NartFOpc)
I am a sword spammer by trade.
It sings such a soft, sweet serenade.
When the reticule’s red
I still aim for the head
Through the blood of my victims I wade.
(SSJWalker)
There was an AI named Cortana
Who had a thing for Eric Bana.
But when she met the Chief
To all our disbelief
She eloped with him out in Tijuana.
(Pete Cooper)
On Valhalla it was me vs Seth.
At 49-49 we were nearly out of breath.
But then my screen froze
And from my chair I arose
And yelled, “CRAP, I GOT THE RED RING OF DEATH!!!!!”
(Spade)
I thought I was losing sex appeal
Or at least that’s how it was starting to feel.
But when I turn on Halo 3
Everyone always humps me
With a slow and steady kneel.
(SirWilliamRegis)
The Flood were quite vile but deft
The Forerunner thought they were effed…
But after a tiresome war
Came a xenocidal encore:
The Halos, killing everyone left.
(De Laal)
A Five Star is no match for my cunning,
So much that he never saw it coming.
I put my balls on his chin,
For the victor does grin
Then spoke “You bought your account, now that’s funny.”
(CrossKais)
I was playing a game of snipers
But one lad was much too hyper.
He went for a shot
But what he actually got
Was a bullet thrust right through his piper.
(Chase)
Among Halo’s flora and fauna,
Is sexy blue AI Cortana.
But get a wet nap
If you need to fap,
You don’t want to get any on ya’.
(EntropicBias)
My wife is in the next room nagging,
The red team is pre game bragging,
I tell her to hush
And enjoy the rush
Of giving them all a generous teabagging.
(SkelBrute)
Needlers are pink
Stickies are blue
I can out BR Ogre 1
But not Ogre 2.
(Mike)
When I first played, I stayed up all night.
I was desp’rate to Finish the Fight.
First I lasered the Spark,
Then I wreck-sauced the Ark?
And the Chief’s gone!? No, this isn’t right!
(EntropicBias)
On Orbital I rushed through the door,
I thought, plasmas I need some more,
I head up the stairs,
But he’s waiting there,
That katana-wearing rocket whore!!!
(SkelBrute)
The Chief on a galaxy-saving quest
Ventured into a meaty Flood-nest
But after wandering blind
He was mauled from behind
Said the Gravemind “My hand’s in your chest!”
(De Laal)
Chief started fighting in 2552.
The Covenant, the Flood – they’re all through.
We don’t know where he’s going,
Through uncharted space he’s floating
Wake from your sleep, we need you.
(Sammy W)
I hit him in the head with a smack,
He then got a taste of my sack.
Crouch up and down
He came back with a frown
And shot me right in the back.
(Peter_Sim)
There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who left his BR in a bucket.
When he played MLG
It was obvious to see
How he got raped by Chris Puckett.
(Statisticsss)
I use an Elite for Team SWAT,
Most people will call me a twat.
I’m harder to hit,
Cheating piece of shit
But look at the 50 I got.
(psykoticrefuge)
I play this game to raise my self-esteem
I talk shit in the lobby and dream
Of a day when my skills
To annoy and get kills
Make me less of a douche than I seem.
(SSJWalker)
“SPARTANs are born not constructed.”
At Mendez, Doc Halsey instructed.
To which Mendez did say
In a similar way,
“And that’s why these kids were abducted!”
(Felipe 058)
Bungie, oh Bungie, oh Bungie,
Know what would really be fun, G?
I don’t wish to nag
But remake Coag,
Or die from a purple sword-lungie.
(Goat)
The war with the Covies has ended,
And Human-Elite relations amended,
But the Chief lost in space
Won’t return to this place,
The Earth he so boldly defended.
(Andrew Jensen)
Do you know what I like the most?
It’s riding around in a Ghost.
It is kind of like
A big purple bike,
And its jets make bread into toast.
(Goat)
We took out the Gravemind indeed.
We thwarted the Covenant creed.
As gamers we fight,
We had our delight,
Now time to relax with some weed.
(Martyrcrf203)
I’ve written five limericks so far.
But Cortana has yet been the star.
With those sexy blue thighs
And those rampant red eyes
I would do her all night in my car.
(Pete Cooper)
I’ll prove that my skills have evovled,
As soon as the connection’s resolved,
I aim with all my might,
And clasp the trigger real tight,
And scream that no scope was involved.
i think we have a winner
Genius.
Brilliant. Best of the lot so far.
I think
“I aim with my might
Clasp the trigger real tight”
is better.
i once played halo it was quite fun
The entire campaign without a pun
But soon it ended after i had befriended
a friend who life was a quite done
though i find poetry quite fun but now it is time to run
so i say goodbye once i punch you in ur eye
i hope you find this game quite fun!
i’m bad at the BR why?
AR is the reason i try.
like a soccer ball and pele’
guh guh guh guh melee’
now assume the position and die.
Teammate of Genius:
There once was a teammate of genius,
Who had a plan that was ingenious.
We got in a Warthog,
And drove through the dense fog.
In the end we hit the Pine Genus
Teammate of Genius: The Sequel
Teammate of Genius was on our team,
He flew our Hornet into steel beams.
He thought he was quite cool,
Though he was a big fool.
In the end we shot him in the spleen.
I prepare for the attack,
Jump, shoot, get the back-smack,
My enemies fall to the ground,
Slowly I turn around:
In their face I drop my nutsack.
Though my skills are quite easy to see,
It’s becoming apparent to me,
No matter how hard I try,
unless a new account I buy,
I won’t make General in Halo 3.
If in the pre-game lobby you make a gag
of calling every other player a fag,
when I no scope your head
and you’re lying there dead,
on your face I will place my teabag.
My teammates all know I can’t shoot
And i steal all the rockets to boot
I’m not fully healed
I still have no shields
My body is now theirs to loot
—————————————————–
In the lobby you’re talking some smack
All my friends, they think you are whack
I snipe off your face
you’re such a disgrace
prepare to taste my nutsack
Too far?
never, my friend.
i thinks it’s perfectly far enough
There once was a Spartan named John
Who rode on a spiked Covie bomb.
He kicked it away
Blew the Covies away.
But a slipspace jump saw the town gone. :(
—————————————-
In the wake of the Covie assault,
The Marines were prepared to all bolt.
But the Chief did appear
And was gone all their fear!
And the attack was then brought to a halt.
—————————————-
BS Angel requested a rhyme,
About heroes in Halo this time.
It was then I said “nay!”
“This shall not be the day!”
For not writing about Gears is a crime.
Im sorry but writing about Gears IS a crime.
*Arrests You*
There was a Sangheili named Aswe ‘Rasadee,
No longer was he a trainee.
He talked to his brethren,
And came to the decision:
What shite it was to only get an -ee!
That work?
…wait, what about the caption contest results for last week?
No doubt. I felt robbed after investing my wit in last week’s contest. Perhaps you should write a limeric expressing your feelings of betrayal (hey that would fit with BS Angel’s gameplay!)
No worries, I’ll recap those next week when we resume our normal festivities. :)
PS: I saw that JLay!!
Can’t slip anything by you angel :)
Hey does this mean that Friday Caption Fun was limerick rolled?!?
Behold, ye, the mighty Ban Hammer
Of which Bungie doth swing with such clamor,
There shall be no mistaking:
It will take your matchmaking,
be you cheater or account-stealing scammer.
fav so far
Glad you liked it. The “Of which” line bugs me because it’s not really correct grammar (should probably be “That which” but what can you do, it’s on the internet now, I can’t change the internet.
When Garland was hired, we thought
It was movies that Microsoft sought
But the story they altered
And with Blomkamp they faltered
So now it’s just novels or naught.
———————–
I was locked, I was loaded, and out
Through the mancannon launched to the bout
After melee aplenty
The score was 2-20
And all the blues could do was pout.
There was this cute chick named Miranda
And at tactics she had quite a handa
But when she was there
All the guys stopped to stare
‘Cause her downstairs was worth quite a ganda
While drifting in uncharted space
The Spartan lay in her embrace
“While cryo interred,”
She quietly purred,
“Cortana will sit on your face”
———-
…I’m so, so sorry.
that is freaking GREAT
Rhyme FTW!
Never apologize for complete and utter awesomeness!
It’s past midnight here and I’m laughing like a maniac…OMG…
“Cortana will sit on your face” ROFL!!
I smell potential fanfic material…
There’s just something about being in cryo-stasis with a perverted, once-rampant AI. It just screams “Write more about me!” XD Maybe I’ve found a new way to pass the time for the next couple of weeks.
This one’s definitely my new favorite. I don’t know how I managed to skim over it before. =_=
toasting in an epic bread
LOL, I see what you did there!
There’s an Angel without any wings
Who does all kinds of scandalous things
She shows us Spartan porn
And so many do scorn
Her obsession for all Halo things.
Just noticed I rhymed things with things there. Very swish.
Doh!
LOL!
Ten dollars, 3 Game types, not so humble,
Prices so high make gamers grumble,
ITS HALO! And yet they took a tumble,
Hopefully Microsoft can recover this fumble.
Do you wonder what makes a company crumble?
Shouldn’t a limerick rhyme scheme be A A B B A?
it does…lines 12 and 5 rhyme. Also lines 3 and 4 rhyme. They may all rhyme with each other, but they still follow the scheme…i had this argument a lot back in highshool
Assassinate, beat down, or stick
Double kill, triple kill, take your pick
My skills are so tight they will make you sick
Betrayed again by some random chick
Why won’t the option pop up to kick?
-dedicated to Angel
haha, nice.
HMPH. ;)
Master Chief is the best of them all,
I had to go buy him at the mall.
All through the night I would play,
with friends who I would not betray.
I just keep banging my head against the wall.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
You’re gay for Master Chief.
And so am I.
Oh SoMP, that’s utterly perfect. LOL!
I live to serve, m’lady.
Tonight armor clashed once again with rubber
as had happened each night after the other.
As his lack of a zipper left him high and dry
Our friend Master Chief very nearly did cry,
For those Trojans left our Spartan hard with no lover.
I’ve written five limericks so far.
But Cortana has yet been the star.
With those sexy blue thighs
And those rampant red eyes
I would do her all night in my car.
Fact.
LOL! I sooo would, double team? TOOO FAR
You, sir, win several internets for your limerickal prowess.
Their once was a spartan named bash
Who appeared to make a mad dash
But when he saw the ghost
I’ll dodge it he boasts
And the ghost hit him with a smash
How long has it been
since a battle I did win.
I aim, and I swipe
During respawn I gripe
Until I noticed I played on sensitivity ten.
I’m shooting my rifle at range
Our bullets we do the exchange
Teams started 4-4
But now they’ve 2 more
Then I heard the words “Team Change.”
Even though I’m not a red-barrer
My aim is so bad it’s a horror,
I think my connection is shit,
My ‘nades bounce, never stick.
But I wouldn’t care if I wore Recon armor.
I’ve always been good at really dirty limericks, but I’m not so sure this is the place to post them. Let me know if you want me to send you a few custom ones BS Angel.
-Cross
If this isn’t the place for them, I really don’t know where would be. Hit us with your best shot!
Chief started fighting in 2552.
The Covenant, the Flood – they’re all through.
We don’t know where he’s going,
Through uncharted space he’s floating
Wake from your sleep, we need you.
I got a little chill from this one.
Agreed. Probably the best out of the serious bunch thus far.
There once was a fellow you might know.
His skills with the sniper were tight so,
he got in the game
and when things got lame
he often said “I blame the light show”.
I tried for some more internal rhyme ;)
nart nart nart… you are by far, the worst general i’ve ever seen… but you can write a limerick like a boss… =P
There was an AI named Cortana
Who had a thing for Eric Bana
But when she met the Chief
To all our disbelief
She eloped with him out in Tijuana
On Valhalla it was me vs Seth
At 49-49 we were nearly out of breath
But then my screen froze
And from my chair I arose
And yelled, “CRAP, I GOT RED RING OF DEATH!!!!!”
Lol
Double, Triple, Overkill,
I control the hill,
The mound keeps on growing,
The enemies keep on flowing,
But I still haven’t got my fill.
Kind lame but oh well.
———————–
The prophets were pissed,
Chief and Cortana kissed,
The world was saved,
Guilt Spark was depraved,
Why the fuck am I making this list?
*Based on the average Halo3 player’s wish list.
Thats all I can think of for now…
Pete’s Cortana one is win
I constantly play Halo 3;
It makes me shriek with glee.
But when it comes to school
I am a fool
As I end up getting straight D’s
I thought I was loosing sex appeal
Or at least that’s how it was starting to feel
But when I turn on Halo 3
Everyone always humps me
With a slow & steady kneel
When I storm your base
I always try to play safe
And try to carry protection
In the form of my favorite weapon
But sometimes my armor still chafes.
Needlers are pink
Stickies are blue
I can out BR Ogre 1
but not Ogre 2
True dat.
sweet i cant believe mine made it, wasnt even a limerick lol
Angel wanted dirty so she’ll get it. :)
Reader Discretion is advised*
So I’m stuck in quite a conundrum,
I’m in matchmaking without a condom.
I said to myself;
“Please fuck someone else”
Before I catch a burn in my bum-bum.
A Five Star is no match for my cunning,
So much that he never saw it coming.
I put my balls on his chin,
For the victor does grin.
Then spoke “,you bought your account, now that’s funny.”
Three melees, two shottys, I cursed
And somehow he still killed me first.
I caught him shit talking
And before he could mock me,
I said “Don’t leave without your purse!”
Sometimes I play Halo in dreams,
When the Chief’s kicking ass I might cream.
It doesn’t mean I’m gay,
I don’t swing that way.
But there’s no other man for me.
Now I must bid you adieu,
I hope that my limericks were crude.
Maybe one day,
I’ll get to play.
With someone as awesome as you.
Hope you all liked ‘em!
-Cross
Dunno bout the first one, but the others were awesome…
omfg roflmao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was playing a game of snipers
But one lad was much too hyper
He went for a shot
But what he actually got
Was a bullet thrust right through his piper.
Among Halo’s flora and fauna,
Is sexy blue AI Cortana.
But get a wet nap
If you need to fap,
You don’t want to get any on ya’.
Actually, I suppose “Wet-Nap” should be hyphenated. Probably capitalized too. =_=
My thoughts are mush today.
My wife is in the next room nagging,
The red team is pre game bragging,
I tell her to hush!
And enjoy the rush,
of giving them all a generous teabagging.
There once was a prophet called Allah
who played BTB on Valhalla…
I’m just going to stop right there I think.
“There once was a prophet called Allah
who played BTB on Valhalla…”
He got into a fight
with some christians in white
and pwned their balls to the wall[a]
—
That might finish it…
I was going for religious humor but it might be better to say “Spartans” instead
Allah wasn’t a prophet. . .
He was a prophet in the muslim religon…
Well, no. Allah is God.
You are thinking of the Prophet Muhammad, De Laal. Allah is the God.
We were first led there by Keyes,
His daughter followed him with ease,
But it wasn’t a captain, admiral, or sergeant,
that drew us, for humanity, to be ardent
only a chief in his anonymous garments.
I think I can speak for the nation
we demand a new coagulation
so heed this warning
a map to us bring
or suffer a painful castration
So… unless I’m mistaken, dirtier limerick equals better? :D
When I think of a dirty limerick,
My mind brings Cortana, it’s sick.
I don’t know what to do,
She’s not real (in-game, too)…
Come on! Get your hand off your dick!
On orbital I rushed through the door,
I thought, Plasmas I need some more,
I head up the stairs,
but he’s waiting there,
That katana wearing rocket whore!!!
Oh, MLG BR xx 3, good day to you!
Well, dude, you are a noob.
It seems like every day,
You see someone whose gamertag is Gay,
Is it ’cause Halo 3 isn’t new?
Camping in the base,
Acting like you own the place,
Everyone falls before you,
Alas, the grenade dids’t slew,
I teabag your poor, surprised face.
When I first played, I stayed up all night.
I was desp’rate to Finish the Fight.
Lasered the Spark,
Wreck-sauced the Ark,
Chief’s gone!? No; this isn’t right!
Disregard my completely unfinished, syllabic nightmare of a limerick that I managed to hit “submit” on. =_=
——-
When I first played, I stayed up all night.
I was desp’rate to Finish the Fight.
First I lasered the Spark,
Then I wreck-sauced the Ark?
And the Chief’s gone!? No; this isn’t right!
——-
Better. Wish I had the option to edit/delete comments though. In any case, I believe it’s time to go back to my place. Take naps.
Oh, Bungie, can’t you remake a Classic?
You know we’d love it, we’re the true Public.
I really did like Blood Gulch,
so Remake it or I’ll stick my head in some mulch.
MAKE IT! I’M TOO DAMN SICK!
As she moved her ass around my groin,
I heard the Arbiter ask if he could join.
“Find your own bitch!” And that he did.
And now of lap-dancers we were amid.
As we finished, I gave Cortana a coin.
Wow… this wins the dirtiest one here… yet….
….holy….fukin……ass monkeys…………
Exactly =)
The Chief on a galaxy-saving quest
Ventured into a meaty Flood-nest
But after wandering blind
He was mauled from behind
Said the Gravemind “My hand’s in your chest!”
The Flood were quite vile but deft
The Forerunner thought they were effed…
But after a tiresome war
Came a xenocidal encore:
The Halos, killing everyone left.
Lol, awsome… wait what’s that blue thins AHHH! WTF!
An Ode to Rocket Race
Racing to the destination,
Shooting rockets in desperation,
Bosted accross the goal,
With many a “LOL”,
Red team wins with determination.
—————————
An Ode to To Reconnaissance
RECON,
RECON,
RECON,
RECON,
OMG YOU HAZ RECON!
*Based on the average Halo3 player.
—————————
An Ode to Betrayers
You spawn and run,
Strait to the hog’s gun,
They drive off without,
And you mope about,
Then kill them, what fun!
—————————
An Ode to Base Campers
Hiding in the base,
To not take a sniper round to the face,
You grab the banshee,
And try to flee,
Against the Spartan Laser, a futile race.
—————————-
An Ode to Generals
Looking so dashing,
Your stars all a flashing,
Four shooting noobs left and right,
Exterminations at the speed of light,
Wait, your apprentice bashing?
—————————-
An Ode to MLG
The best of the best,
put those skills to the test,
Paid to be a nerd,
Well my word!
Everyone is a pest.
—————————
Please note that all of these are for fun and I do not harbor (much) hard feelings with any playlist, stereotype, rank, association, etc.
All in good fun. :)
Yup :)
I took my blue headed flag to your red base
Then I used it to smack you in the face
I took it into your back door
Where I beat it a little more
You seemed to like being put into place
I hit him in the head with a smack
He then got a taste of my sack
Crouch up and down
He came back with a frown
and shot me right in the back
:D
I was playing some Halo 3
Whilst reading Hawty Mcbloggy
I got shot in the head
Fell out of bed
and now i can’t effing see
that one was rubbish!
If only Cortana wasn’t an AI
I’d let her taste my cream pie
And then give her apple
and then we’d grapple
and she’d sleep with another guy
poor cheif
I was once playing halo 3
that game made by bungie
I thought it was crap
It can taste my sack
Thank god it was only a dream
Okay it didn’t really rhyme but…
I grabbed the spikers on the floor
I then dashed in thorugh the door
I shot up his leg,
his neck and his head
and now the rooms convered in gore
mmm… squishy
I grabbed for the energy sword
I then cut him up ‘oh lord!’
His nuts on the ground
He suddenly found
He was screwed…
squish squish, squish squish, ha ha!
I’m gonna stop now, although I could write these all night, also does anyone know what the song is called that’s at the beggining of the running riot podcast, cause that is the best song ever. period… I mean steve
OMG, I knew what song you were talking about but not what it’s called so I googled, “annoying song of only mumbling” and it was the second thing listed. LOL!
Holy shit! That’s the mumble from the Batman ualuealuealeuale YTMNDs! Ahh! I haven’t seen one in years, and this just brought all the great memories of childhood flooding back. I wonder why I ever left them.
Must… resist urge… to learn whole song… destroy… friendships…
Wow… I was uncontrollably laughing he entire time. Love the OOOOOOOH MMMYYYYY GOOOOOOOD! part. =D Herad it like 20 times before but I don’t know where… my subcontious is probably just trying to protect me. o.O
You know that a limerick’s structure,
Is not just what comes in conjuncture.
You must take the time
To use meter *with* rhyme.
Unless you just don’t give a fuck, sure.
No, not Halo related. Think of it more as a protip for some people out there, who I won’t name.
Be glad Master Cheif’s floating through space,
Thank God that he’s not on your case.
I’ve seen it before,
When he walks through the door,
You end up with balls in your face.
Oh-Three-Two Mendicant Bias,
Considered by some to be pious,
Defected, in time,
And helped thwart the Gravemind;
“How hath he the will to defy us!?”
Ehh. This one was one of my weaker ones, methinks, but I had to get it out of my head so I could get to sleep. Anyway. Nap time now. Seriously.
Alot of these Limericks seems to be pointed at Cheif’s and Cortana’s sex lives…….Fine with me! XD
There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who left his BR in a bucket.
When he played MLG,
It was obvious to see,
How he got raped by Chris Puckett.
There was once a elite named leaf
He had some really bad teeth
He visited the dentist
Got them all cleaned
Then leaf the elite brushed his teeth
I use an Elite for Team SWAT
Most people will call me a twat
I’m harder to hit
Cheating piece of shit
But look at the 50 I got
Miranda I must confess
At kissing you are not the best
PLease do not pout
But me and Arby found out
That four lips is better I guess
I made this account to Boost
On snipe 3 I love to roost
My gamerscore’s 10
I’ve got only 1 friend
My loss’s are greatly Reduced
thats all i got right now
As I ran throught the battle field
My energy shields fall
As people die
I scream…
TASTE MY BALLS!
(Teabag Dance)
DUUDDDEEEE…my friend (an english major) wrote a ton of these last year…
There once was a man from Nantucket
Who played Halo too long and said, “Fuck it”
He had pwned every noob,
But saw nary a boob
Since his mom breastfed him in Nantucket
There once was a man whose great skills
Got him so many leet Halo kills
That he fought right through the lag,
And he fragged and teabagged
‘Til it lost all its pleasure and thrills
There once was a man with a quandary:
“Can I masturbate whilst forging Foundry?”
He decided to pile and stack
Fusion coils on his nuts and ballsack
The next he spent cleaning his laundry
I so totally hate Isolation
That I’d rather choose complete castration
Now, you might think this prick
Would start missing his dick,
But that map’s worse than sexual frustration
There once was a brave Brigadier
With liquid courage from drinking some beer
Sure, his confidence rose
As he bested his foes,
But his hangover was something to fear
Plasma grenades: they can can kill awfully quick,
But I often wonder what’s making them stick…
I have heard that Bill Gates
Milks gorilla prostates
Then Master Chief lubes then up with his dick
The only thing you could kill with a Needler
Is an elf that makes cookies from Keebler
Or perhaps a young lass
With so much charm and sass
That small pricks are enough to enfeeble her
The best gametype must be Shotty Snipers
But it makes me wish I had some diapers
From the headshots I run
To death from a shotgun
It’s great that there’s so many ass-wipers
My Halo ranking contains an inflection
That offers me no form of protection
God, I just want to die
So depressing! Am I
A Staff Sergeant or a staff infection?
What if coon-skin-capped hero, Davy Crocketts
Made the Alamo a game of team rockets?
It sure would have been great
To see Texas seperate
Santa Anna’s arms from his arm sockets
Foundry’s such a big pile of shit
Instead of play I would much rather quit
I think I’d be just as well
Without that mirror of Hell.
If that map was my pants I would wet it.
Of Halo’s equipment I surely must boast
I think I like active camo the most.
It looks rather curiously
When I’m teabagging furiously.
It’s like licking the sack of a ghost.
I play this game to raise my self-esteem
I talk shit in the lobby and dream
Of a day when my skills
To annoy and get kills
Make me less of a douche than I seem.
I am a sword spammer by trade
It sings such a soft, sweet serenade
When the reticule’s red,
I still aim for the head
Through the blood of my victims I wade.
In Halo there is but one rule,
However, it is not taught in school.
Gather round now and sit
Listen up, kids! This is it:
“If you use the Flamethrower, you’re a tool.”
There once was a gamer named Bill
Who couldn’t even get one Halo kill
He was so fucking bad
It is really quite sad
His mom should been taking the pill.
Halo online is sublime,
But some Service Tags should be a crime.
Kids in their teens
Should not what it means
Let alone insert I69.
Don’t you mean “Should not KNOW what it means?”
My number one pet peeve in Halo 3
Since the start of the game has got to be
Not boosting or glitching
Not losing or quitting,
But the nine year-old kid teabagging me.
WIN!
through his mic the music croaked,
the lobby was pretty choked,
the mute button pressed I,
too fast to say goodbye,
unfortuanately my eardrums still broke!
There once was a sniper who thought he could shoot
But he always end up the other teams loot
So he went into denial
Until he found a better style
Cortana was the best A.I. ever.
Of all of them she was most clever.
But she ran out of luck
When she went with that schmuck;
Now she and Chief are lost forever.
“SPARTANs are born not constructed.”
At Mendez, Doc Halsey instructed.
To which Mendez did say
In a similar way,
“And that’s why these kids were abducted!”
Cheaters and boosters: Come on!
You’re all lacking brains; even brawn!
Go back to your schools,
You pile of tools,
Stop asking “Can I haz Recon?”
I once killed my friend with a Banshee.
As teammates, ’twas surprisingly easy.
I then asked him why,
And he did reply,
“Oh sorry, I was looking at goatse.”
lol @ your halo book one, if thats not eric nylunds words it should have been.
My skills have been known to be vicious,
Yet I thought I’d try something ambitious.
‘cross The Pit flew my sticky,
latched on to his dick-ey,
as I screamed “God DAMN I’m delicious!”
Absolute win.
Ode to the Elephant
There once was a vehicle,
that is slower than a water trickle.
It is as slow as a snail,
and my allies do pale,
because they know we are quite in a pickle!
I love to dual wield SMG’s
But my teamates always scream at me
Dude get a BR
They’re better by far
Oh shit I’m playing MLG
There was a sergeant named Johnson,
His enemies, he knocked the socks off ‘em,
He met his fate,
on a beam of red hate,
cortana, to chief, I’m sorry, he’s gone.
>_<
I'm not known for my poetic abiltiy.
As I run for my Spartan Laser,
I pray to God that he will grant my favor,
And take from this world,
The noob who thinks with my baby he is Lord,
With the flash of my hand and a frag,
Thanks for nothing, you laser wasting fag,
Since I only have three shots,
I must make three burnning dots.
I grab my trusty rifle,
And up comes a guy with a fast shuffle,
My trigger proves faster, as slam a clip in, with a clang,
I see that little red dot and out goes my grenade with a deafing bang,
Screams of me being cheap is all I hear,
Cheap or not, I’m still the one who’s here.
In the lobby we hear,
What are you,
Some kind of watermelon clan,
From a kid who must be 2
I reply, with haste, son, do you know of the chronic,
I then hear words of poor grammer, and recommend Hooked on phonics
We then win the game so quickly, they are left is disbelief,
I then leave the lobby, wearing proudly my pot leaf.
The above is a true story, me and two friends wear an emblem that looks a lot like a pot leaf, and this kid says, “What are you guys? Some kind of watermelon clan?” And my reply was the same.
They take a look at my name,
Then they begin to flame,
I then retort, only to have my accent the source of hate,
With a glance at the clock, a smile grows, its only eight,
I have plenty of time to have my fun,
I then rush for my least touched gun,
I pull the trigger 5 times, and hear only shouts of pain,
The sniper rifle then rushes for more bodies, fast as a train,
The game is over, with me as the MVP,
Only trash they scream, these wannabe G’s
With a scream, “Yeah, well that’s how we roll in Mississippi.
Another true story, it is the only sniper spree I have ever gotten, if they are reading this thanks for the medal.
As I write these things that I claim,
I begin to get a thought, about that game,
I simply laugh, go to theater, and look at the tube,
So many times, I was killed, man I am a noob.
If these arent right in anyway, I guess I don’t quite get how you do these, and it is 7AM right now so that doesnt help.
There once was a guy called walshy
He was a pro at playing halo 3
His br was a steady 4 shot
An insane sniper he’s got
He’s my faviroute in MLG.
There was a software designer called luke,
who’s limericks would make people puke.
They’d puke every time,
he forgot the last line…
The scorpion is very well known,
With the power to crush all your bones!
I get in the seat,
With the trigger to heat,
And now your face just got blown!
There once was a spartan called Fred,
Built a rocket lawn chair in his shed,
Then a spartan called Dave
Sent Fred to his grave,
He stuck plasma grenades to his head.
There once was a teenage Elite,
Caught by his mum, beating his meat,
Her husband said “Wife,
you must sharpen a knife
and cut off his hands and his feet”.
There once was a rampant AI,
who thought she might quite like some pie,
from a baker’s she sought ‘em
on the pillar of autumn,
she didn’t find one and couldn’t figure why.
There once was a commander names Keyes,
He was crawling around on his knees,
He said “This is tripe,
I can’t find my pipe,
Could, you roll me a cigarette please?”
There once was a grunt so fickle
That he blew stuff up when in a pickle
He would yell, “Charge!”
Master Chief was at large.
And soon his blood did trickle.
Some people call me a fag,
just because I Tea-Bag,
sometimes I even lag,
then I no-scope you in the head,
my reflexes are a sham,
but I know you like my ham,
between your -blam!-.
There once was a Spartan demon
He often went laser beamin’
He blew up tanks,
And the Covenant ranks
Until He said, “We’re even.”
Some people call me a freak
For the treasure I seek
So far… null…
The Assassin Skull!
I am not a geek!!!
In the pregame lobby they all brag
So I murder them all, and teabag
I can hear them all talking
As I’m calmly walking
Back to my base with their flag
Bungie, Oh Bungie, Oh Bungie,
know what would really be fun, G?
I don’t wish to nag,
but remake Coag,
or die from a purple sword-lungie.
Wow, my forth one’s already here
Wait!, What’s that sound drawing near?!?!
Effin damn blues! There all around!
Something red is on the ground.
I think that’s my body I fear…
Do you know what I like the most?
It’s riding around in a Ghost,
It is kind of like
a big purple bike,
and it’s jets make bread into toast.
A lonely ODST
Wanted to see
A covenant chieftain, so he went looking.
The he saw another ODST, which the brute was cooking.
In his pants did he pee
Number six is on it’s way.
“Damn Strait!” A blue said through the fray
Red exclaimed, “Where are you?!?!”
“Right her you foo’!”
And the blue assassinated all day.
:D “Yay! Bungie’s number… seven!” the red said.
>:o Another red said, “Our teammate is dead!,
>:o And stop your damn counting!”
:D “It’s better than tea-bag mounting!”
>:o”And stop rhyming or I’ll shoot you in the head!!!
Here are a couple of random ones I thought of:
The war with the Covies has ended,
and human-Elite relations amended,
but the Chief lost in space,
won’t return to this place,
the Earth he so boldly defended.
I was playing a game of team slayer,
but this game ould not have been gayer,
for with highest skill one,
and experience none,
an apprentice made most valuble player.
*Note, I don’t agree with using ‘gay’ as an insult, I just couldn’t think of anything that could rhyme*
Dedicated to Grunts:
It was quite a trip,
the Demon blew up our ship,
and burst through our trap,
and then killed Flip-Yap!
wait, or was it Yap-Flip…
a little boy was playing halo
he ate some mayo
he left to play some pong
noticed he broke his bong
and decided hes gayo
As I write these things that I claim,
I begin to get a thought, about that game,
I simply laugh, go to theater, and look at the tube,
So many times, I was killed, man I am a noob.
I have only myself to blame.
They take a look at my name,
Then they begin to flame,
I then retort, only to have my accent the source of hate,
With a glance at the clock, a smile grows, its only eight,
I have plenty of time to have my fun , watching as they scream, “DAMMMMM!!!!”
I then rush for my least touched weapon,
MY sniper rifle in hand, I shoot once and he’s done,
I pull the trigger 5 times, and hear only shouts of pain,
The sniper rifle then rushes for more bodies, fast as a train,
The game is over, with me as the the victor, and on my shoulder, is my gun.
Oh, the screams of the children I hear,
Little boys or girls, from the laughter of their words, in my is a tear,
When they die, oh the screams of claims of glitching and lag,
A random kill, and down comes their bag,
So I drop them, down comes mine, I am better, for that much is clear.
I grab my trusty rifle,
And up comes a guy with a fast shuffle,
My trigger proves faster, as slam a clip in, with a clang,
I see that little red dot and out goes my grenade with a deafing bang,
Screams of me being cheap is all they say, cheap or not, I’m still the one who’s here.
As I run for my Spartan Laser,
I pray to God that he will grant my favor,
And take from this world,
The noob who thinks with my baby he is Lord,
My baby in hand, I begin to slice them with it, fast like a laser.
I love the guys,
That jump in the Ghost, and make it rise,
I then turn my Laser to them, on their chest is my targetting dot,
One less Ghost user down, his body left to rot,
Every vehicle thats comes my way, it’s driver quickly dies.
I grip the wheel of my sweet Betty Sue,
The wheels spit up dirt, tight to the ground like glue,
Warthog inbound, I hastely report,
She jumps on my gun, firing in fast retort,
They die so fast, they don’t even have a clue.
I redid some of them to match as it should, and added a few new ones.
4th one, 2nd line, should read, Little boys or girls, from the laughter of their words, in my *eye* is a tear,
I go into MLG
my BR is kind of sloppy
so i go for the snipe
iget myself hyped
betayed for it and no apology
I get team slayer on pit
I’ve played it so much that im sick
my team mates are bad
it’s making me sad
Sometimes MLG is a bitch
Lol me and my friend were doin this in LA during poetry
They are all sniper bait
They are those who I hate
All of their shots miss
Yet they still play with bliss
Oh how much I hate my teammates
But… But… I won the Captain Competition like 5 times… My skills lie within the boundries of funny picture-related one-liners and puns, not humourous five-line rhymes!
Hawty… You… You ended my spree…
Sweet! I’m pretty sure I get a medal for that!
The achievement picture will be an MRI-scan of my crying, broken heart.
KILLJOY!
My BR is so shiny and black,
It shoots with a deafening crack,
As I do hit the back of your head,
Four times and you’re totally dead.
His name was Master Cheif.
His armor was as green as a leaf.
With a fell swoop he knifed a grunt,
Screamed I have finished the hunt!
And then his knife he did sheath.
All I do is play Halo
I really like playdoh.
I molded it into an elite,
and with very quick feet,
om nom nom, into my mouth it shall go.
When I FFA on the pit,
You’ll soon see your tactics are shit.
With the Rockets i’m packing
i’ll soon be teabagging
your face till by snipers i’m hit…
Yo, get over here chief!
the enemy’s givin’ us grief!
BR those bitches,
you’ve no need for glitches
you’re the master and that’s your Motif.
Truth, the voice of the covenant
He said as Gravemind made him a mutant
Arby drew his sword,
and like an elite warlord,
drove the blade straight through his vestments.
You’re a general fifty, looks like I’ve allready lost.
I’m so gonna get ownage-sauced!
Gold crest with five stars,
You might kick my arse,
just one question, HOW MUCH DID YOURS COST!?
One Friday night I decided to play
Halo 3 after working all day.
I turned on my system,
and there in my vision
3 red lights flashing to my dismay.
Zoom Zoom, ‘scope.
My snipin’ skills are dope.
Zoom Zoom, ‘scope.
Grab the rope.
Tie you down.
Put my rifle on the rack,
Now taste my nutsack.
There once was a grunt from Nantucket.
He armed his nades and said “Suck it!”
I shot him once in the head,
Prepared to use him like a bed,
Then he reached up, and-
Well, now i know to wear a cup.
There once this game making company,
I believe that one calls it Bungie.
They’re horny for doom.
Make big rings go “boom”.
With games like Halo 1, 2, and 3.
We took out the Gravemind indeed.
We thwarted the Covenant creed.
As gamers we fight,
We had our delight,
Now time to relax with some weed.
~~~~
I saw a brute piss in the corner.
His mother would soon be a mourner.
I let him finish off,
I gave a slight cough,
He turned and I shot out his “horner.”
~~~~
I found me a plasma grenade
But I did not know how it was made
So I pressed the blue button
It glowed a steamy..somethin’
So I died in a bright, blue cascade
~~~~
“I FOUND THE GRAVITY HAMMER!”
I shouted without any stammer.
But I sure did next,
When I read the new text,
I was killed by a stupid n00b -Blam!-er
Ode to the Elephant
There once was a vehicle,
that was slower than a water trickle.
It is as slow as a snail,
and my allies do pale,
because it puts us in a pickle!
This is my 1st one, so I hope you like it!
There once was a brute named Tatarus,
who would always cause such a fuss.
With his big hammers might,
he often did smite,
until he was finally killed by us!
There once was a ship called a Pelican,
that would always give the enemy a lickin’.
With it’s missles and guns,
it flew by suns,
Until I attempted drivin’!
I once played a kid called ralph,
who thought he was good at stealth,
i beat him down,
he then did frown,
as my balls were placed in his mouth
-
I started the match with dread
For the player had a flaming head
Like a deadly viper
He grabbed the sniper
And not before long, I was dead
-
I had become a bone farmer
Let me say, I’m no charmer
I have found all the skulls
Pierced Convenant hulls
All for some Hayabusa armor
-
Crap, he got the energy sword
And my health was almost restored
I have one frag
I’m two feet from the flag
But now I’m dead, oh lord
-
Friday at 11:45 watching TV like a loner
*Random thought*…”On Monday buy toner”
Infomercials and random crap on TV
Oh shit….Jimmy Fallon on NBC
Now Angel has a ragin female boner
You should post yours….I just remember Jimmy, schlong, long, and gimme ;)
-BC
There once was a machine named Spark,
Who wanted to save the Ark.
With my Spartan skill,
it was he I did kill,
and I mannaged to teabag his parts.
LOL…. What can I say? I got some skillz.