Eight Reasons Every Girl Should Date a Gamer
May 18, 2009 50 Comments
Let’s face it ladies, the vast majority of single guys are jerks. In their perpetual quest for the ever elusive score, they will stoop to almost any level for their typically all too brief moment of ecstasy. They pretend to be things they aren’t, they lie about significant aspects of their lives, and they will tell you absolutely anything they think you want to hear in the hope of being granted access to your otherwise off-limits pants. While wading through the treacherous waters of dating is a daunting task, there is one often overlooked niche group that deserves more attention than it receives. What group you might be wondering? Why gamers of course! Here are the top eight reasons why every girl should give the gamer in her life a shot at romance.
Males are a difficult breed to shop for. Sure, there’s an occasional item they lust after but typically you spend your time racking your brain for the one nonexistent thing they don’t have yet. With gamers, trying to find the perfect present is one dilemma you will never have. There’s always a new title, a new accesory, a new handheld, a new console, a new collectible, a new something that relates to their passion for gaming that they cannot live without. And that’s exactly what you can get him for his next birthday. Or Christmas. Or anniversary. Or whatever the next special occasion may be.
Have you ever experienced one of those wonderfully circular conversations consisting of, “What do you want to do tonight?” to which the standard response is always, “Oh I don’t know, what do you want to do tonight?” which is then followed by blank stares, growing anger, and an eventual unavoidable argument? If you date a gamer, you will never be faced with that frustrating experience again. Go see the latest movie adapted from a video game and then spend dinner picking apart the numerous reasons why it sucked bawls. Drive to the nearest big city and go to a video game convention, ogling the cosplay and getting ideas for joint costumes for the following year. Spend the afternoon at Best Buy playing the newest music game so you don’t have to drop another couple of hundred dollars on new and improved fake plastic peripherals. The possibilities are endless, which in this case is definitely a good thing.
Sometimes, as females, we feel intense pressure to be superstars in the field of culinary arts. We are nurturers, we want to take care of the people we care about, and one way we enjoy doing that is by creating the most elaborately impressive and delicious meals we can dream up. Unfortunately our skill in that department is sometimes lacking but when you are dating a gamer, that never comes into play. Gamers are used to scarfing down their meals in between levels. They typically have finger-friendly morsels that are low maintenance and, more importantly, leave very little residue on controllers and things of the like. Gamers are just as happy ordering a pizza as they are with a nice home cooked meal so there is very little pressure to hone your food preparatory skills. Do whatever you are capable of doing and as long as it’s not Ramen, he’ll be as happy as a clam. Hey, you actually got back in the kitchen, right? That should be enough for him right there.
One of the most common occurrences that gets your guy in trouble is probably when he goes to the bar after work with his buddies without letting you know. The complete and utter lack of common courtesy, not to mention respect, is likely to get your blood boiling in no time flat. That’s something that will rarely happen, if ever, when you date a gamer. Gamers don’t want to go somewhere and hang out for an extended period of time talking about water cooler topics they don’t give a shit about. They want to go home and play their newest video game they picked earlier on their lunch break. They want to go home so they aren’t late for their clan challenge or latest scheduled raid. They want to go home, plant their ass in front of their 60″ inch HDTV, and game. Going to the bar or strip club? It never even crosses their mind.
Have you ever said the most hilarious joke and instead of laughter, was faced with a look of complete and utter confusion? Have you ever seen something that reminded you of your favorite video game but quickly made the realization that your non-gamer boyfriend wouldn’t understand? Gamer culture is extensive and much more in depth than many people realize. Finding somebody who is compatible in that regard is priceless. When you see a Target sign with the upper right quadrant burnt out, imagine the joy you’ll feel in sharing that RRoD joke that is sure to pop into your head. When you each order dessert when having dinner out, you can share a laugh at the inevitable “The cake is a lie” quips that will quickly escape both of your lips. The best thing though? That pick-up line you’ve been practicing about him being Pac-Man, you being a Ghost, and him eating you all night long? That’s finally going to work. And how sweet it will be.
Flowers. Jewelry. Chocolates. Yawn. Does it get more boring than the same old tired gestures that are supposed to signify romance? Yes, you got down on one knee when proposing. Perhaps you could try something that hasn’t been done millions of times before in an effort to be unique. Recycling the same stereotypical romantic motions is not something a gamer knows how to do. Gamers express their love by designing custom levels within your favorite video game. They spell lovey dovey messages out of weapons in Halo 3’s Forge mode. They propose within the very video game you two spend the majority of your evenings playing. Even if other people don’t find zombies romantic, they hold a special place in your heart and that’s all that matters. Besides, those other people probably aren’t familiar with Left 4 Dead’s smokers and their insanely long tongues. Talk about hawt.
Women may pretend to like scented candles but honestly, the overwhelming floral fragrance gives us migraines. We may also say we like the warm baths and the soft music but guys taking baths is just weird and elevator-esque music puts us to sleep. Now you know why we roll our eyes and feign headaches at the rather pathetic attempts of foreplay. Dating a gamer eliminates such see through strategies though because they know the advantages to popping in your favorite video game. There’s nothing like playing the last level of Halo: Combat Evolved, beating it by just a few seconds, and feeling the rush of adrenaline take over your body. Seize the moment, and your favorite player two, and beat the level that comes after that. He may have thought there was nothing better than beating his big hard boss, but that was before he met you.
Many of us have been around since the days of Atari, and others of us spent our childhoods wasting away quarter after quarter on various arcade machines. It’s safe to say we are more than a little familiar with a joystick. We relish the hardened feel of it. We know how firmly it likes to be handled. We’ve mastered the art of manipulating it, slowly at first and then a bit more quickly. We know when to stop, and when it’s safe to continue. We recognize the signs of when the game is close to being over. And then we know how to finish it. We know our way around a joystick, and thus we know you. I’m pretty sure it’s a match made in heaven.