Friday Caption Fun, Round 43

halo 3 screenshotTeam Melee is the playlist of choice for those desiring a double dose of experience this weekend. Any time this particular gametype finds its way into the regular rotation, I can’t help but miss the Halo 2 days of 16 player Plasma Punchout on Midship. And by miss I mean I hated that fucking gametype. Unless I was host of course, then it was awesome! While I indulge in a little nostalgia, let’s recap last week’s witty responses and then we can try our hand at captioning yet another interesting image!

  • “The Chieftain just found out he drunk dialed the Prophets last night. He’s had that face for 2 hours now.” (retinence)
  • “The Covenant Phone Sex hotline was forced to go offline due to budget cuts. Chieftain didn’t take it too well…” (SpartanT1g3r)
  • “Sadly the Covenant technicians didn’t realize the hearing loss associated with long term usage of the Gravity Hammer… ‘I CAN’T HEAR YOU! WHAT YOU SAY?!?’” (t0rm3n7)
  • “At first he was intrigued by the naughty picture his wife sent him on his new camera phone…until he saw that all-too-familiar Mark VI armor laying next to the bed!!” (BerserkerBarage)
  • “DAMN YOU PREDICTIVE TEXT!!!!!!” (Divine Plan)
  • “Welcome to XBox Customer Support. Your call may be monitored or recorded to ensure quality…” (the Light Show)
  • “Yep, I think the stress is really getting to Louis Wu.” (Cailus)

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Five Minute XBLA Demo Review: Flock!

Five Minute XBLA Demo Review is a regular weekly offering where I play the current XBLA demos so you don’t have to. While I love you enough to try out all of these titles, I don’t love you enough to spend more than a few minutes doing it. Take ‘em or leave ‘em, the mini reviews are meant to be nothing more than a brief glimpse into the first five minutes of the game. As you will soon discover, the majority of them are not worth playing farther than that anyways.

Flock!

If you’ve ever been abducted by aliens, whisked away in a UFO against your will, and sexually experimented upon in demented ways you never even imagined possible, we have something in common. The animals you are attempting to do the same thing to (minus the whole sex thing you zoosexual sicko you) in Flock! also keep us company. The goal in this cutesy sandbox puzzle game is to herd numerous adorable animals through various environmental obstacles so they can board your mother ship, which is appropriately named the Motherflocker. What the title lacks in actual enjoyment it more than makes up for with the plethora of potential potty-themed puns. Luckily you don’t have to waste any time on frustrating, tedious gameplay or spend 1,200 Microsoft Points to take advantage of the flock jokes. Just say flock you and save yourself $15. That’s what I plan on doing you crazy motherflockers.

Download the demo
Download the full game

It’s-a-Me, Mario!

mario painting

Take dozens upon dozens of elements from the Super Mario Bros. universe, add a large screen with a nearby stockpile of acrylic paint, subtract two very long, dedicated years, and what do you get? One absolutely amazing Mario-themed painting. Created by Sprite Stitch user leeka, this beautifully detailed piece of art was composed using pictures from magazines and paused video game footage as visual references. Enlarge the image and see how many characters and items you can recognize! If your Italian plumber knowledge maxes out before you hit 40, I hereby sentence you to a life of your princess forever being in another castle. That’s pretty much qualifies as purgatory. Just ask Mario.

Source [Sprite Stitch]

Top Ten Super Secret Halo 3 Button Layouts

Upon seeing my Spartan in a pregame lobby, opponents are often intimidated into a panic-stricken silence. It could be my formidable Commander, Grade 4 global rank. Perhaps it’s my highly coveted and near impossible to unlock EVA armor. I suppose it’s always possible they looked up my Spartan Laser statistics and discovered I have an astounding 24 kills with that particular weapon in ranked games. Elite playing skills. Clearly I have them.

While I’ve previously kept my fail-safe gameplay strategies a tightly guarded secret, I have finally decided to share how I manage to be so damn good at Halo 3. You may be surprised to learn that success lies solely in the selected button layout. Whether you use Button Jumper, Green Thumb, or the default controls, I guarantee my settings are far superior to yours. I present to you the “GENERAL,” an extremely classified control scheme that allows you to consistently play, well …  like a general. There are several other previously undisclosed button layouts, all created by the extremely clever Cheatlancer, waiting for you after the jump. Prepare for the ultimate enlightenment.

GENERAL
GENERAL button layout

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Zero Punctuation: MadWorld

MadWorld

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