Playing Halo Must Have Been Crossed Off the List

I’m going to assume “360s” means Xbox 360s. Because I’m cool.

ways to be cool

Droppin’ and Shockin’

Halo 3: ODST is expected to drop this fall. With the impending release date comes a higher sense of appreciation for the incredibly bad ass Orbital Drop Shock Troopers. While many of us express our extreme levels of excitement through sporting the ODST armor permutation on our in-game Spartans, a more talented Halo fanatic that goes by the name of rube has taken the time to handcraft a real ODST helmet. Starting with a pepakura model that was then customized and detailed to near perfection, the final product is positively drool-worthy. If you find yourself unsatiated after the tiny glimpse into the making of the helmet after the jump, head on over to the armor making masters at 405th.com for more details, pictures, and general high levels of awesomeness.

odst helmet

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HPTBTSOOM: The Flagrantly Fallacious Teabagger

HPTBTSOOM (which stands for Halo Players That Bug The Shit Out Of Me) is a series about, you guessed it, Halo players that bug the shit out of me. Think I am talking about you? Chances are I probably am. Freakin’ jerk.

halo 3 screenshotYou are in the middle of a particularly intense game of Team Slayer on Construct. Finding yourself on the wrong end of the sniper rifle, you spend your forced ten second break taking a few deep breaths and silently reciting a quick self-affirmation. You respawn under gold, grab the nearest battle rifle, and head up the lift. Patiently waiting for you at the top are two members of the opposing team but thanks to a few well-placed grenades and a handful of spot-on br bursts, you successfully take them both down. Before your shields can fully recover, one of their teammates comes charging around the corner and finishes you off with some uncontrolled stray assault rifle bullets. Unable to do anything but watch the horror unfolding in front of your eyes, you realize you just had the misfortune of crossing paths with The Flagrantly Fallacious Teabagger.

The Flagrantly Fallacious Teabagger is not the person who deftly out br’ed you in a fair and square fight to the death admist the tight corridors of boxes on Foundry. That person is known as the I Just Fragged You And Now I’m Gonna Bag You Guy. The Flagrantly Fallacious Teabagger is also not the person who expertly flailed their long barrel within a ridiculously close range and took you out with just a single sniper round. That person has earned their nickname of the First Comes The No Scope Then Comes The Nut Poke Guy. The Flagrantly Fallacious Teabagger is the person that takes you out right after you singlehandedly kill multiple members of his team who then decides to assert his overinflated sense of superiority by dipping his testicles into your deceased and not so welcoming mouth.

Despite the fact that you just killed several of his buddies with nothing more than what you spawned with, despite the fact that you had little to no shields when he happened to come across your clinging to life body, and despite the fact that he was graced with the luckiest and timeliness spawn known to all of Spartankind, this particularly irksome player seems to think his basic janitorial skills are enough to justify repeatedly shoving his nads into someone’s oral cavity. You will finish the game with a glowingly positive kill to death ratio while he will have two kills and 20 deaths. You will beat him in every single one v. one encounter while he complains about lag, host, and his inability to secure a power weapon. Yet you will still be forced to watch his not all the way dropped balls bounce off your face simply because you were weak from a previous battle. Hey Mr. Flagrantly Fallacious Teabagger, why don’t you fucking earn your kills before teabagging your opponents? Oh wait, probably because you can’t, you inept I-always-have-to-go-fourth-because-the-only-thing-I-am-capable-of-doing-is-cleaning-up douchebag.

Oh I’ll Turn You On, Don’t You Worry

running riot podcast

I’ll be joining the delightfully entertaining crew over at The Running Riot tomorrow at 9:30 pm EST* for their monthly podcast festivities. I expect it to be especially interesting as the show is broadcast live, meaning all the editing equipment in the world won’t be able to stop me from saying ridiculously stupid things at an insanely frequent rate. The good thing about that, besides being able to witness me making a fool of myself in real time, is that the live format allows for interactions with the audience. There will a chat going on where you can participate in the podcast by commenting, asking questions, and just hanging out with whomever is unfortunate enough to be in attendance. While I haven’t decided on the specifics, I will be giving away an undisclosed prize (rest assured it’s a doozy!) to one live audience participant. If you have any ideas on how the winner should be determined, let me know. Otherwise, I hope to see you tomorrow evening!

*6:30 pm PST, 7:30 pm MST, 8:30 pm CST, 9:30 pm EST, 2:30 am GMT. I recommend arriving ten minutes early to either log in (if you already have a Mogulus account) or register an account with the site so you can participate in the live chat.

Forget the Princess, Save Yourself

braid

The Deal of the Week, Microsoft’s semi-regular offering for Xbox Live Gold members, is making a triumphant return after a several week hiatus. This week’s discounted Marketplace offering comes in the form of the highly acclaimed 2-D platform game Braid. Typically costing you a very pretty 1,200microsoft points, for the next handful of days you can snag the painterly style Xbox Live Arcade title for a more reasonable 800microsoft points (you have to be logged into your Gold account to see the discounted price). While I’ve been interested in this game for quite some time, I couldn’t bring myself to succumb to the higher price point so I personally will be taking full advantage of this temporarily rolled back price. If you’ve played it, drop me a comment with a few spoiler free gameplay hints!

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