Friday Caption Fun, Round 37
February 27, 2009 113 Comments
Team Mythic, Team Flag, and regular matchmaking, oh my! Numerous flavors for numerous fans overflow the welcoming waters of Halo this weekend. Halo Wars Limited Collector’s Edition owners in Europe and Japan can get a head start on the slayer-heavy Team Mythic playlist. Those requring their regular double helping of experience can enjoy the more objective-friendly Team Flag offering. Those craving neither of those options can suck it. Don’t begin sucking it though until you’ve checked out last week’s responses to a screenshot featuring a sport only real Spartans play. Then try your hand at captioning a brand new Halo-themed image. Come on, it’ll be fun! Well, maybe not fun but it won’t be as bad as playing SWAT. Zing!
- “Good thing this course is a par 83!” (Chris101b)
- “FOOOOOOOOOOOORRRGGGEEE!!!!!” (rowboat 000)
- “Garry had hit the giant egg so many times it started to resemble a golf ball.” (AusQB)
- “Goddamnit, just when I hit it out of the Sandtrap. . .” (Ken Raves)
- “Spartans always had problems playing golf, their super strength would lead to drives of 65 miles or more. Instead of turning Siberia into a golf course, scientists developed a Spartan appropriate golf ball that was huge, and made of steel. The jokes haven’t stopped to this day.” (SonofMacPhisto)
- “Finally, Microsoft found their Halo Wii title.” (woodytondorf)
- “They wanted chest high walls, not chest high balls.” (Araknoros)
- “Finally facing up to facts, Master Chief realized he was never going to be as good at golf as his Elite counterpart… The Parbiter!” (Tactful)
I’m a sucker for a good pun, and I do believe Tactful scored a three pointer with that caption! I honestly didn’t think anybody would be able to do much with that particular picture but as usual, all of you hit that one out of the park. Let’s see, two different sports jokes but can I work a third in? Unfortunately I think I am going to strike out. Ha, a hat trick! Eat that bitches! While I think of more bad jokes, show me how witty you are by creating a humorous caption for this next screenshot.
Author: UNDEADSNIPER55
Marine: All right show me the magic.
Arbiter: OK.
Marine: [after being kissed] What the hell?
Arbiter: Well, you said show me the magic.
Marine: Yeah, but you go 90 then I go 10. You don’t go the whole hundred, you over-eager son of a bitch!
Sorry had to bust out the “Hitch” quote :D
Cheers,
Kensai
you know that’s sergeant Johnson right?
“get out of my face”
“What did you say, Punk?”
“Who will win this years Gay-Chicken championships?”
“you have the most beautiful eyes”
“Stop picking my nose”
hey wait a minute i feel 3 tongues!
“oh i know what the ladies like” grabs his “Gun”
Young love can even be found on the battle field… Weird sick inter species love
wait… You are the one which release the egg, right?
*Repost*
Wait… You are the kind which lay eggs right?
The Arbiter did not relish the thought of performing mouth-to-mouth on Sgt. Johnson, but as Johnson lay there dying from Guilty Spark’s blast, he could not bring himself to not try.
(Damn it, Chief, why can’t you take off your helmet for once?)
The Arbiter, hero of the Elites, Silencer of the Prophet of Truth, and all around badass, suddenly found himself the new owner of some pre-chewed gum.
“So… where are your lips, exactly?”
Sergeant Johnson: Don’t make me take off my belt!
‘Good thing you don’t have a tongue, wait, oh dear god no!’
Sergeant Johnson: Looks like your big freaky mouth bit off more than it could chew!
Sergeant Johnson, I’m not afraid anymore. The Oracle told me that I would fall in love with a dead man… the man that I loved would be The One. So you see, you can’t be dead. You can’t be… because I love you. You hear me? I love you.
Arbiter: GOT YER NOSE!
-
Arbiter: What is “personal space”?
Sangheili had a different definition of “close talker”.
Sgt. Johnson: Arbiter, I’m sure there are better tasting things than my face…
Arbiter: Well if you wanted a lick why didn’t you just ask?
*In childish voice*
I got your nose!
“I think we’re alone now, there doesn’t seem to be anyone around”
————————————————————-
“Hmmm… Well Arbiter, it looks like you’re going to need a pretty strong percription, your eyesight is pretty substandard”
“will that help me hit something?”
“It should, though I can’t really speak for your lack of marksmanship”
————————————————————-
After Halo Combat Evolved, Johnson said he would never love another elite again until now.
uhhhh…who came first?
While Master Chief was busy destroying a the Covenant, Arbitor and Johnson finally found a way to express their interests…
You have to pay extra for that kind of action.
“You had me at Halo”
Mizzy FTW! :D
Why thanks! ^_^
Wait -R U Hawt? XP
I . . . Drink . . . Your . . . MILKSHAKE!!!
Johnson: Uhh… I didnt realize that the spaghetti strand i was eating was connected to yours.
Arbiter: Well I did. ;-D
Stop! This is wrong. I feel like we’re from two different worlds.
Here is a shot from Sgt Johnson’s new movie “Men are from Mars, Arbiters are from a lot farther than you thought and going further than you can imagine”
Mhhh… Need a mentos?
The Marine kissed him reluctantly knowing the Arbiter had feelings for him but he also knew he wanted to keep his face.
Johnson: You know… you’re not my first.
Sarge said he was hungry. Arbiter, who saw how birds feed their young, knew exactly what to do.
You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose but you cant pick Johnsons nose
blackmail pictures… oh the wonder….
“Arbiter, can love bloom on the battlefield?”
Whaaat!? You’re not Miranda!
“You’re right, Stacker. It does kinda feel like that thing from ‘Alien!’”
“When I said they must love the smell of Bulgari, I didn’t know they’d love it THAT much.”
Alright, Arbiter, look, that thing I had with the Elite on the first Halo? It was a heat of the moment thing, I mean, you ain’t my type, please stop trying to get some yourself.
Johnson immediately regretted telling the arbiter to bite him.
Johnson: I know what the aliens like..
nom nom nom…
Yea, your breath does smell funny.
Somebody, somewhere is masturbating to this.
Rule 34
That’s not Human chewing gum, you idiot -I have Bronchitus!
Looking to capitalise on the success of films such as Ang Lee’s Brokeback Mountain and John Cameron’s Shortbus this year -and potentially break new ground in the process- is Peter Jackson’s upcoming new Halo Movie; it will certainly get tongues wagging…
One of us is gonna be sore in the morning.
Believe me Human, this shall be an experience you will never forget -I practice Yoga and Tantric sex.
Were it so easy… to pull the chicks!
“On my homeworld, human, we pay extra for your Gender type.”
“On my homeworld, asswipe, we expect to be wined and dined first!”
Johnson felt that it was time to get with the new generation and get one of those new-fangled nose piercings. Unfortunately, nobody had a needle handy, so they had to make do with what the Arbiter had on hand – sharp teeth.
Sgt Johnson was immediately surprised to find out that Elites have 12 foot long tongues
“Uhh..oh…oh..uh…I swear I just accidentally..”
“Yeah, I mean I turned the corner..and…oh….let us never speak of this again, human.”
“Agreed. Eh..did you have to put your mandibles into it? Guhh..”
Red Nose Day, 2553. Things have changed slightly…
Years of military training could not train Sergeant Johnson enough to face the Arbiter’s ‘Coming out of the Closet’
“so johnson i see the chief is gone for a bit”
need a moment? chew it over with twix. ”
is there anything youve wanted to tell me johnson”
“wort wort wort?”
“THE DEMON?! o chiefs back…”
Johnson: Mind giving me some space, Arbiter?
“The arbiter, not used to the english language, took the term to “Suck face” literally”
“Grandma what big teeth you have”
had to throw that one in XD
Sergeant Johnson: This is it, baby, Hold me.
Classic halo:combat evolved legendary ending line is best imo =)
“… … … Sarge blinked! I WIN!”
Unknown to many fans of Halo, Sergeant Avery Johnson had a similar confrontation with the Arbiter as Master Chief. Unfortunately for Johnson, in the heat of the moment he’d forgotten his lessons on Sanghelli oral hygiene habits. Later, the Master Chief revealed that’s why he used a pistol, instead of his nose.
you flood me with emotions i’ve never explored before
@DotFortune12: I was wondering if I was the only one who was thinking about that.
Sgt. Johnson kind of has a thing for elites, don’t he?
Johnson forever regretted asking the Arbiter why he was looking at him like “that”
Johnson-”Why you all up in my grill dawg?!”
Arbiter-”*Sniff* “To tell you you needed a breath mint…”
“Sgt. Johnson, I’m giving you three seconds, EXACTLY THREE FUCKING SECONDS, to whip the stupid grin of your face or I will open my mandables and swallow your head whole!”
(in Pepe LaPew’s voice) “Oh my darling, jou are so beautiful. Kiss me.”
“Oh, I know what the ladies like.”
-Sgt. Johnson, Halo 2
I should have added
“Bow chicka honk honk!!”
hehehe
“Bow chicka honk honk”
classic Red vs Blue line
“your so beautifull”
I said wort wort, in the butt.
“You’ve gotta promise me something Arbiter. Don’t let go”
“I won’t ever let go!”
Johnson…yous gonna get raped!
This is the last time I use Date-a-Mate.
Damn it Squidface, you’re FEMALE?! Now there’s a turn-up for the books.
“Arbiter and Johnson: romantic Kiss Scene: Take 69… and action!”
“I’m trying to fucking do a scene here… I’m gonna go… Do you want me to go and trash your lights?.. Then why are you trashing my scene?… Fucking ass!”
And in other news today; family members and well-wishers turned up in their thousands to witness the first interspecies marriage this afternoon between two old enemies. Sergeant Avery Johnson and the Arbiter met as foes, but two wedding rings, two Halo rings and an Ark later, they’re husband and er, something!
(Alternate Legendary ending)
*Sarge opens his arms to Arbiter
Sarge: This is it baby, hold me.
holy shit you need a tic tac
What happens when you let BS angel have a modding kit.
“I knew we were friends, but damn!”
Oh, god…
Got your nose! goes a little too far.
It was at this point that Sgt. Johnson realized that faking drowning just to get Miranda to give him mouth-to-mouth was a bad idea.
Sgt. Johnson, quickly realized that he misunderstood the Arbiter’s request to show him how Humans kissed, and that agreeing was a VERY bad idea.
“hay.”
(Yup. That’s the entire crappy caption.)
(Anyone with a brain might’ve allready said this buuuut)
Arbiter: I got your noooose!
Avery: Ba-wha!?
–
“Honk honk!”
“Nope, I don’t see an eyelash!”
“Not the first time I’ve been felt up by an elite.”
“When I said deepthroat, I had something totally different in mind.”
“I know what the Arbie likes
He’s thinking Arbies!
“Allow me to explain what I meant by, ‘Say that to my face’”
“Now what do you call that little dangly thing in the back of your throat again?”
“So thats how you guys reproduce! I always wondered where Bungie put it.”
“I’m never letting you watch Twilight ever again.”
Sorry for the double post, but I just had to say this
“I wish I could quit you!”
I’ve got your nose, Mr. Anderson, and I’m going to keep it.
weirdest pr0n ever
Oh my God, it’s full of stars…!
Arbiter: Live or die, man?!
Johnson: Die!
Arbiter: Wrong! Honk!
Sarge had no idea what he was getting himself into when he asked the arbiter “how you split-chins eat alien ice cream?”.
after hearing about the Left 4 dead porno, bungie decided to even the tables
Halo C.E., the Elite got to first base.
Halo 2, Johnson got to know him better.
Halo 3, Johnson put on the Barry White album….
“Weak and undisciplined, like the rest of your delicious race”.
I’ll keep you my dirty little secret
“You’re right, Arbiter, it DOES look like a lotus up close!”
“Hey, I know you’re angry but could you lay off the onion juice? If I weren’t so bad-ass I’d have passed out already.”
“Were it so easy”
you know, either one of them could say that…
T’was a dark and stormy night…
(Title from Louis Wu’s Fiction page with a play on H.P. Lovecraft/Poe’s penchant for the dramatic)
Tastes just like squid -i.e. rubber.
Honey, the human means nothing!
Huh, so that’s why you folks don’t need Dentists or Gynaecologists.
The office had grown small between us; a visit to the fax left us in brushing distance -finally: in the stationary cupboard: fetching staples: it happened…
“forget the flood, mandibles are just ICKY!”
Arbiter got my tongue. Shit, Arbiter’s got my whole face!
Bite Me
Gotcher conk.
-”NOM NOM NOM”
-Arbiter: “This fusion technique is passed down from Arbiter to Arbiter!”
-*Arbiter’s invisibility wears off* “BOO!”
-Arbiter: “Open up, human, you must eat!” *begins to regurgitate into Johnson’s mouth*
-Johnson: “You just looked so scaly and good. You remind me of my first love.”
-Johnson: “No tongue on the first date.”
-Johnson: “This is the third time I’ve actually spawned INSIDE the ARBITER’s mouth! What the heck?!”
Just be careful with the homoerotica because apparantly being gay can get you banned from X-box live. see here: http://consumerist.com/5160187/identifying-yourself-as-a-lesbian-gets-you-banned-on-xbox-live
Its just one of the reasons that I refuse to sign up
Arbiter: Say my name!
Johnson: Bud I dod no yur nabe!
Arbiter: Say my name!
Johnson: Bud I dod no yur nabe!
Arbiter: Say my name!
Johnson: Bood jild!
(Neverending story mix)
Close encounter of the FREAKY kind
Dude, its called a tic tac. Use one.
Chief: Uh, I’ll… I’ll come back later. Much later.
It was then that Johnson realized that he’d left the oven on.
O HARO!
Swappin’ Slobber, Sangheili Style
But I don’t NEED CPR!
I be in ur face,
STEALIN’ UR OXYGENS!