As we settle into our first official week of the new year, I find myself buried under several feet of snow. The roads are dangerously slick, the temperatures are frigidly cold, but my connection to Xbox Live is gloriously green. You know what that means, right? Double EXP and Grifball baby! While I prepare my bomb for a delightfully explosive weekend, how about a recap of last week’s responses? Then we can caption yet another entertaining screenshot.
- “A skillful ninja hides and waits for the perfect time to strike his prey… this guy is just stuck.” (retinence)
- “The Elite returned upstairs after he couldn’t find fava beans or a nice chianti.” (Grumpy Jedi)
- “Of all the rotten places on the map, I had to respawn here. Sonofa…” (StealthSpeed3)
- “They locked angel up to stop her from betraying anyone else.” (Das Kalk)
- “Caboose’s Elite-feet-foot fetish was getting the better of him. He had began reaching through the stair grills just to touch them.” (MK2B)
- “Oh come on man, let me out! I promise not to make any more ‘wort wort wort’ jokes!” (Sarge Tomzilla)
- “In the 2552 re-write of the Tell-Tale Heart, the killer found it exceedingly difficult to dismember the heavily armoured body for disposal, so he had to settle for just hiding the whole thing in Harry Potter’s bedroom.” (Penguin Ninjoid)
- “IT’S A LEGITIMATE STRATEGY!!!!!” (NiTrOuS 343)
It is a legitimate strategy, you don’t have to convince me. Give me a shotty, make me spawn in those comfy quarters, and I’ll happily sit there for the entirety of the game, weakening shields, firing off rounds, and throwing grenades on unsuspecting victims. I apologize if I get you and you’re on my team, but it’s impossible to see color clearly through the grates. Seriously, totally not my fault. I’ll tell you another thing that’s totally not my fault, and that would be Miranda’s questionable condition in the following screenshot. I know you have a witty caption for it, so hit me with your best shot!
Author: DARKMASSA
Posted by caelan96 on January 9, 2009 at 2:55 am
Master Cheif’s a… Girl?
Posted by Ragingterror on January 9, 2009 at 2:56 am
Resistance is futile… you will be assimilated.
Posted by Queen 0f Blades on January 9, 2009 at 3:31 am
Damnit, ragingterror beat me to it.
“GET TO THA CHOPPAH.”
Posted by Mjonir on January 9, 2009 at 3:32 am
Sarrah Connor?
Posted by mendicantbias00 on January 9, 2009 at 3:41 am
Master Chief: Jesus, you were gonna kill Johnson!
Miranda: Of course; I’m a terminator.
Posted by Alex on January 9, 2009 at 4:01 am
“The next twist in the Terminator plot line came as a suprise to everyone, not least to Bungie Studios.”
Posted by Das Kalk on January 9, 2009 at 4:14 am
all your recon are belong to us
she’ll be back
Oh my god! the flood have adapted in to a new form! IT’S ROBOFLOOD!
Posted by mcfree007 on January 9, 2009 at 4:19 am
All your base…. Naa it’s been done.
Posted by CrazedOne1988 on January 9, 2009 at 4:33 am
“Om Nom Nom Nom” (This one may take a minute to figure out)
“After the Human-Covenant war, research to bring back the casualties were explored. The results were……. unexpected”
“OMG Miranda…………. is that a zit on your forehead?”
Posted by jordan114725 on January 9, 2009 at 5:15 am
“Miranda, is there something you are not telling us about your sexuality?”
Posted by soulofaqua on January 9, 2009 at 5:29 am
Miranda our new Seven of Nine
Six is afraid of seven, because seven eight nine!
Posted by petetheduck on January 9, 2009 at 5:31 am
Bungie’s new project will finally answer the question: Who would win in a inter-galactic battle, the Flood or the Borg?
Posted by mendicantbias00 on January 9, 2009 at 5:41 am
Om Nom Nom Nom” (This one may take a minute to figure out)
WIN!
Posted by Ragingterror on January 9, 2009 at 5:48 am
“Om Nom Nom Nom” (This one may take a minute to figure out)
Brilliant! :D
Posted by one crazy idiot on January 9, 2009 at 5:51 am
It’s the new style of Terminator movie- CGI with video game characters as the main characters. Here’s Lara Croft as the new T-3500.
Posted by Mizzy on January 9, 2009 at 6:31 am
“Don’t stay heah eef you want to live.”
Posted by the Light Show on January 9, 2009 at 6:40 am
Little Marine: “I can see right up your nose! Ew…”
ED-209: “Please put down your weapon. You have 20 seconds to comply.”
Posted by Penguin Ninjoid on January 9, 2009 at 6:54 am
“…ok, what? My mom liked her new refrigerator a bit too much, alright? Now can you please stop staring?”
or:
“What? Is there something in my teeth?”
Posted by StealthSpeed3 on January 9, 2009 at 6:55 am
And this is what the T-X looked like before they cast Kristanna Loken in T3.
Posted by s938 on January 9, 2009 at 6:56 am
Only when Johnson found out she was a machine did he realize her emotionless face made complete sense now.
Posted by snorkle256 on January 9, 2009 at 7:23 am
Guess who’s a Cylon?
Posted by ZZoMBiE13 on January 9, 2009 at 7:31 am
“Your parts are showing”
Posted by rowboat 000 on January 9, 2009 at 7:42 am
“I need your clothes, boots and your motorcycle.”
Posted by SPOC XLI on January 9, 2009 at 7:45 am
you thought recon armor was cool? check this out!
Posted by Grady on January 9, 2009 at 7:46 am
Miranda always secretly feared taking a wound to the face and ending up with a metal nose. “At least the nose is mine,” she told herself. “At least the nose is mine.”
Posted by Predator5791 on January 9, 2009 at 7:52 am
The bride of Shiska.
Posted by MaterCheifn on January 9, 2009 at 8:10 am
Hawty: Post HBO assimilation.
Posted by crabwizard on January 9, 2009 at 8:19 am
“miranda, how many spartans did you meet at spring break?
Posted by retinence on January 9, 2009 at 8:23 am
“Aww hell. I lost a contact.”
Posted by retinence on January 9, 2009 at 8:30 am
So Skynet actually SAVED all mankind. Why would anyone want to shut them down?
Posted by gigglepie on January 9, 2009 at 9:13 am
Master Chief: First Jacob Keyes becomes Flood, then daughter Miranda becomes part Cyborg?!
*shakes head*
That family is messed up dude.
Posted by General Vagueness on January 9, 2009 at 9:25 am
Dang it, Das Kalk and pete the duck beat me. I don’t know what else to say.
Posted by Dan the Stick on January 9, 2009 at 9:29 am
Come with me if you want to live!
Posted by NOKYARD on January 9, 2009 at 9:43 am
“Well excuse me! They attacked so fast I just jumped out of bed and didn’t have enough time to put my face on.”
… see you on the Grifball court
Posted by NOKYARD on January 9, 2009 at 9:51 am
“Well excuse me! They attacked so fast I just jumped out of bed and didn’t have enough time to put my face on.”
Posted by DethPwn on January 9, 2009 at 10:00 am
In an effort to compete with the Arbiter’s funky fresh armor, Miranda Keyes has acquired multiple piercings to reclaim her status as the “sexy one”.
Posted by MK28 on January 9, 2009 at 10:17 am
If looks could kill: you’re next!
Enclosed is the last photograph of said Stepford Wife going apesh*t; I demand a full refund by the time I leave the hospital, Weyland Yutani…
Come with me if you wish to be in the sequel!
The sweet spot of Rule 34 al’a Halo and Borg.
I love the gentle curling of your lips as you smile, the tiny creases below your eye as the smile shines; also, the red laser beam emanating from…
Er dude, I think that’s the REAL reason you shouldn’t hit a lady!
Posted by Araknoros on January 9, 2009 at 10:30 am
“Its not what it looks like…” *looks in the reflection of cheifs visor* “ok dammnit it is what it looks like…but i have an explantion”
“IMA CHARGIN MAH LAZOR”
Lord Hood told her to scan the area for hostiles… Miranda got a little overzealous
Johnson: “Ill keep you my dirty little secret!”
Little did everyone realise, it was actually Haloween and Miranda had always been a Trekkie
If shes a borg…then cortana can… and get in her…. thats hawt.
Posted by Araknoros on January 9, 2009 at 10:32 am
After Halo 3 Miranda fuffiled her dream as the Govenator of California
Posted by falcon011 on January 9, 2009 at 10:35 am
We can rebuild her. Make her stronger, faster…
It’d be hard to make her more annoying though.
Posted by Woody on January 9, 2009 at 10:56 am
You either die a supporting character or you live long enough to become the cyborg.
As long as she doesn’t start humming to herself and calling us “Reclaimers,” I’m cool with it.
Wow Commander, that was a hell of a sneeze!
Posted by PikminGod on January 9, 2009 at 11:01 am
Every Star Trek fans greatest dream came true when they brought the Borg to Halo
Posted by Mike on January 9, 2009 at 11:03 am
Well you wanted Miranda back for the next Halo, but we all know you didn’t really care for her personality or anything other than the fact that she had lady parts… so heres a robot with all her body and nothing else
Posted by MK28 on January 9, 2009 at 11:06 am
*With Demolition Man artistic licence*
You’re going to regret that for the rest of your life: the whole 7 seconds of it!
‘You’re just to good to be true, can’t take my eye off you. You feel like Heaven to touch, I wanna FRAG you so much…’
Getting Teabagged is the least of your problems now, pal!
‘Terminator’s don’t feel pain…’ but a compliment on the effort of their make-up would do wonders for their confidence.
Posted by Chips Dubbo on January 9, 2009 at 11:34 am
Miranda reveals her true beliefs to Johnson after the discovery of yet ANOTHER alien artifact buried on Earth.
“I no longer belive that Johnson. The visions cannot be denied. The Reapers are too powerful. The only hope of survival is to join with them. Sovreign is a machine. It thinks like a machine. If I can prove my value, I become a resource, worth maintaining. There is no other logical conclusion.”
(I hope someone gets the reference)
Posted by halcylon on January 9, 2009 at 11:38 am
“Get to the choppa… er… Pelican!!”
Posted by MK28 on January 9, 2009 at 11:42 am
*Ad Nauseam Cyborg love songs:*
‘I said my Darling, you looked Ubersome tonight!’
Angels with (cyborg implants and) dirty faces…
And they said my acting was wooden!
CZzzt: Giant Cinnamon-coated, Chocolate-centred Donut: CZzzt: Target Acquired!
Posted by Cailus on January 9, 2009 at 11:48 am
I don’t know what’s scarier: that she can now kick the MC’s butt or that she looks even sexier.
Posted by VelocityTino on January 9, 2009 at 11:52 am
*Notice the relative size of the marine in the bottom right hand corner*
“During the war, ONI’s research and development team was so understaffed that they began turning to Evangelion fans for weapons ideas.”
Posted by VelocityTino on January 9, 2009 at 11:54 am
@ Chips Dubbo: Awesome Mass Effect reference man!
Posted by Dust and Echoes on January 9, 2009 at 11:56 am
As soon as master chief’s back was turned, Miranda revealed her worst crime of all. Copyright infringment
Posted by ElDrJanItor on January 9, 2009 at 12:21 pm
My mommy always told me not to play with eyes, ’cause I might shoot my gun out.
Posted by MK28 on January 9, 2009 at 12:40 pm
*With Marvel’s Earth Singularity artistic licence*
After nearly 32 cycles and ‘616′ human experiences, I’m finally beginning to understand the concept behind a one-night-stand!
“She seems different, y’know, I just can’t put my finger on it, Jack.”
“Maybe you’re pressing all her wrong buttons, Ned.”
Halo Franchise? Well and truly terminated…
Don’t print that!
Edge: The skinning models over many of the main characters appears incomplete but the original story arc created by Jason Jones still resonates… 7/10.
Posted by Al7eredBeasT on January 9, 2009 at 12:51 pm
The marines decided the newest Evangelion unit was decidedly more lilfelike than it’s predecessors.
“Now, how do I pilot this thing? Do I climb in the mouth or what?”
“Well, you found me. Congratulations. Was it worth it?”
Posted by Arrisseau on January 9, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Look about fourteen inches downwards. THOSE aren’t real either.
Posted by Mace WIndex on January 9, 2009 at 1:02 pm
“I need your clothes, your boots, and your Mongoose.”
Posted by MK28 on January 9, 2009 at 1:08 pm
And in other news, a virus by the name of ‘BS Angel’ has infected the androids of the Theme Park: Westworld, causing them all to become rather amorous and arousing double entendres and sexual innuendo in all they come into contact with… the local Goverment hopes to rise up and lay down any potential hostilities, spread eagling the infected forces and pounding them into submission!
*Covers face*: I’m expecting a ban, I feel I’m so getting smacked with one almighty ban. In my defence: I mentioned Westworld and Androids before I went Pron double entendre… if that helps my case.
Posted by Metalingus627 on January 9, 2009 at 1:08 pm
January 9th, 2009: The day Bungie became self-aware.
Posted by Zee-V70 on January 9, 2009 at 1:17 pm
The explanation as to regular Marines couldn’t have a HUD.
Posted by Zee-V70 on January 9, 2009 at 1:18 pm
The explanation as to why regular Marines couldn’t have a HUD.
Posted by leoele on January 9, 2009 at 1:21 pm
Initiating scan beneath MJOLNIER Mark VI armor…
Posted by leoele on January 9, 2009 at 1:24 pm
crap, I spelled mjolnir wrong… that’s a typo, rather than me being a noob
Posted by Phoenix42 on January 9, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Miranda Keyes: Orphaned Love Child of Sonya and Kano.
Posted by Mysterioso2006 on January 9, 2009 at 2:00 pm
oh hai! Im in ur base, eetin ur marinez.
Posted by DenimDan312 on January 9, 2009 at 2:10 pm
Now I know why Jenkins cried. But it is something I will never be able to do.
Posted by Spar7anT1g3r on January 9, 2009 at 2:18 pm
I found Shishka’s Bnet avatar in Halo 3!
Posted by Desert Rat on January 9, 2009 at 2:53 pm
Chief: Johnson, I know you took Miranda’s death hard…but…Damn.
Posted by Naepa34 on January 9, 2009 at 2:53 pm
After she died is Halo 3, Bungie found a way to still bring miranda back.
Posted by WolfSarge on January 9, 2009 at 2:56 pm
Even after Marathon, Bungie’s BOBs still live on.
Posted by BryVOOD on January 9, 2009 at 3:03 pm
After Starfox Andross got a makeover…and lady parts…..and a tiny marine
Posted by Whaappened? on January 9, 2009 at 3:12 pm
I’MA CHARGIN MAH…EYEBALL?
Posted by Scotty on January 9, 2009 at 3:15 pm
I still don’t see the arrow but that sure is obvious!
Posted by humrh360 on January 9, 2009 at 3:39 pm
I don’t remember Miranda saying,”I’ll be back”…
Posted by Dusty Boy T on January 9, 2009 at 3:47 pm
That really makes me wonder about the arrow now…
Posted by retinence on January 9, 2009 at 4:02 pm
After a malfunction, Miranda keys is revealed to be a “fembot”.
Posted by NiTrOuS 343 on January 9, 2009 at 4:21 pm
Bungie recently released some concept art they had on the back burner, proof they originally came up with the idea for Terminator: Salvation.
Posted by NiTrOuS 343 on January 9, 2009 at 4:22 pm
sorry for the double post, just looked at the picture again and realized something:
“GOD SEES YOU, MORTAL FOOL!”
Posted by INK on January 9, 2009 at 4:29 pm
After years of trying to hide the truth Capetian John Luke Picard final revealed he had always been LeQutis and also a trany.
Posted by gunstar2 on January 9, 2009 at 4:30 pm
Terminator Miranda: “My mission is to ensure the survival of John 117 and Katherine Halsey.”
Posted by John Killer118 on January 9, 2009 at 4:32 pm
“xXsaraconnerXx69?”
“y3z?”
“pr3p4r3 2 b3 pwned!!!!1!1!!!!!!111″
Posted by d4ng3r0u5 on January 9, 2009 at 4:37 pm
Unconvinced her protection was adequate enough, Miranda finally decided to say “yes” to the state-of-the-art Spartan Laser optic piece.
… Unfortunately, Ms. Keyes died shortly after of severe neck trauma and whiplash.
Posted by TAS9303 on January 9, 2009 at 4:57 pm
Marine: wow. she really needs to put some make-up on
Posted by Plazmamuffin on January 9, 2009 at 5:18 pm
Chrono Trigger 2: The Robo fusion
Posted by Minty Fresh on January 9, 2009 at 5:43 pm
For once the story actually ends with, “She’s a robot”.
Posted by nixproto on January 9, 2009 at 6:01 pm
“Johnson, have you seen my makeup anywhere?”
Posted by Phaedrus on January 9, 2009 at 6:25 pm
Turns out A321 “Harkness” wasn’t the only cyborg in Rivet City…
Posted by big appleton on January 9, 2009 at 6:32 pm
“after much consideration, Bungie believed a giant slingshot aimed to the sun won’t just cut it”
Posted by PlasmaFire on January 9, 2009 at 9:06 pm
“My Solid Eye isn’t working right…oh wait, wrong series.”
Posted by tobias grey on January 9, 2009 at 9:43 pm
The latest in UNSC technology upgrades. The Cheeck gun! Results may vary.
Posted by Don113 on January 9, 2009 at 9:53 pm
Despite her best attempt, Miranda could never come close to the dashing handsomeness that is Jean Luc-Picard.
Posted by chickenm4n on January 9, 2009 at 10:40 pm
mad eye moody!
Posted by Reneiw on January 9, 2009 at 11:46 pm
She can’t has roflcopter cuz she r alredy be roflcopter!
Posted by Waffle Deluxe on January 10, 2009 at 5:40 am
Scanning… Scanning… Yes my internal sources indicate that you are indeed a human who suffers from both dwarfism and perception.
Posted by ALTEX on January 10, 2009 at 7:16 am
So…if you’re a cyborg and all, what’s goin’ on with, uh, those bits?
Posted by Yellow Six on January 10, 2009 at 7:16 am
Al7eredBeasT: Portal ref FTW!
Posted by retinence on January 10, 2009 at 9:18 am
This marine mistakenly uncovered the truth behind Miranda’s seemingly indestructible body after the Chief tossed all his grenades, unloaded all of his ammo, and continued with a barrage of pistol whips against her. This marine is now MIA.
Posted by Queen 0f Blades on January 10, 2009 at 3:04 pm
HOW ARE YOU GENTLEMEN. ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US.
Posted by GeneralCupcakes on January 10, 2009 at 3:21 pm
Mirandas new eyepiece was capable of shooting 9mm rounds when feeling violated.
Posted by ShellySniper on January 10, 2009 at 3:40 pm
“After having a bet with the Master Chief on the ability to triple wield, Miranda shows up the next day with the unexpected… and twenty bucks.”
Posted by AndrewKleiner on January 10, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Miranda always seemed to have kinda robotic animations… now we know why.
Posted by chris101b on January 10, 2009 at 9:36 pm
“I am the Marandinator”
or
Johnson: There’s something on your head.
Miranda: What? Is it a spider? Get it off!
Johnson: No, it’s not a spider, it like a metal thing.
Miranda: Is it a metal spider? Get it off me!!
Posted by The Last Hunter on January 11, 2009 at 5:09 am
“Hasta La Vista Baby!”
Posted by Admiral Madden on January 11, 2009 at 11:58 pm
“KISS ME OR I’LL CRUSH YOU!”
“when Johnson fled to the pelican with Miranda’s body alone, we all thought he was a Necrophiliac… when really he was a Technosexual Freak…”
Posted by Pete Cooper on January 12, 2009 at 8:54 am
“Where to, Ma’am?”
“We mahst find Jahn Cahnnah!”
Posted by DTA MoonDawg on January 12, 2009 at 2:49 pm
Wow, I guess that toe of the camel picture of her was….. mechanical? Gross.
Posted by Spade on January 12, 2009 at 5:14 pm
Little Marine: Now I can see the “7″ scar on her face.
Posted by Spade on January 12, 2009 at 5:15 pm
Detecting stupid. Set mode to DELETE.
Posted by Spade on January 12, 2009 at 5:19 pm
After years of the 3RROD, Microsoft finally found out what was causing the problem.
Posted by Sleepymarine on January 13, 2009 at 2:02 am
When Johnson warned her “You’ll shoot your eye out!” while she was trying the newest mod of the BR-55 Miranda thought he was just quoting that damned Christmas movie…
or
Marine 1: Dude I wold seriously get the hell out of here if I were you…
Marine 2: Whyzat?
Marine 1: Because the CO’s givin you the evil-eye…and in her case looks CAN kill!
Posted by Spencer on January 14, 2009 at 5:34 pm
EXTERMINATE!!! EXTERMINATE!!!
or
It was only after the TARDIS materialized that the UNSC realized they had been infiltrated by Cybermen.