You Suck the Life Out of Me

valentine's metroid plush

Valentine’s Day is officially 14 days away. If you have yet to get a sickeningly sweet video game-themed gift for your favorite player two,  ketsueki over at Etsy has got you covered with this reasonably priced ($18.99) beyond adorable Metroid plush. Made with 100% fleece and standing five inches tall, the usual raspberry-like, quadripartite nuclei have been replaced with more romance-friendly hearts. It’s really the perfect Valentine’s gift if you think about it. Once a Metroid attaches to its victim, it begins to drain the life out of it until it is completely dead. Sounds like a relationship to me!

One Step Closer to a Virtual Reality Halo Helmet

The last time we heard about the Halo-themed virtual reality gaming helmet (created by the innovative bunch over at Headplay), details about both the construction and the specifics were scarce. And by scarce I mean totally and completely nonexistent. That has changed though with the recent release of a still too short video outlining the basics of the development process. An optics package and mini-speakers have already been hard-mounted to the inside of the helmet, and next up for installation is an accelerometer for head tracking. Push play, check out the progress, and continue to dream. Perhaps one day it will be your reality.

When Gaming Goes Too Far

PostSecret, a community art project where participants mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a postcard, has a new entry that leaves me with only one thought: I must know what sort of equipment we are talking about here. Because I probably need it too. Oh I’m just kidding, I’m not that heartless. I’m just trying to think if I have anything worthy in EverQuest so I can trade it for some action.

post secret

Source [BuzzFeed]

Guitar Hero Text Adventures

Interactive fiction, a type of computer adventure game with text-based input and output, always used to bug the shit out of me. Regardless of what I carefully entered at the awaiting prompt, it was never recognized. Then I would resort to ridiculing the artificial narrator before finally giving up. Despite my previous lack of success with this type of game, I thought I’d give this Guitar Hero-esque version a shot. The entire transcript is verbatim though a simple cut and paste with my text in red and the program text in italics. The ending makes reading the entire thing more than worth it. Bill Meltsner, I love you.

guitar hero buttons

Champion of Guitars
An Interactive Fiction by Bill Meltsner
Release 1 / Serial number 090126 / Inform 7 build 5J39 (I6/v6.31 lib 6/11N)

Cantina
The current management of this rather seedy venue doesn’t much care about appearances, apparently. Nonetheless, it’s become one of the hottest spots in the area, attracting surly alcoholics from all around. A variety of local acts, the vast majority unrelentingly terrible, play here every Tuesday night. Coincidentally, it’s Tuesday night.

A host of unsavory-looking people makes up your audience for the night. They’re all staring at you expectantly.

A fake plastic guitar lies on the ground in front of you.

Bolted to the wall is a television screen, dark and forboding.

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Friday Caption Fun, Round 33

halo 3 screenshot

The recently hacked traffic sign was right! Bungie unknowningly proved the random “ZOMBIES AHEAD” warning correct as they announced this weekend’s double dose of EXP is Social Living Dead. That’s not to be confused with Not Social Living Dead where the zombies tend to be more unfriendly than usual. Before we hit the bountiful brains buffet, let’s do our traditional captioning of an Halo 3 screenshot. First up are last week’s responses though!

  • “YapFlap the Grunt knew he was going to fool the Blue Team Spartans with his awesome disguise.” (ZZoMBiE13)
  • “Willy Wonka’s foray into the realms of creating Super Soldiers was, ahem, rather short-lived.” (dragnew)
  • “The obese Spartan found that the slimming pills and rigorous exercise routine came with some nasty side effects, he daren’t take his armour off and see if anything else had been downsized…” (MK28 )
  • “Wow, manipulating your shadow to make “yourself” look bigger is SO immature.” (NartFOpc)
  • “I’m a little teapot short and stout, here is my handle, here is my spout.” (Waffle Deluxe)
  • “The Chief was quite horrified when he learned that the Covenant had managed to steal the blueprints of the MJOLNIR armor. He was even more horrified when he found that they decided to let Grunts use it.” (SuzumeShoujo)
  • “Little did we know Charlie would rule with an iron hand. One of his first decrees was the establishment of an elite Oompa Loompa Spartan Squad, so his enemies would always feel fear.” (SonofMacPhisto)
  • “So, THIS is what Willis was talking about.” (Desert Rat)

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