Suggestive Xbox 360 Achievements, Part One

All Xbox 360 titles have a rather addictive feature called achievements which are unlocked through completion of game-specific challenges. Gamerscores reflect the total number of achievement points that have been acquired by each individual Xbox 360 user. Hidden within many of the achievement names are sometimes obvious but sometimes subtle sexual innuendos. Enjoy the first batch of suggestive Xbox 360 achievements I have uncovered from retail games starting with the letters A-F. And in case you haven’t figured it out yet, the subject matter contained in this article is adult-oriented. Proceed at your own risk.

xbox 360 achievement

Pound it out
There’s more than just in and out you know. There’s side to side too.
(All-Pro Football 2K8)

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xbox 360 achievement

Punch it in there
Sometimes it won’t slide right in. Times like that require you to be a bit more forceful.
(All-Pro Football 2K8)

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xbox 360 achievement

The first one is the hardest
It really is. Everybody knows it gets progressively more flaccid with each subsequent experience.
(All-Pro Football 2K8)

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xbox 360 achievement

Cockpit Addict
Raise your hand if you’re not addicted to moist and accommodating cockpits. That’s what I thought.
(Alone in the Dark)

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xbox 360 achievement

Faster
Almost there … almost … pound it out! … mmmmmm …
(Alarm for Cobra 11: Crash Time)

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xbox 360 achievement

Preload Used
I know the preload doesn’t amount to much, but it’s still a shame to waste it.
(BAJA: Edge of Control)

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xbox 360 achievement

Roll Over
You can totally hit different spots in different positions. Switch it up already.
(BAJA: Edge of Control)

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xbox 360 achievement

Fuzz Off!
Keep that shit shaved. It’s easier that way.
(Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts)

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xbox 360 achievement

What’s That Smell?
Tuna. Learn to love it.
(Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts)

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xbox 360 achievement

Finishing Blow
Sometimes you don’t even get past the oral. And that’s ok.
(Battle Fantasia)

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xbox 360 achievement

Don’t Eat Me!
Scratch that. Please do.
(Battle Fantasia)

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xbox 360 achievement

Meowmeowmeow!
She’s calling you. I encourage you to answer.
(Battle Fantasia)

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xbox 360 achievement

Super Drill!
And here I was thinking a regular drilling was good!
(Battle Fantasia)

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xbox 360 achievement

Early Release
Oops. Try thinking of Bea Arthur next time.
(Blitz The League II)

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xbox 360 achievement

IT’S ALL IN THE WRISTS
Everybody takes care of themselves regularly. It’s worth it to learn the proper technique.
(Bully: Scholarship Edition)

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xbox 360 achievement

Super Long Shot
I would say anything over five feet would qualify for this.
(Cabela’s African Safari)

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xbox 360 achievement

Check Out That Rack!
I’d like to do more than check it out, if you know what I mean.
(Cabela’s Trophy Bucks)

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xbox 360 achievement

Down Boy Down
I got us up to a 68. Now it’s your turn.
(Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare)

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xbox 360 achievement

Deep and Hard
“Just the tip” is a shitty game. Do it right or don’t do it at all.
(Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare)

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xbox 360 achievement

Three of a Kind
Triplets. Enough said.
(Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare)

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xbox 360 achievement

Sticky Fingers
A side effect of playing by yourself. FYI, doing it in the shower makes clean up a lot easier.
(Crash of the Titans)

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xbox 360 achievement

Soaking In It
Somebody’s gotta sleep in the wet spot. If you’re soaking in it, chances are it was at least worth it.
(Crash of the Titans)

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xbox 360 achievement

Going Down
Learn it. Live it. Love it.
(Def Jam: Icon)

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xbox 360 achievement

Swinger
Sometimes you’re just popular. What are ya gonna do?
(Don King Presents: Prizefighter)

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xbox 360 achievement

Cutting off the head
Lorena Bobbit’s got this one down. Hopefully your other half does not.
(F.E.A.R. Files)

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xbox 360 achievement

The Bigger They Are…
Size matters. Anyone who tells you differently is lying or freakishly small.
(Fallout 3)

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xbox 360 achievement

Beat yourself
Masturbation, God’s great gift to all of us.
(FIFA 08)

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xbox 360 achievement

Screamer!
The neighbors hate you but at least you know you’re getting the job done.
(FIFA 09)

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xbox 360 achievement

The Poon Sang
If you can get it to sing, I’m pretty sure it’s safe to say you are a god. Feel free to contact me if you need someone to confirm that.
(FIFA 09)

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xbox 360 achievement

Welcome to the Suck
No, you’re not dreaming. Oh wait, yes you are.
(Fracture)

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To be continued …

16 Responses to Suggestive Xbox 360 Achievements, Part One

  1. Wow, I have seen some clever achievements before…but these are amazing.

    This one actually made me laugh out loud:
    Early Release
    Oops. Try thinking of Bea Arthur next time.
    (Blitz The League II)

    How long did it take to find these?

  2. BS Angel, sometimes you really make me wonder. These are very funn, nice way to put a smile on my face this morning!

    (PS – You still make me wonder)

  3. … I will never be able to look at my achievements the same way again.

  4. RIFT says:

    Nice. Not in a good way “nice,” but in a “you did good,” nice. There’s a difference. A big difference. And one involves inside jokes.

  5. DeepCee says:

    My assimilation to this blog is complete.
    Oh and the pizza was good :D

  6. Socket says:

    A guy from a group I’m in said something like this:

    “I just got the “It come from behind achievement”…like a gay convict.”

    I rofl’d.

  7. Socket says:

    Oops, spelling fail.

    come=came
    fixed

  8. pure genius… can’t wait for the next installment!

  9. dnefpooz says:

    Love the addition of Banjo Kazooie N&B in there. Banjo Kazooie and Banjo Tooie are just completely filled with adult content despite being rated E.

  10. Kent says:

    Just call this “Tips and Tricks, Part 1″.

  11. Mace Windex says:

    Simply awesome.

  12. StephaBon says:

    And I thought I was perverted. Hawty, I love you. And obviously don’t take that the wrong way. Keep it up. (lol)

  13. xp194 says:

    Curse you! I’m never gonna look at these the same again!

  14. Ryan says:

    xD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  15. Don A K Bab says:

    Good stuff angel.

    Maybe missed the Gobble Gobble achievement on GTA 4.

  16. bob says:

    Get Good Wood
    In the bike races, whack off 69 bikers with a bat.
    (GTA 4: The Lost and Damned)

    Triple threat.

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