Hawty McBloggy Invites You to Play

All Xbox 360 titles have a rather addictive feature called achievements which are unlocked through completion of game-specific challenges. Gamerscores reflect the total number of achievement points that have been acquired by each individual Xbox 360 user. Hidden within many of the achievement names are sometimes obvious but sometimes subtle sexual innuendos. Enjoy the first batch of suggestive Xbox 360 achievements I have uncovered from retail games starting with the letters A-F. And in case you haven’t figured it out yet, the subject matter contained in this article is adult-oriented. Proceed at your own risk.

Pound it out
There’s more than just in and out you know. There’s side to side too.
(All-Pro Football 2K8)

Punch it in there
Sometimes it won’t slide right in. Times like that require you to be a bit more forceful.
(All-Pro Football 2K8)

The first one is the hardest
It really is. Everybody knows it gets progressively more flaccid with each subsequent experience.
(All-Pro Football 2K8)

Cockpit Addict
Raise your hand if you’re not addicted to moist and accommodating cockpits. That’s what I thought.
(Alone in the Dark)

Faster
Almost there … almost … pound it out! … mmmmmm …
(Alarm for Cobra 11: Crash Time)

Preload Used
I know the preload doesn’t amount to much, but it’s still a shame to waste it.
(BAJA: Edge of Control)

Roll Over
You can totally hit different spots in different positions. Switch it up already.
(BAJA: Edge of Control)

Fuzz Off!
Keep that shit shaved. It’s easier that way.
(Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts)

What’s That Smell?
Tuna. Learn to love it.
(Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts)

Finishing Blow
Sometimes you don’t even get past the oral. And that’s ok.
(Battle Fantasia)

Don’t Eat Me!
Scratch that. Please do.
(Battle Fantasia)

Meowmeowmeow!
She’s calling you. I encourage you to answer.
(Battle Fantasia)

Super Drill!
And here I was thinking a regular drilling was good!
(Battle Fantasia)

Early Release
Oops. Try thinking of Bea Arthur next time.
(Blitz The League II)

IT’S ALL IN THE WRISTS
Everybody takes care of themselves regularly. It’s worth it to learn the proper technique.
(Bully: Scholarship Edition)

Super Long Shot
I would say anything over five feet would qualify for this.
(Cabela’s African Safari)

Check Out That Rack!
I’d like to do more than check it out, if you know what I mean.
(Cabela’s Trophy Bucks)

Down Boy Down
I got us up to a 68. Now it’s your turn.
(Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare)

Deep and Hard
“Just the tip” is a shitty game. Do it right or don’t do it at all.
(Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare)

Three of a Kind
Triplets. Enough said.
(Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare)

Sticky Fingers
A side effect of playing by yourself. FYI, doing it in the shower makes clean up a lot easier.
(Crash of the Titans)

Soaking In It
Somebody’s gotta sleep in the wet spot. If you’re soaking in it, chances are it was at least worth it.
(Crash of the Titans)

Going Down
Learn it. Live it. Love it.
(Def Jam: Icon)

Swinger
Sometimes you’re just popular. What are ya gonna do?
(Don King Presents: Prizefighter)

Cutting off the head
Lorena Bobbit’s got this one down. Hopefully your other half does not.
(F.E.A.R. Files)

The Bigger They Are…
Size matters. Anyone who tells you differently is lying or freakishly small.
(Fallout 3)

Beat yourself
Masturbation, God’s great gift to all of us.
(FIFA 08)

Screamer!
The neighbors hate you but at least you know you’re getting the job done.
(FIFA 09)

The Poon Sang
If you can get it to sing, I’m pretty sure it’s safe to say you are a god. Feel free to contact me if you need someone to confirm that.
(FIFA 09)

Welcome to the Suck
No, you’re not dreaming. Oh wait, yes you are.
(Fracture)

To be continued …