Unfortunately the pattern is all too familiar. One moment the two of you are playfully frolicking in the sun-warmed water on High Ground but the next moment finds you “accidentally” sticking plasma grenades on each other’s backs. As previously blissful Halo relationships sometimes take a turn for the worse, here are some tell tale signs your Double Team partner is about to go Lone Wolves.
In the earlier stages of your relationship, your partner would teabag you at absolutely any given opportunity. Whether it was a custom game or matchmaking, if you died in his general vicinity you knew he would take the time to dip his testicles ever so gently upon your face. Now he just runs over your lifeless body to pick up your leftover ammo.
While he used to go through the shield doors before you in a valiant effort to make sure things were adequately safe on the other side, now he routinely makes you go first. That shotgun to the face he used to be willing to take for you? Now he expects you to take it for him instead.
You’re playing on Last Resort when you get sniped from across the map. Fortunately it was only a body shot so you are still alive. Unfortunately you are on the beach with no cover in sight. Your other half has a bubble shield but his shields are still intact so he doesn’t drop it. As you get hit with that fatal second shot, you fondly remember the days when he used to chivalrously use his power-up to save you.
In the past a stunningly beautiful pink Spartan would casually stroll by and your partner would not even give her a second glance. Now any time he sees a mauve, salmon, coral, peach, pale yellow, orchid, violet, lavender, crimson, or ruby wine colored player, he practically breaks his neck attempting to check them out. A female death cry will also get him moving quicker than you can say, “99% of them are male”.
You switch your shoulder pieces from CQB to Hayabusa. You wait for him to complement the glaringly obvious change but he doesn’t even notice. Modifying your avatar also goes unrecognized, as does altering your secondary color. The only thing that will get his attention at this point is sporting a removable chest plate.
When you first met him, many afternoons were spent exploring the luscious rolling hills of Valhalla on a two seated mongoose. Now when given the choice, he always opts to take the more roomy warthog. To make matters worse he frequently asks your friend to man his turret, a duty previously reserved just for you.
In happier days he used to pick up the sniper rifle so he could gaze upon your flatteringly form-fitting MJOLNIR armor from afar. He even used to use the sickeningly sweet line that he couldn’t take his eyes off you because there was something wrong with his auto-aim. Now when he picks up the sniper rifle, he actually snipes. Or at least tries to.
During the always enjoyable 3 Ball, your partner used to allow only you hold the balls; he always insisted on protecting you as long as he could so you could score maximum time with those fantastical spheres of joy. Now he’s indiscriminate and lets anybody hold them. The more the merrier apparently.
You two have a variety of strategies you regularly employ, one of them being him grabbing the invisibility and the two of you making an offensive play together. You used to keep the other team distracted while he would go after the objective. Now when he grabs the invisi, he goes off on his own and you don’t see him again until the game is over. You’ve thought about saving the films to see what he is doing, but you are convinced you don’t want to know.
You know what’s coming next. It’s called Lone Wolves. On Isolation. Sad face.
Posted by CrazedOne1988 on November 25, 2008 at 3:14 am
Aw shit, I may be in trouble here………
I’ve seen 6 of these already…….
Posted by Deepcee on November 25, 2008 at 3:26 am
Starts with the “no more teabagging” huh Crazed?
:)
Posted by Jak on November 25, 2008 at 3:31 am
lol, these are great, Angel.
Posted by soulofaqua on November 25, 2008 at 5:35 am
so that’s why my pink armour is constantly oogled at! I’m stealing away the boys!
Posted by pwkwsfi on November 25, 2008 at 5:36 am
nice.
the reason he’s still on your friends list is to keep up appearances . . . and to use the friends of friends feature to keep his options open. ok, not Halo specific, but watch out!
Posted by Das Kalk on November 25, 2008 at 6:39 am
I ALWAYS Teabag :)
Posted by Socket on November 25, 2008 at 8:20 am
Sounds like the girl sucks and he’s gone pro…lol.
Posted by Mike on November 25, 2008 at 10:18 am
the last line is priceless
Posted by Trixie on November 25, 2008 at 10:20 am
Very nicely written…I’ve only seen 3 of these on occasion…so I guess we are still ok. :/
I hate Isolation. :(
Posted by AT-AT on November 25, 2008 at 10:44 am
I always let somebody else go through the shield door if they’re there. My luck is such that, in any situation where there can be something big and nasty, the chances of it being there are 95%+. So if *I* go through the door, there’s gonna be something there. If somebody else goes through the door, there may not be something there.
Posted by Crazyeye0 on November 25, 2008 at 11:06 am
Removeable Chest Plate eh?…
Also, I seem to be the only one who likes maps that everybody else here dosn’t like…Isolation and Rats Nest to name a few. Not Snowbound or Boundless though, Boundless would be more amusing if it had a Ghost, splatters are fun you know!
Posted by Queen 0f Blades on November 25, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Talking from experience here? :P
Posted by bs angel on November 25, 2008 at 4:35 pm
:: looks around quietly ::
Maybe.
Could someone pass the tissues please?
Posted by FINUKE on November 25, 2008 at 4:39 pm
This blog is like a cold shower after a long hot round of raquetball on outside courts on a hot summer day.
It is refreshing to read video game content from a lady. I read so much testosteron (is that spelled right?) peppered gaming content that I sometimes forget that their are fairer perspectives out there. What a relief to read such a funny, timely, and femenine gaming blog. You are as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside.
Posted by Eithan on November 25, 2008 at 6:47 pm
what about using ovies whenever he has to touch you
Posted by Skibur on November 25, 2008 at 11:23 pm
Wow… That was awesome. XD
Posted by Kensai on November 26, 2008 at 4:18 am
“You know what’s coming next. It’s called Lone Wolves. On Isolation. Sad face.” Classic, you are made of pure win BS.
Cheers,
Kensai
http://www.405th.com
Posted by John Killer118 on November 26, 2008 at 7:15 am
You never seize to amaze me bs angel. Awesome!
Posted by Desert Rat on November 26, 2008 at 10:09 pm
Epic :(
Posted by Ryan on January 6, 2009 at 1:03 pm
I like isolation…..and is it me or does pink armour look comfortable? lol