Hawty McBloggy Invites You to Play

Once upon a time there was a vibrantly green and luscious garden. The overly attentive caretaker, who was known for being more than a little eccentric, attempted to maintain a peaceful environment for the numerous piñatas who called this garden home. Sometimes she was successful; often times she was not. Welcome to The Viva Piñata Chronicles, the rather unique tale from bs angel’s garden where you are her piñatas.

With a shimmering glint of sunlight barely visible between the budding branches of freshly planted apple trees, a new day had finally arrived in the Stuicide-less garden. The piñatas continued to mourn the loss of their beloved Bunnycomb while the weather bespoke their poignant sorrow. A gentle rain washed over the garden, cleansing the surviving residents as they reluctantly consumed the candied remains. It may have been the first cannibalistic episode in the garden but it certainly would not be the last. As the dismal weather foreshadowed, it was destined to be a rough day in the deceptively innocent land of the piñatas.

Having spent an extended period of time watching the lascivious Whirlms experiment with their failed ménage à trois the day before, DeepCee and alakai (the resident Bispottis) decided it was time to try their unexperienced hands at the sensual romance dance. Each sporting a pair of provocative rainbow star-shaped sunglasses, their moment of sexual bliss lasted a mere 9.56 seconds but was fruitful enough that they were soon blessed with a baby by the name of ReverendTiki. Unfortunately shortly after the delivery of their beautiful child, a Sour Profitamole crept into the garden and defiantly consumed alakai in one swift bite. DeepCee then did what any respectable Bispotti would do when faced with the loss of a cherished partner. He began mating with ReverendTiki. Frequently. Until they had seven babies.

The Bispottis weren’t the only piñatas passionately copulating. The Whirlms continued their carnal pleasure until they turned vibrant shades of green, purple, and red. Between their sultry sessions, they even had a set of twins! Encouraged by the wonderful news, the Sparrowmints got in on the action as well. Sniperfive40 and Rhamsey performed their amorous dance atop a feathery bed of pillows and soon found themselves the proud parents of a precious baby bird named Qix. Admist all the mating ALTEX, the solitary Mousemallow, valiantly struggled to perfect his newly learned trick but had no companion to impress. The caretaker, unable to attract another one of its kind, finally opted to purchase one at the store. ALTEX was quite aroused upon laying eyes on the newly acquired soulofaqua, so much that plans were made to learn an entire new repertoire of tricks, this time of the more wanton variety.

As the garden quickly became overpopulated with the blossoming piñata population, the caretaker soon found herself overly burdened with the plethora of daily responsibilities. No longer capable of taking care of everything herself, she set off in search of some benevolent helpers. She hired mendicantbias00 (who has the ability to spout endless amounts of nourishing fluid from his head) to water the plants and TTL Tortacular (who knows a bad seed when he sees it) to rid the garden of pesky weeds. Thankful for the assistance, the mindful caretaker could then focus wholeheartedly on the well-being of the piñatas. Handmade Hero, the Pretztail who had already fallen ill from eating noxious dirt, learned nothing from his last episode as he continued to make the same mistake. Thankfully the doctor was able to heal him three times in one day but Eloco the Taffly was not so lucky. Getting sick in a remote part of the garden hidden behind the helper house, the doctor was unable to reach him before he got eaten by the other piñatas. Suffering a cruel fate, the lesson of survival of the fittest was only just beginning.

As dusk began to fall over the richly diverse piñata garden, two new residents joined the already established hierarchy. Two Newtgats, Jim 028 and PinkBulletz14, covertly slinked into the glistening pond. Upon discovering the unwelcome intruders, Senor Leche and Nid, the Lickatoads who had been dwelling in the water peacefully unchallenged, grew instantly infuriated. Standing his ground, Senor Leche challenged Jim 028 to a fight. After exchanging devastating attacks, Jim 028 stood victorious while Senor Leche lay wounded in the water. Nid challenged Jim 028 next only to find himself the next victim of the seemingly undefeatable Newtgat. Senor Leche and Nid dejectedly swam out of the pond and left the garden, upset over the loss of their prized territory. And thus the sweet piñatas learned about natural selection, which was existent even in their remote candy-filled corner of the world.

*If you signed up but weren’t introduced in this first two episodes, fret not. It will take a while to work everybody in the mix but I can guarantee you will have your turn. I just don’t guarantee that you will like it. Muhahahahaha ….