Friday Caption Fun, Round 23
November 7, 2008 146 Comments
While I know many of you will be occupied with the slow-walking and steroid-popping Marcus Fenix this weekend, don’t forget you have another chance at the Halo 3 “Vidmaster Challenge: 7 on 7″ achievement today. While I attempt to figure out what playlist I need to play to unlock it, I’ll leave you to captioning an amusingly clever and unique screenshot. You know the drill though, a quick rundown of the previous screenshot is up first.
- “If I get one more damned request for a Flood balloon animal…” (Sarge Tomzilla)
- “Upon discovering that the Flood’s only weakness was being ticklish, the UNSC began an all-out raspberry campaign on the belly of the infection.” (petetheduck)
- “You’re not like the other flood, you’re special.” (Das Kalk)
- “The look of dread on Steve’s face as he kissed the parasite was nothing compared to the look of horror from his platoon, as each of them now had to pay him 50 bucks.” (retinence)
- “Just because they’re nicknamed “popcorn” doesn’t mean they’re edible.” (Queen 0f Blades)
- “You can keep your stinkin’ Recon, and Hayabusa’s so last-year; I got me a Flood Helmet!” (Anton P. Nym)
- “What do you know! It DOES taste like chicken!” (mendicantbias00)
- “You know I want this relationship to work, but let’s just say that the 6 is pulling its weight and the 9 really needs to get a start on its half of the deal.” (ALTEX)
Lucky for ALTEX, I reward bonus points any time someone can sneak in a discreet 69 joke. If you can do it with this next screenshot though, you are better than I am as I just can’t seem to make it work. One I did manage to come up with though is, “And I thought my betrayal stats were bad before!” Assuming you don’t have the same teammate killing tendencies that I do, what is your witty caption for this wondrous bfg-themed screenshot?
Author: Dox 482
Let’s see the Gravemind stand up to this.
“Go on…. say it. Say ‘I can haz recon?’ one more time. I dare you.”
Sadly, for this miserable spartan, The flame thrower melted every other component.
Ok, now to find how to reload.
“Looks bad-ass, Chief, but what if it jams?”
D:
“Oh… I know what the ladies like.”
The Halo 3 equivalent of the Halo 1 pistol.
That is why Bungie took it out.
The ultimate weapon whore.
It has a microwave too!
Order now while stocks last.
“…. SHOOP DA WOOP!”
pew pew pew!
compensating for something here cheif?
Dude, how did that guy get the Security Shoulders?
BFG now with triple the “F”!!!!
Ripley would be proud.
It’s light. Handle’s adjustable for easy carrying, good for righties and lefties. Breaks down into four parts, undetectable by x-ray, ideal for quick, discreet interventions. A word on firepower. Titanium recharger, three thousand round clip with bursts of three to three hundred, and with the Replay button – another Zorg invention – it’s even easier.
I’m gonna get Da Turdy Point Buck this time for sure!!
Great, now I can shoot someone, blow a vehicle up, and catch myself on fire…
This is MY boomstick.
I call fuellazarsniperocks!
*click* … oh what the?! … oh come on! what ammo do i use for this?!
“Hey Fenix, you forgot your gun!”
Yeah, GoW guns are pretty crazy looking…
his only weakness is running out of ammo
“The FK-69 Penetrator. Brings anyone to the ground, whether it be on their bed, or yours…..”
Say hello to my little friend!
…if that damn fly lands on my potato salad one more time…
Let’s see tank beat this!
Hi! Billy Mays here!! you may know me from the wonderful product Oxy Clean! Im here today to show you the awesome destructive power of the Ass-Master 9000! Once I show you the raw ferocity of this gun you’ll wonder how you ever lived without it!
The UNSC really outdid themselves when they tried to make a gun that looked cooler than a Covenant weapon; let alone perform better.
Don’t worry too much, every bullet for this gun costs a little over 6 figures
In the 2555 edition of the Oxford Dictionary, there are now two definitions of heaven. This is one of them.
‘too heavy…’ *falls forward and accidentally pulls the trigger, launching Ed into the lower stratosphere*
And you thought the n00b combo was bad..
The fans had called for a more realistic pistol in Halo 4 that still captured the feel of Halo 1′s pistol. The compromise seemed to please fans.
The Swiss Army weapon designers made sure that the UNSC had a weapon with all the latest technology and features. Unfortunately, they forgot to include a trigger.
“Sure, I’ll shoot it for you”
*click*
“Oops, the safety was on”
Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.
caption for the pic:
“Hard to believe its duel-wieldable.”
Screw the BFG 9000. This is the BFG Infinity.
New! From Blast-tech, the Pwnmaster 650! Why simply kill your enemy, when you can atomize him, along with an entire city block! Here at Blast-tech, we don’t believe in overkill, and neither should you! Comes standard with cup holder and DVD player.
Now if I could just figure out how to work this thing……
Bungie released the new DLC MK46 Fuel Rocket Rifle to compete with the release of GoW2
All that firepower just couldn’t compensate for the spartans weak “gravity hammer”
When I finally figure out how to fire this thing, you are SO dead!
“Hey, the chief just said ‘I need a weapon’ he didn’t say which one…”
“Its great and all but does it come in pink?”
With the invention of the OMFGWTFBBQROLFCOPTER 9000 the world would no longer risk any armed conflict. It is still up for debate weather it was fear of the weapon, the 31 days it took to clean and mantain the weapon after one firing or impossibility of finding any ammo…
Assimilate this.
Voila… the ZF1.
It’s light. Handle’s adjustable for easy carrying, good for righties and lefties, breaks down into four parts, undetectable by X-Ray, ideal for quick discreet intervention. A word on firepower: Titanium recharger, 3000 round clip with bursts of 3 to 300. With the replay button, another Zorg innovation, it’s even easier… one shot, and replay sends every following shot to the same location. And to finish the job, old Zorg oldies with goldies: Rocket Launcher, Arrow launcher (with explosive of poisonous gas heads, very practical), our famous net launcher, the always efficient flamethrower (my favorite). And for the finale, the all-new Ice-Cube System.
I promise, this will hurt me more than it will hurt you… or not… no, likely not.
“My other gun is bigger”
“If you think this is impressive just unzip my pants”
“Killing a grunt is easy, but killing a super grunt takes a little more fire power”
I hate warriors, too narrow-minded. I’ll tell you what I do like though: a killer, a dyed-in-the-wool killer. Cold blooded, clean, methodical and thorough. Now a real killer, when he picked up the ZF-1, would’ve immediately asked about the little red button on the bottom of the gun.
[Scene shifts to Aknot, who is staring in confusion at the little red button. He shrugs and pushes it]
KABLAM!
I am heavy weapons guy. And this.. is my gun.
I r guy who gun t33ch u l3sson
A big gun doesn’t make a big man.
Need to reload… need to reload…
Where the hell is the magazine!?
Recon through superior firepower.
Does this thing get cable?
No, no! Another one:
This is all made of LEGOs.
“I know what you’re thinking. “Did he fire six shots or only five?” Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is the most powerful weapon in the world, and would blow your head (and everything else) clean off, you’ve got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?”
Thanks Dirty Harry!
Wow! I finally managed to find the uber-secret-fusion-gun!
So, umm… Where’s the trigger?
Bleh, there goes my BFG joke.
“That can not be standard issue.”
Or, “Frog blasting the vent core… in style.”
It’s not like the dead space marine needed this BFG 9000 anymore…
“Proactive skin care solutions latest invention for getting rid of even the most stubborn pimples. Finally one product for all types of skin problems. From blackheads, blemishes, zits, and even flood, are all “Pwn3d” into non existence instantly.”
Say hello to my little friend. <== I can’t believe no one has said that yet.
UNSC commercial:
(Godsmack music from the NAVY commercial playing)
And to think, somewhere, some poor sap is buying a minivan. UNSC accelerate the covenant’s death.
To the Spartan’s horror, he realized that he forgot to add the needler.
or
The Spartan realized something: Nothing could compare to the awesome flood gun he saw a marine use. (http://halo3screenshots.com/2008/10/15/nom-nom-nom/)
My pew pew cannon can shoot farther and bigger loads than yours.
Oh jeez…The Fifth Element quotes had me laughing pretty bad…
“MOAR RED BULL! I HAS ANTI-GRAV ELEPHANT GUN!”
“Now all i got to do is press RB, LB, A, Down and left click and i will be able to hump this shit”
Even better than formula 410!
I don’t know what will happen when I shoot this but I know its going to be awesome, absolutely awesome.
Trust me, that thing is worthless to professionals. If you think that you need a gun that has a scope attachment, silencer, rockets, grenades, attached bayonet blade, lasersights, napalm canisters, radiation launchers, heat-seeking needles, and the added ability to fly while making smoothies, then you’re a total newb… Wait, did someone say smoothies?
“yeah, I DID eat the last pudding snack pack….got a f***in problem with that?……Didn’t think so.”
The New Verizon Splazer Phone comes with unlimited text messaging!
“remember when we were kids and you shot me with that BB gun? . . . . . . . . .sup now?”
“Call now and get your Chuck Norris Repellent today!”
When Master Chief meets Banjo Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts…
“It slices! It dices! It makes mounds and mounds of julienne Spartans!”
Or to quote Schlock Mercenary (http://www.schlockmercenary.com/), “There is no overkill. There is only ‘Open fire’ and ‘I need to reload’.”
The studio in charge of the ‘Halo: Power Rangers’ machinima were attempting to figure out how to do the mandatory ‘combo weapon’. Needless to say they found a solution.
Thanks… you left me with a pistol and no grenades… and IM suppose to cover you while YOU get the flag?
In the next season of RvB: Reconstruction, Caboose finds yet another way to kill Church… accidentally.
It also makes waffles, does your homework, and walks your dog!
Now only if I could stick Chuck Noris in here…
The MAC’s got nothing on this!
“The new Super-Soaker 2552 is so strong, we had to have the Master Chief test it!”
Badass Spartan Haz Moar Dakka than you.
‘An elegant weapon, for a more civilized age.’
-Tips hat to urk- :)
does it shoot lolcats?
SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!!!!!1!
You think the gun’s big? Wait till you see the damn manual.
“Combo Whore”
This gun will mess you up so bad, you’re gonna need somebody to mess you back down.
Sadly, the BFG 9000 discharged inside the weapon during every test-firing, leading to the deaths of hundreds of testers until the funding was moved to “Project Wal-Mart”.
“This? This…. is the RoflGun. It goes BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM!!!!”
Tank no long beats everything!!!
And you thought the shotty was ever-powered!!!
He’s overcompensating…
To door to dorr salesman ‘Just try to sell me something, i dare you.’
“I call ‘er Vera.”
Looks like we didnt have to blow the Autumns engine to destroy Halo, Huh?
“Look, Gunny, this thing has 6 triggers, You dont even have that many fingers left.”
“SPRIGGS!!!!!”
Hold. Still. There’s a fly on your head.
“Come get some, motherfu**ers” (… click, click, click.) “Dammit! …. One shot on my X!”
I hate warriors, too narrow-minded. I’ll tell you what I do like though: a killer, a dyed-in-the-wool killer. Cold blooded, clean, methodical and thorough. Now a real killer, when he picked up the ZF-1, would’ve immediately asked about the little red button on the bottom of the gun.
Alright here we go, wait, what the hell? They forgot the laser scope?
Dude. Where are the wheels?
Bungie’s trying out the Power Rangers idea of combining weapons to make something that will go boom.
Keep your roflknife-I’ve got meself a rofl-launcher!
“For when you absolutely, positively need to kill every Mother F***** in the room!”
It has a charge time thats twice as long as the laser but the result is 100 times more satisfying.
And to think, somewhere, some poor sap is trying to get recon.
Bungie forgot to mention that the banhammer had been renamed the the Shishka-bang. Its been deployed, lets keep it clean.
One of the new weapons you will be able to use in the HALO 3:RECON campaign.
Yes, I found the Scarab gun!
Bring it on Gears of War 2. Just try to attack me with the chainsaw gun.
when you absolutely have to decimate everything in your path and then some try using the new Oh-SHI…, cause thats all anyone will be able to get out we you role up with one of these.
1. create gun
2. name it
3. ????????
4. profit
the question is can u pray and spray with it
may i present the destroy-the-world-hugamahtastic-gun! available only here for the lowlow price of: yur soul!!!
“I’m going to rape your face with this FK-69 Penetrator!”
Hey Gravemind, How’s your hemmroids? (Thank you McCale’s Navy, from right before the bad guy gets a torpedo up the a$$)
or
When subtlety just isn’t an option…
or
NONE SHALL PASS!!!!!!!!!!!
Halo: Combat Evolved’s pistol was highly regarded a “God’s personal anti-son-of-a-bitch machine”. To this day, the fans and newbies alike agree.
Okay…maybe I don’t need this many weapons…
When asked to put the equivalent to Doom’s “BFG” in Halo, the designers went a bit overboard…
When Chief said “I need a weapon”, the Marines went a little over the top getting him one…
The funny thing is, Its so heavy only Caboose can use it.
Hmm….
My, what big teeth you have! Let me just…
Whups.
~Matoro3311
INFINITY!!!! PROTON CANON!!!!!
IMA CHARGIN MAH…..watever this thing is….
“and this was the day that Bungie unleashed the ultimate in ban technology”
It looks like a fishy!!!!
This war is useless. Give me the flag-I’ll give you good feedback.
Contrary to popular belief, this IS the Banhammer.
I always wondered what someone meant by saying “We’re going to need a bigger gun”. Now I know what they were asking for.
for the last time… YOU MAY NOT HAZ RECON!!!!!!!!!!
I didnt know the UNSC came up with a personal MAC gun.
i’ll blow your gun if you blow mine. wait…i meant to say blow up, yeah that’s it, blow up.
The BFG 9001
“Say hi to the Super Happy Fun Fun Cannon!”
“This is what happened when they let Flintlocke into the UNSC armory with a roll of ductape.”
“It’s tha most be’utaful thing… evar forged…. my mortal ‘ands”
If you don’t get these references, this might help.
http://pc.gamespy.com/flintlockes-guide-to-azeroth/the-resting-place-of-the-ultimate-weapon/711359p1.html
“Go ahead. Make my day.”
Created specifically for Spartans to wield, the OMGWTFBBQ-32 didn’t see much wide-scale deployment after the “Incident” with gray team…
It can’t actually fire anything, but it sure as hell looks cool!
do I look like I care about kibbles and freakin bits?
Alright, which one of you half-witted idiots put the remote control fart machine under my chair?
Ok. Open wide so we can fix that cavity and you’ll be outta here in no time.
Making a Grunt soil itself in terror had lost its appeal so Master Chief decided to up the anty by trying to get the same effect from a Brute
That seems unnecassary
Compensating for something there chief?
That’s the last time I buy anything from that dude from the fifth element.
The ultimate power weapon hoarder!
The EL-33T-CF, codename Cluster Fuck, is the ultimate anti-noob weapon this model comes with Noob-seeking rockets, particularly useful for Ammo-hoarding, solo-hog driving teammates. (WARNING! :IF YOU ARE A NOOB OR ARE EXPERIENCING SIGNS OF NOOBISHNESS DO NOT HANDLE EL-33T-CF .AS NOOBISH USE OF THIS WEAPON IN CLINICAL TRIALS RESULTED IN MILD TO MODERATE DEATH.)
The Swiss Army Laser
do ya feel lucky…punk
Want to have a sixty-nine? I mean…uhhh this FK-69 Penetrator….yeah, let’s go with that.