What If, Halo Style: Round 5

While it would be more appropriate to say TGIF today, I will instead say thank goodness it’s September. That means the days of freaking all of you out by announcing that it is Friday when it really isn’t are temporarily over. You will now be blessed with nine glorious months of me knowing what day it is. Rejoice! Ms. Hawty McBloggy is back on her game. Well, the knowing-what-day-it-is game. Not the Halo game. Unfortunately there can only be so many miracles granted in one lifetime.

halo chariot

Since today is Friday, that not only means there is a relaxing weekend right around the corner but also that it is What If, Halo Style day. Two weeks ago I asked, “What if you could add absolutely any vehicle you wanted into Halo 3’s multiplayer mix. What would it be?” and a diverse mix of answers came rolling in. Unfortunately I’m having trouble concentrating again because the page I am reading all of your comments on has the half-naked picture of Master Chief on it. One of these days I am going to ask, “What if Master Chief appeared on your doorstep wearing only his codpiece?” I ask myself that every night, might as well get your opinion on it too, right? But for now it’s time to get back to the topic at hand. Let’s cover some answers from a few weeks ago then we can tackle a new codpiece-free topic.

  • “Save a horse, ride a Master Chief.” (Dakota the Wolf)
  • “An AT-RT, or rather, any fast transport with a weapon. I’m tired of needing to get some where fast, but constantly be killed because I’m riding a weaponless Mongoose.” (AT-AT)
  • “A red 2001 Hyundai Accent.” (petetheduck)
  • “Scarab tank! Should be a whole gametype about bringing the thing down!” (xp194)
  • “A golf cart with a turret on the back.” (SIR COFFEE)
  • “A broom. I really want to play a Quidditch game varient.” (retinence)
  • “A chariot. I just love the idea of master chief riding a chariot into battle, throwing plasma grenades to the left and right. Really.” (MathijsBuster)
  • “Forerunner Tank would have been awesome.” (Nid)
  • “I don’t know. I’m afraid you effectively erased my reasoning and common sense with this picture. *goes catatonic and stares at the picture*” (Odessa)

I feel your pain Odessa, I feel your pain. Every single time I see that picture, I slip into a daydream and lose about ten minutes of my life. Not that I’m complaining, mind you. Before I wander off again, I’ll leave you with a new question to ponder. What if you got to take over the Double EXP Weekend duties next week. What would your playlist of choice feature? I think I will have to be completely unimaginative and go with neutral flag variants. I really miss the intense games of neutral flag from the Halo 2 days, especially on maps like Sanctuary and Warlock. So what would you choose? Something old? Something new? Something borrowed? Or something purple?

79 Responses to this post.

  1. Hmmmmm, that’s tough. I’d have to say CHARIOT RACE. Plasma grenades and pistols only, it’s like rocket race, only with chariots.

    Reply

  2. Some sort of playlist that puts a bunch of all those really crappy people you’ve run into over the course of your XBL/Halo experience into a giant hole, with no sheilds and heavy gravity. And then you chuck grenades at them. And leaving is disabled. And if you try to turn off your Xbox or go back to the dashboard, your actual self will burst into flames.

    Yeah, I would do that one.

    Reply

  3. Posted by mendicantbias00 on September 5, 2008 at 3:47 am

    Extermination – A Team Slayer type match with 3 rounds. The only way to get a point is to kill the entire other team within 4 seconds. If not they keep respawning. I think it would force people to work together and would probably be the most hated gametype ever! =D

    Reply

  4. Neutral Flag on Sanctuary ROCKED. Neutral Flag on Warlock was often a 90-second game that you either won, or lost, 3-0. (Not so much fun, either way.)

    I’d bring back Action Sack games. Because… well, because that’s what I like playing. I totally miss whacky gametypes. Remember Base Jumping? Or that insane fixed-hill rockets-only KotH on Midship? Dang… I’m getting misty-eyed just thinking about them.

    INVISIBLE PISTOLS ON WATERWORKS, NO VEHICLES! YEAH, BABY! …oh, wait, that one sucked.

    Reply

  5. Posted by mendicantbias00 on September 5, 2008 at 4:44 am

    “INVISIBLE PISTOLS ON WATERWORKS, NO VEHICLES! YEAH, BABY! …oh, wait, that one sucked.”

    Ok mine would ALMOST be the most hated gametype ever. =)

    Reply

  6. Posted by angelofbacon on September 5, 2008 at 5:02 am

    Living Dead. I loved playing that last week.

    Reply

  7. Posted by Doc on September 5, 2008 at 5:41 am

    I agree with the Living Dead. Except you got to get rid of the invisible zombies…

    Reply

  8. Posted by DeepCee on September 5, 2008 at 5:45 am

    TeaBagathon : Finish your opponent by Teabagging them. Not to be confused with a curb stomp.

    Reply

  9. I would have to in with a CTF weekend. 1 Flag, 2 Flag, neutral flag the works. All CTF, all weekend.

    Reply

  10. Krazy Killa Fiesta! Everyone is super fast and super light, spawns with random weapons, and kills are practically instant. About a dozen people running all over Sandtrap killing each other with super long range Assault Rifle bursts is a great thrill.

    Reply

  11. Posted by ClandestineMan on September 5, 2008 at 6:07 am

    I think my double exp weekend would contain a fiesta of objective games with the occasional fiesta of weapons.

    Reply

  12. Posted by Nid on September 5, 2008 at 6:35 am

    Thumb War.

    Reply

  13. Posted by CrunchbiteNuva on September 5, 2008 at 6:39 am

    I. for one, would love to play those gametypes zZombie13 thought up of. I wanna play wedgie wars!

    Reply

  14. SketchTrap.

    Naw, I’d probably just have Infection variants. I love that game, so much.

    Reply

  15. Double EXP weekend MLG playlist baby! Come on, me, voting for competitive gaming? Camannnn who could’ve seen that coming, right? right? amiright? *holds up hand for high five, dead silence*

    Anyway I’m glad i saw the contest for winning Angel’s swag bag after about 300 comments are already there lol

    Reply

  16. Posted by Salen on September 5, 2008 at 7:12 am

    I have this idea of combining different gametypes into one game type.

    But I’d totally need the following items.

    1. Booze. Lots of booze.
    2. A Dart Board.
    3. Darts.
    4. A list of all the game types.

    Now you just have to get drunk, set up the dartboard with the gametypes listed, and then toss 2 or 3 darts at the board, and hope get you get some good combos. Like…

    Fiesta Oddball Slayer
    Covenant Rocket Race King of the Hill
    Zombie Shotty Sniper Territories
    Oh, and the best idea… Zombie Grifball!

    But if you accidently toss a dart and hit a Bungie employee, they get to pick the map variant.

    Reply

  17. Posted by Nid on September 5, 2008 at 7:29 am

    V.I.Pinata.

    Reply

  18. Posted by Dougan on September 5, 2008 at 8:04 am

    Community weekend. A huge rotation of community built gametypes. They would need a short explanation of the objective or changed rules, but it would be awesome.

    Reply

  19. sorry…what was the question..?? master chief in a cod piece…?

    glaze….

    Reply

  20. 117 Flag CTF!

    Turn down the gravity and turn the speed up, pop open an energy drink and let the adrenaline fueled shenanigans begin!

    Reply

  21. Posted by Corey "My7hos" O. on September 5, 2008 at 8:29 am

    “Grab Bag” – A “Grab Bag” of various crazy and/or zany variatiosn of such gametypes as Juggernaut, Infection, King of the Hill, Odd Ball. Keep it mixed. Keep it crazy.

    Reply

  22. Living dead is fun but they need to take off the invisble zombies, and add the fanmade gametypes like Fat kid and Duck hunt, which would be way funner than “Save one bullet” and the regular infection types.

    Reply

  23. Posted by DrDoctor on September 5, 2008 at 8:49 am

    I would have to say that since I’m pretty sure a community playlist is coming that I would go for a bonus points weekend. Bungie can choose how they want to weight everything or have certain gametypes that focus on one (only sticks give bonus or only snipes or something) I really just want to see people using that feature more…

    Reply

  24. Posted by Aperture S on September 5, 2008 at 8:54 am

    My Double Exp Weekend would be:

    2 Teams of 4, No Power ups, Battle Rifle only, No weapons to pick ups, If you get shot twice you die.

    =D

    Reply

  25. Posted by CrazedOne1988 on September 5, 2008 at 8:58 am

    The roflwaffle playlist.

    Where you spend 10 minutes shooting laughing waffles.

    Reply

  26. Posted by Morpheus on September 5, 2008 at 9:03 am

    What about Team No-Auto-Aim?

    Everybody on one team, friendly fire enabled, betrayal booting disabled, point for betrayal, 1st to 25 wins?

    Lazer Tag? rofl.

    Anybody ever play Grandma’s House CTF? 16 man Grandma’s House!

    Reply

  27. I like the off-beat gametypes. I would like to see a FFA Swat Needlers weekend with no grenades and no secondary weapons.

    How about a Recon Weekend, where maybe 5 players with the most earned EXP (for the weekend) receive the Recon Armor.

    Team FAE, the various Action Sack games and Big Team Slayer with heavy weapons.

    Reply

  28. Posted by Chopstick on September 5, 2008 at 9:49 am

    I’d have to say i would pick what they were talking about on this last podcast. fan made forge variants. that is going to be the coolest playlist of all time. :)

    Reply

  29. Posted by mendicantbias00 on September 5, 2008 at 10:03 am

    @ Captain Spark
    I like the off-beat gametypes. I would like to see a FFA Swat Needlers weekend with no grenades and no secondary weapons.

    WE HAVE TO PLAY THAT! O_O

    Reply

  30. Posted by Matoro3311 on September 5, 2008 at 10:17 am

    Super Grifbal…..everyone’s traits are increased….including…….

    EYE BEAMS!!!!!!

    Reply

  31. Posted by Handmade Hero on September 5, 2008 at 10:24 am

    If it was up to me it would be FFA Slayer in Forge.
    I <3 pandemonium

    Reply

  32. Hey mendicantbias00. Check my file share, I have a forged version of Cold Storage with all Needlers called Cold Mist. I applied the Juicy FX filter and it really makes the colors stand out. There are Firebomb grenades and plasma grenades and two raised platforms. You have to choose default weapons to have all Needlers in this map, all other weapons have been removed. I need to play test this map sometime to see if I need to change anything!

    Reply

  33. Posted by Cailus on September 5, 2008 at 10:25 am

    8v8 One Flag on Snowbound…with the defenders getting tanks, and the attackers getting Rockets and Fuel Rods. Ah, if only…

    Reply

  34. Posted by AT-AT on September 5, 2008 at 10:26 am

    I’d have to say Vehicle Wars. 6 on 6 action with plenty of Vehicles and anti-vehicle weapons to go round (all with fairly clip respawn times so you’re not left out).

    Reply

  35. Posted by rockin chizel on September 5, 2008 at 10:39 am

    team brs on Guardian and team brs on the Pit, but without spawning with both the br and the AR. It would be slayer that you would want to play because there would be no isolation or assault rifles

    Reply

  36. Posted by mendicantbias00 on September 5, 2008 at 11:14 am

    Captain Spark,

    Downloaded, we should test it soon. =)

    Reply

  37. Posted by Windy Tom on September 5, 2008 at 11:58 am

    “Patriot Man”! It’s a game type I play with my mates which involves an extremely fast and extremely strong Juggernaught (The Patriot Man) slaughtering through groups of other players (Teh Noobs!). In the unlikely event that a noob gets a headshot on the Juggernaught, they earn themselves 10 points and become Patriot Man. 3 rounds, 50 points each and one massive pile of dead bodies.

    Reply

  38. Posted by fezgod on September 5, 2008 at 12:45 pm

    Fight club, no shields, no grenades, low gravity. The only weapons are plasma pistols and you can only melee the enemy.

    Reply

  39. Posted by Metalingus627 on September 5, 2008 at 12:51 pm

    I like the Vehicle wars idea… Throw in Sandtrap, Valhalla, Standoff, Avalanche, and maybe Rats Nest with no weapons on any maps except for maybe one or two rocket launchers.

    Reply

  40. Chiron-palozza!

    Every single gametype (including SWockets and SWeedlers) known to man on everyone’s favorite Halo 1 map, Chiron TL-34! (They really need to remake that map for Halo 3)

    Reply

  41. Rocket Ball

    Reply

  42. Meat Flag from Gears of War 2. The “flag” would be a Brute Chieftain or even a Hunter with boosted health and AI. Once you kill it, you have to load it onto a vehicle and drive it back to base. And the Meat Flag would be protected by AI Grunts and Jackals.

    Reply

  43. I agree with Wu to a degree. I want Action Sack back, but as a full time social playlist. I would have to say a Team Armory playlist would be sweet. Or possibly a Bar Ball weekend. Just think of all the complaints in Optimatch if that ever happened!

    Reply

  44. Anything that will annoy the hell out of boosters… say a slayer game with a one-hour time limit and no winning score?

    Reply

  45. Posted by PlazmaMuffin on September 5, 2008 at 2:05 pm

    Spy check
    Game type : Odd ball
    Weapons: Pistols
    On map: a ton of flame throwers
    Conditions: When you grab the skull you get cloaked

    Thus remaking tf2’s spy check

    Reply

  46. Posted by TrAvIs 6t6 on September 5, 2008 at 2:15 pm

    A ranked FFA game where you couldn’t kill unless it unlocked an achievement and peope with the lowest number of kills wins (the one that helps the most) and the highest you can go is 5 skill so no boosting.

    Reply

  47. I’m gonna have to be selfish and say all of the Rumble Pit World Series’ custom gametypes :P

    Reply

  48. 2v6 1 Flag CTF…
    BR/Shottie start, infinite ammo…no weapons/equipment on map…vehicles map default….no radar
    Off- 2 players w/ full invis
    Def-6 players

    try it…you will never play normal ctf again

    Reply

  49. Posted by Xpargas on September 5, 2008 at 3:37 pm

    Cock Fighting except with grunts

    You bet on which one will win and if you win you get the amount of exp you bet. There would be a max of like 10 exp though.

    Reply

  50. Posted by BBJynne on September 5, 2008 at 3:43 pm

    team hammer/swords with regenerating grenades and 50% gravity

    TORTURE :evil:

    Reply

  51. Posted by Jackson Webb on September 5, 2008 at 4:21 pm

    ranked fatkid yeah!

    Reply

  52. Posted by Dust and Echoes on September 5, 2008 at 5:02 pm

    Definitely a scarab gametype. On a modified version of sandtrap. There are a lot of platforms at the scarabs level, one team tries to bring it down by boarding it and planting a bomb at the core, the other stops them.

    Reply

  53. Posted by caelan96 on September 5, 2008 at 5:45 pm

    WHACK-A-MOLE! Everyone spawns in a hole, and you have to poke your head up every now and then to get the shield regenerator, because your health is constantly going down. Then there’s some guy with a Grav-Ham just smashing their brains out. ~ Caelan96

    Reply

  54. Posted by caelan96 on September 5, 2008 at 5:46 pm

    Ooo! A playlist where it scans for custom game types on custom levels! Awesome.

    Reply

  55. Posted by SonofMacPhisto on September 5, 2008 at 6:41 pm

    Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold on a second!

    ‘I feel your pain Odessa, I feel your pain. Every single time I see that picture, I slip into a daydream and lose about ten minutes of my life.’

    MASTER CHIEF ONLY LASTS 10 MINUTES? Look, I’m not into him like that, but even I think that’s LAME! Psh, Spartan II training my ass.

    ;-)

    Reply

  56. Posted by Nid on September 5, 2008 at 6:53 pm

    A Scarab gametype on Sandtrap? Psh. I want a Scarab gametype on, like, Gaurdian.

    Reply

  57. Definitely a SWARM playlist, a custom sandtrap maps with a handful of light ground vehicles, then set it to infection, zombie starts with 300 speed, 50 grav, with either swords, hammers or both, zombies have no shields, 200 damage resistance. goal of the game… run away, until there’s a shitload of zombies, and if you flip, you’re about to get swarmed. awesome big group game.

    Reply

  58. Posted by Tooks on September 5, 2008 at 8:28 pm

    DUUUde.. guys…guys..and girls… how about a DRUNKEN IRISH BAR FIGHT gametype…16 people on guardian with plasma pistols that don’t hurt anyone, but when you start swinging fists ..BLAM!. imagine the carnage; going around the map saying ,”POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER! POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER! POW RIGHT IN THE KISSER!” -You’ve unlocked the “POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!” Achievement!-Ahh, satisfaction guaranteed. :D

    Reply

  59. Posted by Pineapple on September 5, 2008 at 8:50 pm

    Fight night: close combat, invisible, weaponless.

    Reply

  60. Posted by Sarge Tomzilla on September 5, 2008 at 9:16 pm

    If only possible, 4v4 or 6v6 Scorpion battle. If only…

    Reply

  61. Posted by RIFT on September 6, 2008 at 12:40 am

    I would take over Bungie in a hostile takeover campaign… and by hostile takeover, I mean with weapons… then I’ll force them to stop listening to fans so much so they can make their own damn game… we all know Halo would be much better if Bungie wasn’t trying to cater to every single being that ever opened their mouths to complain. Hell, the leaked “Bungies working on a Halo game… without the Chief!” was probably just to get peoples opinions on the situation so they could gauge whether to leave the Chief out, or to put him back in. If people are as dumb as we know they are, and Bungie being the person who listens to everybody, they’ll here, “no Halo without teh Chiefs!” and go and shove him in uncomfortably… with rocks… and glass…

    But seariously, I would round up the best Forge maps and some good gametypes with them, to include classic remakes and really well made maps and shove’em into one big Double EXP weekend. Who wouldn’t want to play Metalock (REALLY good Warlock remake) in a FFA, or a TS, or a 4-Way Assault, or something else equally wierd on that map other than slayer? Oh, and I’m still waiting for a Battle Creek remake.

    Reply

  62. Posted by davyboy94 on September 6, 2008 at 3:30 am

    6 hour long slayer matchs and the reward is 50 xp :P

    Reply

  63. Never commented before but, I had to for this one.

    I’d do a circuit based race playlist.

    Its never been done before, there are plenty of community maps, and everyone likes running people over!

    Reply

  64. 4 teams – 4 flags – every level from epitaph to sandtrap

    pure chaotic flag fun

    Reply

  65. Posted by eclipsedsunrise on September 6, 2008 at 8:49 am

    A gametype similar to infection, except that with slayer teams, and when you get a kill, the person killed goes over to your side. The game only ends when all the people are on your side. I’d call it “turning tides”.

    Reply

  66. Posted by Jonathan Fisk on September 6, 2008 at 11:54 am

    I would have to say maps that incorporated all of those cool things like the man cannon rifle and if you pick up the invis. you get crushed by a dumpster and the sniper pit

    Reply

  67. Posted by Gnome on September 6, 2008 at 12:12 pm

    I shall call it draw. Players spawn facing eachother with pistols and instant kill. Whoever pulls the trigger first wins.

    Reply

  68. Posted by o LiGHTNiNG o on September 6, 2008 at 1:16 pm

    I would turn over my control of the Double XP playlist to forgehub. God I love forgehub. I’m confident they’d make some playlist comprising entirely of their featured maps list. And you know what? I’d be fine with that.

    Reply

  69. Posted by o LiGHTNiNG o on September 6, 2008 at 1:18 pm

    Or maybe neutral flag 4v4v4v4. God only knows why Bungie hasn’t done that yet. Actually, he’s pretty stumped too.

    Reply

  70. Posted by SonofMacPhisto on September 6, 2008 at 3:53 pm

    eclipsedsunrise – that sounds like Red Rover, with guns.

    Could be interesting…

    Reply

  71. Zombie SWAT: zombies move slowly, but outnumber humans 4 to 1. Zombies can only be killed with headshots. Humans have BRs and Shotguns.

    OR:

    Forge EXP gametype: Two teams, each team has one player as a monitor who can give his team weapons, vehicles, teleporters, or even spawn points. Could use with Slayer, CTF, assault, territories.

    Reply

  72. Posted by Alphabet Soup on September 7, 2008 at 11:14 am

    Simmon’s Blindfolds. (Hope you get the reference)

    Also, Cat and Mouse would be fun.

    Reply

  73. Posted by stupidpower on September 7, 2008 at 11:59 am

    300% speed, 50% gravity, primary weapon spartan lazer secondary weapon gravity hammer! I am so f**king original!

    Either that or griffflag. Thats griff-flag. Try to get it.

    Reply

  74. Posted by AT-AT on September 7, 2008 at 6:40 pm

    I think you really meant Grif-Lag as I can never win Hammer Duels.

    Reply

  75. Posted by Naepa34 on September 7, 2008 at 11:22 pm

    That peasant hunt gametype, where you basicly just run around a maze like mice, hiding from a guy with a hammer.

    Reply

  76. Posted by Araknoros on September 10, 2008 at 1:16 pm

    1v1 neutral assualt on vahalla plasma pistol starts

    Reply

  77. Posted by SuicidalKanoka on September 12, 2008 at 5:57 pm

    Multi-team CTF with multiple flags per team or neutral flags
    Example Diagrams:
    ________________ _______________
    |R : B| |R R|
    | : | | |
    |………..N……….| | …….N…….. |
    | : | | |
    |G : Y| |B B|
    ———————— ————————
    R=red flag, B=Blue flag, G=Green Flag, Y=yellow flag, N=Neutral flag
    … or : = partial wall/dividing structures, — = boundary
    Rules: Capture N= +1 point, Capture non-self flag= +1 point, enemy captures your flag= -1 point

    Variant of infection in which zombies can become humans if either 1) they don’t kill anyone for a while or 2) they get killed enough times in a row.

    The scarab idea also sounds good.

    Reply

  78. Posted by SuicidalKanoka on September 12, 2008 at 6:01 pm

    Double post to apologize for faulting spacing (it looked right, but the server apparently deletes chains of spaces).
    ________________ _______________
    |R—– : — B| |R———R|
    |—— : —–| |———- |
    |………..N……….| | …….N……… |
    |—— : —–| |———- |
    |G—– : —-Y| |B——– B|
    ———————— ————————
    - = emptyish space

    Reply

  79. Posted by Das Kalk on September 15, 2008 at 6:18 pm

    little late here, But…HAMSTER BALL. All last resort or other big maps, a few different variations like maybe a zombie type, but it`s basically 200% speed, 50% gravity. Let your imagination do the rest.

    Reply

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