What If, Halo Style: Round 1
August 1, 2008 110 Comments
Taking inspiration from one of my favorite Cyanide and Happiness comics, I have decided it’s time to start a new Friday Antics activity. We’ve done eights rounds of the enlightening Halo 3 Heatmap Rorschach Inkblot Tests and 17 rounds of the rather hilarious Friday Caption Fun. Now we are moving onto something I have dubbed “What If, Halo Style”. I ask you a what if question that relates to Halo and you answer it. It’s that simple. Your answer can be silly or serious. It can be detailed or simple. It can be from another game or original. It’s all up to you.
Today’s question: What if you could add absolutely any weapon you wanted to the current arsenal available in Halo 3, … What would it be? Personally, I would go with a glitter shotgun for two reasons. First, there is no way you could shoot me when your eyes are full of pink glitter. Second, death would only be that much more beautiful. So, what would you choose and why?
I would like a broom that shoots dust and bacteria or something and oh BTW- FIRST!!!!!!!
or something like an energy spork, that would be cool. :)
and lastly maybe umm… CHUCK NORRIS. now that would really own. hahaha
I would add a pressure-sensitive plate into the Spartan and Elite armor and helmet that will automatically detonate whenever someone tries to teabag you.
I freakin hate teabaggers =)
A sniper rifle that shoots spike or sticky grenades, that way you can stick them from across the map :)
I agree with mendicantbias00.
I’d love to see a grenade launcher in the game. It would use regular, spiker, plasma, fire, and throw in some acid rounds a la Resident Evil style and you could have an awesome alternative use for grenades.
I guess it has to be said, the H1 pistol.
Maybe not a weapon but a peace of equipment or powerup that protected me from being betrayed by certain unnamed trigger happy girls for 2-3 minutes. :)
a kitten cannon :D Not many people would be expecting to be killed by a kitten. They could even be targeted with a laser that left traces of catnip all over them.
A portable turret that can be carried and set down again
but it’s a mortar
rains of death
Anyone play Goldeneye back in the day for N64? I wonder how Remote Mines would work in the world of Halo. Especially if you can chuck them ON your opponents and detonate them within a 10 second time-limit or something (before it falls off I guess)
A camo powerup that you could activate yourself at the right moment, instead of having it auto-activate when you touched it (To be balanced, the duration of the camo will be reduced. this idea may also be applied to the overshield, also with a slightly weaker overshield as a result).
A flash bang grenade. The h3 flare is cool, but i don’t like that when you throw it, you automatically partially blind yourself. Something more like the Rainbow6.
A dis-arm melee with your fists: punching your opponent and knocking the gun out of his/her hand (Perfect Dark, N64). For that matter, the ability to go ‘un-armed’ altogether. Slappers Only!
The H1 Pistol, Rocket Launcher, Sniper Rifle, and Shotgun.
A gun that can NOT hurt your opponent, only push them back with each successful hit. Like rubber bullets from a high powered mini gun lol. You’d probably get some pretty fun custom games.
A “FuckUpYourOpponentsMovement” weapon. Like a sticky grenade, you throw it, it hits your opponents Spartan armor, it scrambles the armor’s programming and disorients them completely for 7 or 8 seconds. Moving ‘forward’ on the joystick makes you go backwards, uncontrollable spinning, etc etc. That’d be awesome and hilarious.
Smoke grenades! Could add a lot of strategy and tactics, and more fun than flares.
Ability to give wedgies. No damage.
I would ad some kind of Forerunner weapon. With pimpin’ purple lights on and around it.
I wouldnt mind seeing a gun lik ethe brute shot which shot stickies out in rapid succession. It’d be damn fun when taking out vehicles, however not so fun when you are face to face with one.
-Terry
Oil slick to deploy from your Warthog to mess with those pesky enemy Warthogs chasing you!
Don’t know if that would really count as a weapon though… ;)
Traffic Pylon Cannon. Hands down.
One of two:
1) Orbital MAC Strike: Whupass. A giant column of destructivity. Don’t hurt yourself.
2) AA Cannon: 120mm HEAT joy! Goodbye, Banshee suckas.
The Gravity Gun from Half-Life 2. You could use it to pull other nice things to you, like powerups or weapons, and you could kill people by throwing random objects. Cpwnage for everyone!
I was going to suggest the nuke from the Halo PC mods, but I don’t think anything could compare to mendicantbias00′s teabagging countermeasures.
Dogs with bees in their mouths that when they bark they shoot bees at you. [Apologies to the Simpsons]
P90. No question. Or a walking, talking, exploding…..Sphee…thing. :D
*Sphere.
Traffic cone gun
Do you think Marcus Fenix would be upset if Halo 3 had a lancer in it? True Forms wouldn’t stand a chance against the all powerful chainsaw bayonet!
halo 1 pistol omgz my life would be complete if it were in halo 3
Mine would be kind of like the airstrike from CoD4, except that it locks onto a person and then drops a train on them.
My weapon would be a Spartan-Laser type weapon that shoots cute little kitties at the enemies. Then, while the enemies are distracted by the kitties cuteness…the kitties would turn on them and eat them and I’d be the winner. :-D
There is really only one thing H3 is missing from it’s arsenal… Tom Cruise’s Dark Side Fingertip Lightning Bolts. Of course, reloading it would require that you jump up and down for thirty seconds whilst screaming into your hedset about how you are completely in love. That image alone is burning ingrams into my soul, so to be on the safe side, we had better include a deployable E meter as well.
The Type-7 particle gun from FEAR, that turns your opponents into a charred skeleton using a purple deathray. :D
Or, a cactus.
The ability to use your enemies as melee weapons. I’ve always loved the concept of using a living Jackal to destroy other enemies.
A Mystical Sausage like Energy Sword and a bunch of Cheese Puff grenades.
A gun that when you pull the trigger comes out with a flag that says BANG!
The M99 Stanchion, of course.
The “gun” from portal. nothing would be more fun then opening a portal underneath an unsuspecting teammate, err enemy. :)
hmmm, unexpected Mystical Suasage.
Ha ha, i lol’d at that train airstrike for about 30 sec.
Anyone remember the Portable Laptop Turret?
That would be awesome. Only as an equipment.
Or even better. Hologram projector that had a Spartan in Recon appear! All the n00bs would hoard around it and ask/melee repeatedly how it got recon while you ready those stickies.
A stapler. To see someone flail around while stuck to a wall would be AWESOME.
Shu Sam Chen had the right idea–an orbital weapon.
The Hammer of Dawn from Gears of War was tremendous fun to play with. Enemy hiding behind cover? Start to mark their spot with the Hammer and watch them sprint for their lives before it hits!
I’m picturing it behaving similar to the spartan laser, just coming down from the sky and with a larger splash damage radius. It could be limited to one or two shots to make sure it wasn’t too overpowered (of course, we could have unlimited ammo in customs. W00t!).
I’m picturing a guy in his base on Valhalla.. he marks the spire on the enemy base.. a beam comes down and all the sudden he gets an “extermination!” medal. Haha. Hmm. I guess that is sort of cheap, huh?
A Jar Jar Binks projecter. The opponents suicide rate would increase exponentially.
Ice gun: freeze your opponents, or shoot it on the ground to make people slip, or spin out a warthog, or freeze a grenade in midair.
Anyone ever play Pikmin? I would have a gun that that sprays the enemy with Pikmin of all colors. As soon as they hit a vehicle or player, they’ll latch on and start beating them to death. Once they’re dead, the Pikmin will carry the corpse to a conveniently placed Onion.
I’d also like some sort of customizable giant robot, like a Gundam or a HOUND (from Chromehounds).
Cardboard spartan dummies you could set up for distractions.
Personal self-destruct button… if i’m going ur going with me.
BFG 9000. Of course.
A weapon that can only break knees.
A funny little flower on your lapel that shoots out high powered acid and melts faces.
A deployable unmanned auto “OHWTF” Super mortar cannon that shoots hundreds of tiny plasma grenades across the map. Comes with popcorn machine and binoculars attached.
A sledge hammer. Fires spear through enemy on impact.
A javelin. Works like a grenade and somehow bipasses a shield for a one hit kill. Also, if it misses, explodes into sledge hammers.
A flamethrower that doesn’t actually shoot fire, but a 9000 degree stream of napalm that sticks to kids.
A single round 20mm sniper rifle that is capable of blowing off body parts and rendering vehicles useless.
An added feature that allows the chief to go blood drunk, includes the command “Hold RB to go nucking futs.” Stows all weapons and runs 2x as fast jumps 2x as high and has a single attack. “Press Fire to strangle bitches.”
A Grunt with a saddle that you can ride.
A shotgun hidden in your codpiece that auto-targets and fires into a teabagger.
A needle attached to your finger so you can stab eyes.
Elites with combat helmets can actually eat you.
An automated 100% accurate all the time weapon that kills anyone who so mentions the Halo1 pistol. On every map.
A red swingline stapler that explodes when anyone tries to use it.
An anti gravity gun that fires pockets of anti gravity at people and sends them spinning into the air helplessly.
The RHINO 2.0
A needler that shoots bigger needles but does no damage. Sole purpose is to blind enemies with pink. Also, the needles never fade away.
A modification to the spartan laser, so when it is charging, it announces to everyone “Imah chargin mah lazer.”
Flak cannon from UT3.
Buster Rifle.
Cross bow.
Plastic bag that you can use to strangle enemies from behind with.
Automatic rifle that fires smaller versions of bubble shields.
Spear gun with fishing reel attachment so you can spear someone through the leg and reel them in to finish them off.
Fat guy named Al who eats Lava.
Speakers that play that Rick Roll song at 14000 decibals, regardless of your actual TV volume.
The cat silencer from Postal 2.
A jar of bees grenade.
A translocator that immediately teleports hookers with every known STD but no signs of them into the enemies base.
Nipple miniguns.
Maynards Dick.
A gun that shoots shurikens made out of lightning and has tits and is on fire.
Chains of Olympus.
Nail gun.
Some sort of weapon that fires a box at an enemy, enclosing him in it, and then unleashes rabid pandas that can’t be killed into the same box.
a boombox to look cool ( i nor anyone else thinks boomboxes are cool >.>)
Wait, real weapons, weapons from other games, or just anything you can think of?
Well, I’d like to put in the Relic of Vengeance from Unreal Tournament. If you don’t know what it is, it’s a piece of equipment that’s truly epic. When you pick it up nothing happens, but when you die, a big skull turns toward your killer and smiles, then he blows up, obliterating EVERYTHING in the area. I’m not kidding. Overkill-Killtrocity from the Grave.
Not to mention ALL the weapons from UT AND Perfect Dark. Those games are God.
An AT-AT walker.
portable Chuck Norris :P
I’d love a Needler-based sniper rifle. They’re pretty enjoyable in Halo: Custom Edition mods. It’s so much fun to hit a Warthog off-course with a bright, pink explosion.
Shu Sam Chen said “Orbital MAC Strike”
Wow
better get a bubble shield, that will crack the planet’s crust.
and
I wanna add another
the crossbow, pule rifle, and rockets from half-life2
best weapons in gaming history imo
Those were all great suggestions!
I guess I’ll just agree (like many others did) with mendicantbias00…
Teabaggers should explode…
But in my version it happens in real life. =D
I would add a makeshift slingshot that so you can throw grenades back with, or maybe a paintball that would blind the enemy.
A DragonBall Z scouter. Yelling “Its over 9000″ every time someone picks up a rocket launcher would make my day that much better.
How about Muffins Of Mass Destruction?
The Chuck Norris Launcher. Unload on your opponents with a hail of Chuck Norrises to rip apart your enemy.
A badger- its like equiptment. Set it down and because a big furry f**k of a problem :P
Also the Penetrator from F.E.A.R or at least give the pin people to walls bit to the spiker.
And the Skank rejection gun- yano when ask someone with a bit of a reputation out for a drink or w/e and they say no? Oh the pain and humiliation- that with a clip :P
A modded spikers whose “Spikes” image file is replaced with the Traffic Cone image file. I couldn’t help but laugh at a brute screaming who was embedded with traffic cones.
Or, one of my personal creations, the Plasma Musket.
http://i279.photobucket.com/albums/kk157/Zee-V70/Scanned%20Pictures/Halo/EnergyRifle.png
It fires supercooled Plasma, as opposed to superheated. It works close range (Shot is a short-range, continuous beam that does little to shields, but kills unshielded opponents extremely quickly) and can literally freeze temporarily, preventing it from working. However, it has a battery as well. The plasma blade on the bottom of it can be used best–however, it lacks a lunge feature like the Sword. Hitting someone with it drains their shields regardless of the amount (similar to the Plasma Pistol). However, the beam produced by it can disable vehicles quickly. Being melee’d by the gun while it freezes does little damage as the plasma blade dissipates during the process, but it reduces the opponent’s speed. A melee while frozen takes no battery, a melee otherwise takes 5 battery. One second of continuous fire drains 2 battery. It is about the size of the Needler, and can be dual-wielded. In games with no shields, it is extremely useful. However, the beam’s short range is similar to the Halo 1 Plasma Pistol, where the beam will eventually heat and cause a chemical reaction about 10 meters away from the weapon that fires it. If an opponent runs into it or something, they will literally become frozen in a small layer of ice, making them capable of only looking. It only lasts for about two seconds, however, and cannot be harmed by most small arms fire, however.
I whole heartedly agree with the AT-AT Walker :)
But really, I’d love to see the Laptop auto-turret from Perfect Dark. Its the ultimate weapon to get rid of campers who can’t seem to be killed.
An Aerial Strike. Definetely.
chainsaw bayonet? Why only go halfway? I want a chainSWORD, like the Space marines in Warhammer 40000 use. :)
Radar Jammer.
Or MD6 Pistol please. The real one.
a swarm of Langoliers (those who have seen that crappy TV movie or read the novella know what i’m talking about when i say they could be considered an Ultimate WMD)
A forerunner rocket launcher with tracking.
Guilty Spark’s laser from Halo 3
I can say with absolutely no hesitation or consideration involved: M6D Pistol from Halo: Combat Evolved.
How bout power-ups like in CoD4 but in the halo-verse:
1) 5 kills-an airstrike from a pelican
2) 7 kills-weapon pod of your choice dropped by pelican
3) 9 kills-small group (3) marines that follow and help you out
and so on and so forth.
the marines would die quite easily and not respawn, obviously
It would have to be a ‘cat gun’
You know; it’s how the cat lady from the Simpsons is able to go fully automatic with her arsenal of cats… one after the other flying at your face.
Not only would you get all scratched up, you’d be covered in fur.
It would have to be Rick Astley.
He is the ultimate weapon You just but a radar disk around is neck blocking his voice to come your way and you just let him sing, all damage will be directed to a broad area infront of you.
Heads would asplode and all vehicles would receive it on the radio making the inhabitants slowly die.
The ability to rip cover off and carry it with you.
Imagine ripping off a car dor and using it as a shield!
BFG-9000 or the Red Turtle Shell from MKart.
Air-powered Kitten Launcher, obviously.
i would want the portal gun
that would be sweet
Um, all of the above. And one that gives diabetic gamers a sugar rush to anniahlate opponents in .7777777 seconds with a slingshot to the sun.
World domination at its finest.
Stealthspeed, that…is…awsome!
-That piece of equipment that creates a black hole but got cut cause of performance issues; that should come back in a DLC map.
-The spiker should stick dead people to the wall like in F.E.A.R.
-The air strike that drops a train on u (lol that was nice).
-The half life 2 gravity gun; it would be SO awesome in halo it’s not even funny! (They need a forerunner gun to complete the set anyways; kill 2 birds with 1 stone?)
-The halo 1 PC “Fuel Rod Cannon” that arcs and has a battery; the current one is just an overpowered ripoff of the rocket launcher.
-The halo 1 grenade set; I don’t like being able to only carry 4 nades at a time in matchmaking, and I miss grenades that actually did damage to someone more then 3 feet away.
-Most important of all (and not a weapon), I want a health bar! Did you know your health doesn’t actually heal till 10 seconds after your shields recharge? It’s a huge (and unnecessary) tactical disadvantage to not know when your gonna drop dead. =P
PS: I’m saying this cause I don’t think she’s gonna ask “What UI changes do u want?”.
The ability to throw back grenades like in CoD 3 and a Death Star. or a lightsaber so you can block or deflect bullets.
a chuck norris summon weapon.
Something that gives you the sniping proficiency of a Halo 2 Jackal Sniper on Legendary.
Nah, the M6D is even better. An armrest of God, that thing is.
The Halo 2 BR.
Plasmids from Bioshock. Killing master chief with a swarm of killer hornets’d be awesome! Halo: Combat Evolved pistols too. An amplifier that makes ur enemies stop and dance. Dance, puppets, DANCE!!!!
Yeah, grenades you can throw back, and something with the ammo capacity of an M249 SAW from COD 4.
A Sniper that can go around corners… With a stuffed cat at the end, like A Kitty Corner Shot… heh heh heh.
I would add a gun that shoots small, plush, sheep at your enemies at ludicrous speeds.
The humiliation would be incredible.
Undoubtly a giant slingshot to hurl all enemies into the sun ;)
omg Dracc has my favorite. I would looove to see people jumping around screaming for 30 seconds just to reload! XD
Two words…shotgun battleaxe.
From:
ShadowRaven
Re: Shu Sam Chen said “Orbital MAC Strike”
Anyone remember the original deathmatch from Half-Life? There was a map that involved a bunker on one side. Inside was a giant red button, that when pressed would sound alarms all over the map. Then, after about two minutes a giant nuclear strike would wipe out everyone not in the safety of the bunker.
It was always AWESOME fun. The second that alarm went off, everyone would stop killing each other and bee-line to the sucker that activated the switch – continuing the deathmatch the entire way. In the bunker, the main metal door would slowly go down, making the possibility of survival less, and less, and less… and then finally…
Noooooooooooooo
3… 2… 1… RESPAWN! :-D
I also agree with the teabag suggesting from MB00, etc.
Maybe if they couldn’t explode in real life, at least give them RROD. Keep them out of our hair for at least a month… :-D
modify the spartan laser so that it fires different colours every time. It’s bad enough to be killed by a blst of pink needles, can you imagine being killed with a giant pink/purple beam?
(care bear stare, anyone?)
A barrett .50 Cal. No doubt a haloized version of this thing could punch through spartans shields and armor no problem.
The Banhammer.
Nuff said.
Obviously I would add the Soffish’s ingenious fish compatible Caramel Blaster. Eat hot sticky death!
A Red Rider BB Gun.
The only damage it does to your opponent is make them blind for five seconds, a la a flash grenade.
There’s so many suggestions that I haven’t bothered to read them all…but personally? I’d say my dead opponents. Run out of ammo? Run up to a corpse and rip its arm off! Need a spare Oddball? That head will do!
Scarab gun.
How about a stun gun. One that when you shoot it, it changes the controls on your character to a different setting for about one and a half seconds. So shooting becomes reload, jumping becomes grenades, looking up becomes walking left, etc.
It would add some insanity to the mix! :)
Dust and Echoes, the halo sniper rifle is 14.5×114. The .50 round is 12.7×99. The halo sniper round is bigger, and in reality, is used against aircraft and armored vehicles. Yes, the 14.5×114 actually exists.
http://xkcd.com/146/
my nine inch is all i need to absolutely succeed.
The ability to shoop da whoop. Or the Roflknife that goes sliec sliec sliec!
A N00B seeking cannon. It shoots a drill tipped rocket which will home in on the underdeveloped testicles of the nearest screeching little abomination to God which somehow got its hands on a copy of Halo 3. The only problem with this weapon is the lack of effectiveness it will show against such small and underdeveloped targets, and the overpenetration might hurt anyone else trying to kill the little jerk.
A weapon which when fired sends a certain file to your enemies software. Sorry my friend, just got Rick Rolled.
Actually we sorta need those in reall life….
And finally!
Thye magic pencil from The Dark Knight.
Make the ar sound like it did in Halo 1. Seriously, it sounds like a pellet gun in this game.
and bring back the H2 rockets- it makes no sense that rocket launchers in 2552 can’y home in onits targets
Anyone ever play the Half-Life mod Rocket Crowbar?
1) Drunken rockets flung from the end of your crowbar (that would often come back and kill YOU!)
2) Pistol that fired gibs (secondard fire was a small, yet damaging fart).
3) Shotgun that fired exploding scientists (and secondary fire that created an all consuming black hole).
4) SMG secondary fire created deadly farts of doom, that would also spring you across the map with amazing speed.
5) Snarks with laser eyeballs. Like Master Chief. :-D
6) Tiny bugs that would create all consuming explosions.
7) Grenades that would create even bigger blackholes of doom. We’re talking Halo sized levels of destruction here folks.
Such joy… but would be LAGGY AS HELL on XBOX Live. Gawd, you think GRIFBALL is bad Hawty? Try THIS stuff… it’s how hardcore people REALLY play. ;-)
LAZER EYE SHOOTING BEARS!
And a Ninja Wizard :)
the redeemer…a guideable nuke… or the gravity gun… or EXLAX your spartan cant shoot or noscope you if he is shitting…. exlax ftw
Shit, I’ve got another one!
The Harpoon Gun from Crackdown. 1 Headshot will send that bastard flying and nailed to the wall. If you shoot it at the right angle, he’ll keep flying and run over anything in it’s path! Just IMAGINE splattering someone with THEIR TEAMMATE’S DEAD BODY.
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a yo yo
For anyone who’s ever played a ratchet and clank game (more specifically, the newer ones), the rhino V and the predator (gun that auto-targets, loks on, and then can shoot a max of something like 8 rockets at a time).
Also, the mini-nuke from that game with all the mutants… can’t remember what game that is.