Hot Spartan Pr0n

*This article is intended for a mature audience and contains numerous sexual references. If you are underage, please refrain from reading this so you may maintain your blissful innocence. If you are an adult but offend easily, I recommend you learn to not get offended so easily. Enjoy.

“You can’t judge a book by its cover” is a popular idiom meaning things are not always how they appear. Take the following Halo 3 screenshots for example. By first glance they all seem to be arousing examples of hot Spartan porn, but that really couldn’t be further from the truth. Gather your own conclusions from each picture and then find out what’s really going on. You just may be surprised.

halo 3 screenshot

What it looks like: Miranda “Deepthroat” Keys shows off how she got her wildly popular college nickname.

What’s really going on: She’s attempting to figure out where the hell that third red arm is coming from.

halo 3 screenshot

What it looks like: Two Hayabusa soldiers make sweet, sweet samurai love.

What’s really going on: They’re carefully inspecting every last inch of the wall, hoping to find an undiscovered easter egg hidden within the secret message.

halo 3 screenshot

What it looks like: Red desperately tries to conjure up nude images of Bea Arthur in order to stave off the impending money shot.

What’s really going on: His arms grew tired from trying to resuscitate Blue so he decided to perform CPR with his ass instead.

halo 3 screenshot

What it looks like: Someone’s about to get the rim job of his life.

What’s really going on: Red unfortunately took an entire needler clip in the back so Blue agreed to meticulously remove every last pink projectile.

halo 3 screenshot

What is looks like: Gold grows increasingly frustrated as he finally realizes that Covenant G-spots are nowhere near the same place as human’s.

What’s really going on: Gold performs his very first French wax on a paying customer, diligently attempting to get the straightest landing strip possible.

halo 3 screenshot

What it looks like: With a coy smile Master Chief says, “I would like to gain access to your base. Shall I enter from the front or the rear?”. You can guess what her answer was.

What’s really going on: With the football championship coming up, Chief needed some extra practice on receiving the snap so Miranda readily complied.

halo 3 screenshot

What it looks like: Undeterred by the lack of hornets and banshees, one inventive couple tries a new way to join the prestigious Mile High Club.

What’s really going on: Pink refuses to let go of the mongoose as the ‘Maybe Next Time Buddy’ achievement was the last one she needed to get her katana.

halo 3 screenshot

What it looks like: White’s ongoing battle with necrophilia continues to grow worse with each game he plays.

What’s really going on: White team agreed to take periodic massage breaks in between battles in an effort to get reenergized.

halo 3 screenshot

What it looks like: Nine out of ten blue guys agree that a blow job is the best way to start every game.

What’s really going on: Blue consoles the guy that got stuck with the one person who disagreed with that statement.

halo 3 screenshot

What it looks like: Red got sick of Blue not believing him, so he decided to prove once and for all that his cod piece really was removable.

What’s really going on: You don’t want to know.

58 Responses to Hot Spartan Pr0n

  1. Soulofaqua says:

    I’m underaged. I saw and read every last bit. You made me into a sex craving monster.

    • sheldon237 says:

      its about time you hit puberty. lol.

  2. Holy Sh*t I laughed soo hard…OMG those were great!

    For “Deepthroat” Keyes, it appears that there are 4 arms she should be checking out instead of 3. o_O weird.

    The Gold Spartan & Pink Elite – my jaw dropped at that one…thats one hell of a screenshot.

    The two Blue Spartans – That one is just bad….hilarious…but bad.

    Nice work, this is exactly what I needed to start my day!

  3. Azrael says:

    Best….Morning….Ever.

    The blue and pink Hayabusa one is my favorite for sure.

  4. Yahzee says:

    that made my day lol

  5. TheChrisD says:

    You really need to think what those people are thinking as they take those screenshots…

  6. -S- says:

    Wow. You know Angel, usually your sexual humor is really, really subtle. Threw that ENTIRELY out the f*ckin window today didn’t ya lol. I love it.

  7. @ -S-

    Especially when you consider that the previous topic was about cookies invading your tummy and todays was about “Deepthroat”, Bea Arthur, rim jobs, G-Spots, entering from the rear, mile-high clubs, necrophilia, blow jobs and cod pieces.

    Amazing isnt it?

    Kinda makes you want to…

    Break into song?

    Yup!

    =D

    • xLAS3RP01NT3Rx says:

      I love the mountains..

  8. BBJynne says:

    …..

    lol

  9. Xor1an says:

    The white spartan with the katana has gone beyond vanilla necrophilia. That’s auto-necrophilia (normally reserved for un-dead and time travelers).

  10. Jillybean says:

    Sporfle- Gold and the Covenant G Spots is just BEGGING to be made into some sort of LJ icon….

  11. J sun Bourne says:

    aaaajajajajaja

  12. Pingback: Pushing Play » Halo 3 Shows it’s Naughty Side.

  13. Azrael says:

    @ mendicantbias00:

    What song would that be?

    Perhaps “I Touch Myself”?

    or “Secret Lovers”?

    Maybe it just reminds you of losing your virginity to “Raindrop Prelude (Halo 3 theme song).”

  14. Ray says:

    @Soulofaqua:
    LMAO! That was totally unexpected…

    @-S-:
    You hit the nail on the head with that statement…

    @BS Angel:
    WOW. Is your husband out of town?
    xD

    Seriously though, great article! It actually gave me something to smile about before I headed off to work, lol.

    -Ray

  15. bs angel says:

    Since I am always looking at screenshots for my other site, I started bookmarking the more “interesting” ones I happened to stumble upon. I knew I wanted to do something with them, and this is what I ended up coming up with. LOL, … They were just too priceless to not use somehow. :)

  16. Torrent says:

    So this is what BS Angel really thinks about while playing Halo? No wonder she plays so poorly!

  17. ……………..

  18. Urban Reflex says:

    …You’re a bad girl.

  19. Soulofaqua says:

    Congratz BS Angel you are on Kotaku dot cum!

    @Ray: TOUCH ME!!!!

  20. The More Deluded says:

    That was strangely arousing

    OW!

    yeah 911

    Its Quagmire

    yeah

    yeah its in a window this time

  21. Azrael says:

    Pink G-Spot Elite looks unimpressed with (her or its?) the lover. Looks like the key to an elite’s heart (or similar blood pumping organ) is through its G-Spot.

    I never get any credit for horribly bad things. :( Oh well.

  22. Sarge Tomzilla says:

    Hrm, YES, FOOTBALL, that is what they are practicing….nothing else!

  23. Zep 077 says:

    ^listen to this song while looking at these screenshots. It makes it a LOT funnier.

    I swear by the internetz it is not a rickroll. Srsly.

    • TwiSteD says:

      dead link…

  24. bs angel says:

    LOL, … perfect song choice!

  25. General Vagueness says:

    “are nowhere near the same place as humans’”
    Well then where are they? That could serve as pretty good distraction while I perform a flanking maneuver. ;)

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  28. Morpheus says:

    ………….

    I love you, BS Angel.

    :D

    How did you GET all those screenshots?!

  29. geekinabox says:

    Makes me fondly remember the day my friend lost his wedding ring in my arse. That thing took *hours* to find.

  30. I love the Miranda one. So much that it may or may not have been in my fileshare for a while so I can look at it every day and laugh.

    I mean… whut?

  31. Fate says:

    Holy crap. I’ve overage and I still feel like I lost some of my innocence. Awesome screenshots angel.

  32. Pingback: Picture: Halo + Porn = WTF!?!? | Team Teabag

  33. AT-AT says:

    Meh. I just see these screenshots for what they are (most of them being the after effects of a melee or splatter or explosion). Every time I take the time like some of these guys in the screenshots are, I usually end up dieing. Though it is funny to whack Miranda, sounds like she’s dieing in agony.

  34. WolfSarge says:

    C’mon AT-AT, at least stop being mature for a second and take these shots totally out of context and see their unitentional sexual innuendo. It’s more funny that way.

  35. XxXShabutieXxX says:

    haha I love em all.

  36. Matoro3311 says:

    That…That is….Disturbing.

  37. Tom says:

    Is it wrong that it turns me on?

  38. i have another one you can add in there =D

    http://www.bungie.net/stats/halo3/screenshot_viewer_popup.aspx?fs=true&ssid=53272224

  39. Pingback: Machinima Blog

  40. PsycheDiver says:

    …wow.

  41. Matoro3311 says:

    bs, I’m beginning to think that there is more pr0n here than on the rest of the internet.

  42. bs angel says:

    Yay! Goal #1: Complete

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  44. Pingback: The Top 7 Halo PrOnz Incidents | PlayWii|Nintendo Wii,Playstation,Xbox,Gadget Review

  45. darkenedauthor says:

    Hahahaha, priceless stuff :)

  46. goregasm says:

    awesome.

  47. Psychosangheili says:

    While in mid-air is the way to go ;D

    Is it just me or does it look like the crimson ones holding something very long against himself/herself?

  48. Pingback: IH3SotW: Packing Heat « Hawty McBloggy Invites You to Play

  49. Madness says:

    The Bea Arthur comment made me piss my pants….

  50. Pingback: IH3SotW: Great Big Grunty Thirst « Hawty McBloggy Invites You to Play

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  53. HaloFanLover says:

    SO FUCKING HIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RELLAY GREAT SHOTS!
    HALO PORN 4EVER!!!

  54. Cairo says:

    I’m 12 and waht is this?

  55. I Disapprove of Everything says:

    (gulp) Cameron Disapproves. Let me go cry the last shreds of my innocence away.

    **** you internet! You got to Halo too! (or again) **** you, **** you to hell!

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