Friday Caption Fun, Round 6
May 2, 2008 102 Comments
I recently stumbled across a Halo 3 screenshot that was absolutely screaming for a caption. It took me every last ounce of willpower that I had to not post it before today. Before we get to that though, let’s do a quick recap of the last Friday Caption Fun activity we did. It was about a month ago (I can hardly remember that far back) and as always, there were tons of hilarious submissions.
- “Piggybacking on the success of their ‘Ghost of Lockout’ from Halo 2, Bungie’s ‘Trip Mine Fairy of Sandtrap’ didn’t fare as well as originally expected.” (-S-)
- “Oh bs angel! If only you had picked my caption last week, it would not have had to come to this!” (petetheduck)
- “Frankie’s usual Humpday Challenge antics.” (Mercutio2000)
- “After four hours, Red finally realized they spawned him here on purpose.” (Retinence)
- “Come on down boys! It’s all clear! Nothing to worry about!” (Bootsman)
- “Meanwhile, at Cortana’s bachelorette party, the crap REALLY hit the fan when Mr. Stripper popped out of the Trip Mine Cake a taaaaad too early.” (Aaron)
- “When they said “Don’t ask for Recon”, they weren’t kidding around.” (Yellow Six)
- “Hey guys….uhh…I dont wanna play monkey in the middle anymore!” (mendicantbias00)
I love the Cortana’s bachelorette party caption! I bet Master Chief was secretly watching, got jealous, and shot one of the trip mines with his battle rifle. Anyways, off to the screenshot that I think has some great potential. It’s actually called “My battle rifle is too big” but what is your caption for it?
Author: tehUBERn00blet
Size DOES matter!
Only one possible caption:
SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!
Ok here’s another:
“You call that a gun? This is a gun!”
*Starts slowly falling backwards*
*You like this? You should see my grenades.*
I need a bigger… New Chiropractor.
*grunting*
“You know Chief, usually I would agree that bigger is better…*oof* but in this case…we may have gone a tad overboard.”
Brute Cheiftain – “The Shrink Ray worked, now the demon cannot harm us…Wait, Wha…RUN!!!”
I’m compesating for the size of my “weiner”
*warning, may cause serious bonefractures in the spine*
THIS IS MY RIFLE!
THIS IS MY GUN!
THIS ONE’S FOR SHOOTING!
THIS ONE’S FOR F…WHOAAAAA!
*CRASH*
I’MA CHARGIN’ MY BATTLE RIFLE!
“MiniMC is still trying to finish his fight.”
“The UNSC couldn’t resist the hilarity of complying with the Covenant Grunt’s request to “be picked on by someone their own size”.”
“That fateful weekend it wasn’t the EXP that Bungie mistakenly doubled.”
Dad… dad… dad… father… dad… (ihateyou)… DAD!! Mom says you’re gunna need this….. Dad!?
“Due to rising munitions costs, ammo-guzzling weapons like this oversized BR are being traded for smaller, more efficient, hybrid models.”
In Blue’s attempt cosplay a Gundam, he gravely underestimated the difference between himself… and a cartoon.
When Blue found out that there infact is no blue moon on kentucky, he desided there should be no moon at all.
I’m Rick James, B*TCH!
And in that instant, Jonathan realized that his only purpose in life was to be here, holding the comically oversized battle rifle.
Big Daddy ain’t got nothin on me!!
~I~
Erm, a little help here?
This gun doesn’t even resemble a good idea. I mean seriously, I can barely hold this thing. I’m seven feet tall, I should be able to hold any gun that they make, but no. Robert Wadlow would have issues holding this gun. R&D really, really screwed the proverbial pooch on this one. I mean, they say we’re exchanging maneuverability for firepower, but I literally cannot see what I am pointing at.
Chief: I need a weapon.
Giant Marine: Here you go, Chief.
Chief: *grunt* Erg, I….*topples over*
“I told you Bungie doesn’t like midgets!”
Mini Chief tries to stand in his dad’s footsteps, he fails..
In the heat of battle, giant inflatable Battle Rifles are never funny.
“I don’t get it…It always works in those anime shows on the TV”
“Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to mess with the engineers”
The new BS55HB Refracting Battle Scope, perfect to search for shooting stars and then shoot back!
I love comment #8!
My captions.
Blue
“Hey guys, think i can hit red with this?”
Red
“Ohhh, Fudgggeeeee” (From the movie A Christmas Story)
They say Tank beats everything…well they didn’t think or my rifle when they said that!
If you think he’s overcompensating now, wait till you see the size of his Warthog.
When I told them I wanted something that would stop an elephant, I probably should have specified the animal.
As you can see by the chief’s lonelyness we can state that size infact does not matter when impressing the ladies, their presence does.
Actually, the author’s name says it all:
“theUBERn00blet”
Even I can’t get it right:
“tehUBERn00blet”
oversized battle rifles
My anti-zombie.
I’m in a real caption frenzy today!
this one is just a slightly different then the last one.
Oversized battle rifles,
my anti-red.
You are definitely on a roll!
“It’s awesome, it’s huge, and it makes noobs cry, but the recoil sucks.”
Call 1-800-GUNS now to join my new fitness programme and make yourself more attractive to women!!!
With a special regime of exercise and dietary supplements you’re guaranteed to achieve big guns like mine or your money back!!!
*disclaimer – effects not guaranteed, this programme will not make you more attractive to women, no money will be refunded in the event of disatisfaction*
Here’s another one:
“I need a…..OH SHIT MY BACK…..chiropractor.
“I’ll blow up the moon with this!”
99 red babboons fighting in the construct sky,
To kill them all is my goal,
they are all gonna die!
after the song from Nena, 99 luftballons.
I’m “unstoppable!” after unreal Tournament.
!Caution, recoil may dislocate shoulder!
(In theater mode)
So this bit, right here, is just before he fires the gun, and breaks his back in half
Others: OOOOHHH!
To use the weapons properly, you must have found a mushroom to be in super mode.
Left to his own devices, the chief decided to try to create an ultimate BR for use against the brutes. He failed miserably.
“You should see the sniper rife…”
This is what would happen if weapons were sized according to usefulness.
A variant of the 21 gun salute. In which, one gun 21x the size of a normal one is used.
talk about a BFG…
Bigger gun, better compensation, harder to aim, stronger recoil.
and for some reason I said 99 red babboons last post while it should be balloons… probably because the red team is a bunch of babboons.
Always wanting to be like his big bro(John-117),Luke 116 thought that being a spartan would be easy.
Say hello to my NEW Little friend!!
BOOOM HEADSHOT!!!
You should see what he’s packing UNDER his armor
“You guys, you promised we wouldn’t use shrink rays!”
Bungie knew that right from the first test-game, “Team take-on-the-Wizard” wouldn’t be a crowd favorite in Matchmaking
At this moment, Ryu Hayabusa pondered his career change.
Thomas decided right then and there – he was going to resolve the mosquito problem, once and for all
Hunny I shrunk the chief!
this is what happens when weapons grow like veggies and you add growth hormons.
When SoulofAqua found out that -S- tried to best him in caption quantity, he immediately draw his biggest gun, only to draw his cellphone to call his chiropractor.
^ lol. I had a Caption-Overkill till you stepped in
Ahh.. the Battle Cannon.. do you know the history behind this weapon? It’s interesting that this picture shows it being carried by a Spartan, because in actuality, the Battle Cannon project is what led to the orion project (otherwise known as the Spartan Project).
This weapon was designed and conceived as a method to make a turret-less/ tankless cannon to deliver superior firepower to a target and was found to be particularly effective against vehicles. It was an early attempt to replace the sticks used by UNSC marines, and the rocks that Marine Platoons were often forced to share.
Although initial testing showed that the weapon had much promise in terms of delivering damage, the “Battlecannon” research and development was halted shortly after it’s first field test. The field tests indicated that not only was the gun heavy; reloading was difficult at best, and repeated tests showed that the recoil from a shell this size was completely non-survivable by Marine users.
The overall design wasn’t a loss though as the UNSC brass loved the firepower in this prototype. Four projects were spawned, one that would maintain the firepower while, two projects would focus on using smaller caliber ammunition, the fourth project, to replicate the accuracy present in the oversized scope and barrel length of the Battle Cannon which later produced the highly successful “Sniper Rifle”.
The first project was called the “Big scary Light thingy of Death” and developed a weapon called the “Spartan Laser” which emitted beams of light, rather than fire slugs, was a successful at recreating the damage done by the battlecannon without requiring a tripod and make reloading the weapon much simpler.
The second project produced the now infamous “Battle Rifle”, was conceived as a joke involving how small the gun would need to be in-order to avoid smashing marines through nearby bulkheads when used. Though intended to be a joke regarding the small scale of this weapon, it was immediately adopted into the UNSC arsenal, and thenceforth considerd to be indispensible to our Marines.
Simpler is better, and shortly afterwards the third project produced a “bullet hose” which enabled a small gun to quickly fire many rounds, by simply pouring the ammunition through a hose and using a quickly self-resetting firing pin. When asked to improve upon the design to get more firepower, the designers merely suggested using one in each hand. However, field tests resulting in many “friendly fire” incidents, determined that this may not be appropriate for this weapon. The way the Bullet Hoses (also called Sub Machine Guns, or “SMGs”) climb as they shoot, made it impractical for even a strong human to fire them in this manner without flailing their arms wildly in all directions, with zero ability to aim, and the idea was dropped, though single SMG’s remain in service to this day.
A little known fourth project, evaluating the effectiveness of components on the Battlecannon for use as a “man cannon” were found to be moderately usefull, but not very controlled. It also didn’t answer the questions of artillery size, and the early designs were not compact enough for Marines to carry within a field pack.
Resembling a pogo-stick, the man-cannon shot a pancake slug against the ground and hurled the user end over end into the air. The concept of landing and survivng such a use was never determined as the field tests using trained monkeys, proved disasterous.
It would seem that the Man-cannon was project was destined to fail until, drawing from ideas in old newspapers and other antique media devices, it was determined that a large 168th century cannon could accomplish the same thing, by launching the marines as projectiles across the battlefield.
During the field testing of this early “Beta Man-Cannon” it was quickly learned that Marines that become projectiles were unlikely to be able to continue their duties upon landing. 34 Marines, launched in such a manner, decorated the faces of Mount Rushmore with their entrails before it was determined that the problems inherent with this design could only be overcome by using tougher soldiers. Not only that, but it was noted that all funding for this project was going to cease if they killed-off any more monkeys or marines.
Now they needed “super” soldiers that wouldn’t die.
Work on a series of super “spartan” soldiers was immediately started, though temporarily abandoned as it was determined that the Man-Cannon design infringed the renewed copyrights by decendants of an individual known as “Super Dave”, and the man-cannon underwent a hasty redesign to use modified repulsar lifts that could hurl a super soldier over great distances.
The super solders they created were the now legendary “Spartans”, named after the Spartan Laser Cannon to represent their percieved destructive abilities. The projected destructive abilites exceeded everyone’s expectations, and it turned out that Spartans don’t die, though many still question why a lot of Dr. Halsey’s test subjects were later labelled Missing In Action. Such as the Spartan (D71-MIA) shown in this picture, who recently field tested the Battlecannon to retest it’s effective usage by Spartans. Not surprisingly, even though the “bigger is better” slogan that was used to gain funding for this project, the gun was still considered diffiult to wield, and has since been decomissioned, in favor of the MAC Cannons as utilized in the defense of Earth using Orbital gun stations, such as Cairo.
Man-Cannons were never successfully developed, but a similar device created by the Forerunners, was discovered on Halo, was quickly renamed to “Man Cannon” to stop the military from any further development of this project.
umm.. ok, I REALLY need help.
“You know what? I’m sick of this ‘the H3 battle rifle isn’t strong enoughhh’ whining – I hope you enjoy the new PERMANENT game update, you MLG jerks” – Frankie
^ wow and I thought I made long posts
ugg.. and here I am wishing I could edit that big ‘ol post of mine.. lol
-S- is just jealous your comment is longer than any he has made. He writes essays, but you go for the novels! ;)
Mike’s comment is as big as his Battle Rifle XD
And if we look to our right we see a beautiful painting by an unknown 21th century artist who hid his preference for big black c*ck by painting himself holding big black battle rifles.
*No intension to diss the author of the picture it’s all fun and games I do not sayyou are actually gay and even if you where, I have no problems with it
^^ reminds me of that Seinfeld episode.
“Not that there’s anything wrong with that!”
^^ “It’s just that I like to sit without a donut under my butt, and rather not need to clean escrements of my thing”
” -S- is just jealous your comment is longer than any he has made. He writes essays, but you go for the novels! ;) ”
Gah!!!! Ummm ummm…I’m more consistent!!
*cries*
When -S- became Jealous of Mike’s huge comment he decided to criticise him with something just as big, in the end the moon was blown apart, Mike was unharmed and -S- had to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair, crippled by a fracture in his spinal cord caused by the recoil of his “critisism”
Hold still. This’ll only hurt a lot…
BR54: The Granny Panties of the Halo arsenal
#64: best caption ever
#67: second best caption ever
:P
Dude! That Hayabusa armor is AWESOME!
…. new second best caption #69
that is so freaking random just great!
Damn it! Division promised me the delivery of dwarf-sized weaponry…
“..and with 5,000 experience points under his belt, Timmy was the first to experience the new and vastly improved line of recon weaponry. Unfortunately, his field of view was restricted a bit, and he was much easier to hit, (getting through doorways was no treat either). However, on the plus side, his shots deafened opponents, and ignored their shields; killing and re-killing them instantly when they respawned.
Little Timmy rarely lost a match again, except sword matches where he gets trapped in the level, unable to swing the (scale)20 foot long sword, but generally he vetoed those.
Then there was the time his mother wouldn’t make him the chocolate milk she’d promised to make him, and everyone youtubed and killed him while he was distracted in the ensuing battle of wits with his mother.
Eventually though, little Timmy was banned from xbox live due to 90% of his opponents chosing to “avoid player” due to what they thought was modding.. Poor Timmy, hope you like playing campaign.”
^ uhh.. just the first sentence of that last post.. the rest was umm.. I dunno’ what that was..
Man, I want that gun, not this stupid midgey cricket!
-MIB anyone
“Well, the soldiers are bending over backwards to support your new weapons platform, but I still don’t think it’s going to work”
R2-JL
suddenly bungie realised their attempted crossover with ID Software couldnt work. the BFG would never work in Halo.
besides, if they wanted an all anihilating weapon, they simply needed to bring back the H1 pistol.
Ever since the Brutes joined the UNSC, it’s been hard to distinguish which weapons are meant for them rather than others.
MC didn’t like the slef portarait so he changed it himself
What really happens when you beat H3 on Legendary
“If i can’t get killionaire with this i got no chance”
“WOAH…You should see the wall with 50x Zoom!”
*crackles*”Alert to all UNSC memebers a highly unstable prototype weapons has been stolen from the test area…GIVE IT BACK!CHIEF!!!” ”
” This is my favourite Happy Birthday EVA!!!”
Some Glitches are better left undiscovered…
With this rifle every shot’s a headshot!
Sergent Johnson once said “Back in my day all we got was two rocks and a stick, and we had to SHARE THE STICK!” Now you see why they shared.
This is why he can only carry two guns…
This is why Bungie doesn’t listen to user feedback…
(Yes, I ripped this off zombie.)
Introducing Halo the Movie
Directed by Michael Bay
And you thought the halo 1 pistol was bad…
Caboose from RVB didn’t realize the tank was cheating on him until he saw her first kid.
No, THIS is a man cannon!
Oh look, Stewie’s trying to take over the world again! XD
Oh god, gravity’s increasing on me!
#70 -
I took the ‘ignoring the elephant in the room’ tack.
Glad you liked it. :-D
It was right there and then that Jim realized that the battle rifle rocket launcher was never going to work.
RvB Quote-”I could blow up the whole god damn world with this thing…”
Or
Blue Spartan”Say hello to my little friend!*Thinks*…Big Friend!”
Cortana”Well that was 2 hous of my life i’ll never get back…”
On a side note,i might be going to see Iron Man this weekend!
Dude! No katana? Lame!
DANGER.
LOOK OUT FOR GIANT &@^!ING GUNS FLYING AT YOUR FACE.
They told me not to shoot from the hip?
Despite Bungie’s best efforts, they never did perfect the concept of weapon balance.
Oh did Blue hate those birds…
1. The results of when you try to mix and match with Joyride and McFarlane action figures.
2. “Who needs Recon now, huh? HUH?!”
3. Jeff only realised at that point the irony of the phrase “realoding is a bitch”.
second out of a series of pictures showing a spartan being spung away by the new BR55XXL Battle Rifle-prototype.
Proof that Mcfarlane and Joyride are compatible…..maybe not
*THIS is what happens when UNSC Officials watch movies like Super Size Me.
Elmo’s got a gun, bigbird better run…
How does that song go?
This is why Frankie’s not allowed to do weapon design.
The last time Sarge ever told someone to “bring out the big guns.”
crap! red team got the Lightning Bolt power-up!
(Jeremy Clarkson voice)
Yes! I have an erection!
The new xbox live update designed to make Halo 3 bigger and better did not sit well with the players that played it.
99 Decision Street.
99 blue guys meet.
To worry, worry, super-scurry.
Call the troops out in a hurry.
This is what we’ve waited for.
This is it boys, this is war.
Church is on the line
As 99 red balloons go by.
Kill them all, they must DIE!!
Bungie’s last-ditch effort to overtake CoD4 on the XBL charts.
Oh my god…. I just searched my name on Google and I found this. I’m famous!!!! This Picture has over 3000 downloads, search it at Bungie.net.
From there you can download it to your Halo 3 file share.
LMAO!!! wow thats fucking epic…ly awesome