I recently stumbled across a Halo 3 screenshot that was absolutely screaming for a caption. It took me every last ounce of willpower that I had to not post it before today. Before we get to that though, let’s do a quick recap of the last Friday Caption Fun activity we did. It was about a month ago (I can hardly remember that far back) and as always, there were tons of hilarious submissions.
- “Piggybacking on the success of their ‘Ghost of Lockout’ from Halo 2, Bungie’s ‘Trip Mine Fairy of Sandtrap’ didn’t fare as well as originally expected.” (-S-)
- “Oh bs angel! If only you had picked my caption last week, it would not have had to come to this!” (petetheduck)
- “Frankie’s usual Humpday Challenge antics.” (Mercutio2000)
- “After four hours, Red finally realized they spawned him here on purpose.” (Retinence)
- “Come on down boys! It’s all clear! Nothing to worry about!” (Bootsman)
- “Meanwhile, at Cortana’s bachelorette party, the crap REALLY hit the fan when Mr. Stripper popped out of the Trip Mine Cake a taaaaad too early.” (Aaron)
- “When they said “Don’t ask for Recon”, they weren’t kidding around.” (Yellow Six)
- “Hey guys….uhh…I dont wanna play monkey in the middle anymore!” (mendicantbias00)
I love the Cortana’s bachelorette party caption! I bet Master Chief was secretly watching, got jealous, and shot one of the trip mines with his battle rifle. Anyways, off to the screenshot that I think has some great potential. It’s actually called “My battle rifle is too big” but what is your caption for it?
Author: tehUBERn00blet
Posted by soulofaqua on May 2, 2008 at 3:03 am
Size DOES matter!
Posted by AusQB on May 2, 2008 at 3:25 am
Only one possible caption:
SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!
Ok here’s another:
“You call that a gun? This is a gun!”
*Starts slowly falling backwards*
Posted by Peniamina on May 2, 2008 at 5:18 am
*You like this? You should see my grenades.*
Posted by Penguinish on May 2, 2008 at 5:25 am
I need a bigger… New Chiropractor.
Posted by mendicantbias00 on May 2, 2008 at 5:30 am
*grunting*
“You know Chief, usually I would agree that bigger is better…*oof* but in this case…we may have gone a tad overboard.”
Posted by A Shaky Shotgun on May 2, 2008 at 6:28 am
Brute Cheiftain – “The Shrink Ray worked, now the demon cannot harm us…Wait, Wha…RUN!!!”
Posted by soulofaqua on May 2, 2008 at 6:32 am
I’m compesating for the size of my “weiner”
*warning, may cause serious bonefractures in the spine*
Posted by mendicantbias00 on May 2, 2008 at 7:15 am
THIS IS MY RIFLE!
THIS IS MY GUN!
THIS ONE’S FOR SHOOTING!
THIS ONE’S FOR F…WHOAAAAA!
*CRASH*
Posted by UltiDrgn on May 2, 2008 at 7:32 am
I’MA CHARGIN’ MY BATTLE RIFLE!
Posted by petetheduck on May 2, 2008 at 7:47 am
“MiniMC is still trying to finish his fight.”
“The UNSC couldn’t resist the hilarity of complying with the Covenant Grunt’s request to “be picked on by someone their own size”.”
“That fateful weekend it wasn’t the EXP that Bungie mistakenly doubled.”
Posted by retinence on May 2, 2008 at 7:52 am
Dad… dad… dad… father… dad… (ihateyou)… DAD!! Mom says you’re gunna need this….. Dad!?
Posted by petetheduck on May 2, 2008 at 7:57 am
“Due to rising munitions costs, ammo-guzzling weapons like this oversized BR are being traded for smaller, more efficient, hybrid models.”
Posted by retinence on May 2, 2008 at 7:59 am
In Blue’s attempt cosplay a Gundam, he gravely underestimated the difference between himself… and a cartoon.
Posted by soulofaqua on May 2, 2008 at 8:05 am
When Blue found out that there infact is no blue moon on kentucky, he desided there should be no moon at all.
Posted by Impervium on May 2, 2008 at 8:16 am
I’m Rick James, B*TCH!
And in that instant, Jonathan realized that his only purpose in life was to be here, holding the comically oversized battle rifle.
Big Daddy ain’t got nothin on me!!
~I~
Posted by Christopher Russell on May 2, 2008 at 8:24 am
Erm, a little help here?
This gun doesn’t even resemble a good idea. I mean seriously, I can barely hold this thing. I’m seven feet tall, I should be able to hold any gun that they make, but no. Robert Wadlow would have issues holding this gun. R&D really, really screwed the proverbial pooch on this one. I mean, they say we’re exchanging maneuverability for firepower, but I literally cannot see what I am pointing at.
Posted by Christopher Russell on May 2, 2008 at 8:26 am
Chief: I need a weapon.
Giant Marine: Here you go, Chief.
Chief: *grunt* Erg, I….*topples over*
Posted by Dan the Stick on May 2, 2008 at 8:30 am
“I told you Bungie doesn’t like midgets!”
Posted by soulofaqua on May 2, 2008 at 8:38 am
Mini Chief tries to stand in his dad’s footsteps, he fails..
Posted by mendicantbias00 on May 2, 2008 at 8:40 am
In the heat of battle, giant inflatable Battle Rifles are never funny.
Posted by Zachg56 on May 2, 2008 at 8:58 am
“I don’t get it…It always works in those anime shows on the TV”
“Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to mess with the engineers”
Posted by soulofaqua on May 2, 2008 at 9:04 am
The new BS55HB Refracting Battle Scope, perfect to search for shooting stars and then shoot back!
Posted by BattleMaster25 on May 2, 2008 at 9:05 am
I love comment #8!
My captions.
Blue
“Hey guys, think i can hit red with this?”
Red
“Ohhh, Fudgggeeeee” (From the movie A Christmas Story)
Posted by Keiran on May 2, 2008 at 9:06 am
They say Tank beats everything…well they didn’t think or my rifle when they said that!
Posted by Salen on May 2, 2008 at 9:06 am
If you think he’s overcompensating now, wait till you see the size of his Warthog.
Posted by ScooterMcT on May 2, 2008 at 9:10 am
When I told them I wanted something that would stop an elephant, I probably should have specified the animal.
Posted by soulofaqua on May 2, 2008 at 9:18 am
As you can see by the chief’s lonelyness we can state that size infact does not matter when impressing the ladies, their presence does.
Posted by Mercutio2000 on May 2, 2008 at 9:18 am
Actually, the author’s name says it all:
“theUBERn00blet”
Posted by Mercutio2000 on May 2, 2008 at 9:18 am
Even I can’t get it right:
“tehUBERn00blet”
Posted by soulofaqua on May 2, 2008 at 9:36 am
oversized battle rifles
My anti-zombie.
Posted by soulofaqua on May 2, 2008 at 9:58 am
I’m in a real caption frenzy today!
this one is just a slightly different then the last one.
Oversized battle rifles,
my anti-red.
Posted by bs angel on May 2, 2008 at 9:59 am
You are definitely on a roll!
Posted by John CB on May 2, 2008 at 10:02 am
“It’s awesome, it’s huge, and it makes noobs cry, but the recoil sucks.”
Posted by Johnus Maximus on May 2, 2008 at 10:02 am
Call 1-800-GUNS now to join my new fitness programme and make yourself more attractive to women!!!
With a special regime of exercise and dietary supplements you’re guaranteed to achieve big guns like mine or your money back!!!
*disclaimer – effects not guaranteed, this programme will not make you more attractive to women, no money will be refunded in the event of disatisfaction*
Posted by John CB on May 2, 2008 at 10:06 am
Here’s another one:
“I need a…..OH SHIT MY BACK…..chiropractor.
Posted by Elliot Scott on May 2, 2008 at 10:10 am
“I’ll blow up the moon with this!”
Posted by soulofaqua on May 2, 2008 at 10:12 am
99 red babboons fighting in the construct sky,
To kill them all is my goal,
they are all gonna die!
after the song from Nena, 99 luftballons.
I’m “unstoppable!” after unreal Tournament.
Posted by tommyp2010 on May 2, 2008 at 10:50 am
!Caution, recoil may dislocate shoulder!
Posted by xp194 on May 2, 2008 at 10:51 am
(In theater mode)
So this bit, right here, is just before he fires the gun, and breaks his back in half
Others: OOOOHHH!
Posted by A Shaky Shotgun on May 2, 2008 at 10:51 am
To use the weapons properly, you must have found a mushroom to be in super mode.
Left to his own devices, the chief decided to try to create an ultimate BR for use against the brutes. He failed miserably.
Posted by NsU Soldier on May 2, 2008 at 11:41 am
“You should see the sniper rife…”
This is what would happen if weapons were sized according to usefulness.
A variant of the 21 gun salute. In which, one gun 21x the size of a normal one is used.
Posted by Crabbo on May 2, 2008 at 11:44 am
talk about a BFG…
Posted by soulofaqua on May 2, 2008 at 11:45 am
Bigger gun, better compensation, harder to aim, stronger recoil.
and for some reason I said 99 red babboons last post while it should be balloons… probably because the red team is a bunch of babboons.
Posted by tyler on May 2, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Always wanting to be like his big bro(John-117),Luke 116 thought that being a spartan would be easy.
Posted by SoC BrownSound on May 2, 2008 at 12:25 pm
Say hello to my NEW Little friend!!
BOOOM HEADSHOT!!!
Posted by -S- on May 2, 2008 at 12:26 pm
You should see what he’s packing UNDER his armor
Posted by -S- on May 2, 2008 at 12:27 pm
“You guys, you promised we wouldn’t use shrink rays!”
Posted by -S- on May 2, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Bungie knew that right from the first test-game, “Team take-on-the-Wizard” wouldn’t be a crowd favorite in Matchmaking
Posted by AlStrong on May 2, 2008 at 12:38 pm
At this moment, Ryu Hayabusa pondered his career change.
Posted by -S- on May 2, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Thomas decided right then and there – he was going to resolve the mosquito problem, once and for all
Posted by soulofaqua on May 2, 2008 at 12:41 pm
Hunny I shrunk the chief!
this is what happens when weapons grow like veggies and you add growth hormons.
Posted by soulofaqua on May 2, 2008 at 12:48 pm
When SoulofAqua found out that -S- tried to best him in caption quantity, he immediately draw his biggest gun, only to draw his cellphone to call his chiropractor.
Posted by -S- on May 2, 2008 at 12:50 pm
^ lol. I had a Caption-Overkill till you stepped in
Posted by Mike on May 2, 2008 at 12:51 pm
Ahh.. the Battle Cannon.. do you know the history behind this weapon? It’s interesting that this picture shows it being carried by a Spartan, because in actuality, the Battle Cannon project is what led to the orion project (otherwise known as the Spartan Project).
This weapon was designed and conceived as a method to make a turret-less/ tankless cannon to deliver superior firepower to a target and was found to be particularly effective against vehicles. It was an early attempt to replace the sticks used by UNSC marines, and the rocks that Marine Platoons were often forced to share.
Although initial testing showed that the weapon had much promise in terms of delivering damage, the “Battlecannon” research and development was halted shortly after it’s first field test. The field tests indicated that not only was the gun heavy; reloading was difficult at best, and repeated tests showed that the recoil from a shell this size was completely non-survivable by Marine users.
The overall design wasn’t a loss though as the UNSC brass loved the firepower in this prototype. Four projects were spawned, one that would maintain the firepower while, two projects would focus on using smaller caliber ammunition, the fourth project, to replicate the accuracy present in the oversized scope and barrel length of the Battle Cannon which later produced the highly successful “Sniper Rifle”.
The first project was called the “Big scary Light thingy of Death” and developed a weapon called the “Spartan Laser” which emitted beams of light, rather than fire slugs, was a successful at recreating the damage done by the battlecannon without requiring a tripod and make reloading the weapon much simpler.
The second project produced the now infamous “Battle Rifle”, was conceived as a joke involving how small the gun would need to be in-order to avoid smashing marines through nearby bulkheads when used. Though intended to be a joke regarding the small scale of this weapon, it was immediately adopted into the UNSC arsenal, and thenceforth considerd to be indispensible to our Marines.
Simpler is better, and shortly afterwards the third project produced a “bullet hose” which enabled a small gun to quickly fire many rounds, by simply pouring the ammunition through a hose and using a quickly self-resetting firing pin. When asked to improve upon the design to get more firepower, the designers merely suggested using one in each hand. However, field tests resulting in many “friendly fire” incidents, determined that this may not be appropriate for this weapon. The way the Bullet Hoses (also called Sub Machine Guns, or “SMGs”) climb as they shoot, made it impractical for even a strong human to fire them in this manner without flailing their arms wildly in all directions, with zero ability to aim, and the idea was dropped, though single SMG’s remain in service to this day.
A little known fourth project, evaluating the effectiveness of components on the Battlecannon for use as a “man cannon” were found to be moderately usefull, but not very controlled. It also didn’t answer the questions of artillery size, and the early designs were not compact enough for Marines to carry within a field pack.
Resembling a pogo-stick, the man-cannon shot a pancake slug against the ground and hurled the user end over end into the air. The concept of landing and survivng such a use was never determined as the field tests using trained monkeys, proved disasterous.
It would seem that the Man-cannon was project was destined to fail until, drawing from ideas in old newspapers and other antique media devices, it was determined that a large 168th century cannon could accomplish the same thing, by launching the marines as projectiles across the battlefield.
During the field testing of this early “Beta Man-Cannon” it was quickly learned that Marines that become projectiles were unlikely to be able to continue their duties upon landing. 34 Marines, launched in such a manner, decorated the faces of Mount Rushmore with their entrails before it was determined that the problems inherent with this design could only be overcome by using tougher soldiers. Not only that, but it was noted that all funding for this project was going to cease if they killed-off any more monkeys or marines.
Now they needed “super” soldiers that wouldn’t die.
Work on a series of super “spartan” soldiers was immediately started, though temporarily abandoned as it was determined that the Man-Cannon design infringed the renewed copyrights by decendants of an individual known as “Super Dave”, and the man-cannon underwent a hasty redesign to use modified repulsar lifts that could hurl a super soldier over great distances.
The super solders they created were the now legendary “Spartans”, named after the Spartan Laser Cannon to represent their percieved destructive abilities. The projected destructive abilites exceeded everyone’s expectations, and it turned out that Spartans don’t die, though many still question why a lot of Dr. Halsey’s test subjects were later labelled Missing In Action. Such as the Spartan (D71-MIA) shown in this picture, who recently field tested the Battlecannon to retest it’s effective usage by Spartans. Not surprisingly, even though the “bigger is better” slogan that was used to gain funding for this project, the gun was still considered diffiult to wield, and has since been decomissioned, in favor of the MAC Cannons as utilized in the defense of Earth using Orbital gun stations, such as Cairo.
Man-Cannons were never successfully developed, but a similar device created by the Forerunners, was discovered on Halo, was quickly renamed to “Man Cannon” to stop the military from any further development of this project.
umm.. ok, I REALLY need help.
Posted by -S- on May 2, 2008 at 12:55 pm
“You know what? I’m sick of this ‘the H3 battle rifle isn’t strong enoughhh’ whining – I hope you enjoy the new PERMANENT game update, you MLG jerks” – Frankie
Posted by -S- on May 2, 2008 at 12:57 pm
^ wow and I thought I made long posts
Posted by Mike on May 2, 2008 at 1:07 pm
ugg.. and here I am wishing I could edit that big ‘ol post of mine.. lol
Posted by bs angel on May 2, 2008 at 1:12 pm
-S- is just jealous your comment is longer than any he has made. He writes essays, but you go for the novels! ;)
Posted by soulofaqua on May 2, 2008 at 1:24 pm
Mike’s comment is as big as his Battle Rifle XD
Posted by soulofaqua on May 2, 2008 at 1:37 pm
And if we look to our right we see a beautiful painting by an unknown 21th century artist who hid his preference for big black c*ck by painting himself holding big black battle rifles.
*No intension to diss the author of the picture it’s all fun and games I do not sayyou are actually gay and even if you where, I have no problems with it
Posted by mendicantbias00 on May 2, 2008 at 1:43 pm
^^ reminds me of that Seinfeld episode.
“Not that there’s anything wrong with that!”
Posted by soulofaqua on May 2, 2008 at 1:49 pm
^^ “It’s just that I like to sit without a donut under my butt, and rather not need to clean escrements of my thing”
Posted by -S- on May 2, 2008 at 2:26 pm
” -S- is just jealous your comment is longer than any he has made. He writes essays, but you go for the novels! ;) ”
Gah!!!! Ummm ummm…I’m more consistent!!
*cries*
Posted by soulofaqua on May 2, 2008 at 2:33 pm
When -S- became Jealous of Mike’s huge comment he decided to criticise him with something just as big, in the end the moon was blown apart, Mike was unharmed and -S- had to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair, crippled by a fracture in his spinal cord caused by the recoil of his “critisism”
Posted by Thunderstream328 on May 2, 2008 at 2:48 pm
Hold still. This’ll only hurt a lot…
Posted by retinence on May 2, 2008 at 2:51 pm
BR54: The Granny Panties of the Halo arsenal
Posted by -S- on May 2, 2008 at 2:59 pm
#64: best caption ever
Posted by soulofaqua on May 2, 2008 at 3:03 pm
#67: second best caption ever
:P
Posted by Seth on May 2, 2008 at 3:10 pm
Dude! That Hayabusa armor is AWESOME!
Posted by soulofaqua on May 2, 2008 at 3:16 pm
…. new second best caption #69
that is so freaking random just great!
Posted by Dan on May 2, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Damn it! Division promised me the delivery of dwarf-sized weaponry…
Posted by Mike on May 2, 2008 at 3:36 pm
“..and with 5,000 experience points under his belt, Timmy was the first to experience the new and vastly improved line of recon weaponry. Unfortunately, his field of view was restricted a bit, and he was much easier to hit, (getting through doorways was no treat either). However, on the plus side, his shots deafened opponents, and ignored their shields; killing and re-killing them instantly when they respawned.
Little Timmy rarely lost a match again, except sword matches where he gets trapped in the level, unable to swing the (scale)20 foot long sword, but generally he vetoed those.
Then there was the time his mother wouldn’t make him the chocolate milk she’d promised to make him, and everyone youtubed and killed him while he was distracted in the ensuing battle of wits with his mother.
Eventually though, little Timmy was banned from xbox live due to 90% of his opponents chosing to “avoid player” due to what they thought was modding.. Poor Timmy, hope you like playing campaign.”
Posted by Mike on May 2, 2008 at 3:38 pm
^ uhh.. just the first sentence of that last post.. the rest was umm.. I dunno’ what that was..
Posted by Kroden on May 2, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Man, I want that gun, not this stupid midgey cricket!
-MIB anyone
Posted by R2-JL on May 2, 2008 at 4:32 pm
“Well, the soldiers are bending over backwards to support your new weapons platform, but I still don’t think it’s going to work”
R2-JL
Posted by bvl on May 2, 2008 at 4:35 pm
suddenly bungie realised their attempted crossover with ID Software couldnt work. the BFG would never work in Halo.
besides, if they wanted an all anihilating weapon, they simply needed to bring back the H1 pistol.
Posted by Lovemuffin on May 2, 2008 at 4:54 pm
Ever since the Brutes joined the UNSC, it’s been hard to distinguish which weapons are meant for them rather than others.
Posted by NINJA:Dusk2Dawn on May 2, 2008 at 4:59 pm
MC didn’t like the slef portarait so he changed it himself
What really happens when you beat H3 on Legendary
“If i can’t get killionaire with this i got no chance”
“WOAH…You should see the wall with 50x Zoom!”
*crackles*”Alert to all UNSC memebers a highly unstable prototype weapons has been stolen from the test area…GIVE IT BACK!CHIEF!!!” ”
” This is my favourite Happy Birthday EVA!!!”
Posted by Michael Dardis on May 2, 2008 at 6:10 pm
Some Glitches are better left undiscovered…
With this rifle every shot’s a headshot!
Sergent Johnson once said “Back in my day all we got was two rocks and a stick, and we had to SHARE THE STICK!” Now you see why they shared.
This is why he can only carry two guns…
This is why Bungie doesn’t listen to user feedback…
(Yes, I ripped this off zombie.)
Introducing Halo the Movie
Directed by Michael Bay
And you thought the halo 1 pistol was bad…
Caboose from RVB didn’t realize the tank was cheating on him until he saw her first kid.
No, THIS is a man cannon!
Oh look, Stewie’s trying to take over the world again! XD
Posted by gunstar2 on May 2, 2008 at 6:40 pm
Oh god, gravity’s increasing on me!
Posted by SonofMacphisto on May 2, 2008 at 6:41 pm
#70 -
I took the ‘ignoring the elephant in the room’ tack.
Glad you liked it. :-D
Posted by a 1337 zombie on May 2, 2008 at 6:49 pm
It was right there and then that Jim realized that the battle rifle rocket launcher was never going to work.
Posted by DragonKnight08 on May 2, 2008 at 7:09 pm
RvB Quote-”I could blow up the whole god damn world with this thing…”
Or
Blue Spartan”Say hello to my little friend!*Thinks*…Big Friend!”
Cortana”Well that was 2 hous of my life i’ll never get back…”
On a side note,i might be going to see Iron Man this weekend!
Posted by SonofMacPhisto on May 2, 2008 at 8:36 pm
Dude! No katana? Lame!
Posted by Fish Muffin on May 2, 2008 at 9:07 pm
DANGER.
LOOK OUT FOR GIANT &@^!ING GUNS FLYING AT YOUR FACE.
Posted by James086 on May 2, 2008 at 9:49 pm
They told me not to shoot from the hip?
Posted by James086 on May 2, 2008 at 9:49 pm
Despite Bungie’s best efforts, they never did perfect the concept of weapon balance.
Posted by soulofaqua on May 2, 2008 at 10:37 pm
Oh did Blue hate those birds…
Posted by Mental Corgi on May 3, 2008 at 12:03 am
1. The results of when you try to mix and match with Joyride and McFarlane action figures.
2. “Who needs Recon now, huh? HUH?!”
3. Jeff only realised at that point the irony of the phrase “realoding is a bitch”.
Posted by soulofaqua on May 3, 2008 at 9:27 am
second out of a series of pictures showing a spartan being spung away by the new BR55XXL Battle Rifle-prototype.
Posted by Mags89 SBG on May 3, 2008 at 5:11 pm
Proof that Mcfarlane and Joyride are compatible…..maybe not
Posted by UEG PaniK on May 3, 2008 at 6:57 pm
*THIS is what happens when UNSC Officials watch movies like Super Size Me.
Posted by Michael Dardis on May 3, 2008 at 10:56 pm
Elmo’s got a gun, bigbird better run…
How does that song go?
Posted by Michael Dardis on May 3, 2008 at 10:57 pm
This is why Frankie’s not allowed to do weapon design.
Posted by R2-JL on May 3, 2008 at 11:46 pm
The last time Sarge ever told someone to “bring out the big guns.”
Posted by pwkwsfi on May 4, 2008 at 1:14 am
crap! red team got the Lightning Bolt power-up!
Posted by yayap_the_grunt on May 4, 2008 at 9:17 am
(Jeremy Clarkson voice)
Yes! I have an erection!
Posted by Revshawn on May 4, 2008 at 6:17 pm
The new xbox live update designed to make Halo 3 bigger and better did not sit well with the players that played it.
Posted by soulofaqua on May 5, 2008 at 4:48 am
99 Decision Street.
99 blue guys meet.
To worry, worry, super-scurry.
Call the troops out in a hurry.
This is what we’ve waited for.
This is it boys, this is war.
Church is on the line
As 99 red balloons go by.
Kill them all, they must DIE!!
Posted by R2-JL on May 6, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Bungie’s last-ditch effort to overtake CoD4 on the XBL charts.
Posted by tehUBERn00blet on September 2, 2008 at 5:36 pm
Oh my god…. I just searched my name on Google and I found this. I’m famous!!!! This Picture has over 3000 downloads, search it at Bungie.net.
From there you can download it to your Halo 3 file share.
Posted by Noobmuncher on September 13, 2008 at 8:21 pm
LMAO!!! wow thats fucking epic…ly awesome