I don’t like playing custom games in Halo 3. It simply isn’t my cup of tea. I much prefer the standard settings that matchmaking offers so that is where I happily spend 99% of my time. Within my clan I am known by a phrase I said frequently back in the days of Halo 2: No. Actionsack. Bullshit. Any time someone switched the playlist to that, those were the first words to come screeching out of my mouth at a deafening volume. Nothing made my blood boil faster than the ridiculous gametypes that stupid playlist featured. Who the hell wants to play Tower of Power and Golden Showers time and time again? That’s what I thought.
Last weekend I played my first ever game of Grifball. Yes, I am aware this particular gametype has been the big craze for quite some time now. No, I have never been interested in playing it. Unfortunately I got dragged (kicking and screaming) into that temporary playlist despite my vociferous complaints. If I could go back and reclaim my Grifball virgin status I would but alas, I can not wipe the horrific memories from my mind. There are a few main reasons why I didn’t enjoy the Grifball experience. Don’t worry, I know you want to hear them and I’ve got you covered.
O grenades, grenades, wherefore art thou grenades
There must have been some sort of glitch in the game I played because I never once spawned with grenades. No plasmas, no frags, no spikes. Absolutely nothing I could plant on the visors of my opponents. I diligently searched every last square inch of the map for some. I didn’t find a hidden stash in the far corner. There wasn’t a tidy little pile behind the score point. There wasn’t a single freakin’ grenade on the entire freakin’ map. What the hell? I want my grenades. Now.
Shields are hiding with the grenades
Apparently you don’t have a shield in Grifball. What do they think it is, SWAT or something? There are no battle rifles, thus no headshots to be had. All the lack of shields did was help me kill my teammates any time I swung my hammer. And if you have played with me before, you know betraying is not something I need any help with. Shields were so low I thought maybe I had a constant overshield. Oh yeah, I went there. Dumb Halo 3 overshield.
Random scary orange players
A few minutes into the game I noticed a random orange player running around the map. Last time I checked it was Blue Team against Red Team. Where the hell did the orange dude come from? I never turned orange thankfully, otherwise I probably would have crapped my pants. Any time that strange colored player came near me, I ran in the opposite direction. I don’t know why he was orange, but I was worried it was contagious and I wanted nothing to do with it. He could have been a Zombie for all I know. Oh look, another gametype I hate. Stupid Zombies.
I am not someone to just complain without offering a solution. Thus I have drafted some changes that I think could improve Grifball and make it a more pleasant experience.
Decorate the place
Who likes playing in a big, empty, closed box? The Grifball arena is a completely barren playing field that definitely needs a woman’s touch. I propose they play it on a beautiful outdoors map, somewhere that the wind can blow through your hair and the sunlight can warm your skin. Standoff would work perfectly I think. It has such a nice view.
Don’t forget my shotty
Keep Standoff with the standard default weapons and vehicles. That way my glorious shotty and two plasmas grenades tucked in the corner are there for me when I spawn. If you really want to make me happy, you’ll put a Halo 2 overshield in the base too.
No bombs but I’ll take a couple of flags
Forget that one bomb in the middle that everybody immediately goes rushing to when they spawn. Instead put a single flag in each base at the usual destination. The flags are beautiful, especially when they sway gently in the breeze. And the flags don’t blow up and kill everybody too.
I don’t completely hate Grifball, just so you know. I happen to think this year’s commissioner is the man. Perhaps I will send him my detailed list of proposed improvements. I just know he will love them.
Posted by mendicantbias00 on April 10, 2008 at 5:08 am
OH I haven’t laughed that hard at work in a loooooooooong time!
Thanks bs angel!!!!
Posted by AusQB on April 10, 2008 at 5:43 am
Hahaha.
I know I sometimes find it hard to comprehend not having grenades. I eventually switched my button layout to Boxer to eliminate the constant pulling of the left trigger, which resulted in dispensing a nice can of bupkis. It also makes it easier to get those bomb kills.
I would love to play Grifball on an outdoors map. I agree Standoff would be incredible. I made a game on there called Gooseball, where teams of four had to push a soccer ball in the middle of the map to the opposing missile silo using only Mongeese. I know I’ve had endless fun by myself playing it, because everyone is always playing Grifball.
Posted by Crazyeye0 on April 10, 2008 at 5:46 am
You obviously havn’t played any GOOD custom games…
Posted by John (ate Ruben) on April 10, 2008 at 6:08 am
Doin it wrong.
Posted by -S- on April 10, 2008 at 6:18 am
lol funny piece angel, well done. BUT! You left out the part where all the players in grifball should wear pink armor so they can look prettier during the game.
You know…every time I hear people expressing their exTREME distaste for custom games, I react the same way every time. Yes you do, you just haven’t played them right yet. It’s psychological. I had a friend once who absolutely hated Super Smash Brothers – thought it was the worst game ever conceived and refused to not only play it, but recognize it as a fun concept by Nintendo.
Why?
The first time he was introduced to the game, his 3 friends playing with him (who had been playing the game for weeks already) thought it would be more fun to kick the sh*t out of him than to teach him how to play. So they gave him a controller and said ‘its easy, A is attack, B is special…you’ll get it’. Great introduction, right?
It’s like how children during infancy who are introduced poorly to their first baths (loud noises, extremely cold water, aggressive scrubbing and other mistakes new parents sometimes make) become naturally afraid of water.
I also had a friend who’s first ever game of zombies landed him as the sole zombie on Foundation in Halo 2, unaware of how to play, while all 15 humans immediately packed into room 2 and laughed at his pathetic attempts to run in to score any kills. Guess who now thinks Zombies is a horrible gametype?
If you play with the right people, custom games are absolutely amazing. No waiting in Matchmaking…no absurd smack talk from 8 year old kids screaming into the mic because you took their sniper…no gametypes you don’t want to play. Fun gametypes, with your closest friends, for however long you want, with tons of laughs.
I personally think the guys who came up with Grifball need to be given a medal. It’s so incredibly innovative and fun…with the right people, I could literally play for hours.
When I say ‘the right people’ I mean people i DONT get randomly paired with in matchmaking, who don’t understand that 4 people rushing towards the bomb at the start of the game and swinging your grav hammer like a moron will result in the death of 3 fellow teammates.
I always feel you should give custom games another shot when you have a particularly bad experience…they can be truly astounding.
…but the #1 rule is agreed upon by myself and Angel, apparently, which is- *ahem*
F*CK Team Actionsack. Seriously. Team Showers? I’d rather try to wrestle and shave an in-heat Gorilla.
Posted by mendicantbias00 on April 10, 2008 at 6:38 am
-S- are you a writer perhaps? If not you should be. Most (if not all) of your comments are lucid, intelligent, and well thought-out. And I agree that custom games can be a blast if playing with the right people who are willing to teach you, rather than let you stumble and fall.
Posted by -S- on April 10, 2008 at 7:25 am
…mendicantbias, do you really think I’m a good writer? I’m not, but I really really would like to be…I just don’t know how. My latest idea is to see if I can get into something I’d really like to do, write up reviews for and critique films (I was a film major, english minor) for movie websites, magazines, or newspapers. I just don’t know how to get started :(
Posted by -S- on April 10, 2008 at 7:25 am
which is writing up*
my bad.
Posted by AusQB on April 10, 2008 at 7:26 am
I agree with mendicant. That part about introductions (leading to hate of water, Zombies) is very true.
Posted by zzombie13 on April 10, 2008 at 8:18 am
The rampant prejudice against zombies here is truly offensive. I am scorned!!!
Posted by mendicantbias00 on April 10, 2008 at 8:31 am
“…mendicantbias, do you really think I’m a good writer? I’m not, but I really really would like to be…I just don’t know how. My latest idea is to see if I can get into something I’d really like to do, write up reviews for and critique films (I was a film major, english minor) for movie websites, magazines, or newspapers. I just don’t know how to get started”
No, I honestly do. I enjoy reading your comments on bs angel’s topics. Have you tried to write a review yet? if not you should, you can start a blogspot or WordPress page and publish them there to start. I would be very interested to read them. If you decide to try it let me know. my email is my name at gmail.
Posted by mendicantbias00 on April 10, 2008 at 8:34 am
Be not scorned ZzomBiE13, for thou art held in high regard by many avid readers of thine scripts.
Also, I love the infection game type, i wish it would come back to matchmaking so i can get my elusive Steppin’ Razor. stupid steppin razor.
Posted by agdTinMan on April 10, 2008 at 8:53 am
Hater.
Posted by Crazyeye0 on April 10, 2008 at 9:41 am
God know Medicent. I never ever EVER want them to bring back infection in Matchmaking, as much as I love infection, the gametypes on the halloween playlist, and the maps were some of the worst maps and games I’ve ever played. Invisible zombies with rocket launchers and twice as much damagae resistance with shields is NOT good, seriously.
Posted by mendicantbias00 on April 10, 2008 at 9:54 am
Ok Crazyeye0 ill give you that…not ALL of the infection game types were good. I dont know if they weren’t thought out well enough, or if they weren’t fully tested, OR if Bungie was just messing with us. I personally liked the Creeping Death (with hammers i believe) and I liked the Save one Bullet. I would rather have fast no shield zombies with swords, versus “humans” with limited ammo. But thats just me. =)
Posted by -S- on April 10, 2008 at 10:47 am
Give me fast zombies with swords and no shields, against humans with limited ammo in a giant fort – what’s the forged level on Zanzibar? for Infection? I LOVE that.
Posted by mendicantbias00 on April 10, 2008 at 11:22 am
Zomzibar!!!!
Posted by Venus Envy on April 10, 2008 at 11:32 am
You would like fast zombies -S-. Thats right i said it. :P
I have never played Grifball, so i failed to understand all the humor in this piece. I know BS has had intimate relations with the shotgun for many years.. and the relation of shooting me in the face with it far to many times!
Posted by CzarCastic on April 10, 2008 at 11:52 am
angel, you must admit that you did like Albatross KotH when we played that during our last clan challenge. You started out with your typical Actionsack Bullshit comment, but by the end of the game, you said you’d play it again. So we did.
Also, there’s a version of the Grifball map on the beach of Last Resort. I must admit, the scenery is much nicer than the grey box that is Foundry.
Posted by mendicantbias00 on April 10, 2008 at 12:05 pm
CzarCastic, do you have a link to that map variant?
Posted by CzarCastic on April 10, 2008 at 12:49 pm
I think I have it, yes. I’ll put it on my fileshare.
Posted by bs angel on April 10, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Was that the Guardian one? I did enjoy that gametype, you are right. :)
Posted by Tortacular on April 10, 2008 at 12:57 pm
Since when did you start using your grenades on *opponents*
Posted by -S- on April 10, 2008 at 1:28 pm
ownd
Posted by Crazyeye0 on April 10, 2008 at 2:08 pm
What I also hate, is when the bases in Infection are completley impenetrable, at least think about the zombies, jeez 0_0 I mean, if you get stuck as the zombie the whole time your just going to be hating yourself.
Posted by Bleet Tameheart on April 10, 2008 at 2:46 pm
“Oh look, another gametype I hate. Stupid Zombies.”
Then, you’re going to love the new Living Dead Double EXP weekend!
Posted by bs angel on April 10, 2008 at 2:51 pm
No amount of experience is worth playing that for an entire evening. Eek!
Posted by setters on April 11, 2008 at 2:17 am
I would love the double exp but I just can’t get to grips with the living dead games!
I tried this morning & gave up after 3 games – at least I gave it 3 games :)
Posted by Kraeth on April 14, 2008 at 10:13 am
How great is that. Lol
Posted by Who Doesn’t Like Ribbons in Their Hair? « Hawty McBloggy Invites You to Play on December 12, 2008 at 11:45 am
[...] was later in the Optimatch forum. My opinion of Grifball has changed slightly since the first time I ranted about it so I’ll definitely be hopping in there and enjoying the customary betrayalfest. And give Grif [...]