Friday Caption Fun, Round 4
March 21, 2008 139 Comments
I am so grateful it is finally Friday. I don’t know about you but I am definitely ready for the weekend. Let’s start it off right by distracting ourselves with some funny captions. Last week’s screenshot featured a very large Elite getting ready to take a bite out of a very small Spartan. Everybody came up with some very humorous captions, but these were the ones I found the most entertaining.
- “Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the Grifball Arena…” (mendicantbias00)
- “Only then did Red remember that his oven was, in fact, on.” (Retinence)
- “Recent attempts to clean the giant Sangheili’s teeth had failed miserably…” (Gatchaman)
- “Om Nom Nom Nom” (Penguinish)
- “Mute it before you Chew it!” (BSB belpers)
- “Even the coveted Gravity Hammer was no match for Elite breath…” (DIESEL2)
- “IMMA FIRIN MA LAZAR!!!!” (Not Sid)
- “Host’s film reveals what REALLY happens when a player is killed “by the Guardians” (petetheduck)
I fully expect to see that screenshot on this website any day now (thanks for the link agdTinMan!). I love this week’s screenshot too, it is quite the gem. I call it “Covenant Pawn Shop”, but what is your funny caption for it?
Author: Mags89 SBG
“um, that one, no no wait wait wait..uuuuhhh that one, no no hold on ummmm…that one…”
Spartan: The Spartan Laser.
Elite: These are brand new; we just got them in. That’s a good gun. Just touch the trigger, the beam comes on and you put the red dot where you want the blast to go. You can’t miss. Anything else?
Spartan: Halo CE Magnum.
Elite: Hey, just what you see, pal.
Wait a minute, where’s the captain?
Ohhhh man. You dirty little pig stealing elite! GIMME MY MONEY BACK!!!!!!
do you haz Recon?
“No, I already told you. If I wanted to kill someone with a Plasma Pistol, I’d go play Halo: CE.”
“Sorry, you don’t have enough Rupees to buy that.”
“Hi, I’d like some headlight fluid and two quarts of elbow grease, please.”
I’d like to trade my plasma pistol for an assult rifle.
do you accept mastercard?
Spartan: How much can you give me for this? (Hands plasma pistol to the elite)
Elite: I’m sorry, we don’t except pieces of crap here.
Elite: We don’t serve your kind round these parts. Git!
Spartan: But…but…but….
*Plasma Pistol begins to Overcharge*
Sorry, we’re all out of recon, maybe you like the flaming breastplate?
Spartan: I need a weapon
Elite: Weellll, you ‘az come to ze right place
Spartan: I need your most deadliest weapon.
Elite: Their located to the right, next to the sympathy cards.
or
Spartan: People call me the Lord of War, but I think it is you who is the Lord of War.
Elite: You do know it’s War Lord, right?
Spartan: I know but I prefer it my way.
lol to the terminator and lord of war references
halo CE pistol FTW
Elite:: We call this piece the Fecalator. One look at it and the target shits him or herself. Try it on.
Spartan: Well, it’s a lot more compact than the Energy sword, but it’s not nearly as impressive. Just doesn’t have that Wrath-of-the-Demon edge to it. I mean, come on, how am I supposed to strike fear into the hearts of the Covenant with this thing? Look at this…
Could you give me my needler in a brown bag please?
“Where’s your bathroom? I need to exchange this…er…plasma pistol.”
Elite: That’s an older model plasma pistol sir, they don’t make batteries for it anymore.
Spartan: “Is it worth anything?
Elite: It would be more valuable if it had a good battery. I’ll trade you a Needler for it?
Spartan: Deal!
Elite: Spartans are so stupid, I couldn’t give that Needler away before. Hmm, where did I put that case of plasma pistol batteries?
I need to return this plasma pistol, it overheats too much.
“Ah. I’d like to have an argument, please…”
hi, i’d like a splazer with a extra batary pack and for my son *points down*
a happy Maul.
“How much for the handsome elite… I mean elite battle rifle? Yeah handsome elite battle rifle. “
- That’s some mighty fine piece of hardware you got there mister.
- Why thank you! Scavengers and covie elite shops are never bad for the alliance’s economy you know. I’d be extra careful if I were you though. The rounds in these babies aren’t exactly… “officially supported” around these parts if you know what I mean. *wink wink*
- Gotcha… So how much for the roadblock?
“Om Nom Nom Nom” and “IMMA FIRIN MA LAZAR!!!!” ? – when did this site turn into 4chan lol. petetheduck’s made me crack up; nice job boi! damn guardians :)
I KNOW I NEED A RECEIPT TO GET MY SNIPER RIFLE BACK, DO YOU ACCEPT XBOX LIVE POINTS?
Spartan: Do you have THE pistol?
Elite: We have lots of them.
Spartan: I’m talking about the M6D pistol.
Elite: AHH!! WE DON’T HAVE THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS!!! happy thoughts, happy thoughts…
Spartan: “Guns. Lots of Guns.”
Elite: “Fine, but if you call me Trinity one more time, you’re getting a plasma pistol in the face.”
Elite: Come On! You’ve got to give it a chance, the “Overcharge” on this little baby can drop a Banshee from the sky and stop a Wraith in its tracks. Not to mention dropping a personnel shield to zero in about a second.
Spartan: Yeah, but when you shoot it, it goes “PEW PEW PEW”.
” I’ll take the third time bomb from the right.”
(homage to Airplane 2)
Spartan: I want you most deadliest weapon.
Elite: Dont you remember you blew it up in the first game.
Sign in the back: “Warning: Cashier is Armed”
So, you’re all out of Wooden Shields? Man, now what am I going to do with all these Rupees?
-Spartan:”I’ll take an FRC and a gravity hammer.”
-Elite:”Are you over 18?”
-Spartan:”Ummm…..Yeah?”
-Elite:”Ok then.”
Spartan: Thats all you have…you sure you don’t have and milk or like maybe even a sandwich?
Upon discussing the Elite’s suggestion, Jimmy soon learned that elite arms dealers didn’t know shit about plasma pistols.
all you need is ice cream man music going on in the back
Would you like to supersize that for a dollar more?
Spartan: THIS cost me a hundred food stamps?
Spartan: I think I’d like a Flare, please.
Elite: Sorry, we’re all out of Flares.
Spartan: Oh, that’s alright… uh, how about an SMG or two?
Elite: We never have those at the end of the week, sir.
And so on…
Spartan: Have you, in fact, got any guns here at all?
Elite: Yes, sir.
(pause)
Elite: …No, sir.
Spartan: You don’t?
Elite: No, sir. I was purposely wasting your time.
Spartan: I’ll take that Grunt doll please…yeah, the orange one…and perhaps those handcuffs? Cheers mate. Oh yes, nearly forget, I need a new duvet cover…right, thanks.
Grunt: I think I pee myself.
Elite: You’re very lucky. I’m the only one hereabouts who has a flamethrower. Saying which, hows’n you gonna pay for all this?
Spartan: I have 50,000 UNSC ditares.
Eite: UNSC credits? UNSC credits are no good out here, I need something more real.
Spartan: (waves hand) I don’t have anything else, but credits will do fine.
Elite: No they won’t.
Spartan: (waves hand again) Credits will do fine.
Elite: No they won’t! What do you think we’re in Forge mode waving your hand around like that?
John excitedly played ski ball for hours and hours on end, earning ticket after ticket. After countless games, 2 tons worth of tickets and a trip to the prize counter, John was told he only had enough for the glow in the dark fangs, or a plasma pistol.
It was at that moment, the Chief realized – ChuckECheese sucks.
only then did the spartans realize the true magnitude of the covenant armory.
“Hey, thanks for watching the counter for me, Z’uurname. Next time that that ‘son-of-a jackal’ offers me any ‘beef jerky’, just say NO. I wouldn’t go in that room for 30-45 mins. wooOOOoooweee…Hey, what’s with the plasma pistol?”
“Some idiot wanted to trade it in for a Spartan Laser. Could you believe it? Says he needed to hunt some Lekgolo. I told him only real Spartans use their bare hands to rip out Hunter spines and show their dripping mess to their dying eyes..Wort wort wort. We’ll never see that fool in here again! And by the way… you owe me 500 credits.”
“Dang it! I can’t believe you got another idiot to do that! Are people really that stupid? Throw that pistol on the pile with the others. I’ll have your credits tomorrow.”
“Were it so easy….”
Sir, I am the manager, and as I told you before, without a receipt I can only give you store credit!
1. i want it all, i want it all, i want it all, and i want it now
*strangles the elite and steals everything*
2. two FRGs! can i has duel welding with them?
3. how much for the sword?
4. do you have recon?
Spartan:
I need a double cheeseburger and hold the lettuce
Don’t be frontin’ son no seeds on a bun
We be up in this drive thru
Order for two
I gots a craving for a number nine like my shoe
We need some chicken up in here
In this dizzle
For rizzle my mizzle
Extra salt on the frizzle
Dr. Pepper my brother
Another for your mother
Double double super size
And don’t forget the FRIES…
Elite:…Sir this is a weapons store…Stupid Humans…
Slothboy = win
Elite: “So, would you like to pre-order the new GTA?”
Spartan: “One venti caramel macciato, a kruller, and can I get a cup of water while I wait for the coffee?”
Welcome to Strohl Munitions! How can I help you?
I Need a Weapon…. and some chiclets.
David was sick and tired of being a level 8 Gunnery Sergeant – he needed help. That very morning he traded in his engagement ring…for a plasma pistol.
Spartan: Hey, could I see that Battle Rifle?
Elite: Sure my friend, go ahead, it fit you well, yes?
Spartan: Why, yes it does! How much?
Elite: For you, special reduced price….500 Credits.
Spartan: 500 Credits! Better to not have one at all for that price! Hmm, let me see that Trip Mine.
Elite: No, last time I let someone see it, they tried to blow up store when I told them the extremely reasonable price. 5000 Credits is as low as I go.
Spartan: 5000! Bah, I don’t blame the mamzer for trying to blow up this meshugeneh store. Fine, I’ll look at one more thing before I leave. Hmm….can I see that Shotgun?
Elite: Ah yes, this is very good for home defence, if that is what you are looking for.
Spartan: It is.
Elite: Seeing as you need one……200 Credits.
Spartan: 200 Credits! My children starve if I give you 200 Credits you ferkakte mamzer! 100 Credits!
Elite: Then my children starve! 150, lowest I go.
Spartan: Fine, 150 Credits. Good day to you sir.
Elite: And to you. And sir, one last thing.
Spartan: Yes?
Elite: You are quite a great haggler. Last schmuck who asked for a Shotgun in here, I got 500 Credits from.
Spartan: Ha, you are a good seller. Good Bye.
Elite: Good bye, friend.
Spartan: This pistol is no more. It has ceased to be! It’s expired and gone to meet it’s maker! It’s a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! It’s overcharging processes are now history! It’s off the twig! It’s kicked the bucket, it’s shuffled off it’s mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PISTOL!!
“What? You think you’re some kind of Jedi, waving your hand around like that? I’m an Elite, mind tricks don’t work on me… only money!”
Jerry didn’t think there was anything scarier than the Soup Nazi, until he bought Halo 3 and an XboxLive account…
.
.
… NO GUNS FOR YOU!
Elite: No, really, this IS the NEW combat fuel rod cannon, it just came up from some guy named Songnam this morning. Try to take care when firing it, the recoil will shock you.
Yeah, your weapons are fine and dandy and all but where’s the headlight fluid?
Spartan: What can I get for this lovely plasma pistol?
Elite: Dude. This is the Green Army, not Salvation Army.
A pretty obvious one:
Spartan: “I’d like a bottle of headlight fluid and a tub of elbow grease please”
Elite: “…..”
Elite:Welcome to grunt in the box,May I take you order?
I need a weapon
“I need you to fill out this stack of paper work and come back in five days after the waiting period is over!”
Spartan: “Do you take Visa or Mastercard?”
Elite: “Nope, we only take Discover.”
Buy some beer, get a free gun
hey you got sonething on your back
is it a spider?
“I’m guessing that you condone the ‘right to bear arms,’ right?”
Battle Rifle: $1200
Plasma Pistol: $900
Warthog Oil Change: $50
Realizing you brought your checkbook and they only accept credit/debit cards… Priceless
There are some things money can’t buy.For everything else, there’s Mastercard.
I’m going to need to see some ID.
You know you are low on inventory when your desk is a barrier.
I heard you guys were having a BOGO sale and I rushed right over.
Dren
“alright now gimmme all the money in the….ahhh crap”
Is that all stranger? eh heheheheh!
Watcha buyin’? Watcha Sellin?
Thank ya stanger! Come back anytime…
Spartan: Really, where the $%!* did you get this stuff?
Elite: Hold still, I’ll show you.
Yay, I just checked and it turns out I won round 2! But… anyways:
“…Goddammit, gimme somethin’ I don’t own, Splitlip!”
“A RACSIST! I’m sorry, store’s closed, good day!”
MC: I’d like to return this grenade.
Elite: But sir, the pin’s been pulled.
MC: Um, yeah. About that….*runs out of store*
Sorry, no Coke, Pepsi!
Spartan-Do i want the carbine or BR.Ohh that rocket launcher look nice or maybe the fuel rod……….such hard decisions.
Elite-Will u please hurry up sir you are wasting my time.
Spartan-Which one which on?
Elite-Sir pick now or i will have you removed from my store.
Spartan-Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm?
Elite reaches for energy sword.
Oops I think I left my wallet in the ‘Hog, brb……
I was thinking of something that looks good on the back of my armor? Would you have a Katana???
Fuel-rod guns AND a firebomb grenade. Don’t you know those are illegal?
Spartan: I have a complaint.
Elite: Closing for lunch..
Spartan: I just bought this Plasma Pistol from you a few hours ago.
Elite: Oh.. the limited edition. What’s wrong with it?
Spartan: I’ll tell you what’s wrong! It doesn’t work! No batteries! They’re empty!
Elite: No, it’s just.. recharging
Spartan: What do you mean recharging?!
Elite: It said full when you bought it.
Spartan: The word “full” was WRITTEN on it!
Elite: I knew I should of been a Scarab Pilot!
Welcome to food nipple, can I get you a big grunty thirst?
“And you call this a grocery store?!”
“Hi, could I please borrow your store’s phone?”
So…no newspapers at all then.
So…no headlight fluid or elbow grease? Damn…Church is gonna be pissed.
It’s the Energy Sword. What does it look like? It looks like that one right there.
No, I don’t have my ticket.
I don’t care! That’s MY SWORD.
I want to speak to the manager.
Spartan: “Credits WILL be fine.”
Elite: “No, they won’t! What, you think you’re some kind of Jedi, waving your hand around like that? I’m a Sangheili, mind tricks don’t work on me, only money!”
Yea mate! It was this big I’m telling yah!
(MC) “I don’t want a plasma pistol. Do you have an M6D?”
(Elite) “Nope, try the laser.”
(MC) “That’s still not good enough!”
“I don’t know about you, but somehow, I don’t think that thing will cut it…”
2nd One
S: Id like one nintendo wii please
E: Sorry were out of stock.
S: WAAAH
E: Sir Im going to have ask you to vacate the premise ( pulls out an energy sword)
All your guns are belong to us!!
OR
“You don’t have ANYweed? Dude, you have f*cking lasers. LASERS!!”
OR
“I don’t need no stinkin’ guns. BOOT TO THE HEAD!!”
~I~
“Uhh got any human horn?”
(Futurama Reference)
Mc: Uh I’ll take a Shotgun and a Spartan Laser
Elite: Do you want grenades with that?
“…..Do YOU have flood insurance?”
MC: I’ve found Cortana’s solution…and I don’t think I can bring ‘em back…
*tosses plasma pistol on counter*
Spartan: “Even as a trophy that weapon is worthless.”
MC@Plasma Pistol: “I don’t like it!”
Elite: “We didn’t design so you could like it.”
MC: “You didn’t invent plasma pistols – the Forerunner did.”
Elite: “Right. Now, remind me, who’s the one with a rack of guns behind them?”
“What are you buying??”
“What are you selling??”
“Ahhh…I’ll buy it a high price.”
A new caption contest you say? TO ARMS!
1) *In a gruff voice* What are you buying?
2) “Get out of my store!”
3) “Now remember, shop smart. Shop S-Mart. ”
4) Spartan: “So I can buy all of these top of the line military grade weapons for the same price as the Legendary Map Pack?”
Elite: “But the new map pack has a Sidewinder remake.”
Spartan: “Damn…that IS good.”
Really, all I need is a friggin’ carton of milk…
WHAT’RE YA SELLIN?!
//spartan lays pistol on table
AHH, ILL BUY IT AT A HIGH PRICE!
1) You don’t need my ID. Don’t you know who I am? I’m the Juggernaut, bitch!
2) I can only offer 2,000. They’re just not in demand since the XP-38 came out.
3) That’s not “MC Hammer.” That’s “McHammer.” Now do you want “McFries” with that or not?
4) You wore the helmet to the DMV? That’s hardcore, man.
Spartan: Do you want a milk crate to stand on? I didn’t know there were midget Elites.
or
Spartan: *whispers* “Yeah, umm, just some condoms please.”
Elite: “Price check on condoms please, price check on condoms. Wait, can you Spartans even tell the guys from the girls?”
Spartan: “Umm, good point. I’ll just take a Playboy.”
hi guys mags89 SBG here, just saying that this screen shot is all about the MC saying “i need a weapon” and then he gets a plasma pistol but i do like a few of the ones you guys have come up with a few like the 1st Master Card one and this one
“MC: I’d like to return this grenade.
Elite: But sir, the pin’s been pulled.
MC: Um, yeah. About that….*runs out of store”
keep’em coming
Spartan: New mission Steve, standard fair, frags, plasma sword, SMG, shotgun, and for the psychological edge…eh, what the hell, a plasma pistol
Elite: New mission, huh Frank? Guess since you’re getting your usual, there is going to be some murderin’ involved.
Spartan: And how!
do you guys take checks?
Chief: THIS IS A HOLD-UP! GIMME ALL THE GUNS OR I’LL SHOOT THIS HERE PLASMA PISTOL!
Elite: ….ohh I’m sooo scared.
- We Elites get a wide variety of weapons to choose from when we’re enlisted. What did you get when you started out, Master Chief?
- You don’t wanna know.
IN SOVIET RUSSIA, SHOP ROBS YOU!
“Oh! Why, Hellooo there. This is a stickup…… Oh!?…… Oh….Hmm. A little research wouldv’e helped a whole lot.”
Elite: ‘Pistols? You want Pistols Mother Bytches? I Kill Before, i kill again!!’
Spartan: (drawing shotgun and pointing at at the Elite’s head) Put the gun down, and give me one sniper rifle, and a pack of tropical fruit Bubbilicious. And some skittles.
Damn elites, coming to Earth and taking all our jobs…
“I need a weapon… to finish the fight… any suggestions?”
Spartan: “Could you take a look at this plasma pistol? It has been overheating whenever I use–I mean, ‘my wife‘ uses it.”
This supply depot is a front for an arms dealer which is really just a front for a Golden Banshee smuggling operation.
Arby: How are you going to pay for all this?
Chief: I have twenty thousand UNSC credits.
Arby: UNSC credits? UNSC credits are no good out here. I need something more real.
Chief: [gesturing to nudge Arby's mind] I don’t have anything else, but credits will do fine.
Arby: No, they won’t!
Chief: [nudging harder]: Credits will do fine.
Arby: No, they won’t! What, you think you’re some kind of Spartan, waving your hand around like that? I’m a Sangheili! Mind tricks don’t work on me, only money! No money, no guns, no deal!
John has disappointed to only win enough tokens at Mancannon Pach1nko Horror to get a plasma pistol at the prize booth.
“…3 frag grenades, a plasma rifle, two fuel rod cannons, two glazed donuts, three crullers, and a peppermint mocha latte with a sprinkle of cinnamon.”
Umm ya…this “Cortana” AI that you gave me keeps nagging me. I want a refund.
Master chief: I need a weapon.
Elite: Will that be cash or credit?
*Elite Place pistol on Table*
Six men came to kill me one time, the best of them carried this:
Covenant type 25 directed energy pistol, custom trigger,100-150 Kv @ 2-3 dA output, overcharge firing mode.
It is my very favorite gun.
(Elite now looking at the pistol a little TOO lovingly)
I call her Vera!
Spartan: I’d like one recharge for this pistol, please.
Elite: Sorry, we don’t know how to do it either.
Elite: Got a selection of good things on sale. What are you sellin’?
Spartan: I’m looking to sell this Spartan Laser
Elite: I’ll buy it at a high price!
Spartan: Okay here you go…
Elite: Thanks stranger!
Spartan: Err… thanks
“Best not to mention where you got this, ok?”
Spartan: I’ll…take the laser!
Elite: ID please.
Spartan: …what?
Elite: ID please.
Spartan: I’m a 43 year old Spartan! A PRO WARRIOR! I’m old enough!
Elite: I can’t see inside that visor. ID sir.
Spartan: Wanna see how old I am?! *Removes crotch plate*
Elite: “The best part, though, is that there’s no cycling time. Pull the trigger, and it starts shaving hot protons at maximum burn from a cold start. The only thing you lose its that ‘Ommminous hummm’”
Spartan: “There’s no hum?!”
(Since everyone seems to be quoting something or other, I decided to pull a choice quote from a favorite sci-fi webcomic of mine. Given the circumstances, it seemed appropriate.)
Look, for the last time I am NOT hiding the rocket ammo back here. Just go play fisticuffs or something.
“You’re honestly selling an energy sword when there’s a billion guns behind you?”
“That energy sword is something else. Not as clumsy or as random as an assault rifle; it is an elegant weapon for a more civilized age. Before the dark times.”
“Before John totally kicked your asses?”
“Sometimes I wish I could be strong like you…”
“Yeah yeah, just help me lift this rock already.”
“Wait…your name is ‘McLovin’?”
Welcome to the Covenant weapons shop! How may I… Hold on…DEMON! DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“I bought this last week, but then I saw it for a lower price at Target. Do you guys price match?”
“So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.”
uh, hi. I’m gonna need a couple magazines, and I’m not talking about rifles . . .
mc:arby how many guns you plannin on taking? i dont plan on THAT much shooting.
arbyiter: yeah well what you plan and what takes place aint always the same.
mc: no firebombs
arbiter: what? aww.
yh i was gonna have a much better firefly joke but tractible got in first. dammit.
Bad pepperoni pizza: $22
5 tokens for skeet ball: $1
Trading in your tickets for a battle rifle: Priceless!