I am so grateful it is finally Friday. I don’t know about you but I am definitely ready for the weekend. Let’s start it off right by distracting ourselves with some funny captions. Last week’s screenshot featured a very large Elite getting ready to take a bite out of a very small Spartan. Everybody came up with some very humorous captions, but these were the ones I found the most entertaining.
- “Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the Grifball Arena…” (mendicantbias00)
- “Only then did Red remember that his oven was, in fact, on.” (Retinence)
- “Recent attempts to clean the giant Sangheili’s teeth had failed miserably…” (Gatchaman)
- “Om Nom Nom Nom” (Penguinish)
- “Mute it before you Chew it!” (BSB belpers)
- “Even the coveted Gravity Hammer was no match for Elite breath…” (DIESEL2)
- “IMMA FIRIN MA LAZAR!!!!” (Not Sid)
- “Host’s film reveals what REALLY happens when a player is killed “by the Guardians” (petetheduck)
I fully expect to see that screenshot on this website any day now (thanks for the link agdTinMan!). I love this week’s screenshot too, it is quite the gem. I call it “Covenant Pawn Shop”, but what is your funny caption for it?
Author: Mags89 SBG
Posted by TTL L askan on March 21, 2008 at 2:45 am
“um, that one, no no wait wait wait..uuuuhhh that one, no no hold on ummmm…that one…”
Posted by Jim 028 on March 21, 2008 at 2:48 am
Spartan: The Spartan Laser.
Elite: These are brand new; we just got them in. That’s a good gun. Just touch the trigger, the beam comes on and you put the red dot where you want the blast to go. You can’t miss. Anything else?
Spartan: Halo CE Magnum.
Elite: Hey, just what you see, pal.
Posted by Xboxguy123 on March 21, 2008 at 4:16 am
Wait a minute, where’s the captain?
Posted by Xboxguy123 on March 21, 2008 at 4:17 am
Ohhhh man. You dirty little pig stealing elite! GIMME MY MONEY BACK!!!!!!
Posted by Rosco-128 on March 21, 2008 at 4:22 am
do you haz Recon?
Posted by DenimDan312 on March 21, 2008 at 4:39 am
“No, I already told you. If I wanted to kill someone with a Plasma Pistol, I’d go play Halo: CE.”
Posted by 343winks on March 21, 2008 at 4:46 am
“Sorry, you don’t have enough Rupees to buy that.”
Posted by SF Legend on March 21, 2008 at 4:48 am
“Hi, I’d like some headlight fluid and two quarts of elbow grease, please.”
Posted by QuicRick92 on March 21, 2008 at 4:50 am
I’d like to trade my plasma pistol for an assult rifle.
Posted by sander on March 21, 2008 at 5:02 am
do you accept mastercard?
Posted by Darthmagneto on March 21, 2008 at 5:03 am
Spartan: How much can you give me for this? (Hands plasma pistol to the elite)
Elite: I’m sorry, we don’t except pieces of crap here.
Posted by mendicantbias00 on March 21, 2008 at 5:06 am
Elite: We don’t serve your kind round these parts. Git!
Spartan: But…but…but….
*Plasma Pistol begins to Overcharge*
Posted by Gangsterreus on March 21, 2008 at 5:07 am
Sorry, we’re all out of recon, maybe you like the flaming breastplate?
Posted by OddGodHMK on March 21, 2008 at 5:15 am
Spartan: I need a weapon
Elite: Weellll, you ‘az come to ze right place
Posted by verd on March 21, 2008 at 5:15 am
Spartan: I need your most deadliest weapon.
Elite: Their located to the right, next to the sympathy cards.
or
Spartan: People call me the Lord of War, but I think it is you who is the Lord of War.
Elite: You do know it’s War Lord, right?
Spartan: I know but I prefer it my way.
Posted by fs lucifer on March 21, 2008 at 5:46 am
lol to the terminator and lord of war references
halo CE pistol FTW
Posted by mendicantbias00 on March 21, 2008 at 5:47 am
Elite:: We call this piece the Fecalator. One look at it and the target shits him or herself. Try it on.
Spartan: Well, it’s a lot more compact than the Energy sword, but it’s not nearly as impressive. Just doesn’t have that Wrath-of-the-Demon edge to it. I mean, come on, how am I supposed to strike fear into the hearts of the Covenant with this thing? Look at this…
Posted by GeneCon on March 21, 2008 at 5:58 am
Could you give me my needler in a brown bag please?
Posted by Blinding on March 21, 2008 at 6:01 am
“Where’s your bathroom? I need to exchange this…er…plasma pistol.”
Posted by Captain Spark on March 21, 2008 at 6:02 am
Elite: That’s an older model plasma pistol sir, they don’t make batteries for it anymore.
Spartan: “Is it worth anything?
Elite: It would be more valuable if it had a good battery. I’ll trade you a Needler for it?
Spartan: Deal!
Elite: Spartans are so stupid, I couldn’t give that Needler away before. Hmm, where did I put that case of plasma pistol batteries?
Posted by Ultimate_Dragon on March 21, 2008 at 6:06 am
I need to return this plasma pistol, it overheats too much.
Posted by El Burritoh on March 21, 2008 at 6:09 am
“Ah. I’d like to have an argument, please…”
Posted by spartan013nl on March 21, 2008 at 6:34 am
hi, i’d like a splazer with a extra batary pack and for my son *points down*
a happy Maul.
Posted by haloasvior on March 21, 2008 at 6:37 am
“How much for the handsome elite… I mean elite battle rifle? Yeah handsome elite battle rifle. “
Posted by zukan on March 21, 2008 at 6:37 am
- That’s some mighty fine piece of hardware you got there mister.
- Why thank you! Scavengers and covie elite shops are never bad for the alliance’s economy you know. I’d be extra careful if I were you though. The rounds in these babies aren’t exactly… “officially supported” around these parts if you know what I mean. *wink wink*
- Gotcha… So how much for the roadblock?
Posted by -S- on March 21, 2008 at 6:41 am
“Om Nom Nom Nom” and “IMMA FIRIN MA LAZAR!!!!” ? – when did this site turn into 4chan lol. petetheduck’s made me crack up; nice job boi! damn guardians :)
Posted by mjg2423 on March 21, 2008 at 6:48 am
I KNOW I NEED A RECEIPT TO GET MY SNIPER RIFLE BACK, DO YOU ACCEPT XBOX LIVE POINTS?
Posted by Diabeatu on March 21, 2008 at 6:53 am
Spartan: Do you have THE pistol?
Elite: We have lots of them.
Spartan: I’m talking about the M6D pistol.
Elite: AHH!! WE DON’T HAVE THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS!!! happy thoughts, happy thoughts…
Posted by Salen on March 21, 2008 at 7:21 am
Spartan: “Guns. Lots of Guns.”
Elite: “Fine, but if you call me Trinity one more time, you’re getting a plasma pistol in the face.”
Posted by mendicantbias00 on March 21, 2008 at 7:25 am
Elite: Come On! You’ve got to give it a chance, the “Overcharge” on this little baby can drop a Banshee from the sky and stop a Wraith in its tracks. Not to mention dropping a personnel shield to zero in about a second.
Spartan: Yeah, but when you shoot it, it goes “PEW PEW PEW”.
Posted by Bud the Chud on March 21, 2008 at 7:25 am
” I’ll take the third time bomb from the right.”
(homage to Airplane 2)
Posted by darkr790 on March 21, 2008 at 7:27 am
Spartan: I want you most deadliest weapon.
Elite: Dont you remember you blew it up in the first game.
Posted by Grunt2552 on March 21, 2008 at 7:28 am
Sign in the back: “Warning: Cashier is Armed”
Posted by Dracc on March 21, 2008 at 7:28 am
So, you’re all out of Wooden Shields? Man, now what am I going to do with all these Rupees?
Posted by Thunderstream328 on March 21, 2008 at 7:29 am
-Spartan:”I’ll take an FRC and a gravity hammer.”
-Elite:”Are you over 18?”
-Spartan:”Ummm…..Yeah?”
-Elite:”Ok then.”
Posted by Bzerker01 on March 21, 2008 at 7:36 am
Spartan: Thats all you have…you sure you don’t have and milk or like maybe even a sandwich?
Upon discussing the Elite’s suggestion, Jimmy soon learned that elite arms dealers didn’t know shit about plasma pistols.
Posted by Recon on March 21, 2008 at 7:39 am
all you need is ice cream man music going on in the back
Posted by Kato on March 21, 2008 at 7:44 am
Would you like to supersize that for a dollar more?
Posted by Dylazodelan on March 21, 2008 at 7:45 am
Spartan: THIS cost me a hundred food stamps?
Posted by Red on March 21, 2008 at 7:45 am
Spartan: I think I’d like a Flare, please.
Elite: Sorry, we’re all out of Flares.
Spartan: Oh, that’s alright… uh, how about an SMG or two?
Elite: We never have those at the end of the week, sir.
And so on…
Spartan: Have you, in fact, got any guns here at all?
Elite: Yes, sir.
(pause)
Elite: …No, sir.
Spartan: You don’t?
Elite: No, sir. I was purposely wasting your time.
Posted by Cailus on March 21, 2008 at 7:47 am
Spartan: I’ll take that Grunt doll please…yeah, the orange one…and perhaps those handcuffs? Cheers mate. Oh yes, nearly forget, I need a new duvet cover…right, thanks.
Grunt: I think I pee myself.
Posted by VelocityTino on March 21, 2008 at 7:47 am
Elite: You’re very lucky. I’m the only one hereabouts who has a flamethrower. Saying which, hows’n you gonna pay for all this?
Spartan: I have 50,000 UNSC ditares.
Eite: UNSC credits? UNSC credits are no good out here, I need something more real.
Spartan: (waves hand) I don’t have anything else, but credits will do fine.
Elite: No they won’t.
Spartan: (waves hand again) Credits will do fine.
Elite: No they won’t! What do you think we’re in Forge mode waving your hand around like that?
Posted by -S- on March 21, 2008 at 8:08 am
John excitedly played ski ball for hours and hours on end, earning ticket after ticket. After countless games, 2 tons worth of tickets and a trip to the prize counter, John was told he only had enough for the glow in the dark fangs, or a plasma pistol.
It was at that moment, the Chief realized – ChuckECheese sucks.
Posted by tommyp2010 on March 21, 2008 at 8:09 am
only then did the spartans realize the true magnitude of the covenant armory.
Posted by fingol on March 21, 2008 at 8:11 am
“Hey, thanks for watching the counter for me, Z’uurname. Next time that that ’son-of-a jackal’ offers me any ‘beef jerky’, just say NO. I wouldn’t go in that room for 30-45 mins. wooOOOoooweee…Hey, what’s with the plasma pistol?”
“Some idiot wanted to trade it in for a Spartan Laser. Could you believe it? Says he needed to hunt some Lekgolo. I told him only real Spartans use their bare hands to rip out Hunter spines and show their dripping mess to their dying eyes..Wort wort wort. We’ll never see that fool in here again! And by the way… you owe me 500 credits.”
“Dang it! I can’t believe you got another idiot to do that! Are people really that stupid? Throw that pistol on the pile with the others. I’ll have your credits tomorrow.”
“Were it so easy….”
Posted by Slothboy on March 21, 2008 at 8:38 am
Sir, I am the manager, and as I told you before, without a receipt I can only give you store credit!
Posted by BBJynne on March 21, 2008 at 8:46 am
1. i want it all, i want it all, i want it all, and i want it now
*strangles the elite and steals everything*
2. two FRGs! can i has duel welding with them?
3. how much for the sword?
4. do you have recon?
Posted by DragonKnight08 on March 21, 2008 at 8:51 am
Spartan:
I need a double cheeseburger and hold the lettuce
Don’t be frontin’ son no seeds on a bun
We be up in this drive thru
Order for two
I gots a craving for a number nine like my shoe
We need some chicken up in here
In this dizzle
For rizzle my mizzle
Extra salt on the frizzle
Dr. Pepper my brother
Another for your mother
Double double super size
And don’t forget the FRIES…
Elite:…Sir this is a weapons store…Stupid Humans…
Posted by -S- on March 21, 2008 at 8:55 am
Slothboy = win
Posted by zzombie13 on March 21, 2008 at 8:58 am
Elite: “So, would you like to pre-order the new GTA?”
Posted by zzombie13 on March 21, 2008 at 8:59 am
Spartan: “One venti caramel macciato, a kruller, and can I get a cup of water while I wait for the coffee?”
Posted by Grady on March 21, 2008 at 9:07 am
Welcome to Strohl Munitions! How can I help you?
Posted by Chaelek on March 21, 2008 at 9:10 am
I Need a Weapon…. and some chiclets.
Posted by -S- on March 21, 2008 at 9:12 am
David was sick and tired of being a level 8 Gunnery Sergeant – he needed help. That very morning he traded in his engagement ring…for a plasma pistol.
Posted by Sarge Tomzilla on March 21, 2008 at 9:15 am
Spartan: Hey, could I see that Battle Rifle?
Elite: Sure my friend, go ahead, it fit you well, yes?
Spartan: Why, yes it does! How much?
Elite: For you, special reduced price….500 Credits.
Spartan: 500 Credits! Better to not have one at all for that price! Hmm, let me see that Trip Mine.
Elite: No, last time I let someone see it, they tried to blow up store when I told them the extremely reasonable price. 5000 Credits is as low as I go.
Spartan: 5000! Bah, I don’t blame the mamzer for trying to blow up this meshugeneh store. Fine, I’ll look at one more thing before I leave. Hmm….can I see that Shotgun?
Elite: Ah yes, this is very good for home defence, if that is what you are looking for.
Spartan: It is.
Elite: Seeing as you need one……200 Credits.
Spartan: 200 Credits! My children starve if I give you 200 Credits you ferkakte mamzer! 100 Credits!
Elite: Then my children starve! 150, lowest I go.
Spartan: Fine, 150 Credits. Good day to you sir.
Elite: And to you. And sir, one last thing.
Spartan: Yes?
Elite: You are quite a great haggler. Last schmuck who asked for a Shotgun in here, I got 500 Credits from.
Spartan: Ha, you are a good seller. Good Bye.
Elite: Good bye, friend.
Posted by Tuck3r on March 21, 2008 at 9:18 am
Spartan: This pistol is no more. It has ceased to be! It’s expired and gone to meet it’s maker! It’s a stiff! Bereft of life, it rests in peace! It’s overcharging processes are now history! It’s off the twig! It’s kicked the bucket, it’s shuffled off it’s mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PISTOL!!
Posted by psychey on March 21, 2008 at 9:20 am
“What? You think you’re some kind of Jedi, waving your hand around like that? I’m an Elite, mind tricks don’t work on me… only money!”
Posted by Mid7night on March 21, 2008 at 9:30 am
Jerry didn’t think there was anything scarier than the Soup Nazi, until he bought Halo 3 and an XboxLive account…
.
.
… NO GUNS FOR YOU!
Posted by Shaun555 on March 21, 2008 at 9:45 am
Elite: No, really, this IS the NEW combat fuel rod cannon, it just came up from some guy named Songnam this morning. Try to take care when firing it, the recoil will shock you.
Posted by Mr.Revenge on March 21, 2008 at 9:57 am
Yeah, your weapons are fine and dandy and all but where’s the headlight fluid?
Posted by Michael M. on March 21, 2008 at 10:06 am
Spartan: What can I get for this lovely plasma pistol?
Elite: Dude. This is the Green Army, not Salvation Army.
Posted by yayap_the_grunt on March 21, 2008 at 10:09 am
A pretty obvious one:
Spartan: “I’d like a bottle of headlight fluid and a tub of elbow grease please”
Elite: “…..”
Posted by FireStormx64 on March 21, 2008 at 10:17 am
Elite:Welcome to grunt in the box,May I take you order?
Posted by Mags89 SBG on March 21, 2008 at 10:18 am
I need a weapon
Posted by Smeg954 on March 21, 2008 at 10:19 am
“I need you to fill out this stack of paper work and come back in five days after the waiting period is over!”
Posted by Don on March 21, 2008 at 10:24 am
Spartan: “Do you take Visa or Mastercard?”
Elite: “Nope, we only take Discover.”
Posted by Mid7night on March 21, 2008 at 10:33 am
Buy some beer, get a free gun
Posted by coldor on March 21, 2008 at 10:36 am
hey you got sonething on your back
is it a spider?
Posted by MdgtsArDshbgs on March 21, 2008 at 10:40 am
“I’m guessing that you condone the ‘right to bear arms,’ right?”
Posted by Valentine on March 21, 2008 at 10:43 am
Battle Rifle: $1200
Plasma Pistol: $900
Warthog Oil Change: $50
Realizing you brought your checkbook and they only accept credit/debit cards… Priceless
There are some things money can’t buy.For everything else, there’s Mastercard.
Posted by Captain Kirk on March 21, 2008 at 11:12 am
I’m going to need to see some ID.
Posted by Aidsterramma on March 21, 2008 at 11:27 am
You know you are low on inventory when your desk is a barrier.
Posted by Dren on March 21, 2008 at 11:28 am
I heard you guys were having a BOGO sale and I rushed right over.
Dren
Posted by discopete on March 21, 2008 at 11:35 am
“alright now gimmme all the money in the….ahhh crap”
Posted by Dilandau87 on March 21, 2008 at 11:37 am
Is that all stranger? eh heheheheh!
Watcha buyin’? Watcha Sellin?
Thank ya stanger! Come back anytime…
Posted by Darren Toner on March 21, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Spartan: Really, where the $%!* did you get this stuff?
Elite: Hold still, I’ll show you.
Posted by Gears of Pie on March 21, 2008 at 1:23 pm
Yay, I just checked and it turns out I won round 2! But… anyways:
“…Goddammit, gimme somethin’ I don’t own, Splitlip!”
“A RACSIST! I’m sorry, store’s closed, good day!”
Posted by Hoovaloov on March 21, 2008 at 1:29 pm
MC: I’d like to return this grenade.
Elite: But sir, the pin’s been pulled.
MC: Um, yeah. About that….*runs out of store*
Posted by Banshee 105 on March 21, 2008 at 1:36 pm
Sorry, no Coke, Pepsi!
Posted by tyler on March 21, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Spartan-Do i want the carbine or BR.Ohh that rocket launcher look nice or maybe the fuel rod……….such hard decisions.
Elite-Will u please hurry up sir you are wasting my time.
Spartan-Which one which on?
Elite-Sir pick now or i will have you removed from my store.
Spartan-Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm?
Elite reaches for energy sword.
Posted by MERLIN on March 21, 2008 at 2:11 pm
Oops I think I left my wallet in the ‘Hog, brb……
Posted by Ticonderoga117 on March 21, 2008 at 2:37 pm
I was thinking of something that looks good on the back of my armor? Would you have a Katana???
Posted by Nosolee on March 21, 2008 at 2:42 pm
Fuel-rod guns AND a firebomb grenade. Don’t you know those are illegal?
Posted by Jon F. on March 21, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Spartan: I have a complaint.
Elite: Closing for lunch..
Spartan: I just bought this Plasma Pistol from you a few hours ago.
Elite: Oh.. the limited edition. What’s wrong with it?
Spartan: I’ll tell you what’s wrong! It doesn’t work! No batteries! They’re empty!
Elite: No, it’s just.. recharging
Spartan: What do you mean recharging?!
Elite: It said full when you bought it.
Spartan: The word “full” was WRITTEN on it!
Elite: I knew I should of been a Scarab Pilot!
Posted by Babamthegrunt on March 21, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Welcome to food nipple, can I get you a big grunty thirst?
Posted by Dan the Stick on March 21, 2008 at 3:26 pm
“And you call this a grocery store?!”
Posted by Dan the Stick on March 21, 2008 at 3:26 pm
“Hi, could I please borrow your store’s phone?”
Posted by Dan the Stick on March 21, 2008 at 3:29 pm
So…no newspapers at all then.
Posted by Dan the Stick on March 21, 2008 at 3:31 pm
So…no headlight fluid or elbow grease? Damn…Church is gonna be pissed.
Posted by Luke on March 21, 2008 at 3:34 pm
It’s the Energy Sword. What does it look like? It looks like that one right there.
No, I don’t have my ticket.
I don’t care! That’s MY SWORD.
I want to speak to the manager.
Posted by PhantomX182 on March 21, 2008 at 3:40 pm
Spartan: “Credits WILL be fine.”
Elite: “No, they won’t! What, you think you’re some kind of Jedi, waving your hand around like that? I’m a Sangheili, mind tricks don’t work on me, only money!”
Posted by Hemi on March 21, 2008 at 3:46 pm
Yea mate! It was this big I’m telling yah!
Posted by Grant on March 21, 2008 at 3:46 pm
(MC) “I don’t want a plasma pistol. Do you have an M6D?”
(Elite) “Nope, try the laser.”
(MC) “That’s still not good enough!”
Posted by GTR on March 21, 2008 at 3:48 pm
“I don’t know about you, but somehow, I don’t think that thing will cut it…”
Posted by Babamthegrunt on March 21, 2008 at 4:20 pm
2nd One
S: Id like one nintendo wii please
E: Sorry were out of stock.
S: WAAAH
E: Sir Im going to have ask you to vacate the premise ( pulls out an energy sword)
Posted by Impervium on March 21, 2008 at 5:41 pm
All your guns are belong to us!!
OR
“You don’t have ANYweed? Dude, you have f*cking lasers. LASERS!!”
OR
“I don’t need no stinkin’ guns. BOOT TO THE HEAD!!”
~I~
Posted by newguy2445 on March 21, 2008 at 5:59 pm
“Uhh got any human horn?”
(Futurama Reference)
Mc: Uh I’ll take a Shotgun and a Spartan Laser
Elite: Do you want grenades with that?
Posted by Plasma101 on March 21, 2008 at 6:13 pm
“…..Do YOU have flood insurance?”
Posted by WT Snaks on March 21, 2008 at 6:13 pm
MC: I’ve found Cortana’s solution…and I don’t think I can bring ‘em back…
Posted by 7he grunt w/a plasma pistol on March 21, 2008 at 6:24 pm
*tosses plasma pistol on counter*
Spartan: “Even as a trophy that weapon is worthless.”
Posted by Malj on March 21, 2008 at 7:44 pm
MC@Plasma Pistol: “I don’t like it!”
Elite: “We didn’t design so you could like it.”
MC: “You didn’t invent plasma pistols – the Forerunner did.”
Elite: “Right. Now, remind me, who’s the one with a rack of guns behind them?”
Posted by OS IceMan on March 21, 2008 at 8:13 pm
“What are you buying??”
“What are you selling??”
“Ahhh…I’ll buy it a high price.”
Posted by NsU Soldier on March 21, 2008 at 9:12 pm
A new caption contest you say? TO ARMS!
1) *In a gruff voice* What are you buying?
2) “Get out of my store!”
3) “Now remember, shop smart. Shop S-Mart. ”
4) Spartan: “So I can buy all of these top of the line military grade weapons for the same price as the Legendary Map Pack?”
Elite: “But the new map pack has a Sidewinder remake.”
Spartan: “Damn…that IS good.”
Posted by Dibs on March 21, 2008 at 9:17 pm
Really, all I need is a friggin’ carton of milk…
Posted by Wave of Lag on March 21, 2008 at 9:44 pm
WHAT’RE YA SELLIN?!
//spartan lays pistol on table
AHH, ILL BUY IT AT A HIGH PRICE!
Posted by SpaceGhost2K on March 21, 2008 at 10:01 pm
1) You don’t need my ID. Don’t you know who I am? I’m the Juggernaut, bitch!
2) I can only offer 2,000. They’re just not in demand since the XP-38 came out.
3) That’s not “MC Hammer.” That’s “McHammer.” Now do you want “McFries” with that or not?
4) You wore the helmet to the DMV? That’s hardcore, man.
Posted by Jimboner on March 21, 2008 at 10:11 pm
Spartan: Do you want a milk crate to stand on? I didn’t know there were midget Elites.
or
Spartan: *whispers* “Yeah, umm, just some condoms please.”
Elite: “Price check on condoms please, price check on condoms. Wait, can you Spartans even tell the guys from the girls?”
Spartan: “Umm, good point. I’ll just take a Playboy.”
Posted by Mags89 SBG on March 21, 2008 at 10:50 pm
hi guys mags89 SBG here, just saying that this screen shot is all about the MC saying “i need a weapon” and then he gets a plasma pistol but i do like a few of the ones you guys have come up with a few like the 1st Master Card one and this one
“MC: I’d like to return this grenade.
Elite: But sir, the pin’s been pulled.
MC: Um, yeah. About that….*runs out of store”
keep’em coming
Posted by Ran Hakubi on March 21, 2008 at 10:59 pm
Spartan: New mission Steve, standard fair, frags, plasma sword, SMG, shotgun, and for the psychological edge…eh, what the hell, a plasma pistol
Elite: New mission, huh Frank? Guess since you’re getting your usual, there is going to be some murderin’ involved.
Spartan: And how!
Posted by jonesin on March 21, 2008 at 11:15 pm
do you guys take checks?
Posted by duncan on March 21, 2008 at 11:52 pm
Chief: THIS IS A HOLD-UP! GIMME ALL THE GUNS OR I’LL SHOOT THIS HERE PLASMA PISTOL!
Elite: ….ohh I’m sooo scared.
Posted by brainwreckedtech on March 22, 2008 at 1:00 am
- We Elites get a wide variety of weapons to choose from when we’re enlisted. What did you get when you started out, Master Chief?
- You don’t wanna know.
Posted by Halonut1 on March 22, 2008 at 1:53 am
IN SOVIET RUSSIA, SHOP ROBS YOU!
Posted by Retinence on March 22, 2008 at 2:44 am
“Oh! Why, Hellooo there. This is a stickup…… Oh!?…… Oh….Hmm. A little research wouldv’e helped a whole lot.”
Posted by Tiger on March 22, 2008 at 6:44 am
Elite: ‘Pistols? You want Pistols Mother Bytches? I Kill Before, i kill again!!’
Spartan: (drawing shotgun and pointing at at the Elite’s head) Put the gun down, and give me one sniper rifle, and a pack of tropical fruit Bubbilicious. And some skittles.
Posted by Mintz on March 22, 2008 at 8:52 am
Damn elites, coming to Earth and taking all our jobs…
Posted by Rift on March 22, 2008 at 9:18 am
“I need a weapon… to finish the fight… any suggestions?”
Posted by petetheduck on March 22, 2008 at 9:21 am
Spartan: “Could you take a look at this plasma pistol? It has been overheating whenever I use–I mean, ‘my wife‘ uses it.”
Posted by petetheduck on March 22, 2008 at 9:26 am
This supply depot is a front for an arms dealer which is really just a front for a Golden Banshee smuggling operation.
Posted by McFarland on March 22, 2008 at 9:29 am
Arby: How are you going to pay for all this?
Chief: I have twenty thousand UNSC credits.
Arby: UNSC credits? UNSC credits are no good out here. I need something more real.
Chief: [gesturing to nudge Arby's mind] I don’t have anything else, but credits will do fine.
Arby: No, they won’t!
Chief: [nudging harder]: Credits will do fine.
Arby: No, they won’t! What, you think you’re some kind of Spartan, waving your hand around like that? I’m a Sangheili! Mind tricks don’t work on me, only money! No money, no guns, no deal!
Posted by petetheduck on March 22, 2008 at 9:48 am
John has disappointed to only win enough tokens at Mancannon Pach1nko Horror to get a plasma pistol at the prize booth.
Posted by Afrit007 on March 22, 2008 at 11:31 am
“…3 frag grenades, a plasma rifle, two fuel rod cannons, two glazed donuts, three crullers, and a peppermint mocha latte with a sprinkle of cinnamon.”
Posted by JelloPuddinPup on March 22, 2008 at 1:02 pm
Umm ya…this “Cortana” AI that you gave me keeps nagging me. I want a refund.
Posted by psykojones419 on March 22, 2008 at 2:09 pm
Master chief: I need a weapon.
Elite: Will that be cash or credit?
Posted by Tractible on March 22, 2008 at 2:18 pm
*Elite Place pistol on Table*
Six men came to kill me one time, the best of them carried this:
Covenant type 25 directed energy pistol, custom trigger,100-150 Kv @ 2-3 dA output, overcharge firing mode.
It is my very favorite gun.
(Elite now looking at the pistol a little TOO lovingly)
I call her Vera!
Posted by DerFreishutz on March 22, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Spartan: I’d like one recharge for this pistol, please.
Elite: Sorry, we don’t know how to do it either.
Posted by BMXisL1F3 on March 22, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Elite: Got a selection of good things on sale. What are you sellin’?
Spartan: I’m looking to sell this Spartan Laser
Elite: I’ll buy it at a high price!
Spartan: Okay here you go…
Elite: Thanks stranger!
Spartan: Err… thanks
Posted by J23 on March 23, 2008 at 3:41 pm
“Best not to mention where you got this, ok?”
Posted by WT Snaks on March 23, 2008 at 8:41 pm
Spartan: I’ll…take the laser!
Elite: ID please.
Spartan: …what?
Elite: ID please.
Spartan: I’m a 43 year old Spartan! A PRO WARRIOR! I’m old enough!
Elite: I can’t see inside that visor. ID sir.
Spartan: Wanna see how old I am?! *Removes crotch plate*
Posted by vIsitor on March 23, 2008 at 10:11 pm
Elite: “The best part, though, is that there’s no cycling time. Pull the trigger, and it starts shaving hot protons at maximum burn from a cold start. The only thing you lose its that ‘Ommminous hummm’”
Spartan: “There’s no hum?!”
(Since everyone seems to be quoting something or other, I decided to pull a choice quote from a favorite sci-fi webcomic of mine. Given the circumstances, it seemed appropriate.)
Posted by JESUS on March 23, 2008 at 10:48 pm
Look, for the last time I am NOT hiding the rocket ammo back here. Just go play fisticuffs or something.
Posted by JESUS on March 23, 2008 at 10:49 pm
“You’re honestly selling an energy sword when there’s a billion guns behind you?”
“That energy sword is something else. Not as clumsy or as random as an assault rifle; it is an elegant weapon for a more civilized age. Before the dark times.”
“Before John totally kicked your asses?”
Posted by JESUS on March 23, 2008 at 10:52 pm
“Sometimes I wish I could be strong like you…”
“Yeah yeah, just help me lift this rock already.”
Posted by Woody on March 24, 2008 at 12:49 pm
“Wait…your name is ‘McLovin’?”
Posted by Arrow on March 24, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Welcome to the Covenant weapons shop! How may I… Hold on…DEMON! DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Rob on March 25, 2008 at 3:57 am
“I bought this last week, but then I saw it for a lower price at Target. Do you guys price match?”
“So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.”
Posted by pwkwsfi on March 25, 2008 at 4:22 am
uh, hi. I’m gonna need a couple magazines, and I’m not talking about rifles . . .
Posted by bvl on March 26, 2008 at 5:30 am
mc:arby how many guns you plannin on taking? i dont plan on THAT much shooting.
arbyiter: yeah well what you plan and what takes place aint always the same.
mc: no firebombs
arbiter: what? aww.
yh i was gonna have a much better firefly joke but tractible got in first. dammit.
Posted by BSB Belpers on March 26, 2008 at 9:18 pm
Bad pepperoni pizza: $22
5 tokens for skeet ball: $1
Trading in your tickets for a battle rifle: Priceless!