Hawty McBloggy’s “Caption This” Contest
January 22, 2008 285 Comments
I saw an image last week on Bungie’s Weekly Update that had some serious potential. I knew I had to do something with it, but unfortunately I couldn’t come up with anything witty enough to do it justice. That is where you come in. Save my ass and create a funny caption for this picture and I will reward (one of) you for your efforts.
And I am supposed to carry two of these?
The person who creates the wittiest caption for this image will win these things :
- Halo 3 Soundtrack
- $20 Gift Certificate to my Etsy Store (where I sell video game related cards)
- Xbox LIVE 1-Month Gold Subscription Card
- whatever else I find under the cushions of my couch
Simply leave your submission as a comment on this article. Be sure to use a valid email address as that is how I will be contacting the winner. If you are like me, you won’t be able to think of anything on the spot but will instead come up with something positively hilarious approximately three days later. Don’t fret, enter as many times as you like until Sunday, January 27th at 11:59 pm PDT. Once comments are closed, I will handpick my favorites and let my clanmates vote on the winner (who will be announced and notified a few days later). If you have any questions, you can message me via my contact form. Otherwise, please think of something funny for me. Please?
*Image posted with permission.
*crocodile Dundee voice* Thats not a knife, THIS is a knife!
too bad i don’t play halo so I can’t think of anything clever that’s related to the game…best of luck to all entries :D
We represent the UNSC Guild
The UNSC Guild, the UNSC Guild
And in the name of the UNSC Guild
We wish to welcome you to Halo Land!
-or-
The Covenant thought their shrinking ray was the perfect weapon, until they realized it just made the marines harder to hit.
“bet ‘cha can’t stick it”
eh, thats all i got,,, yay me
*Chubacca yell*
or
*British accent* “Wha’ is dis? Do I…..do I hit things with it, or something?
“whoever built this baby got their imperial and metric systems mixed up”
“if I hit you with this, and you don’t die, I’ll buy you a beer”
“They said it was impossible my my gigantoray works mwahhahahaha”*manic laughter*. “Now what else should i make bigger” *looks down*
opps should “but my” not “my my” and
“I think I’m gonna need a bigger Beautiful Katamari PSP bag”
“you think this is big, wait till you see my other weapon”
how am i supposed to rock out to this?
I think I will stick with my killer pistol from Halo 1
It tough to find good accessories for a purple shirt. Especially if you are Dave from 3rd Floor Accounting.
At first, Corp.Scaggins thought he had made a huge discovery on his recon mission to the Brute Mansion…he had found what he thought was a weapon (hidden secretively under a mattress)…..until he pressed a button and it started vibrating.
You should see the heat he’s packin UNDER his armor
1) Compensating much?!
2) You know what they say about a man who has a big grenade…
“I know you worked hard on it, honey…but I really don’t see how that will fit on top of the Christmas tree…”
Silvercube is about to write un-kosher comments. 0.o
1) Look at my spike, baby.
2) I’m gonna spike’r so hard!
3) Here at Halo Surgery, Just one look is worth a thousand sticks.
4) The female covenant get much pleasure from the enhanced spike dildo.
5) If you think this is big, wait until you see master chief’s!
6) This spike baby here is the bomb… I’m gonna drop you like it’s hot.
- end of cheesy un-kosher comments, and now back to regular programming-
^_^
The FRAT Hazing took a turn to deadly, when pledges were told to make out with the “Medusa Stick”….
“A simple grenade elf on his way to support Master Cheif.”
“AH, STUCK!”
“‘Here you go Monster Cheif!’”
“Three seconds ’till this baby explodes!”
“So… this is why one spike can kill.”
Take THIS Cloverfield monster!
This is the way the world ends…
“Now this is what I call a BANHAMMER!”
To bad you didn’t use the top picture because
“Im getting to old for this shit”
anyways all ive got so far is
“Private Porkins off again on again relationship with the large spike grenade would quickly become short lived after he discovered far too lately that the detonator was still active.”
I’m gonna need bigger pants!
“Easy on the viagra, buddy”
“Spartan Augmentation program side effect #005″
Brute Chieftain voice: “The Holy Relic!!!”
Grunt: “Food nipple, For me..??”
Arbiter: “Unworthy of my blades”
Scared off marine from Halo 1 in the lifepod: “What is that thing Lieutenant!!?”
“Is that a spike grenade on your crotch, or are you just happy to see me?”
“She said she’d been tested clean!”
Although the war with the covenant was on everyone’s minds, Private Jenkins was always more concerned with unsheathing his ‘sacred icon’
“Hey Frankie! Look at the size of mine!”
Them Covenant crabs are bloody HUGE!
“You see doctor, it just started swelling this morning and it hasn’t stopped!”
And the obligatory,
“IT’S OVER 9000!!!!!!”
“Say hello to my little friend. No I mean Staten, not the grenade”
“Honey, I shrunk the cinematics director”
“This……is……BUNGIE!!”
“Happy Gilmore joins the Marines”
i’ve got the spikes, now where’s the vampire?
“I caught it Chief, now what do I do?”
“You want me to stick this WHERE?”
“I don’t need to show off my guns when I can show off my ‘nades!”
“I really hope those spikes come out this way!”
“At least this isn’t incendiary!”
“DEAR GOD WHY DID IT HAVE TO STICK THERE”
“Is this retribution for all the times that the Chief aimed low with his plasma grenades?!”
“THOSE BLADES! They’re GROWING!”
“…And here you see an enthusiastic demonstration of the new UNSC reverse-engineered hand-held spike mortar.”
“Since when were Brutes this big?” (notorious E3 2007 screenshot reference)
and
Spiked for her pleasure™
*ducks*
UNSC COMBAT NOTE: When returning an enemy spike grenade it is important to keep one’s composure
Hard to compete with some of these lines.
“I’m a marine in khakis with a big spikey friend!”
When I was told STD’s burn I wasn’t expecting this!
Master Chief packs 2 of these…?
Ok Mark! We get it. Sheesh, insecure much?
“After the war, due to the extreme amount of loss of limbs, this is all the army could conjure up as a prosthetic for me…situation. They say its temporary, but its really grown on me.”
“You think this is bad? You should see what happens when I get REALLY excited.” *Naked woman enters the room.*
- Seconds later, everyones dead.
say hello to my little friend!!!
“And I thought all those ‘natural male enhancement’ emails were just spam…”
“I knew China would undermine the spirit of the Olympic Games; this new torch looks Brutal!”
“In case of Grunty Thirst, smash open padlock!”
“The Rock Band guitar compatibility issue is causing some to go to extreme measures.”
“By the power of Grey Skull…”
“Compared to these new Gap Khakis ads, LL Cool J hawking clothes for white yuppies makes tons of sense.”
“The sword swallower’s next attempt did not go down smoothly…”
“I could have been your daddy.”
“Private Johnson, we’d all prefer it if you’d keep your freakish johnson private.”
“So that’s what elephantitis looks like.”
1: bill’s wife said he was too small. he swallowd a bottle of viagra and drank a redbull, see the result
2: “wait whats this?: made in china?! NOOOOO!!!”
3: “and this years winner of most luckies dude evar is: BILL! for getting stuck in the crotch by a dud spike grenade”
cheesy background music starts to play
“thank you thank you. i would like thank my famely and friends and most of all the surgeons for succesfully removing every last spike from my crotch.”
4: aaaah, the stuff ya can get from the grocery store.
5: yes, size DOES matter!
6: ya might just find one of these under ‘the cushions of your couch’ when your looking for other prizes, McBloggy.
dont make me win, you’ll pay a fortune for sending funds. netherlands -.-’. XD.
“UNSC Combat Training Manual”
“Paragraph 7.3.4.1: Dodging”
“Figure 57: Taken moments before his demise, this photo shows Private Frodo Jenkins getting stuck by an enemy grenadier in a most unpleasant location. Attempted removal of grenade by fellow soldiers was unsuccessful as they were met with resistive shouts of ‘Oh God please dont touch it! Just dont touch it! It will come out by itself as long as you dont……’”
7: ICANHASRECONNOW?!
8: they sell WHAT at the etsy store?!
ooh that last one was mean! (i would totaly buy that thou!)
Well, given the pose, I’ve hard a hard time coming up with anything wholesome.
“If your erection lasts more than four hours, sprouts metal spikes, or grows larger than your torso, contact a doctor immediately”
I was going to be me more circumspect about that one, but I guess it’s no worse then some of Silvercube’s.
How about “Careful, you could put someone’s eye out with that thing.”
The Gravemind:
I see your Schwartz is as big as mine. Now lets see how well you handle it.
A few minutes later……
Now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb. Say good by to your two best friends.
“So, if this is an image from a new 1337 Valentine’s card, do I get a cut of Hawty’s sales since I’m writing the captions?”
“You want me to SPNKR you? With this!? Better come up with a safety word…”
“The UNSC’s recruitment difficulties worsened when troop immunizations began coming in suppository form.”
Narrated by Boris Karloff (Grinch Who Stole XMas):
“..the transporter shook..and it zipped, banged, and cracked!
Our bold hero was stunned he was now the size of a gnat!
He reached down and grabbed his one spiker in his hand,
and off our soldier went to rid the gigantic covenant from his land.
…..a person’s a person no matter how small.
And their whole world was saved…by the smallest of all.”
“For erections lasting longer that four hours, please consult your physician.”
A cleaner reword:
“For gruesome deaths lasting longer that four hours, please consult your alien aggressors.”
“I caught it! I caught it! I caught!”
“Little did Pvt. Burns know that even though he caught the Brute Spike Grenade, it was still going to explode…”
“Arghhhh!!!! I didn’t know the Brutes were *THAT* big!”
“And then I grabbed the Brute Spike Grenade off the ground, yelled at him like this ‘ARGHHH!!!!’ and charged! You should have seen his face when I stuck it right in his groin!”
“And then I yelled ‘FORE!’. You should have seen the look on the Grunt’s face!”
“Pvt. Burns learns why most people wisely stick to corpse humping, and avoid the spike grenades.”
“Pvt. Burns demonstrates why you should *not* use a Brute Spike Grenade in a victory dance.”
“Who’s your Daddy now Tartarus!”
“As the sole surviving Marine of the entire Halo 3 game, Pvt. Burns feels he is entitled to his victory dance.”
============
Sergeant Major Avery J. Johnson: “And this is why Marines, you will NOT touch any grenade type not handed down on high by the Gods of the Admiralty. Are we CLEAR?!?”
Marines: “OohRah Sir!”
Sergeant Major Avery J. Johnson: “Damn straight I am!”
“Merry Christmas son….now, go poke someone’s eye out.”
Ok just one more ;)
“The Kamikaze Grunt-Marine (KGM) did not make it past the prototype stage.”
Due to the high number of obvious complaints, the strength of the Brute Nade was severely nerfed after the release of the initial Halo 3 Beta
“Now if I could just remember where I put those two plasma ‘nades…..”
“Experiment Log 324: Attempt at upgrading Bravo Kilo technology. Result: Huge Success”
You should probably get that looked at….
or
Thaaat maaakes youuu laaaarger than life.
“when they warned me about the side effects from foolin’ around with brute chicks, i thought they were just kidding!!!”
I would rather hold your purse Miss Chief!
Even after the Covenant disbanded, their legacy remained… Although used in a very different fashion.
With just some paper mache and cardboard, the ODST’s had easily pulled one over on gullible old Private Jenkins before the assault on the Covenant, telling him he was a ‘shoe-in’ on the battlefield. Unfortunately, they underestimated Jenkins’ eagerness, and forgot to leave the main access door to the UNSC ground base closed. He will be missed.
Now you know why it’s called “going commando”.
In this January, 2007, file photo, U.S. author Joseph Staten is seen making lascivious gestures with an oversized mock-up of an alien weapon from Bungie Studies popular game Halo. Recently, sources within Bungie have suggested that the surprising success of Staten’s first novel _Contact Harvest_ may have gone to his head.
Get your -Halo 4 Happy Meal- today!
*Batteries Not Incl
“Each one comes with two giant frags as well…”
“But when it goes off it’s like XBL: a thousand little pricks bouncing around uselessly.”
“My other ***** is blue. And sticky.”
Oye Johnson! I’ve got a present for you!
Needless to say, the Marine was surprised when the Covenant first used their ‘Enlarging Gun’.
Narrative Voice
“Due to its irregular shape and huge size, UNSC private Staten was unsure if this horse should be scared of him, or if he should be scared of it.”
I only took one pill, baby! I swear!!!
Ah, here’s another one: “The marines gave quite an enthusiastic response when they saw the new codpiece coming out next month.”
“WTF!?”
“Coming in Rock Band 2: the Spike Bass”
“I forgot the safe-word!“
She laughed at me….they all did. now lets see what they say.
SPARTAN II DEFENSIVE PROCEDURE 2-A1:
When encountering brutes with spike grenades, if at all possible let nearby marine take the stick
i’d like to have the last one stricken from the record, j/k if it’s good
*guitar-hero avatar* “You’re doing it wrong!”
Holy cow, is this a brute suppository?!?
What do you mean “it hurt too much last night?”
In the words of the great Gallagher himself, “sledgeOmatic”. No.. No… SpikeOmatic!!!!!!!!!
please god! if i don’t stick a grunt with this the UNSC is gona fire me!
I HAVE THE POWER!!!!!!!
Joe Staten *is* NSFW
Feet first into AH MY GROIN
The sad thing is that Joe is one of many on the internet with this fetish
EULALIAAAAAAAA!
(if you haven’t read Redwall, I apologize)
Giant spike grenades may be closer than they appear
Cosplay gone horribly, horribly wrong
The true reason the Halo movie is postponed: Staten is too busy playing with all their crap
“Jason Friedberg’s decision to release this image from the set of The Halo Movie gives insight into the film’s indefinite delay.”
1) Pfc. Jason “Bareback” Wilson reacts to the fallout from his promiscuous shore leave behavior.
2) Concerned that her husband may stray during his long deployment, Mrs. Davis equips her husband with her own version of a chastity belt.
3) A Marine reacts after urinating with a severe case of spikorrhea.
Ay, caramba!
Universal and Fox quickly withdrew from the Halo Movie project due to gross over-budgeting in the props department
Edit: dammit sigafoos! i wanted to be the first to make a movie comment lol
I make Prince’s guitar look juvenile.
Where am I supposed to stick it?
Oh no! Excuse the inadequate html!
Halo themed birthday pinatas are appropriate for all ages.
(Fixed. You know I have your back Hellcat!)
I don’t know if anyone said this yet but…
“No Glove No Love”
“Safe sex is good sex”
“Wear a condom” – See a theme?
“VD can surprise you.”
“Enzyte Overdose”
“If you experience an erection lasting longer than 4 hours, please notify your physician.”
You’re the best, BS. :-)
“I know what the ladies like…”
(sarge rox)
Or…
“Ladies like superior firepower”
-
“Sarge called, he wants his Johnson back”
Thankies :)
“Size does matter”
1) Get it off! GET IT OFF!!
2) Where does it whirl?
3) *THWOK* MEDIC!!!!
4) Surfs Up!
5) ‘Transform!’
FORE!
“Spike beats ghost…” (you know where this going)
“Good demon…”
“Suck it, Heretic”
“That’s why Wilson has a memorial.”
P.s. Sorry for the multi-post, just wanted to send these in.
After the success of modding her teammates sniper rifle, bs angel decides to mod her teammates crotch-plate as well.
UNSC marine intimidated by brute suppository
Hey you forgot something!
New from Brute Tech Ind. the Anti-Everything stick! Good for getting rid of marines, tanks, super soldiers, and unsightly facial blemishes!
I thought it was just a dream! JUST A DREAM!!
With the advent of genetic engineering in the later half of the twenty-third century, human reproduction and copulation were changed forever.
1.UNSC reminder: Vision-impaired and slow-moving marines should report for Operation Human-Shield
2.If you can dodge a Spike ‘Nade you can dodge a ball…
3.Note: DO NOT try this at home
4. THIS is why we want YOU!
Or possibly, in reference to halo 1, “It’s God’s own Anti-Son-of-A-Bitch machine!”
A hero shall rise…
SHORE LEAVE!!!!!
Halo Condoms – If you can’t shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket
“Ooh yeah, spike me baby!”
“She said she was CLEAN!!!”
Enzyte FTW!
Wait a minute! This is no pineapple! NOO!!!
I <3 you two, LOL …
is that bob the enzyte guy?
Here goes *kahem*:
1) “Love at first sight.”
2) “Well there’s your problem!”
3) “Why it’s not a good idea to look a gift horse in the mouth.”
“The Halo 3 Brute Grenade: It’s not just for baby-kongs anymore.”
Sorry for the second post but I forgot to add this one;
4.) “I feel validated!”
Now THAT’s what I call a custom power-up.
“hey frankie, go long!”
(Cliche viagra caption, but this one is funnier)
“Since when is Viagra a Halo 3 powerup?”
WAR – there’s just no room for midgets anymore…
“This is why there were never any space dwarves in Halo”
“I don’t want to play this game anymore!”
“Are you guys sure this is safe?”
“Rodents Of Unusual Size? I don’t think they exist.”
Mini Me struggled with his first day at Brute Camp
I swear it won’t hurt baby. I’ll be gentle.
“I hope it isn’t as contagious as it looks.”
“The new Brute Spiker male inhancer,
Once you go Bute, You’ll always salute.”
beats wearing protection
Now pay attention, 007.
‘Goodmorning to you, too…’
Wait is this my third post? Okay, I promise this is the last one.
5)” In America you hold onto spike grenade, but in Soviet Russia, spike grenade hold onto YOU!”
Palm tree?! The future SUCKS!
At MacWorld this week, Steve Jobs introduced the new “iPenis” which, he said in his opening remarks, will revolutionize the dating world.
Hahaha!!!! Haha… Wait, you’re serious?
-or-
Where’s the &%*#ing pin on this thing?!
-or-
“…”
-or-
How the hell am I even HOLDING this thing?!
~I~
“Contrary to popular opinion, the expression of pain and terror on the face of this marine has nothing to do with the massive Spike Grenade about to shred him like so many pounds of hamburger. He is actually reacting to the first thing the grenade took out. . . on impact.”
“Brute scientist thought that bigger was always better. . . until ingenious marines began using the ‘Super-Spike Grenades’ as a Gravity Hammer.”
“Take a look at THIS piece of ordinance boys!!”
(The obligatory RvB homage) “Son of a-”
“I really should have worn my codpiece today. . .”
“The stunned captain realizes that, due to his limited arm reach, removing the grenade from his crotch will involve impaling his face.”
(Somewhat similar to the above) “Good Looks, or Kids. . . decide in two seconds. . .”
ENDOWED JARHEAD. Newly-independent deployment-ready warrior with a sense of fashion seeks smart meta-stable AI for serious relationship in the software industry. I’ve got epic stories if you like mythic sci-fi. No copies. BSi2007 (5/10).
“Gee, I wish we had one of them doomsday machines. “
“THIS… IS… SPIKE GRENADE!!!”
“How many more for the grenade pile?!”
“Play ball!!!”
This.. is.. my… BOOMSTICK!!!
“Private Schmuckatelli’s career in the UNSC Drum & Bugle Corps ended tragically when Sarge caught him playing Guitar Hero in the break room. He will be missed.”
Ride the Spike, baby!
I doubt the local drugstore stocks “Trojans” to fit this thing?
Probably said already.
“Is this one of them brute hammers I’ve heard so much about?”
“Think you got nades? Check out MY nades!”
“WORST. BASEBALL BAT. EVER.”
or alternatively
“STATEN SMASH!”
“While Private Schmuckatelli demonstrates the proper arming and deployment procedure for the Mark-II intercontinental ballistic spike grenade, the platoon will observe from outside the blast radius, in a bunker 30 miles away.”
“O…..MY………..GOD………Guys,I think its stuck……..”
“Master Chief: Ok, who let dwarves into this genre? They were specifically told to stay in the role-playing genre!
Legolas: Who let you into our genre? And you brought you corruption with you…”
Master Chief: Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenkins!
Tragically this poor unnamed marine was unable to be put back together by Frankenstein, and our condolences go out to the family.
Mad scientist Bob rank 3 was arrested today after his attempt to make giant spike grenades backfired and his young assistant was caught in the blast. Ensign John will be missed.
Sorry four the double post, but I misspelled your in front of corruption >.<
(On Christmas Morning)
OH MY GOD!
THANKS MOM AND DAD!
It’s exactly what I wanted – a big ‘ol spike grenade!
I finally found my stainless steel KITCHEN KNIFE HOLDER!
All right!
Two Words — Flawless Cowboy!!!
Yippe Kayee
“I still say mine is bigger Master Chief”
A sticky situatuon indeed
tired of wasting your money on cheap food processor replacement blades?
He’s a boy. And what a boy!
Hope this html works..
“
Warthog launchingHigh Charity launching”This ring isn’t a cudgel, you barbarian… but *this* could be…
(Female marine) “I think I just peed a little”.
“I knew we should’ve turned down the Dental Plan and just accept the jocks!”
“This alarm says 00:01!”
“Now just eeease the pole slowly up and down”
And a random one…
“Holy shit! Signed by bs angel!”
Big grenade……big brute…. *gulps* uh ho…..
Clover field monster, eat your heart out!
And so when they met again on the battlefield, the Brute chieftain spared Pvt. Martin’s life, never forgetting the gentleness with which the tiny marine had removed that irritating thorn from its paw.
” -Blam! ”
Yeah that’s a caption!
:D!
“THIS, will make a lot of people dying at the same time!”
“And they say Chief is big.”
“First it was swords, then it was big ass hammers, now there using maces? Whats next?”
“Chief made this look easy”
“Alalalala, its a bomb!!!”
‘Did the bomb from halo 2 have an offspring?”
“Spike grenade, what did you do to the big ass bomb from halo 2?”
“Standard issue brute dildo”
“The spikes on this would impale and kill me, whats the point in it even exploding?”
After being rejected by Thumbelina, UNSC Marine Jason Saldaña decided to vent his anger by attempting to stick a brute with his own grenade. Needless to say, Jason was unsuccessful.
“Y’know, maybe that Viagra spam IS for real.”
THIS IS SPARTA!!!
“It’s Stuck!”
Holy SHIT, Why did I catch a grenade only to put it next to my unprotected CROTCH?!
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that’s Hawt
Mines bigger than YOURS, Chief!
Oh shit, which way will spikes go again…?
Here’s one for older gamers:
Ah! Passing this kidney stone SUUUUUUUCCKKKKSS!!!
Never underestimate the power of the Schwartz!
-or-
I see your Schwartz is as big as mine. Let’s see how well you handle it.
Had to throw in some SpaceBalls references!
Who needs Spikes when you got a stick this big!
“It’s over 9000!!!!”
“And the Oscar goes too….”
“I know you want us to be trained with Covenant weapons, Sarge, but I think the scales off.”
or
“Why would the Covenant fill a mace with explosives?”
Why would you modify me Angel?!?!?!?! WWHHHHHYYYYYYY!!!!!!!
Rein Ex Inc. reporting in, here are my captions.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1) “Finally… It will reach my mouth!.”
2) “To achieve detonation you must first gently grope with your left and firmly rub with your right, as depicted here.”
3) “Hawty should really… Really enjoy this”
4) “They call me Tripod.”
5) “$20 says I can fit the whole thing in my mouth…”
6) “SPIKE-ON!.. Spike-On, apply directly to the spike head.”
7) “Who needs Recon when you’ve got a Rod like this?!”
8) “If I dislocate my bottom jaw like a snake and start feet first, I could probably swallow it whole.”
9) “Different Strokes”
10) “If I sit on it, will I come?
11) “Cortana & the Chief are going to love what I got for them from the S&M gift shop.”
12) “One night stands might be over by the next morning, but convenant herps last for a lifetime.”
13) “United Nations Security Defense Force Experimental Prosthetic Amputee Limb Project.” (Judging by the look on this Spartans face the project is more than a success).
14) “Spencers is the best novelty shop ever!”
15) “If my amy catches me stroking it, will she be mad?
16) ” ‘AS SEEN ON TV’ ‘The Brutisizer’ Male Enhancement Precision Enlarger/Extender. Just 3 easy payments of $49.95 (+$6.95 S&H) . Order yours within the next 5 min and receive 2 extra 12.oz tubes of Erection Aid and 4 replacement blades. That’s over a $300.00 VALUE!!!
Order Yours Today!
Just call 1-800-BIG-HALO, thats 1-800-244-4256.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LOL, that was fun. Thanks,
Rein Ex Inc.
BIG MISTAKE!
13) “United Nations **Space Command** Defense Force Experimental Prosthetic Amputee Limb Project.” (Judging by the look on this Spartans face the project is more than a success).
sorry, I don’t know how I screwed that one up.
Rein Ex Inc.
YEEEE-HAWW!!
I GOT ME A BIG ONE!
“Egads! Lonny, get the truck! We got another!”
: D
“Wanna try my spike? It adds pleasure when it’s lit up.”
When Cortana saw this picture, Chief noticed her reaction. Her only reply was, ” I was young and needed the money.”
Living proof that all rubbers tear.
- Suddenly Corporal Stevenson realizes this isn’t his room
- ” It’s Not a Tumor ”
- ” Carl, Its got me Its got me! “
Here’s some more, because I apparently can’t commit to my promises….
6) “There’s no kill like OVERKILL!”
7) “If this can’t pick that lock, I don’t know what can!”
8) (Similar idea to the previous “joke”) After so many fruitless hours of trying to break into WETA studios, Mr. Staten finally snapped and took some rather extreme measures…
9.) ” That’s no grenade…it’s a space station!”
10.) “It’s a trap!”
11.) “Where have you been all my life?!?”
12.) So much stick for such a small man…
Why yes, I am good in bed.
~”Oh, man…I really hope the UNSC has a good health plan”~
~Peter Jackson’s ‘Un-named Halo Project’ finally revealed!~
Another couple:
“You want this shtick? You can’t handle this shtick!’
“Suddenly Jason realized that it could be too big…”
“Yes!! My limited edition giant spike grenade came in!! Now to wait 6-8 weeks for the matching brute to arrive…”
“Minutes after this photo was taken Jason was pronounced dead of severe blood flow reduction to his brain.”
Oh, so that’s why there are no Brute women.
What do you mean you pulled the pin already?
‘If you rub it, it blows’ hhahaha
“Yabba Dabba Do!”
“You ain’t got nothing on this!”
“Note: When robbing banks, the size of your weapon matters”
“Grenades Gone Crazy!”
“Next time on, The One Stick Wonder….”
“Superman, meet your new rival, Supernade”
“Yo guys, I think it’s likes me”
“Is it just me, or is it hot here?”
“Walk softly, and carry a huge fucking stick!”
Here’s some more.
13) “We’ve got a live one and its a keeper!”
14) “But we’re out of the smaller size.”
15) “Now this here, this here is a tree.”
16) “Where is your god now!?!”
17) “Congratulations! It’s a boy…sort of…”
You know what they say about big hands…. they can carry big grenades!!
So, I put some work into mine….
http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x264/starfleets/HaloFunnies.jpg
AAAH! I THOUGHT I WAS DESIGNING A VIDEO GAME!
Cortana: “So much so fast…it’s GLORIOUS!”
IT’S AIDS GET BACK!
RAMMING SPEEEED!!!!!!!!!!
FOR SPARTA!!!!!!
don’t worry baby this will all be over soon
My wife left me for this!?!?!
Hold RB to….wait, what? How’d you do that?
Jason was drunk with power.
TOP SCORE!!!!!
You don’t want to know where Joe stuck the two Plasma Gernades.
“STAR POWER ACTIVATED!”
“Stupid ED commercials…never said anything about freakin’ pointy things growin’ every which way….”
“SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!”
Wow, thats what I get for reading. anyways here:
Jack McNally had always been teased as being the tallest Leprichan, Today that might just come in handy.
-
WEEEEAAABOOOOO!!!!!!!!
-
Johnny had always known the covenant tend to overcompensate, but THIS was rediculous.
-
THE GOGGLES! THEY DO NOTHING!!!!
My eyes! The Goggles do nothing!
is also acceptable.
1) “This is my boomstick, wanna taste it?”
2) “Thats gotta be one painful place to get stuck!”
Honey it came out again
Now available: giant robot-sized Spike Grenades*
*giant robot not included.
Angel got tired of throwing multiple grenades to betray me, so she had this one made special order…
George was always a little weird, but his wife left him for a Brute he went completely over the edge.
“i bet this’ll beat tank!”
“Simply can’t wait to I stick this one to the wife!”
hi dear,
i got you a present from anne summers
“With a johnson like that, no wonder he doesn’t get laid so often.”
Damn it! This is what happens when Angel is on my team
lol I love that 90% of these captions are all Kahk related.
seriously, go count ;)
…am I allowed to say Kahk?
UNSC Field Manual : ” Trust us: throwing back a Spike Grenade towards enemies seems like a better idea before you try it.”
What do you mean I turned the Catch skull on?!
“On a scale of One to My Testicles Hurt this is at least Severe Discomfort.”
“What happened last time Sgt. Dorby trusted late night infomercials.”
“It hurts when i pee.”
“Not even M.C. Hammer pants could hide this atrocity.”
“Don’t stare at it. Maybe it will go away.”
“A young sweeper finds himself immersed in Youth Grifball.”
god never mix viagra and battle stims during a cortana briefing!
Someone in Command thought it would be a good idea to send some new equipment over. Unfortunately, there were small communication errors on sizes.
Joe was terrified to find out that Spike Grenades are actually grenades, and not huge maces.
Joe: “Erm… *gulp* How do I deactivate one of these things?”
“It’s the not size that counts… it’s where you stick it.”
“When the pin is pulled Mr. Spike Grenade is not our friend.”
“Just relax Mr. Staten, we’ll get this thing removed, no problem. Be aware that you may experiance impotence as a side effect.”
“Halo Idol auditions.”
In retrospect, heeding the warning of consulting your doctor if your erection lasts more than four hours was probably a good idea. Jeff does seem to get all the ladies, though.
Jeff? I mean Joe.
Why can’t I get this image out of my head? 0_0
18)” I might not be the sharpest tool in the shed but I know what is!”
19)”Swing batter, batter, swing!”
20) ” I don’t know what’s bigger, the grenade or my ego!”
21) “Hey Joe, when we said we were going clubbing, that’s not what we meant…”
22) “I’m a real boy!”
23) The Unholy Hand Grenade.
24) “For Great Justice!”
25) A bad day to be a red shirt.
“Brutal Star Power!”
“Through the Spikes and Flames on Insane Overkill Expert”
“Power Overwhelming!”
“If I stuck it in my pants, I know what you guys would think…”
“Hey, I just realized this tops the picture of me in boxers…to the Easter Egg board!”
“Look at me now, Ma!”
“The “I win” stick!”
“If only Ralph and Piggy got this instead of a conch shell.”
“Say hello to my-hey wait a minute, it’s taller than me!”
“I bought this ‘Swiss Army Knife 2.0′ at some shady dealer…”
“Stay still, we need to add this into the Halo 3 Believe Diorama.”
“Everyone: oooh ahhhh!”
“I got an achievement!”
“I think this counts for around a mole of spikes, don’t you think?”
” It is the last round of the Heavy Brute Spike grenade lifting championships. Staten is up to the stage, lifts, and he almost has it!”
“The spikes are great for getting stuff out of my mouth!”
“Get in my belly!”
“I see your schwartz is as long as mine.”
*Insert excuse for more posting here.*
26) Whack-a-mole, Bungie style.
27) Joseph Staten, Man, Legend, Over-sized Grenade Magnet.
28) “Halo makes me want to break things!”
29) The new Gillette Mach 17 Razor, strong enough for a man, big enough for a Brute.
30) Just your average Joe with a not-so-average grenade.
Frankie: “Say hello to my little friend! No Joe, I mean you.”
“How the hell am i supposed to throw this at a banshee in mid air?!?”
“I’ve found my weapon” (from MC saying “I need a weapon”)
“Bow chica bow…. is that smoke i smell?!”
“Hey honey, look at this!!”
*Feeling…. Dizzy….*
“Can you gimmi a hand?”
“I call it my Chupathingy”
Don’t really know if you’re even going to bother to read these at this point, seeing as you’ve got so many. But what the hell, I’ll give it a shot.
“And with that swing, Joe seems to have hit that Brute deep into left field…’
“JOE! THAT’S NOT A LOLIPOP!”
I’m reading every single one of them, regardless of if it falls at the beginning, middle, or end. :)
“After surgery, Joe had to stop using ‘Magnums’ and start using ‘MAC Guns’”
“Aim away from face”
hung like a horse my ass.. hung like a spartan
he can has recon?
“I bet that thing can put a round clean through a covenant capital ship”
so much for safe sex
wtf? Who’s the haxor?!
—
Trojan gets overzealous with their new marketing ploy…
—
In war, size really does matter.
Or if you prefer,
Sometimes size does matter.
“Wilson got stuck by five of these?!?!?!?! Now I know why there’s a memorial.”
I think at this point, my body is typing despite my mind telling it not to…
31) “Super-Size Me!”
32) Duels of the future are still held at dawn, and each man still gets 10 paces, but the weapon of choice has changed drastically…
33) “I is Porcupine!”
34) “Get off mah property!”
35) Oh, come and rock me Amadeus!
36) Well someone’s secure with their masculinity.
37) Captain Impervious laughs at even the most hazardous of situations.
“Get that Spartan a Trojan!”
Multiplayer Announcer: …Un-friiiiiggin’ believable!
Women tell me I’m Brutal
Spike grenades are the new syphilis
1. Oh, YEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
2. STAR POWER!!!!
3. Password? What password? F*** THE PASSWORD!!! I’M COMIN’ IN!!!!!
4. Frank! Help! I can’t hold it!
Woman frowning…
“There’s no way that will ever go through the back door!”
corny joke in 3…2…1
“Talk about spiking the punch!”
*Consult former excuse for posting more jokes.*
38) “One size fits all my @$$!”
39) Everything is bigger in Texas.
40) “Well, I got mine!”
41) The Impregnator 5000 (some assembly required).
42) “Ah…that’s the spot…”
Pvt. Duke’s squad all agreed that even though he was a short guy, he had a lot of heart. And balls. Very, very big balls.
A CHALLENGER APPEARS!!!
(Not focusing on the spike this time.)
Every time Staten laughs, his double chin sinks into his chest.
My oh my…don’t think I can add much to this except being a woman I’d have to sing:
At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
When you said you had big one, Lord I almost died!
But I’d spent so many years waiting to fight a guy like you,
That I grew strong,
And I knew that I could take you on…
But there you are, you big ole lug,
I was ready for Big Daddy and you’ve brought me a spiked club!
I should have known that it was bulls**t, just a sad pathetic lie,
Did you think I’d stumble? Did you think I’d lay down and die?
[Chorus]
I will survive! I will survive!
Cuz as long as I’ve got the power,
My GAMING’s gonna thrive!
I have lots of time to play, I will never take defeat!
Now move over give me your Lazy boy seat!
Go on now – go, run for the door,
Don’t you promise me good fighting, then bring a spiked torpedo!
Got to get me some good hits on, did you think I’d not find out!?
Do you think we’re only joking and that gurth don’t really count??!!
Hey! Hey!
“where can I get that mod?’
“haxor”
“If only life were like a video game, this could make for some interesting machinima”
canvasgrey that was hilarious, you go girl…
Rein.
“Pull up! PULL UP!!!”
“Hey, you getting this on film? I am so posting this on Youtube!”
I’m hammered, now let’s go clubbin’!