Bungie hates people. Lots and lots of people. How exactly do I know this? I hear it all the time when playing Halo 3 online. Some people seem to know without a doubt that their favorite video game developer despises every last thing about them. Some people aren’t sure if Bungie hates them or not; sometimes it seems like they do, other times not so much. Here are some very basic guidelines to tell you if Bungie as a collective whole hates you and the very ground your Spartan/Elite walks on.
Hawty McBloggy’s Definitive Guide to Recognizing if Bungie Hates You
Did you send the above screenshot to various Bungie employees over Xbox Live? If your answer is yes, Bungie hates you.
Have you gotten your least favorite gametype Assault-Capture the Flag-King of the Hill-Oddball-Territories-VIP three or more times in a row? If your answer is yes, Bungie hates you.
Did you spawn directly in front of the enemy sword-flamethrower-gravity hammer- mauler-rocket launcher-shotgun without even fully spawning before you died? If your answer is yes, Bungie hates you.
Did you finally manage to get your hands on a sniper rifle-spartan laser-shotgun- rocket launcher only to get instantly assassinated by the jackass camper on the other team? If your answer is yes, Bungie hates you.
Have you played on your worst map Construct-Epitaph-Foundry-Guardian-High Ground-Isolation-Last Resort-Narrows- Rat’s Nest-Sandtrap-Snowbound-Standoff- The Pit-Valhalla at least three times in a row? If your answer is yes, Bungie hates you.
Did you get into a banshee-chopper-warthog-ghost-mongoose-wraith and get killed by the enemy missile pod-rocket launcher-spartan laser less than two seconds later? If your answer is yes, Bungie hates you.
Did you spawn in the direct line of sight of the scoped-in enemy sniper and not even have a chance to take a single step before getting nailed by a headshot? If your answer is yes, Bungie hates you.
Did you enter a social playlist with a full team, get split up, and end up all by yourself with a team full of music blaring-racial slur spouting-team killing-fervently teabagging 12 year old douchebags? If your answer is yes, Bungie hates you.
Did you pick up a battle rifle-beam rifle-carbine-mauler-rocket launcher-shotgun- sniper rifle only to discover that it had just one round left in it? If your answer is yes, Bungie hates you.
*Don’t give up hope. Bungie may like you tomorrow.
Posted by -S- on January 14, 2008 at 7:09 am
Have you ever thrown a sticky grenade in the heat of an intense BR battle only to have your own teammate spawn immediately in front of you, taking your nade and giving you a beautiful new betrayal/suicide? If your answer is yes, Bungie hates you.
Posted by Joel Lau on January 14, 2008 at 7:40 am
Genius! Thankfully, non of the above has happened to me yet…..although my 360 got fried. Again. Does that mean Microsoft hates me?!
Posted by MR HAT3ER on July 3, 2009 at 9:43 pm
Microsoft hates everybody that’s why they invented The Zune Player
Posted by mdmadph on January 14, 2008 at 7:43 am
I’ve seriously got to start playing this, just for the social research — it would be amazing to hear people be that horrible over voice chat, in this day and age (well, I’m sure it would be for the first week or so, then I’d get sick and tired and turn it off).
Posted by XMixMasterX on January 14, 2008 at 8:22 am
Have you ever played a 2v2 Big Team Battle game? If so, Bungie hates you…
Have you ever been killed with a single SMG when you were dual weilding? If so, Bungie hates you…
Have you ever been stuck at work because Bungie doesn’t pay people to play Halo 3? It’s because Bungie hates you…
Posted by Destined Blade on January 14, 2008 at 8:40 am
Apparently, Bungie hates me. :/
Go figure.
Posted by bs angel on January 14, 2008 at 8:48 am
Joel Lau, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but yes, Microsoft hates you. They have hated me on five separate occasions too. :(
And -S-, that happened to a friend before with the Laser. The teammate spawned so close that he got a suicide as well. Bungie really hates him.
Posted by Elnea on January 14, 2008 at 10:13 am
You forgot spawning in front of a warthog/ghost that rams you at full speed.
I hate coming back to life with a vehicle grill in my faceplate.
Posted by AnTi PRO on January 14, 2008 at 10:28 am
Not gonna lie….all of that has happened to me. Last night we won 7 games in a row and only 1 person in the party went up in skill rank :p
Posted by -S- on January 14, 2008 at 11:05 am
Haha, you know what these remind me of? Jeff Foxworthy’s “You might be a redneck if” routine.
If youuuuu’ve ever been killed by your own ricochetting sniper bullet, Bungie might hate you… I think Angel needs to do some standup in overalls with these
Posted by TrueDarkFusion on January 14, 2008 at 12:48 pm
If Bungie sends a lot of traffic to your site that causes it to slow down, Bungie hates you.
~What the FH Community has been saying for the past week.
Posted by Sane Intolerant on January 14, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Ever lost a melee dual? If your answer is yes, Bungie hates you.
If you can’t figure out why your matchmaking partner left you, even after you claimed that you were “carrying the team” and “the only good player,” then Bungie hates you.
Posted by stavie on January 14, 2008 at 1:10 pm
If you’ve ever killed the sniper with your BR from across the map only to have a lucky grenade kill you from the grave… again
Bungie hates you
Posted by tyler on January 14, 2008 at 1:18 pm
have u ever got any high powered weapon only to shoot and have a teamate jump in front of it if ur answer is yes then Bungie hates u
Posted by Morpheus on January 14, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Holy crap. All but the first two has happened to me. And still does.
Bungie wants me dead.
Posted by 2.0 Weblogs on January 14, 2008 at 2:47 pm
oh hawty come back to my blog!
Apple, macworld and games, games, games!
americo de http://ThunkDifferent.com
Posted by Falco on January 14, 2008 at 4:19 pm
Any time i play with my friends i get split to the other team, and also spawn killed a lot.
Posted by Jimmy Jangles on January 14, 2008 at 7:39 pm
Do you live in New Zealand and suffer poor broad band service thus have to suffer lagtacular games constantly? Then yes Bungie hates you.
Posted by WC Snaks on January 14, 2008 at 8:40 pm
If you smack someone with the gravity hammer first but his/her hammer kills you, then Bungie hates you.
If you perfectly lazer a Hog while running towards it just to find out that it killed everyone except for the gunner and he/she kills you, then Bungie hates you.
If you are in the 10x zoom of any sniper rifle and shoot someone in the head 3-4 times to see that he/she still lives, then Bungie hates you.
If you stick the front-center of a ghost w/ a Spike grenade and see it only damage the pilot and later discover that someone else sticks you with a Spike grenade on the ghost’s left or right wing and it happens to kill you, then Bungie hates you.
If you smack someone in the back only to see that the games classifies it as hitting that player in the side, then Bungie hates you.
If you are going for the mongoose mowdown and hit someone with your mongoose only to find that it hurts that player but kills you when it happens to you, then Bungie hates you.
If you discover that someone magically survives both rocket launcher shots and kills you, then Bungie hates you.
If you sword slash, stick twice, and gun-whip an overshield carrier to find out that the invincibility lasts too long, then Bungie hates you.
If you’re across the hall and an enemy on the other side suddenly happens to have an infinite amount of frag grenades, then Bungie hates you.
If your opponent survives 4 direct blasts of a brute shot, and 2 from splash damage, then Bungie hates you.
If you throw a Spike grenade close to an enemy to see that it barely hurts him/her, but finds that when it happens to you that 1 last spike kills you, then Bungie hates you.
When you drop a frag right before you die, only to see that the explosion doesn’t kill the enemy, you A. Realize that those grenades are worthless, B. Think, “If this was Halo 1 or 2, that guy’d be dead.”, C. Say, “WTF?!”, and D. Realize that Bungie hates you.
If you win so many times in a row, not rank up, and lose once then derank, then Bungie hates you.
If you’re driving a warthog or mongoose, go over a ledge at top speed and flip end for end until the enemy finds you and kills you, then you realize that the physics are FAILURE and that Bungie hates you.
If you’re in an assault rifle duel with one player and see that he doesn’t seem to run out of ammo until you die, then Bungie hates you.
You want to make a Human vs. Covenant themed map on a large one, such as Sandtrap. You want to make a perfectly even map in terms of vehicles and weapons, only to discover that A. They allow you to have 4 banshees and 2 hornets, and B. They allow Battle Rifles but not Carbines. Bungie doesn’t hate you. You’d like to think that, but the truth is they probably did it on purpose, but it’s still total BS.
You’re waiting and watching over a field while being unscoped with a sniper rifle waiting for either enemies or orders, only to have an enemy running from behind you and assassinate you. You review the film to see that he/she was running the whole time. You say, “WHY THE HELL DIDN’T THAT GUY SHOW UP ON MY MOTION SENSOR?!” You then realize that the motion sensors are garbage, and Bungie hates you.
If you review Bungie’s first ViDoc (the one about the E3 Announcement of Halo 3), look at the graphics and what over-glorifying words they said and sorta promised about the game, then review the final game and see that the game is (in many aspects) cheap as in 99 cents-store cheap, and see that there are so many plot holes and epic failures in a row, the following below happens.
(You bring up almost each and every complaint that comes to mind, Campaign and MP. Here are many that I found from other players as well as myself.)
A. You wonder, “What the hell happened to the graphics?”
B. “OMG. THE MARINES STILL SUCK.”
C. “Miranda had no reason to go gung-ho with the shotgun. What happened to the pelican’s chin gun?”
D. “Wow. That line was stupid.”
E. “I should not have flipped that damn many times.”
F. “Why is the last level suddenly warthog friendly? Did Johnson hafta jump from the back of the ship and what not?”
G. “Why is Cortana suddenly A-OK?”
H. “That elite is a total idiot with the hammer.”
I. “>sigh< The SFX are garbage and off-key.”
J. “Can gravemind really pull that stunt where your vision goes green? If so, then the Chief doesn’t really need the helmet.”
K. “WOW. I AM A HALF-TON ARMORED SPARTAN THAT CAN FLIP 66-TON TANKS YET I UNDER THROW EACH AND EVERY GRENADE.”
L. “Why does the Halo 3 cover say it’s a stunning conclusion to an epic trilogy when the ending on legendary specifically contradicted that?”
M. “Wow. Bungie lets us record MP but not campaign or offline MP? What did they do to this game?”
N. “This pistol is worthless.”
O. “How many headshots from a Battle Rifle would a shieldless player need to be killed?”
P. “This overshield is completely worthless.”
Q. “Why do Brutes drop human-made equipment like the tripmine?”
R. “You’re an ODST. A badass marine. And you stop moving because a box is in your way. WOW.”
S. “I can swear I’ve heard this music before in just about every level.”
And the list goes on. In the end, Bungie still probably hates you.
Posted by WC Snaks on January 14, 2008 at 8:55 pm
And one more.
Have you ever felt the self-triumph of single-handedly taking out an entire team at their base only to have them spawn behind you once you grab the power weapon? If so, then you A. Wonder why the hell you spawned all the way at the back of coagulation, and B. Realize that this is total crap, Bungie are FAIL for setting everything to neutral, and that indeed, they hate you.
Posted by bs angel on January 15, 2008 at 12:07 am
Feel better? ;)
Posted by trademark on January 15, 2008 at 12:12 am
Who’s Bungie?
Posted by That guy stuck in space with Master Chief But Isn't a Spartan so dies from not breathing. on July 15, 2009 at 8:06 pm
…
Posted by frmad on January 15, 2008 at 1:21 am
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Posted by Phat Bob on January 15, 2008 at 1:32 am
Wow WC Snaks. You really like to complain about the game. I suppose the millions of people out there who play the game and have no problem with it must be wrong. I’m starting to think Bungie doesn’t hate us, they just hate you, lol.
Posted by -S- on January 15, 2008 at 7:44 am
Hahaha, Phat Bob took the words out of my mouth…and I thought I enjoyed complaining. Ya ok there, WC Snaks? Got out all the hate? I made a special point of laughing a little extra hard at Point K, but you gotta take the bad with the good, bud.
The game may be filled with changes a lot of people view as ‘disappointing’ but at least we HAVE the options to use innovative tools like Forge and Theater at all, despite the fact they have some limitations.
lol @ physics are ‘failure’
Posted by Barpro on January 15, 2008 at 7:49 am
or if their network is so slow and laggy that you lag out of a 2 v 2 match and it shows up as a quit match.
yeah bungie hates me!
How do I dispute that blemish on my xbox live record..
Can I just plead the “good faith” law :)
Posted by thewilleffect on January 15, 2008 at 9:14 am
I guess Bungie hates me too since I can’t play Halo 3 at the moment because of buying the collectors edition “crap tin can” that’s finally scratched my disc into oblivion.
WC Snaks: Like bs angel said, I hope you feel better to. It’ll be ok. I think.
Posted by Someone on January 15, 2008 at 3:45 pm
none of this has happened to me,
bungie loves me xD
Posted by WC Snaks on January 15, 2008 at 6:23 pm
Oh yeah, I do indeed get pissed off, but it only lasts per match/episode of BS. Not really many people hear all of that because my mic’s off most of the time. And I never, in fact, feel better about it. But thanks for asking.
Posted by Jimmy on January 16, 2008 at 3:17 am
If you get accidently betrayed by the same guy, twice in a row, within 10 seconds. THATS when Bungie hates you:
http://gameroom.mlgpro.com/view/nai6gUZ2j18.html
Posted by Darkr790 on July 14, 2008 at 2:50 pm
Bungie loves me today i did that to everyone…maybe im a bungie employee showing the hate if so weres my recon :p
Posted by Gunlat3M on December 10, 2008 at 6:17 pm
Have you ever gone into a Social BTB playlist on Matchmaking, only to find that no one else on your team has a mic, but the other team is filled with annoying 12 year olds that mic spam? If so, Bungie hates you.
Have you ever screamed the words “OMG, you have Recon Armor!” in front of a Bungie employee that does? If so, you are (most likely) officially blacklisted from getting Recon Armor… and Bungie hates you.
Have you ever played a team game where you’ve gotten the black “Selecting New Host” screen, whilst your teammate’s surround sound clearly signifies that he/she is still playing? If so, Bungie hates you.
Have you ever thrown a grenade/shot at a fusion coil that is pretty far away from you, only to get splattered by a cone? Bungie gave the first guy Recon for that. Oh, and Bungie still hates you.
Have you ever been splattered by a player who has picked up the Power Drain, Rockets, Spartan Laser, Camouflage, and Overshield? If so, you hate Bungie for allowing those weapons and powerups on a map… and Bungie hates you for hating them.
Have you ever killed someone and started teabagging them only to get stuck by their Plasma Grenade that was thrown straight into the air a moment before? Face it, Bungie hates you.
Has there ever been a timed game you’ve played in, with the game ending in 3 seconds, your team is leading, you’ve killed 20 people, haven’t died, and you’re screaming “PERFECTION!” only to get “accidentally” team killed? Yep, you guessed it. Bungie hates you.
I have no clue why I’m posting on something that was originally posted months before.
Posted by bs angel on December 10, 2008 at 8:39 pm
I’m glad you did! All of your additions gave the article a much needed update. :)
Posted by Steve on February 24, 2009 at 9:25 am
Have you ever played the same map as first choice when playing under social skirmish, Bungie probably hates u
Posted by Andrew on April 28, 2009 at 7:34 pm
I think Bungie hates me alot… I have had the other seven players on my team quit at the beginning of a big team battle game, resulting in one versus eight. Three times…
Posted by aboll on July 1, 2009 at 2:52 pm
DAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMN
Posted by upsetgoldfish on August 12, 2009 at 4:52 am
Long ago, i would have agreed with the map spawning hate, but with the recent onslaught in sandbox community “variants” (they are all practically the same map), it has driven me crazy.
I <3 Bungie, please, no more sandbox variants (or at least lower the weighting plz)
THANK YOU BUNGIEEEEEEEEE