Boosting to 5 Star Douchebaggery
November 7, 2007 51 Comments
Warning : There is a big ol’ ass in this article that may not be appropriate for work. Oh, there is also a picture of one as well. You have been warned.
Grunts R Us excitedly reported yesterday that someone finally reached the Halo 3 rank of 5 Star General. The medal is shiny and new. The methods used to get the medal however are old and tiresome.
ProJecT TimeZ used the tried and true technique of “boosting” to reach this elusive rank. If you are not familiar with that word in this sense, in the simplest of terms it means the games this person played to achieve this rank were all rigged. This gamer has approximately 4,600 games of Social Doubles where he consistently plays the same team over and over. Each time the other team quits, thus “boosting” the remaining team’s experience. It only takes two people to do this as each person can sign in a dummy guest account. Apparently if you do it over 4,600 times you can be a 5 Star General. I believe it also makes you a 5 Star Ass. I made him a special medal, all five stars included.
I was interested in knowing just how much time this gamer spent on achieving this picture he now gets next to his gamertag. I went to his 11th page of games where he plays through all 25 of those games in one sitting. It took him 29 minutes 47 seconds to boost through those 25 games. If you divide 1,787 (the number of seconds) by 25 (the number of games), you get an average of 71.48 meaning it takes him approximately 71.48 seconds to complete each boosted game. Multiply that number by 4,600 (the approximate number of games he has boosted in Social Doubles) and you get the figure of 5,480 minutes (or 328,808 seconds) he has wasted on this endeavor. Over ninety hours (91.33) spent on achieving a picture with five stars on it. Almost four complete days (3.81) spent on something that bears no significance on real life. All of that time spent starting games and quitting games without actually playing them or enjoying them.
With all that wasted time he could have :
- watched 61 (90 minute) movies
- flown the Concord round trip from New York to London and back again 14 times
- gone to the moon (he would have only had enough time for one leg though so I guess he isn’t coming back)
- watched 27 college football games
- watched 33 baseball games
- thrown 704,085 fastballs
- had sex 196 times (the US average is 28 minutes per episode)
- had sex 548 times if he lived in Thailand (they average 10 minutes per episode)
- written this article 69 times
- danced to Feels Just Like It Should on DDR Universe 1455 times
- played Free Bird on Guitar Hero II 609 times
And most importantly, he could have played 457 real games of Halo 3.
*What are your ideas of other things he could have done with his time?