The Unlockable Kortana

Unlocking special items in video games is a goal many of us strive for. Getting another cool outfit for our character, unlocking that last magnificent arena to play in, attaining that elusive special something that requires steadfast determination is really quite satisfying. There are even those hardcore people who do not consider a game truly completed until every last bonus feature has been unlocked.

The highly esteemed ultimate prize in Halo 3 is the katana that Master Chief can carry on his back. Acquiring that special weapon requires you to unlock every last achievement Halo 3 has to offer. It is no easy feat but that just makes the reward and the traveling it took to get there that much sweeter.

cortana

I wrote an article last week questioning why the katana was so appealing. While it is not something I am striving to attain, I do understand why other people are so dedicated to getting it. In that particular piece I made an interesting spelling error that got me to thinking. Is there one unlockable item they could have put in Halo 3 that I would have desired so greatly that I would stop at nothing to attain it? Was there one thing I could want so badly that I would be willing to do absolutely anything to have it in my possession?

After a few people pointed out my grammatical error, I realized the answer to that question was yes.


The title for that article was “What is the Mystery Behind the Halo 3 Kortana?”. Did you catch that? I didn’t, until I read a comment written by SidearmS that pointed out my mistake. Instead of saying katana, I said Kortana. For some reason I morphed the words katana and Cortana. I enjoyed the mistake so much that I didn’t change it, I simply left it as is.

Looking back at the Freudian slip made me realize something. An unlockable Cortana would be so unbelievably amazing. (Oh, and I realized something else as well. That I am way too into Halo.)

If Cortana was the final unlockable feature, I would have completed all 49 achievements by now. Imagine if instead of a katana you carried on your back, you carried Cortana in your head.

When you are arming the bomb you would suddenly hear, “20% Chief. 40% Chief. 60% Chief. 80% Chief. Get out Chief, she’s gonna blow!” …

If a sniper shot goes whizzing by your head she would say, “Keep your head down! There’s two of us in here now, remember?!” …

She could announce your more spectacular kills by saying “Great laser on that banshee Chief!” or “Another triple kill Chief!” …

She could be your own personal cheerleader. I wonder what else she would say.

What you think she would say, from your comments :

from Phaedrus
*Paintball on Last Resort*
“Nice headshot, Chief.”
“I know, Cortana.”
“Nice headshot, Chief.”
“I KNOW.”
“Nice headshot, Chief.”
“Shut up.”
“Nice headshot, Chief.”
“Shut UP.”
“Nice head-”
“GAAAAAARGGGH!”

from fingol
what would she say if you missed?
Try aiming next time, big guy’
‘You suck Chief’
‘Why did I choose THIS Spartan?!’

from Queen 0f Blades
*Betrayal!*
“Oh man, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”
The Chief’s gone rampant! Take ‘im down, boys!
“Wait! WAIT! I’m SORRY! I’m -”
We’re sorry, you have been booted.

from Boxer
Maybe expand the idea a little bit further, instead of just having her talk to you, have her talk to the other players as well. So instead of getting pissed off at somebody walking in front of you while you’re firing Cortana could chime in over their headset with something like “HEY! Clear the line of fire!!” or “Watch your six Spartan!
Or have her announce other things like:
Friendly/Enemy Bomb carrier, 6 o’clock!
Vehicle inbound!
Recover that flag Spartan!” (only after it’s taken off its starting point)

from Darren T
Chief, you’re about to get snipe-
“AAAGGGHHH!”

You’re about to make it to the flag.
BOOOOOOOOOOM!

Drive faster!
Beep, beep, beep, boom!

from NartFOpc
Enemy with a sword right behind you chief!
Oh No! *spins around*
Haha, just kidding.

from yankeyhotel
Remember there are two of us in here now…
…if you know what i mean.

Overkill, more like Luckykill

from Zukan
When playing bad:
I guess I don’t know how to pick ‘em…

Arming the bomb:
If I still had fingers they’d be crossed!

When killing someone on your own team:
You did that on purpose, didn’t you?

When starting a game of Spikeball:
Bet you can’t stick it!

from belpers
for campers… “get a move on chief, your user’s wife isn’t gonna let this go on all night.”

for personal deaths… “Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!

for overkills… “THAT JUST HAPPENED!

for matchmaking with bs angel… “I saw you looking at her!

for splatters… “Chief, did you just feel something?

finally… after every kill you make she brags to your target… “Single Kill!

from AfRo SaUcE
*driving a mongoose, splatters opponet*
I didn’t think that was physically possible…

from Seraph242
Hehe… When you incinerate an oponnent, she can yell, “Flame On!”

46 Responses to The Unlockable Kortana

  1. Grantix says:

    Oh… yeah, I’d definitely have all 49 achievements too were this what I was going to get.

  2. That would be… the greatest thing ever. Crap. Now I want it. I would have said “I want her,” but that would sound creepy. O_O;

  3. Alexei TND says:

    I love you

    best…unlockable…ever

  4. Brian says:

    That is a great idea. Now I want that. But I wont get it.

    *cries*

  5. Armani says:

    Wow, that is such an amazingly original idea. Thanks for sticking it in my head. Now I will want that forever and never be able to attain it. *sigh*

  6. Phaedrus says:

    Sounds nice at first, but I’d go crazy after hearing the same comments from her time after time.

    *Paintball on Last Resort*

    “Nice headshot, Chief.”
    “I know, Cortana.”
    “Nice headshot, Chief.”
    “I KNOW.”
    “Nice headshot, Chief.”
    “Shut up.”
    “Nice headshot, Chief.”
    “Shut UP.”
    “Nice head-”
    “GAAAAAARGGGH!”

    Maybe not such a good idea after all, eh?

  7. MrConspiracy says:

    Whoa… that wasn’t intentional? I thought you were making a Stuntmutt-esque pun.
    That would be awesome, but I probably would have her toggled off for ranked games. And there is simply no way to talk about unlocking and possessing Cortana without feeling dirty.

  8. JeSteR 343 says:

    I would love to unlock Cortana. I posted a thread just the other day on HBO about how I missed having her through the game. It would rock to have her in multiplayer. You would need something to show off that you have her too though. Like maybe a reflection in your visor that shows her every now and then.

  9. noxmad says:

    it’ll be like navi and link all over again!!
    HEY LISTEN!!!

  10. Calliope says:

    Haha I think that would be awesome!

    If I could get Cortana as the ultimate unlockable, yep I’d have completed all the achievements by now too. Of course, she probably won’t say ‘Nice headshot’ every single time you headshot someone. She would say it once in a while, or vary it. I wonder what she would say when you die. I want Cortana in my head! Now! *g*

  11. t0rm3n7 says:

    that might create a bit of lag on BTB, just like the real time reflections on chief’s visor would have done. if 8 people kill 8 other people at the same time, imagine 4 of those players are on the same screen hearing, “nice stick!” “nice headshot chief!” “you splattered him chief!” and “you got a killing spree chief!” all at the same time…
    I may not seem like a hard thing to do, but it could cause a lot of problems/bugs

  12. fingol says:

    Funny….what would she say if you missed? ‘Try aiming next time, big guy’ or ‘You suck Chief’ or ‘Why did I choose THIS Spartan?!’ Mix things up a bit. She can’t be positive all the time!

  13. Morpheus says:

    Yeah. After three games, I’m ripping my ears out.

  14. bs angel says:

    I love the funny things she would say you guys are coming up with. I’m adding those into the article, keep ‘em coming!

  15. Federico says:

    I’d buy that. Just note that the Katana is not ALL you get with all the achievements, you also get the Marathon Security armor.
    THATS a reason to get it all.
    For me, personally. Marathon brings back so many memories…

    …Oh, and I like the Cortana idea, it’ll be worth it, too.
    Entertaining by the least.
    Of course, for non repetiveness, there would be multiple lines, and she wouldnt really say announce a headshot always…

    Maybe she could replace the announcer.

  16. Cozmo23 says:

    “MAn these Smores taste great cheif! MAke some-more”

  17. bs angel says:

    You miss my smores, don’t you?!

    @ Phaedrus – That’s a hilarious exchange! I don’t have to worry about that one too much. I would be hearing, “Another betrayal Chief?! Focus!” constantly though.

    @ MrConspiracy – It was not intentional, which is why I find it so funny! You overestimate my wittiness. And my spelling skills.

  18. Well, I dunno if this is exactly funny, but I was bored ruing math so…

    *Betrayal!*

    “Oh man, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

    The Chief’s gone rampant! Take ‘im down, boys!”

    “Wait! WAIT! I’m SORRY! I’m -”

    We’re sorry, you have been booted.

  19. Boxer says:

    I think that’s a great idea, it would make for a much fuller multiplayer experience, not that’s not great as it is.

    Maybe expand the idea a little bit further, instead of just having her talk to you, have her talk to the other players as well. So instead of getting pissed off at somebody walking in front of you while you’re firing Cortana could chime in over their headset with something like “HEY! Clear the line of fire!!” or “Watch your six Spartan!”

    Or have her announce other things like:
    “Friendly/Enemy Bomb carrier, 6 o’clock!”
    “Vehicle inbound!”
    “Recover that flag Spartan!” (only after it’s taken off its starting point)

    The possibilities are endless!!

  20. bs angel says:

    Brilliant. I love that idea!

    @ Queen Of Blades – I would get that one a lot. My teammates like to say I have a tendency to betray. Oops.

  21. Darren T says:

    lulz. Remember in Halo 3 that she keeps popping up and slows you down? Here’s one (or two):

    “Chief, you’re about to get snipe-”
    “AAAGGGHHH!”

    “You’re about to make it to the flag.”
    BOOOOOOOOOOM!

    “Drive faster!”
    Beep, beep, beep, boom!

    Well you get the idea, and bs angel, your blogging skills rock!

  22. Kato says:

    Unlockable Cortana is a pretty cool idea. Bungie missed a golden opportunity.

  23. Grunt2552 says:

    Lol, now the Kortana I would want, but what would she say to Elites?

  24. NartFOpc says:

    “Enemy with a sword right behind you chief!”
    Oh No! *spins around*
    “Haha, just kidding.”

  25. yankeyhotel says:

    “Remember there are two of us in here now…
    …if you know what i mean.”

    “Overkill, more like Luckykill”

    So, I think I will be wanting this everytime I play Halo 3 from now on. Thanks a lot, bs angel. :)

  26. NOBLE STABBlNGS says:

    I could see this if they made it so that the announcers voice was replaced by hers as an option. I don’t know how well in-game commentary would work however. But I think the ability to choose between announcers would actually be rediculously cool.

  27. Zukan says:

    Oh think of all the fun dialogue we’re going to be missing out on now.

    When playing bad:
    “I guess I don’t know how to pick ‘em…”

    Arming the bomb:
    “If I still had fingers they’d be crossed!”

    When killing somone on your own team:
    “You did that on purpose, didn’t you?”

    When starting a game of Spikeball:
    “Bet you can’t stick it!”

    And last but not least:

  28. Bob says:

    Perhaps she could also give you the ability to place NAV points? I always thought that would be awesome to place NAV points directing the team where they needed to be at the moment, just think about it, wouldn’t that just be awesome?

  29. bs angel says:

    Like GRAW Bob? If so, that would be awesome! Great idea.

    @ Zukan – There isn’t anything under your last but not least teaser! I will be forever wondering what was supposed to be there.

  30. Zukan says:

    That’s wierd, I linked to a dialogue snippet by Sgt. Johnson.
    Here’s the original link:
    http://nikon.bungie.org/misc/dialogue/sarges/somebodygetcortana.mp3

    It was supposed to have the title “When finally unlocking the Kortana”

  31. bs angel says:

    Well darn, that link sounds interesting but it is “forbidden” to me.

  32. belpers says:

    the possibilities are endless… what about…

    for campers… “get a move on chief, your user’s wife isn’t gonna let this go on all night.”

    for personal deaths… “Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”

    for overkills… “THAT JUST HAPPENED!”

    for matchmaking with bs angel… “I saw you looking at her!”

    for splatters… “Chief, did you just feel something?”

    finally… after every kill you make she brags to your target… “Single Kill!”

    Bungie’s easiest fix for this would be to change the masked voice from the deep stalker voice to Cortana’s.

    Cross this blog with your Spartan costume blog and will someone tell me where I can find a cortana costume for my wife? That would take care of my Tron and cortana fetishes in one move! Wow! That would be awesome!

  33. bs angel says:

    That splatter one is hilarious! And +10 points for the bs angel reference.

    I wish it was easy to find Cortana costumes. But with the nature of the outfit, it really needs to be personally done so it fits right. At least that is my opinion! Bungie has a cute Cortana tank at their store.

  34. TheDonWan says:

    LOL @ Bob.

    Bob loves nav points, and so does Cortana.

    Yes, we are sharing secrets. shhhhhhh.

  35. AfRo SaUcE says:

    *driving a mongoose, splatters opponet*
    “I didn’t think that was physically possible…”

  36. Pingback: Top Posts « WordPress.com

  37. Silvercube says:

    Oooh! Yes, I would love for Cortana to be somewhere in multiplayer.

    “Chief, Behind you!”

    Could be my personal radar : )

  38. Seraph242 says:

    Hehe… When you incinerate an oponnent, she can yell, “Flame On!”

  39. Bob says:

    @ bs angel, I’ve never played GRAW, so I wouldn’t know. :/

    And I do love my NAV points, just give you a sense of accomplishment once reaching the destination.

  40. Dariusj says:

    Love the idea, so I guess the real question is “downloadable content?”

    Hit the forums, get those suggestions in =]

  41. Karisma says:

    Adding to that idea, what if you could trade her off so to speak, from player to player on team games… i.e. if you and two others are gonna rusha a base while the 4th sneaks in to arm a bomb, give the bomber cortana so she can tell him when it’s clear, not clear, what’s going on that the teammates can’t relay or might not even know about themselves…

    just an idea.

  42. Mike says:

    In one game – I think it’s DOA4 I’m thinking of – you can unlock different announcer voices.

    Imagine Johnson announcing that the other team had your flag. Or a grunt announcing a triple-kill. Or Truth announcing a betrayal.

  43. John says:

    No, no no no… you all got it wrong. Don’t let Cortana be the multiplayer announcer… have 343 Guilty Spark be the. Make him destructible with the Spartan Laser – pretty soon, you’ll have both teams allying with each other in order to kill the elusive monitor. Ah… the possibilities…

  44. USMCdepper444 says:

    Cortana could probably have saidto all the losing team> or maybe taunt all of the people you kill! Heck maybe even make her a customizable character as well?

  45. [QQ Church] says:

    “Chief, I think we’re not going to make it.”
    -When your the Last Man Standing on zombies.

    “I think you got him, Chief? Chief?”
    -Death from the grave….

    “Run Chief, bs angel has a stickie in her grenade pouch!”
    -When your in the same team with bs angel

    “Is that even possible!”
    -Spartan Laser hitting three fully loaded hogs.

    “Congratulations, Chief. You got the Recon Armor from Bungie.”
    -is that even possible?

    “Chief! Someone armed the bomb, get out no—”
    -Think Grifball…..

  46. chief says:

    Best unlockable ever!!! Im calling BUNGIE right NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

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