Halo or Sex?

Maxim.com recently posed a question asking avid Halo fans what they would do when put in a situation of choosing between playing their favorite video game or having sex. They didn’t phrase it as simply as that however. They put it in a very specific context. Their question :

If you were in the fragfest of your life and you were about to be MVP but your lover wanted sex right that minute…would you quit?

I will be honest, I would not quit the game. My answer is probably different from the norm though for a few different reasons. First of all, women do not get in the mood with the cursory snap of a finger. If you are married or have had a significant other for a decent length of time, you already know that by now (unless you have a rare sort of girl, then you better thank your lucky stars). It takes a bit longer for arousal to occur in females so someone simply stating they want sex right that second does not cause a metaphorical tent to be pitched in their pants. No, the flood does not bust through the gates that quickly. (See what I did there? I said “the flood” in an article about Halo. Yeah, I’m good.)

Secondly, you are about to be MVP in the “fragfest of your life”. I have no idea what the fragfest of your life would entail, but it sounds freakin’ awesome. If the kill count is already high enough that you are kicking that major of ass, then the game should not last that much longer anyways. Tell your sweetie to go light some candles and turn on some music, and keep on rocking the other team. Then by the time the mood is set, your game will be over, you will be awarded MVP, and you will then be available to get yourself some. It will probably be better that way anyways because you will have some natural endorphins flowing from such an awesome victory meaning you are that much more ready for some serious bedroom pwnage.

Out of the options given, the one most fitting for me would be :

Celebrator: “You wait. After you get that frag, sex is sooooooo much better.”

Which one are you? Here are your other choices.

Challenger: “She would have to tell me exactly what she wanted me to do and then I’d weigh my options.”

That is not a challenger. A challenger hears fighting words and is instantly ready. A challenger would say, “You. Me. One on one. Now.” The person quoted is simply trying to drag out the conversation so they can finish playing the game without actually having to make a decision. That is not a challenger, that is a staller. Next thing you know he is going to ask for a glass of water and another bedtime story.

Eliminator: “If it were during an online ranked match she would have to wait ’till it was over. If you leave during a ranked game you get penalized. If she doesn’t know that then we shouldn’t be together.”

This one brings up a good point. The significant other doesn’t have to be a fellow gamer, but there does need to be a basic level of understanding there. “No, I cannot pick up the phone and talk with you for 15 minutes about your new pair of shoes when I am in the middle of a ranked match. For the tenth time, communication is vital and if I am communicating with you, I am not communicating with my team. I’ll call you back when I’m done playing.” Or not.

Fascinator: “Even with a high score going on, if my girlfriend (let’s face it, a man’s penis cries after the honeymoon) comes into the room wearing edible panties and some candy-necklace bra…I’m gonna hit pause.”

You can’t hit pause during a ranked matchmade game, which I am assuming is the situation being discussed since MVP was mentioned. This person fails the gamer test. They are now required to throw their Xbox 360 out the window and break their Halo 3 disc. Noob.

Multi-Tasker: “I can do both!”

Multitasking is making some phone calls while cooking dinner. Or patting your head while rubbing your belly. But multitasking is not having sex while playing Halo. You may be able to do both to completion, but you certainly won’t be doing both well. It is guaranteed one of the activities will suffer a quality downgrade. If you are going to do something, do it 110%. Don’t half-ass it. And if for some reason you do happen to find yourself doing both at the same time, for goodness sake mute your mic. kthxbai.

Source [Maxim.com]