Would You Like Some Sugar With Your Tea? A Story of Tea(bagging)

How do you prefer your tea? Served over ice with a wedge of lemon? Maybe piping hot with a little bit of cream? Perhaps a bit sweeter with a spoonful of sugar? I take mine on an almost nightly basis right in my face, up close and personal. At times I could use some sugar as it can get a bit … salty. This is my tale of how I learned what a teabag was. A teabag of the video game variety.

I have been gaming for a couple of decades now. My most favorite type of game to play is F(irst) P(erson) S(hooter). Give me a gun and preferably an alien of some sort and I am a happy little camper. I consider myself well-seasoned in the land of the gamer. However, over the last handful of years I have found a certain category that I am still quite naïve in. Not so much now as I was in the beginning but I still learn new things from this wonderful service we call Xbox Live. Apparently I have lived a bit of a sheltered life.

Before I began playing Halo 2 on Live, I had no idea what a teabag was beyond the kind you dip into a cup of boiling water. I had lived a peaceful crouch-free existence. I played Star Wars Battlefront online but never experienced anything out of the ordinary on my death screen. When Halo 2 came out and I began spending time in matchmaking with randoms, I started noticing an odd occurrence. Sometimes after I had died, someone would stand on top of my body and repeatedly crouch up and down. Strange. It seemed to be some sort of dance. I assumed it was one of those “in your face” sort of things. I guess it was, in some respects.

One day I was surfing the Bungie forums and came across a thread with the title Teabagging. Out of curiosity, I peeked in. Teabags? What does that have to do with Halo? In this thread were several pages of stories about people “teabagging.” The thread was only a day or two old but had already reached a healthy nine pages. I read through story after story, description after description, just completely confused. This made no sense to me.

My husband was reading in bed while I was on the computer so I said, “Hey honey, what is teabagging?” hoping he could give me a little insight. Apparently he planned on giving me more than that. He raised his eyebrows, gave me a suggestive look and said, “Come on over here and I’ll show you.” Understanding a bit more from that response, I politely declined and exited the room very quickly. Like lightning bolt quickly.

While I still didn’t understand the specifics, I got the basic premise behind it. After a quick Google search a little bit later, I found a description that explained it to me in all its glory. It was a bit too descriptive for my tastes but at least the picture was now clear. Crystal clear. I understood those people were not dancing on my body. Oh no, their intentions were something else entirely.

I don’t teabag. I will crouch over your dead body repeatedly, but that is because I am giving you CPR and I am performing much needed chest compressions to help revive you. I do it because I care. If you want to give me CPR and bring me back to life, it is much appreciated. Please leave your balls out of it though.